Tom reminds us that last night, Derek and Brooke got the first perfect ten, Cloris and Corky did... something (seriously, I was trying to describe it to a co-worker today and I was like, "And then she pretended that his butt smelled bad and then he humped her down the dance floor doggy-style"), and Misty had to drop out and everyone was sad. So tonight, we'll find out the results, but will anyone go home? And it will be LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Let's review, shall we? Carrie Ann has a crush on Warren, who admits that he was winking at her to get a higher score. Len liked Maurice and Cheryl's dance, and Maurice promised that he would "rock all the way home." Susan had a sprained ankle but still pulled through. Lance and Lacey went traditional, and Bruno missed their sparkle. The couple takes this really literally and complains that they have so many sparkles on their outfits that it looks like a fairy farted on them. Classy. Also, I don't think he meant glitter. Toni and Alec tried something untraditional but the judges weren't really buying it. Cody got scolded for goofing around too much instead of actually dancing. Rocco was compared to "a lump of mashed potatoes" but felt really good about his routine anyway. And Cloris... seriously, what is there to say? That Corky pulled off her wig? That her boobs were hanging out? Seriously, did they smoke some pot before that routine? That would explain so much. And Derek and Brooke totally dominated the competition and became the couple to beat. And then Misty had to drop out.
Since Misty and Maks didn't get to do their jive, Maks wants to show you the routine he choreographed. So Edyta will be joining him. I bet Misty wasn't planning on wearing those stupid legwarmers that Edyta has on. Seriously, they're both sort of dressed all Fifties (kind of) and then Edya has on those stupid legwarmers. Maks's outfit is really terrible -- he's wearing these high-waisted high water pants with suspenders and... I just know far too much about Maks now. [Learn more about him in his blog! - Zach] The routine has a lot of energy, but the routines with two pros are always the best ones, in my opinion. The costumes were horrible, though. Tom makes fun of Maks's outfit, because how can you not?
Samantha and Tom review the standings from last night. Cloris knows that a 16 is horrible, but doesn't seem to make the connection between the score and her dancing. Frankly, she was overscored. Everyone acts happy about their scores, whether they actually are or not. Except Cloris.
I guess they are going to get rid of something this week, or at least pretend that they are, because now they're going to reveal who is safe. The first couple that is safe is... Brooke and Derek. Also moving on are... Cloris and Corky. Okay, I have to believe that no one is getting eliminated this week because that's just wrong.
Hey, it's Kool and the Gang! And they're doing a medley. It starts with "Jungle Boogie." Some of these dudes look way too young to be from the original lineup. Some professional dancers come out to perform and I don't know who they are, but they're probably from So You Think You Can Dance or America's Best Dance Crew or something. The song changes to "Ladies' Night" and then "Celebration," my least favorite Kool and the Gang song, for obvious reasons. It's not a bad song; I've just been to one too many wedding receptions. That's it? What about "Joanna"? Or "Misled"? I guess this was supposed to be a tribute to the '70s, and those songs are from the '80s. Still. I feel robbed. I could watch a half hour of Kool and the Gang.
Samantha introduces a clip package of what the celebrities bring to the competition. Warren thanks his football footwork for making him able to move. Cloris thinks her sense of play is keeping her in the competition. Cody's musical ability, especially on the guitar, help him learn the routines. Toni points to her perfectionism and Maurice points to his love of dancing in clubs as helping them, respectively. Brooke thinks she's learned to multitask from having a family, and Lance thinks he's kind of a rebel, and his fans can relate. Okay, Lance is really not a rebel, and his fans don't care. Rocco thinks that cooking, especially trying to juggle everything, helps him. Susan credits her Pilates routines for her strength and flexibility. So there you are. Boring!
Time for another safe couple. The couple staying is... Maurice and Cheryl. After the break, Samantha has Brooke and Derek backstage. She asks them if this is a cake walk. Brooke promises her that this is not that easy, and asks everyone to continue voting for them. Samantha turns to Cloris who goes on this weird rant about hair color and eye color and which side of her family is weaker and seriously, what in the hell is she going on about? I think the producers were shitting themselves thinking that she was going to make some racist remark. Samantha runs away from Cloris to ask Warren something and he gives a boring answer because everyone is still trying to figure out what in the hell Cloris was talking about. When Samantha throws back to him, even Tom admits that Cloris gave him a migraine. And then he introduces the Rockettes! Who are all Rockette-y. You know, synchronized, glittering, kickline, Busby Berkeley camera angles, another kickline, the end.
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Wow, they really packed this one full of performances! The one is Jennifer Hudson, singing a remixed version of her song "Spotlight," while Derek and Julianne dance together. I always find that a little weird, and I think it's because they look so much alike that it's kind of like Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy dancing together. Then again, my brother and I once made up a routine to "Another One Bites the Dust." Oh, if only my family had a video camera growing up. Can you imagine how hilarious that must have been? How my mom didn't just die laughing whenever we called upon her to be our audience, I don't know. But she never did. She just patiently watched and then told us it was great. I think we also did a routine to "Jesus Christ Superstar" except we changed the words to be about Gary Coleman. I don't know. We're going to hell. Anyway, the routine ends, and I appreciate that they didn't do any creepy, grinding hip movements with each other, at least. Plus Derek did a flip, so that was kind of cool.
Then we get a segment about choreography. They get some famous choreographers to talk about how difficult it is to plan dances for beginners, highlight their skills and hide their flaws. Also, they say that ballroom is a format where you can't cheat, because the rules are so strict. They compliment the pros. Each one gets highlighted. Julianne is inventive, and Derek uses the floor well. Tony is like a movie star, and Kym uses comedy in her routines. Corky is a legend of ballroom and Lacey is young with a modern twist. Note that they didn't compliment Lacey's choreography. Karina is sensual and Alec is precise. The choreographers think that the celebs are diverse this season, which makes for a more interesting show.
Tom talks about Derek's theory of "the Bermuda Triangle," an area on the floor in front of the judges' table. It's where Misty, Susan, and Derek all got injured. So this leads into a clip package about injuries. Remember when Christian snapped his arm in half or something? And we get to see everyone fall down. Remember when Edyta poked her finger into Jeff Ross's cornea? Derek knocked himself out this week while rehearsing, and he also hurt his neck last season. They show the footage of Misty getting hurt again, and you know the producers are psyched that they got it on tape. The dancers and celebs conclude that injuries are always possible, but you can't let it hold you back in your dancing.
Tom jokes that he likes hosting, because there aren't any injuries, unless you count the Emmys. Heh. Now let's find out some more safe couples. The first is... Warren and Kym. The second is...Toni and Alec. They head backstage to talk to Samantha. She asks Warren how things feel tonight and he mumbles something and I have no idea what he said. Something about voting. Samantha asks Toni about how the judges didn't love her routine, and Toni promises to show them week why they made it through.
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Aaaaaand, we're back! Tom sort of nonchalantly reveals that no one is going home tonight. Way to bury the lede, dude. Anyway, he says that they'll combine the scores from this week and week (judges and voters) to find out who goes home week, like they did when Sara Evans dropped out. But they are going to reveal who would have gone home this week, so there's that. The remaining couples are: Cody and Julianne, Rocco and Karina, Lance and Lacey, and Susan and Tony. Before they get to the big reveal, Tom asks the judges if they think Misty would be in the bottom if she had competed. Who's going to say that she would? Come on. Dumb question. Len says that she was showing a lot of improvement. Tom asks Carrie Ann what it means for the couple in last place. Carrie Ann thinks they have their work cut out for them, and other cliches, as well. Tom asks Bruno what the lowest-scoring couple can do, and Bruno advises the couple to deliver a breakthrough performance.
Now it's time for the big reveal! The safe couple is... Susan and Tony. Tom said earlier that these are in no particular order, so it doesn't mean that Susan and Tony weren't in first place. Also safe are Cody and Julianne. So the couple that would have gone home tonight is...Rocco and Karina. So then no one knows what to do, because they didn't actually get eliminated. Tom reminds us of the process and the music gets a little more upbeat so people know not to freak out. And seriously, I don't expect Rocco to win, but he deserves to stay longer than FREAKING CLORIS! See you week.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what prior competitors the celebrity dancers remind us of in Dancing With the Stars: New vs. Old!
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.
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