Last week, Misty's Achilles tendon snapped in half or something and it was really loud and really gross and it caused her to have to drop out of the competition. Did you ever notice that, without all the hair and makeup bullshit, Misty kind of looks like Justine Bateman? So no one got eliminated last week, but Rocco did find out that he would have gone home if there were an elimination. I still can't believe that. So the judges' scores and the viewers' votes will be carried over to this week, and tomorrow night, someone will be eliminated. But before that can happen, we have to watch the dances tonight, and it will all happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Tom and Samantha welcome us to the show and introduce the couples. Ooh, Rocco must be doing the samba -- he's got on a fuchsia shirt with crazily ruffled sleeves. Lance and Lacey are doing goth flapper. Kym Johnson barely has any clothes on at all. Should be a visually stunning week. Cloris looks like she actually took her meds this week, because she looks kind of lucid. Samantha reminds us who was at the bottom of last week's leaderboard after the judges' scores: Cloris and Corky, and Rocco and Karina. So they are both in jeopardy, although we know that Rocco did worse when you add in the viewers' votes. Perhaps that revelation will get some more people to vote for him this week. Or perhaps it will get more people to vote for Cloris to make sure he goes home.
The first couple to dance this week will be Maurice and Cheryl. Last week, the judges praised Maurice for finally getting it together in a way that they knew he could. This week, Cheryl has to teach him the samba, which she explains is a party dance. Maurice has trouble with the shoulder posture, and he also gets up in his head and can't put his personality into it. Cheryl invites his daughter to rehearsal to make it more fun. His daughter and a bunch of her friends come in and goof around, which apparently helps Maurice to lighten up.
Maurice and Cheryl are both wearing Afro hairstyles -- Mo's is a wig and Cheryl's is her regular hair all teased out. Their routine, no surprise based on the costuming, is very '70s disco. One thing I like about them as a couple is how much they connect. Maurice is always looking at her like you would look at someone you were actually dancing with at a party. It doesn't seem like he's taking cues from her (though he probably is) -- it seems more like he's just enjoying being her partner. I dig that. The moves look pretty good, although there's still something not quite right about Maurice's posture overall. But he's having fun, and the choreography was good. What did the judges think? Len says it was fun to watch, but he needs to work on refining everything. Bruno calls them "Mr. and Mrs. Jackie Brown" but the samba was a little bit too loose. It's halfway through the competition and they need to make things tighter in addition to the energy. Carrie Ann wants to see more improvement each week, instead of them falling back on their more freeform style. Backstage, Maurice talks about how he needs to groove a little bit. The scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Samantha makes Maurice say "Dyn-o-mite!" Was Samantha even born when that show was on?
Last week, Bruno said that Cody was "like a twinkling twinkie." Is that a gay reference? Anyway, the judges didn't like the routine. Julianne explains that this week, they are doing the tango, which requires intensity and passion. Cody is kind of ADD though, and Julianne gets frustrated with how distracted he gets. Julianne sets up an iChat for Cody with his high school principal, because we're supposed to believe that Cody actually went to high school while filming his television show? Whatever. Anyway, that does the trick, of course.
So they start their routine and it goes okay at first, but there are a LOT of spots where he screws up. First, he messes up the footwork on some turns and Julianne nearly topples over trying to recover. Then he fails to do some high kicks that Julianne does. At one point he dances her over into a corner and they're almost off the floor entirely. Julianne does a good job of covering, and they end strongly, but I'm sure the judges noticed. Maybe he shouldn't complain about practicing the same dance for seven hours per day when he clearly needs more rehearsal than that. Judges? Bruno thinks Cody looks confident and focused. Were we watching the same dance? Bruno liked the lack of gimmicks, but I didn't think Cody was known for gimmicks. Carrie Ann thought he did a good job with hold, but she noticed him tripping over Julianne's dress. Is that what was going on? That doesn't explain some of the missteps though. Len thinks it was their best dance so far. Man. Sometimes I wonder if the judges even watch the performances or just use their notes from dress rehearsal. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
Last week, Toni went really, really, really old school with her powdered wig, but the judges hated it. This week, she's doing the samba. Toni reports to Alec that her doctor has given her a good report, so she can work it out this week. Alec spends a long time teaching Toni how to do the samba roll, because he knows that will give them higher scores. Once Toni hears "higher scores," she's totally in.
Their routine begins and it feels really slow to me. Toni gets all the steps right, but there's some energy or something missing to me. She's got the moves, but... I don't know. Maybe it's me. They execute the samba rolls nicely, and cover the floor well. It's just all around kind of boring to me. Carrie Ann says that Toni and Alec ooze sensuality, but Toni needs to work on her shoulders. Len liked the choreography, but he noticed a point where Toni screwed up a bit and it threw her off, although she eventually recovered. Bruno thinks Toni is "a tasty morsel," and he enjoyed the level of difficulty. Despite her mistakes, he thought she did a great job. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Backstage, Toni reports that her doctor says that the dancing is making her better. Samantha drops the bomb that, week, four new dances will be introduced to the competition. Really? That's actually kind of interesting and they just buried the lede a little bit.
Remember last week, then Corky humped Cloris down the dance floor? I wish I didn't, and I wish they wouldn't keep showing it to me. In rehearsal, Cloris begs Corky to let her compete with the best dancers. In other words, she doesn't want a joke routine. They have the tango, which is probably a good routine for her since it's kind of slow and intense. Cloris's family shows up to watch her rehearse, and her great-grandkids sure are cute!
I don't know how to feel about this routine. Cloris's dress looks really pretty this week -- it's got spaghetti straps and a full skirt but her cleavage is under control and she's not wearing any costume-y wigs or jewelry or anything. Cloris does a good job with the dramatic aspects of the routine, and Corky has done a good job of creating a routine that shows off Cloris's amazing flexibility, but it still seems like he's just placing her arms and legs in various poses and she's holding them. I think she must have a hard time remembering the choreography at times, because there are points where she seems to be looking to Corky to remind her. Then again, I though Cody was doing the same thing, so it's not an age issue. At the end of the routine, Cloris goes over and asks a cute little kid (possibly Toni's son?) if he liked the routine. He looks terrified of her. Len says he wouldn't have believe it if he hadn't seen it, but Cloris did a great job acting it out. Bruno calls her "the Grand Duchess in Lust" and says it was like watching a silent movie. Carrie Ann says that she owes her an apology. Cloris wants to come closer so that she can hear, and Carrie Ann tells her that she's blocking the camera. Ha! Cloris retreats and doesn't seem to understand that Carrie Ann is trying to say that she did a good job. I don't know what's going on. I can't tell how much is Cloris joking around and how much is Cloris legitimately not hearing or understanding what's happening. So it kind of makes me sad. Anyway, time for scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Cloris decides that the judges are prejudiced.
Rocco and Karina would have been eliminated last week if Misty hadn't dropped out, so now they are motivated to work even harder, since they got a second chance. However, the scores are being carried over so they need to do really well. Karina was worried that Rocco was worried too much about the steps and wasn't having enough fun. His mother came to visit and told him to lighten up and "shake what your mama gave you."
So it's time for their samba! Ooh, they're dancing to "I Go to Rio" which explains Rocco's Peter Allen-style sleeves. Although it's really obvious that the sleeves and the body of the shirt are two different colors and fabrics. Rocco really throws himself into it and seems to have a good time. He even plays bongo on Karina's tummy. His footwork isn't great, but he does some pelvic thrusts and tosses his head around and he's clearly having a lot of fun. I enjoyed it more than almost any other routine tonight, even though it wasn't technically that great. Bruno didn't think that the ruffles disguise that Rocco doesn't have a musical bone in his body. Carrie Ann knows that Rocco is having fun out there, but the dancing is lacking. Len appreciated that Rocco had fun out there. He really did. I mean, contrast him with stupid Kim Kardashian, who barely moved and seemed terrified of looking uncool. Backstage, Rocco and Karina say that they're just trying to make Misty proud of them. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Wow. I thought that was underscored compared to Cloris, who had a much easier dance given that she barely had to move. Bah.
Up are Susan and Tony. Last week, Susan did the jive even though she had a sprained ankle. The judges said that she seemed timid, and that was probably due to her injury. Susan takes that as a personal affront, so Tony wants to bring the soap opera drama to the tango. Tony gets a part on All My Children. And that part is a dude walking around on crutches who bumps into Susan's character. Seriously? That was all they could trust Tony with? Hilarious.
I notice they gave all the older people the tango, which doesn't really seem fair. Susan executes the choreography well, I guess, but I'm not getting any intensity from her. Like the one part you'd think she'd be good at, she's not that great at, in my opinion. I was bored. Carrie Ann thought it was moving art. Len says there was no timidity and it was her best dance so far. Bruno was happy to see the "tough broad" under Susan's polished appearance. Really? Maybe it's different in person and it doesn't translate as well on the screen. Backstage, Susan says that she wants her character to dance on her soap now. Tony admits that his acting maybe wasn't the best. Time for scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
Brooke and Derek got in a fight last week, so will they continue to argue tonight? Last week, Brooke and Derek earned the first ten of the season from Len of all people! Derek took Brooke out to a Brazilian restaurant so that she could see how to do the samba. So Brooke went out and "spontaneously" borrowed one of the dancers' outfits so that she could show Derek her moves. Brooke says that she's seeing a new side of Derek in rehearsals this week, because he's getting all freaky with it. Yikes! I don't like that side of Derek! And I want him to cut his hair.
Derek starts out all buttoned up in shirt, tie, and glasses while Brooke is in a more traditional samba outfit (i.e. not much). As the dance goes on, Derek loses more and more clothing until his shirt is undone to his navel. After all that buildup, the routine was just okay, I though. Brooke did a great job with the hip movements and the extension, but her posture was not great at times, and she messed up one part where she and Derek were supposed to be in unison. I was just expecting perfection after that clip package. They need to start managing my expectations better. Len points out that Brooke has set a high standard, and he thought it was too erotic. Bruno thinks Len is either getting too much or not enough. Len didn't like the "nonsense with the glasses." Bruno thinks a sex bomb just went off, and he needs a smoke. Carrie Ann thinks that Brooke has athleticism, grace, and sensuality. Tom reminds us that they are adding four new dances: hustle, jitterbug, salsa, and West Coast swing. Ooh, that'll give the people in the forums a lot to talk about. ["Yeah, like the fact that West Coast swing is Lacey's specialty? Seems just a little too coincidental/biased that they are adding it suddenly this season." -- Angel] Backstage, Derek admits that everyone has weak spots, but he's trying to conceal Brooke's and show her off. Lacey has total bitchface sitting behind them. What's her problem? Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
Lance and Lacey are up . These two are just making me tired with the Manic Panic and the rebellion. Aren't they in their twenties? This week they have the tango. Lacey works with Lance on keeping his frame. She's all "This is my dance space, this is your dance space." Lacey refers to their "flavor," which is just gross. She might have even said "flava."
So it's a zombie sort of tango to "Disturbia" which is actually a cool idea. I just can't help but feel that Lacey is the problem here. Her frame and posture are not good, especially for a pro. She's all over the place. I have no doubt that she's a great dancer in a more forgiving discipline, but the routine just doesn't look right to me. They know the moves (mostly) and have great intensity, and I even kind of enjoy the conceit this week, but she bugs me. What do the judges think? Bruno thought it was "quirky with a gothic twist" and yet it was a tango. Carrie Ann thought Lance would be a front runner, but he's been pretty quiet. She thinks he was shining tonight. Bruno calls Carrie Ann "Paula Abdul" and she acts all offended and then realizes that might be too mean so she tries to take it back and Len is like, "CAN I SPEAK?" He finally gets the chance to tell Lance that he's actually "Sir Dance-A-Lot." I really wish Len would call Lacey out on her problems. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
The final contender this evening is Warren, with his partner Kym. Don't worry. My husband went to bed a long time ago, so there won't be any cursing. Anyway, Warren got great marks last week and Kym wants to help him make the samba his own. Warren says he's ready to party. Kym takes him to a capoeira studio. Did the capoeira public relations firm make a big payment to ABC this week? It was featuring on Desperate Housewives last night and now this! Anyway, it's a Brazilian dance/fight tradition. It's somehow not as awesome as it sounds. It seems like it would be all West Side Story or like when Britney and Justin had the dance-off after their breakup, but it's totally not like that at all.
So how is that actual samba? It's not as good as I had imagined it might be. Maybe I'm just grouchy tonight. There isn't nearly enough hip action. This is one where Warren can't use his light feet to cover up his lack of technique. He seems distracted; he's staring at someone (his family?) in the audience at times. Carrie Ann thinks it was lacking a little bit in content this week. Len admits that he smiles when he watches Warren, but there was too much gyrating and not enough dancing. Bruno thinks that people love Warren, but he kind of slacked off this week. Bruno knows that Warren has the ability. I think that's more Kym's fault than Warren's; she should push him harder. Warren is pretty quiet backstage. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Warren seems pretty happy and Cloris wanders into the shot and starts babbling about how she tied Warren this week.
So this week's standings are:
Brooke and Derek: 26
Lance and Lacey: 26
Susan and Tony: 24
Cody and Julianne: 23
Toni and Alec: 22
Cloris and Corky: 22
Warren and Kym: 22
Maurice and Cheryl: 20
Rocco and Karina: 18
And when you combine it with last week's scores, the standings are:
Brooke and Derek: 54
Lance and Lacey: 48
Warren and Kym: 47
Susan and Tony: 45
Maurice and Cheryl: 44
Toni and Alec: 44
Cody and Julianne: 44
Rocco and Karina: 38
Cloris and Corky: 38
Bad news. They're bringing back the kids' competition tomorrow night. Why can't it just be the kids' exhibition? Anyway, someone will be going home too, so I'll see you then!
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.