Rock This Town

S07E11

Last night, the show tried out four new dances, with two couples doing each one. Half the couples got high marks, and half got a tongue-lashing from the judges. Tonight, there's going to be some crazy performance, and one more couple will go home. And it will all happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tom and Samantha welcome us to the results show and then begin the recap of what happened last night. For once, we're going to have the judges review the action, which is kind of interesting. It looks like production didn't plan ahead very well for this segment, as Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno walk onto the cheapest set imaginable. My husband claims it's the set from a play he did in high school. Or possibly middle school. Okay, it was preschool. Anyway, it's a red velvet curtain with a card table and some chintzy chairs. They at least covered the card table with a plastic tablecloth. It looks like the world's saddest poker game.

Anyway, the judges sit down and Len says that he didn't think the new format would work, but it totally did. Bruno liked that people were thrown into chaos and had to find their own way. Here's the review from the judges. Carrie Ann points out that Warren always starts his routines very seriously, but once he knows that he's nailed it, he loosens up and gets into it. Bruno likes that Maurice is a true sportsman, who can take criticism and coaching and get better. The judges thought Cody did a great job of keeping up with Julianne during a very physical routine. Len refused to give a ten to Derek and Brooke because they were dancing the jitterbug; he doesn't think it's a serious dance. Well, that seems patently unfair. It's not Derek's fault he drew the jitterbug. Don't punish him. That's ridiculous. Bruno thinks that Toni goes right up to the edge of committing to her routines, but then withdraws. Len thinks they'll come back stronger if they analyze their performances. Len wants Lance to up his game, and Bruno wants him to take control. Len justifies giving Cloris and Corky the same score as Lance and Lacey because he feels that the former was entertaining, if not technically perfect, while the latter was underperformed. I still don't know what that means, along with overdancing. Carrie Ann wants Susan to take a risk, and Len wants her to come out and really perform. Well. That was interesting, to hear some more reflections and explanations from the judges. I liked that better than the typical clips of the dancers in the confessional.

Tom and Samantha announce that Michael Flatley will be subbing in for Len week because Len has to be in England. Great? I mean, I don't love Michael Flatley's dancing, because I think he's kind of subverted the traditional Irish dancing to make himself into a superstar, but maybe he has an... interesting personality? Really, I just think it will make us all appreciate Len more. Anyway, Len announces that Julianne and Cody will be doing the encore tonight. So they dance the jitterbug again. I still don't see a whole lot of dancing going on, but again, maybe that's not what the jitterbug is about. I don't know!

Samantha reminds us that there will be a performance tonight that will be the most elaborate production the show has ever tried to put on. There's a short clip package where they tease it once more, basically saying what Samantha just said -- it's elaborate. I hope they're not going to overpromise and underdeliver.

Tom and Samantha introduce the Brian Setzer Orchestra who are performing "Rock This Town" while Louis and Karina dance. In super fast motion! Holy crap, they are dancing at like triple speed! It's kind of freaking me out. I like Brian Setzer. I mean, he was doing rockabilly back in the '80s, then swing and rockabilly in the '90s, and still doing both in this decade. You can't say he's a bandwagon jumper. And he's also singing live, which I appreciate. AVRIL. What Louis and Karina are doing is more what I expected from the jitterbug or the West Coast Swing because there is a lot of partner dancing and footwork. I don't know how they both didn't suffer coronary arrest while doing that routine because damn! Did I mention it was fast?

Tom recaps the rankings from last night. Cloris and Corky tied with Lance and Lacey at the bottom. Susan and Tony and Toni and Alec were up the ladder. Warren and Kym were in the middle. Maurice and Cheryl were third, Cody and Julianne were second, and Brooke and Derek were the leaders with 29 points. Nearly perfect! Only one point off! Can you believe it?

Time to reveal the first two couples that are safe. The first one is...Warren and Kym. The second is...Cloris and Corky. WHAT? I was just about to say that Cloris and Corky must be going home because they haven't been teasing a shocking elimination all night. And they're safe. Oh, Tom just said there will be a surprising elimination tonight and they're going to reveal the bottom two once again.

Backstage, Samantha reminds Warren that he'll be doing the group hip hop number. God, that means Cloris will be as well. Oh, no. Cloris tries to do some hip hop moves and then Samantha starts, well, I guess she's trying to beatbox. It's not good. She goes, "Puh puh puh, Cloris in the houzzzzzzzzz." What just happened right there? No one knows. Least of all Samantha. Let me repeat: Samantha just tried to beatbox while Cloris did hip hop moves. I couldn't make that shit up.

Hey, it's time to torture some kids! Are you game? The first couple tonight is Anthony and Alisa. They're from L.A., and they're best friends. They also want to be really famous. Where are their parents? There's something wrong with little kids whose goals in life are to be famous, isn't there? Anyway, they'll be doing the jive. I have to say, I think Anthony is a way better dancer than Alisa, who tends to pull faces while she dances and is less flexible. Len thought it was fantastic. Bruno recognizes that Alisa does ballet, and advises her to continue because it will help her lines. Carrie Ann likes their attitude, but she didn't say much about their dancing.

Their competition is Mitchell and Maria. Mitchell is one of the few boys I've seen on this show that has actually hit puberty. He has peach fuzz and a deep voice and everything. They're thirteen and have been dancing together since they were six. Mitchell likes to play soccer and Maria likes to talk on the phone. They're from Philly, so of course we have to see them running up the steps like Rocky. They'll be doing the paso doble, although they are dressed very disco-like. It's kind of weird because they both look very mature, so instead of kids, they seem like slightly smaller adults. Like Helio or Drew Lachey. If they have to do this, I kind of like it better when they're really little kids, because then at least it's cute and something different. Carrie Ann is blown away, and she thinks Mitchell is a great lead. Len liked their shapes. Bruno thought it was very sophisticated.

Backstage, Samantha asks Alisa which celebrity she would dance with, and before she can answer, Cloris pops in and the kids say that they would dance with Cloris. She won't sit down. Doesn't she have a handler somewhere? Maria says she would dance with Michael Phelps and Mitchell says he'd dance with Julianne. Samantha goes, "OooooOOOOOOOooooooh," like way to humiliate the kid, Samantha. The judges reveal their decision and the winners are Mitchell and Maria, so they will continue on in the competition.

Before we see this crazy routine they've been teasing all night, we have to hear the backstory. The choreographers have worked with Madonna and Chris Brown, and tonight, they'll be doing something called Dancing Through the Decades. They hope to represent many American styles of dancing. The sets will be -- wait for it -- elaborate. Are people really interested in this behind-the-scenes stuff? Because it's so general, and basically, they just keep talking about how elaborate it will be. Show, don't tell! This is like watching the Making Of... special before you've actually seen the show. It doesn't make sense. Finally, Tom and Samantha introduce the routine and here it is:

It starts with the 1930s. Everything is black and white, and there are two guys tap dancing in tuxedos. Then it moves to the 1960s with some James Brown music, and a James Brown style dancer. He's awesome, but I just keep thinking, "Is it hot in the hot tub?" So then it moves to the 1980s with some dude dancing on scaffolding and leaping around the set. This turns into a sort of dance duel between two breakdancers. Holy crap! One dude just did like a triple somersault from like three stories up and landed on a thin mat. He could have broken his neck! I'm turning into my grandmother. The final section is "the future" but it kind of just looks like a Kanye West video. The visuals are cool, and the concept is cool, but honestly? The dancing is not as good as I want it to be. It needs to be more crisp or precise or something, because the dancers are dressed up in a military fashion, and yet it looks sort of sloppy. That definitely did not live up to the hype. If they hadn't teased it for so long, I probably would have been impressed, but they got my hopes up, and I was kind of disappointed. I'll get over it, though. Don't worry.

For more filler, there's a clip package of everyone talking about how intense the competition is getting. Warren is surprised by Cloris, and Maurice points out that she's beating all the younger people. Susan can't believe how light Warren is on his feet. Toni thinks Brooke is her competition, because they're both fit moms. If you say so. I mean, they are both fit moms, but I don't know that Toni is quite up to Brooke's level yet. Lance is learning a lot from Brooke. Cody thinks Maurice is one to watch. Susan says that the claws are coming out. Time for trash talk! Cody tells Warren that his wink won't help him. Warren tells Brooke to go host a travel show. Really? I have to think Warren Sapp, of all people, could do better than that. Brooke tells Lance that he doesn't have a group to hide behind anymore. Lance tells Susan that acting class won't help her now. Susan says that she can flirt better than Cloris. Maurice wants Toni to shake her booty out the door. Toni wants Maurice to strap on his running shoes and run away from the competition. Cloris tells Cody to grow up. And it's going to be intense! Intense competition! Did they mention intense? Brooke reminds us that they have to do the group dance and their own routine week. Cody and Cloris both vow to win, and Warren say that if they want him to leave, they'll have to blow up the studio. So, filler.

Time to reveal two more safe couples. The first one is... Cody and Julianne. Joining them week will be... Maurice and Cheryl. None of the four remaining couples have ever been in the bottom two, and one of them will go home. But first, commercials.

After the break, they're going to reveal which two couples are safe, and which are in the bottom two. The first safe couple is... Brooke and Derek. Seriously. That was not very shocking. The first couple in the bottom two is... Toni and Alec. The couple who is safe is... Lance and Lacey. They both look surprised. That means Susan and Tony are the other couple in the bottom two.

So now they will reveal which couple is safe and which one is going home. And the couple will be... Toni and Alec. Toni doesn't look all that surprised, and she says it's okay as soon as she walks down to Samantha and Tom. She admits that she's disappointed, but her health is much better, so she has reached her goal. Tom asks if she'll be returning to the Vegas stage. Toni says she'll have to build up to that, but she's on the way. Alec says he had a great time, but he's sad it's over now. And then everyone says goodbye to Toni as my recording cuts off. Man, I have got to remember to pad that recording by a few minutes. Usually this show is pretty good about coming in on time, though. Anyway, week is the group hip hop, with Cloris. I kind of can't wait. See you then!

Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.

See how this season's contestants stack up to dancers from the past and watch the video highlights from this week.