Last week, we found out (to the shock of no one) that Cloris and Rocco were in the bottom two, and ultimately Rocco went home. This week, the couples will have to do four new dances, which I'm kind of excited about, because I think the pros will seem more fresh since they aren't used to doing these routines a million times. But it also could mean that the routines will kind of suck, because the pros aren't familiar with the moves. Whatever happens, it will be (say it with Tom now) LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
What is going on with Samantha's hair tonight? It's like all teased but then slicked back in a sort of modified beehive. It looks weird. I like her hair more loose and curly. Not that I spend a lot of time thinking about Samantha's hair. I really don't. (I kind of do.) No, I really don't.
Tom announces that it's the halfway point, which makes the fact that Cloris is still there even more puzzling. Okay, Derek and Brooke must be doing the jitterbug, because they're all ''50s style. That means Derek has a pompadour. The problem is that Derek has been growing his hair out -- in one rehearsal clip a moment ago, it was long enough that he had the sides and top pulled up into a ponytail to keep it out of his face. So imagine all that hair teased up into a pompadour. Yeah. It's not a good look. And then Julianne must also have the jitterbug because she's dressed like Lucille Ball. Are the people on this show capable of thinking past the most obvious stereotypes? Then again, I guess they're trying to appeal to a broad spectrum so they need to go for the obvious.
Tom gives the lowdown on the routines: there are four new dances and eight couples, so two couples per dance. The couples doing the same dance will be back-to-back so that we can compare and contrast. Tom asks Len to explain what the judges will be looking for in these routines. Len says that West Coast swing is all about being smooth and down and dirty, the hustle is all about '70s disco, salsa is hot and spicy, and the jitterbug is the jive plus rock and roll. The look on Derek's face while Len is talking is hilarious -- Derek looks like he's never heard any of the information that Len is imparting before. Like if there were a thought bubble over his head, it would say, "The hustle is about '70s disco? No one told me!" Sometimes I don't think Derek is all that bright.
We're diving right into the dancing tonight, with Lacey and Lance up first. Last week, their tango helped them to get noticed by the judges. Lance feels that people expected a lot from him because he was in a boy band, but everyone said he was the worst dancer in the group. He confesses that when they got signed, the label wanted to kick him out of the group because he was a sucky dancer. While I don't want to fall for the emotional manipulation of this clip package, that would be really hard to hear. I mean, he was worse than Joey Fatone? It wouldn't hurt to be told you were worse than Justin certainly, or JC, I guess. Anyway, this week, they have the West Coast swing, and Lacey is apparently the world champion for this dance. Interesting that they added it this season, and it's Lacey's first season. Interesting? Or conspiracy? You make the call! Lacey is taking him to see her father, Buddy Schwimmer, who is known as the King of Swing. I don't watch So You Think You Can Dance, but I've read stories about Buddy being quite the stage dad, so he must be thrilled to be more involved in the show. Sadly, they show a photo of Buddy back in the day, and then when they cut to Buddy of today -- well, there's really no polite way to say this, but he's gained a lot of weight. He must not be doing much swinging these days. Lance and Lacey join in a class with a bunch of little kids, and Buddy walks him through some of the dances. Lance claims that this has really helped his confidence. I wonder how much Buddy had to do with the choreography. There I go with my conspiracy theories again.
Lance and Lacey are dressed in black pants and white shirt. Lance is wearing a tie while Lacey has on a button down shirt over a bustier. She looks like Lisa Marie Presley, if she dressed up as Elvis for Halloween. I don't think I understand this dance. When I heard West Coast swing, I was imagining something out of Swingers, and this is... not that. But I don't know enough about it to recognize if I'm off or they are. Anyway, the dance doesn't feature much time spent in hold, which is part of what's confusing to me, and there don't seem to be a lot of actual steps. It seems more hip-hop to me than anything else, with a lot of body waves and whatnot. At one point, they run towards camera and then are supposed to slide, but Lance's foot gets stuck and he falls down. He recovers well though. I thought Lance looked decent, but since there was so much solo work, it was really obvious that he's not a great dancer. Let's see what the judges thought. Len tells Lance that he has proven that he can dance, but he thinks Lacey needs to show off her partner more. I totally agree! And I didn't realize it until Len said it. Bruno says it seemed like "dancing around the stars," and that Lacey is holding Lance back. But then he says that Lance needs to rise up to Lacey's level. Carrie Ann compliments Lacey's work, but agrees with the others that Lacey is showing off too much and not letting Lance shine. She says it a little more nicely, but that's her point. Backstage, Lance pretends like his fall was part of the routine. Samantha asks Lacey how she felt being picked apart by the judges and she compares it to hazing. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 21.
Toni and Alec are the other couple doing the West Coast swing, so they are up . Last week, Toni's samba was not very well-received. Toni worries that she started strong in the competition but she's fading. She knows that she has to raise her game, and she hopes to get the encore dance as well as get high scores from the judges. Alec works with Toni on her posture and other more technical aspects. Toni announces that the stakes are high and she has everything to prove.
I don't know why but I'm always totally surprised when people have long hair one week and then short hair the week, which Toni is sporting right now. It's like I forget that wigs exist. My first reaction was, "Whoa, Toni cut her hair." Ooh, right in the middle of their dance, they do a big, gigantic lift where Alec swings Toni around. I don't know if they lifted (no pun intended) the restriction or if they're just flouting the rules. They're dancing to a Michael Jackson song and Toni actually does the moonwalk, while wearing heels. That's a high degree of difficulty, right there. Remember 1983? When everyone thought they could breakdance and moonwalk? I actually bought a book that came with breakdancing instructions. I know this is going to be a shocker, since I was a preteen white girl from farm country, but I wasn't very good. Anyway, Toni and Alec's routine is a little more traditional and a little more like what I was expecting from this dance, but it lacks a little spark. Do the judges agree? Toni looks quite out of breath as she waits for her judging. Bruno tells her that she really delivered, but he didn't like the moonwalk. Carrie Ann thought the level of difficulty was high, and they kind of overdanced. I don't know what that means. Len tells Toni that she has all the credentials but she's not breaking through. Somehow the excitement is missing, but he's rooting for her. Backstage, Samantha asks them what they need to do to break through, and Toni and Alec say they don't know. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Looks like 7 is the new score for saying, "We like you, but it wasn't great."
Tom promises that week, all of the couples will perform a group hip-hop routine. Oh. Oh now I kind of don't want Cloris to be eliminated this week. Also, Len will be taking the week off, so there will be a guest judge. But not this week! Because now we're going to see two couples do the Hustle (doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo!). First up are Susan and Tony. After getting high marks for her tango last week, Susan felt like she had moved to another level and was done overthinking it. Susan finds out that she'll be going up against Warren and Kym. Susan thinks she has a good feeling for this routine because she was around in the '70s and she also went to Studio 54. Oh, the stories she could tell. Anyway, remember last week when Susan hurt her ankle? Well, all the rehearsing isn't giving her any time to heal, so she went to the hospital to get it checked out. The doctor gives her an MRI and discovers that she has a fracture of the bone in her foot. Apparently, it won't cause permanent damage, but it will be painful. The music during this segment is very soapy. Like I expect the doctor to turn out to be an evil fan of Warren or something who is trying to sabotage Susan's chances. This should would be a lot more interesting if it were (more) scripted.
Susan and Tony's dance seems way too choreographed, with way too much time spent in hold. I mean, they're dancing to a disco song, and they're wearing disco clothing, but their dancing seems very ballroom. And I do think it's the choreography that's to blame, but it's also possible that Tony had to choreograph to cover for Susan's injury. There are two extended lifts as well, which probably help ease the burden on Susan's foot, plus she weighs so little that Tony can really get her up in the air. But the transitions into and out of the lifts are really awkward. I thought it was boring, overall. Carrie Ann thought it was fun, and liked the lifts. She commends Susan for not showing any pain, but she needs to try to let her personality through a bit more. Len thinks Tony treats Susan like a china doll. Yes! Len is on fire tonight! I totally agree with his dead-on assessment. Bruno thought it looked like a hustle, but one done by an uptown girl and she needs to head down to Times Square. I think Bruno also just said that Len likes rough trade, but I couldn't swear to it. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Susan is pleased and tells Len that she'll try to get her knickers out time. Except I really didn't know she said knickers -- I thought she uttered a racial slur and I was like, "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?" But then Tony repeated it and I realized what she said. I think I need to get my hearing checked.
Last week, the judges were disappointed in Warren and he was bummed because Kym wasn't happy. In rehearsal, Warren admits that he's dragging a little bit, and he asks Kym to push him. Kym says that she's made the choreography more challenging, and he'll be moving the whole time with lots of lifts. Warren promises us that he knows he'll never look like the pro dancers, but he's going to be the best Warren he can.
Ooh, they're dancing to "Funkytown." I remember when my friend Smooch's dad bought the 45 of this song, and we listened to it over and over. When we found out that it was by a group named LIPPS INC, we giggled for five hours. We thought that was the funniest thing we ever heard, but we were like eight. The crowd is really into it and Warren is definitely playing to them. He even puts a little robot and moonwalk into it. The lifts are amazing, since Warren is so big and strong and can just throw Kym around. The biggest difference between Warren's routine and all of the ones is the energy; he's just having a lot of fun out there and connecting with the crowd, even if his technique is really no better or possibly even worse than the others. Len is pleased with both the energy and the choreography. Bruno thinks Warren "really knows how to funk" because he (and I swear this is what Bruno said) eased his way in, built up a rhythm and delivered a huge climax at the end. WTF? Bruno! I can't believe he just said that. Carrie Ann thought he took everyone on a nostalgic journey. The crowd is still going nuts. Man, they were just waiting for a big routine, I guess. Backstage, Samantha tries to get Warren to talk smack about Susan, but he won't. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 9. The crowd is a little disappointed until Bruno's 9 appears.
Cloris and Corky will be the first couple to do the salsa this week. Last week, she shocked the judges and earned her highest scores yet. Cloris is psyched to make it to the halfway mark, so she went out to the Farmer's Market and met up with her public. In rehearsal, Corky tries to help her get into character like she did with the tango. Cloris vows to give the dance all she can and beat Maurice, and announces that she doesn't want to go home yet.
Cloris starts the dance all by herself, swirling her dress around. Corky meets up with her, and he's wearing super short pants with red socks. Now I see where Mark gets his "nerdy" "character" bits from. Corky and Cloris do a bunch of twirls that actually look really good, but there are also a bunch of parts where Cloris is just standing there and Corky is behind her and like humping her and I don't get that part. And then he grabs her boobs from behind. Seriously, what is wrong with him? Why does he always have to do gross sexual stuff with her? Can't she just be classy? Bruno is impressed that they actually did a salsa, but he tells her that she looked like she had a pitcher of margaritas first. Carrie Ann says that everyone loves what she brings to the dance floor. Suckiness? Len likes that Cloris is older than him, and then he compliments Corky's choreography. Really? I mean, I know that he had a challenge, but it seems like he always goes for the lowest form of humor. Like I can't believe he hasn't made a fart joke yet. And don't get me wrong; I love a good fart joke. But it's the same shit every week, and it's tired. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. That's really good for them. Backstage, Samantha asks Cloris who her character was this week, and Cloris struggled to remember it: "A something ho? A something ho?" Samantha looks alarmed and begs Cloris not to swear, but then Cloris remembers: "A skanky ho!" Everyone falls down laughing.
Maurice and Cheryl are the other salsa couple. Last week, the judges felt that Maurice wasn't showing improvement week to week. Cheryl and Maurice head into rehearsal, and Cheryl has a really tough time with teaching the salsa. She's not even sure what she's doing so Maurice has a hard time learning the steps. They both get really frustrated, although Maurice seems to have more restraint. Because he's not getting mad, Cheryl accuses him of being lazy and uncaring. Whoa! Cheryl's kind of a bitch! She explains that she just needs to see more energy from him. I feel like there was a lot more to that conflict that we didn't see, but from what they showed, Cheryl came off as quite the brat.
The salsa begins, and they certainly have Cloris and Corky beat when it comes to speed. Maurice's footwork is pretty good, but there are a few times when he's kind of just walking across the floor instead of dancing. Cheryl does a lot of sharp twirls and a few death drops and Maurice is right there with her. His movements are sharp and precise, for the most part. And come on, compared to Cloris and Corky, it's no contest. When they finish, Carrie Ann beckons Maurice over and then gives him a big hug because she's so happy with his performance. Len says that the judges are way nicer than Cheryl, and he was really impressed with Maurice's energy and effort. Bruno wants Cheryl to keep up her antics because Maurice had great footwork and hip action. Backstage, Maurice says that he really is serious about the competition and will do whatever it takes. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Maurice is thrilled and Cheryl apologizes to him again for how she acted during rehearsal.
The final dance of the night is the jitterbug. The first couple is Brooke and Derek, who did a spicy samba last week. Len thought it was a little too spicy. In rehearsal, Derek reminds Brooke that she's the frontrunner, which can be a bad thing. Derek has his hair in a ponytail and look super dorky. Derek admits that he doesn't know the jitterbug that well, so he actually goes to the Internet and gets instructions. His big piece of advice is that it should look like a cartoon. I refuse to believe that the Internet was the best resource that Derek could find to learn the dance.
The routine itself is very Happy Days with Brooke wearing a poodle skirt and pigtails and Derek with the aforementioned giant pompadour. Derek's lack of confidence really shows, and it seems to kind of rub off on Brooke as she also seems hesitant, which is not what you want in a routine that relies on high-flying moves. Both Brooke and Derek do flips at one point; the most impressive part to me is that Derek stands behind Brooke and lifts her off the ground and then carries her down the stairs in the opening. I know Brooke is light, but Derek must be quite strong. The problem I have with this routine is that it indulges the worst of Derek's goofball ADD antics. There are some cool Hough moves in there, to be sure, but it's choppy and kind of manic overall. Len thinks that Brooke is top notch no matter what dance she does. Bruno thought it was vigorous and upbeat. Carrie Ann asks if she can nitpick, and then says that there are no nits to pick because it was awesome. I think I was biased by Derek's giant hair. Backstage, Derek keeps shaking his head around to make his hair shake. He needs to go back on the meds. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10. What? That was horseshit. That was not nearly perfect.
So last but not least (hopefully) are Cody and Julianne. As mentioned before, Julianne is dressed up like '50s Lucille Ball and I don't know if Cody is supposed to be Ricky, but he looks nothing like him. So maybe he's just generic '50s guy and since Derek took the greaser look, he had to go for Mr. Bowtie. Last week, there was all that gross talk about Cody becoming a man. Like Derek, Julianne has trouble teaching the jitterbug because she doesn't know what she's doing. So to try to figure it out, they go and spy on Derek and Brooke. After some lame attempts at trash talk, Cody and Julianne go back to rehearsal. Julianne wants to do a lot of lifts and throws and Cody doesn't really seem strong enough for all that, but they're going for it.
Man, I don't know if I'm just grouchy this week or what, but that routine did not wow me at all. There was a lot of kicking and jazz hands in the beginning, and then the rest of the routine seemed like Julianne jumping up on top of Cody and him trying to carry her around the floor, but looking like he was about to fall over most of the time. Bless her heart, Julianne was really working it, and Cody had a big smile, but I didn't see much actual dancing. But like I said earlier, maybe I just don't understand the dance. I really wish the show had done what they used to do in earlier seasons, where they had Len explain the basics of each dance, with visual examples, and he would explain what we should look for in each one. I guess I'm the only nerd who would enjoy something like that. Anyway, Bruno tells them that he enjoyed their frantic energy and the slapstick comedy. Carrie Ann thinks Cody was perfectly suited for this dance. Len thought it was fun and entertaining and energetic. See? I'm just a big uneducated grouch, apparently. Or the judges are high. Backstage, Cody looks like a Mormon preparing to go door-to-door with his short-sleeved white shirt and bow tie. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 9. The crowd boos because they wanted higher scores, I guess?
Final standings:
Brooke and Derek: 29
Cody and Julianne: 28
Maurice and Cheryl: 27
Warren and Kym: 25
Toni and Alec: 22
Susan and Tony: 22
Lance and Lacey: 21
Cloris and Corky: 21
So who will go home tomorrow night? Man, it's really a toss-up. I mean, it should be Cloris, but it should've been Cloris for the last whatever weeks, so who knows? I'm going to call Toni and Alec, because I think the others at the bottom have big enough fanbases to carry them through. See you then!
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.
Get Maks' professional take on the new dances in his celebrity blog.