Last night, Lance and Lacey got praise from the judges while Warren didn't for once. Reversal of fortunes! And after adding the scores for the past two weeks, Rocco and Karina and Cloris and Corky are in the bottom two slots. But that doesn't necessarily mean that either of those two are going home, although they probably are. But we'll find out who's going home LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Tom and Samantha welcome us to tonight's spectacular performances from Ne-Yo and a flamenco troupe. Presumably not both at the same time, although who knows? This show gets crazy. Tom reminds us that the scores are combined with last week's as well, and Samantha announces that tonight, they will actually reveal who's in the bottom two. Which to me says that Rocco's not going home, but he is in the bottom two, because otherwise, why reveal it this week? Just a guess. No spoilers.
So let's review what happened just last night. The samba and the tango made everything super sexy. Lance and Lacey's zombie goth tango got high marks from the judges. Cloris showed off her incredible flexibility in the tango and impressed the judges for perhaps the first time with her dancing instead of her antics. Susan generated enthusiasm from Carrie Ann especially with her tango. Hey, I just noticed that the tangos tended to earn better marks. Does that mean the tango is an easier dance? Bruno liked Toni's samba and the judges told Cody that his tango turned him into a man. Len thought Brooke's samba was too erotic, but Bruno thought it was perfect. The crowd liked Warren's samba, but Carrie Ann felt it was a little content-free. Similarly, the judges didn't love Maurice's disco-style samba. And rounding up the samba routines that fell flat, Rocco was told that Bruno's accountant could do a better samba. It can't be a coincidence that all of the tangos were scored high and the sambas were nearly all panned, right?
After Sam reviews how to go to the network's website, Tom yells at Len for telling Brooke to tone down the hotness and jokes that "Brooke Burke" might turn into "Brooke Burqa" if she covers up too much. Len laughs and then announces that Lance and Lacey will be returning to do their tango again. I think maybe part of my problem with Lance's moves is that his pants are very ill fitting, which I didn't notice last night. They are crazy baggy, and it makes it more difficult to see the sharpness of his footwork and movements. He's always crazy pigeon-toed, which I think the judges will point out eventually. But the routine looked better tonight, probably because the pressure's off.
Tom introduces a segment modeled after a political commercial. In the first one, Cody is referred to as a baby, and Brooke Burke sponsors the ad. It's semi-amusing, as a two minute little reprieve, but I hope they don't plan on doing one for each contestant because it could get old fast.
As I feared, after the commercial break, there's one telling American never to trust a skinny chef like Rocco, and Warren approves that message. See? It's already kind of lame.
Backstage, Samantha talks with Maurice and Cheryl as well as Cody and Julianne. She asks Maurice if his relatively low scores surprised him. Maurice gives the old "I just wanted to look good and have fun" speech. Samantha tells Cody that his scores put him on the lower end of the spectrum. Cody says he's nervous, but he also knows that he's done his dance and now there's nothing more he can do for this week's results. Wow, that was enlightening. Great questions, Sam.
Tom introduces the flamenco troupe. So they do a lot of stomping. The part that I appreciate is that while they wear long coats, those coats have no buttons so their chests and abs are fully exposed and they are very fit young men. Hey, I've gotta get my kicks somewhere. And then at one point, they just drop the charade that they're not beefcake and they take the coats off. Their synchronization is really impressive, and I know that sounds condescending after I just got done ogling them, but I'm not kidding. The crowd gives them a standing ovation when they're done and Samantha notes that there aren't any women viewers who were unhappy with that. Well, maybe the lesbian viewers weren't super excited. I'm just saying, Sam. You could be more inclusive.
After reviewing the standings from last night and last week, it's time to get to some results. The first couple that is safe is...Susan and Tony. Joining them on the safe side are...Lance and Lacey. And to the shock of no one, Rocco and Karina are in the bottom two. I'm still saying that whoever joins them is going home tonight, or why would they bother telling us who else is in the bottom two? But this show has done crazier things. As we go to commercial, there's another faux political commercial railing against hot chicks that can dance, like Brooke Burke. Seriously, who writes these things? They are so unfunny. Bring back DanceCenter!
On the way back from the commercial break, there's a commercial wondering what Maurice finds so funny, and accusing him of thinking the competition is a joke. Sigh. Tom introduces this season's junior dance competition. The first couple tonight is Mitchell and Jessica from San Diego. They are adorable. They've known each other their whole lives, and they live door to each other. Jessica wants to be a fashion designer. Mitchell lets Jessica get what she wants because she has a pretty smile. They pinky swear that they're going to do an awesome cha cha. Seriously! They did a pinky swear! How cute is that? So I can't not root for them. They do their cha cha, and it's good, but they have those pasted-on smiles -- I'd love to see them look like they're actually enjoying themselves a little bit. But their arm extensions are really extraordinary. Tom calls them over to the judges' area. Len says that their rehearsal time showed, because they were fabulous. Bruno thinks they are cheeky and they make him smile. Carrie Ann asks Jessica about her costumes, and Jessica admits that she did design them.
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Their competition are Kiril and Hannah from Staten Island. Hannah is really competitive, and also does gymnastics. Kiril also plays ice hockey, and he wants to become the best dancer in the world. They're doing the samba. It just seems weird to me to see two preteens doing such a sexy dance. Their footwork is really amazing though. And they're so cute! I could just eat them up. Carrie Ann thinks their choreography was really sophisticated, and she can't even talk to them because they're so cute. Len thought they captured the flavor of the samba and compliments how well they worked their bums. And he manages to say that without sounding like a perv. Bruno enjoyed how much they performed their routine and sold it to the audience. On the way to the commercial, we see a commercial about how much money Cloris has cost the production due to her antics. Ha?
On the way back from break, there's a commercial about Lance and how crazy he is, and they have some pretty damning footage. That was the only commercial so far that made me chuckle. Tom returns to let us know that one of the kiddie couples will be given the boot soon. Samantha is backstage to do interviews. Mitchell has decided that instead of a celebrity, he's going to be heart surgeon. Jessica wants to be a pro on this show, so she can dance and meet famous people. Hannah won't admit to having a favorite pro, but Kiril says that he likes Derek the best. It's kind of weird that Derek doesn't go over and like shake his hand or something. The judges vote, and Kiril and Hannah get votes from Carrie Ann and Bruno, while Jessica and Mitchell get one from Len. So Kiril and Hannah will move on in the competition. I hate that part.
Ne-Yo is on hand to perform. He has a bunch of ladies dancing around him, and then some dudes join them. Ne-Yo gets out on the floor and dances as well. And he must be singing live because he's kind of off key in parts. Either that or this is a truly terrible recording. He's a good dancer, but he's no Chris Breezy. I like the song though: "Closer". On the way to the break, we get a commercial complaining that Toni Braxton is too successful and doesn't need to win any more.
Man, this episode has actually had quite a bit of content for a results show. Samantha reminds us that week, they are introducing four new dances: the hustle, the jitterbug, salsa, and West Coast swing. Len is going to explain what the judges will be looking for in these four routines -- turns out that they'll understand that the pros don't know these dances as well, so the judges will be looking for performing more than technique. So Lacey should do well. Another campaign commercial -- this one making complaints against Susan Lucci for being "a filthy beast."
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Backstage, Samantha talks to the two couples that are safe. Susan says that dancing is like acting, because each one calls for something different. Samantha asks Lance how it felt to tie Brooke and Derek, who have so far come in first every week. Lance says that they realized that they've been overthinking it, and now they hope to continue their streak.
Tom is going to reveal which couples are safe, and which couple will join Rocco and Karina in the bottom two. The safe couple is...Brooke and Derek. Joining them are...Cody and Julianne. Another safe couple is...Toni and Alec. Warren and Kym will be returning as well. The final non-bottom couple is Maurice and Cheryl. That means that Cloris and Corky are in the bottom two. Cloris pretends to faint as Tom explains that either Cloris or Rocco will be going home. But first we get to see a campaign commercial claiming that Warren Sapp is wearing a fat suit. Someone in the studio audience thought that was HILARIOUS. Peals of laughter.
Tom and Samantha announce that the bottom two are Rocco and Karina and Cloris and Corky, and one of those couples will be going home shortly. So who is going home? Rocco and Karina. I was totally wrong. I guess when I go back through and edit this, I could pretend like I knew it all along, but that would be cheating, right? Besides, if one of these days I actually get something right, I want you guys to know that I didn't edit it in later. So Rocco is really grateful and happy with Karina and everyone. He asks Bruno to show him how to make his hips move properly, but my recording cuts off! Damn it, show, and your overages! So, I'm just going to make up what happened. Bruno leapt from behind the judges' table and he and Rocco did a spirited samba, complete with samba rolls, right around the dance floor. That's what happened, right? Don't tell me. I'm just going to imagine it that way in my head. ["Not exactly, though Bruno did leap from behind the table and show off some hip swiveling action and Rocco joined in, but not together and then there was big group hugging. Kim's version is much more entertaining though. -- Angel]
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.
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