Three months ago, twelve stars "embarked on a journey." Let us remember our fallen soldiers: Monica, Penn, Steve, Adam, Priscilla, Marlee, Shannon, and Mario. And now we're down to four: Jason, Marissa, Kristi, and Cristian. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Marissa would still be in it at this point, I would have slapped you. Well, I would have slapped you regardless; I just like to go around slapping people. But I would have also said, "You're shitting me!" Anyway, this week, the couples had to do a random draw to find out what routines they would be performing in this week's semifinals.
My local affiliate is running a crawl along the bottom of the screen reminding everyone that, in February 2009, analog signals will no longer be broadcast. I say to my husband, "Really? We need a crawl on the screen for something that's happening in nine months? Shouldn't that be reserved for breaking news?" He responds, "And do they really need this crawl on their HD channel?" Good point, that.
Tom and Samantha explain that this week, the judges have gone back to no lifts being allowed. Oh, make up your mind. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I kind of feel like they changed that rule to give Jason an unfair advantage, and now they've changed it back so that Cristian doesn't get screwed over since he's their golden boy now. Len gives a little speech to the contestants about how they need to up their game this week. Kristi looks kind of terrified. You'd think this would be nothing compared to the Olympic pressure. Then again, she spent her whole life getting ready for the Olympics, and she's been doing this for like two months.
Jason and Edyta fell a little bit last week. So first thing this week was to choose their dances. Because this show can't do anything without maximum cheese-osity, they make Jason choose a tiny mirror ball out of a larger mirror ball basket. Then he has to split the tiny mirror ball in half to reveal his dances. It's kind of genius, actually. Anyway, Jason and Edyta are thrilled to get the paso doble and the foxtrot. Edyta reminds Jason that he did the foxtrot early on, so he can take the opportunity to show his improvement. Jason says he's been very tired this week, so that means it's time for the corny fake training conceit! This week, Edyta is pretending to give Jason a chalk talk about his competition. Edyta is actually kind of scary, smacking the chalkboard with her pointer. And then Edyta shows Jason a pep talk on video from Dan Marino, former Dolphins QB. Wow, I wonder why they didn't get his coach to record that? Oh, that's right. His coach is an old grouch who doesn't want him to be on the show, despite all the good it's doing for the NFL's reputation in general and the Dolphin's reputation specifically. Shut up, Bill Parcells.
So Jason and Edyta start their foxtrot. Edyta has more clothes on than I've ever seen her wear, which is still less than most people usually wear. Jason shows off his great extension and posture, but as a whole, the routine is ...kind of dull to me. There's one sassy part in the middle where (because they're dancing to "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off"), they pretend to bicker while dancing and it's kind of cute. But overall, it's good, but not thrilling. But I usually feel that way about the foxtrot. Judges? Len thought it was fantastic. Bruno thought the Jason added showmanship to his repertoire. Carrie Ann thought Jason had a lot more content and charisma than on the first time around. Backstage, Samantha asks Jason if he'll have to stop being friends with his bro, Cristian. Jason jokes that he will, but then admits that they'll always be friends. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 10, and Bruno 9 for a total of 28. Wow, Len giving a higher score than the other two? That rarely happens.
Marissa's fans have been saving her week after week, although I haven't ruled out some sort of Vote for the Worst scenario. Marissa and Tony get the quickstep and the rumba. While they rehearse, Stacey Keibler shows up and Marissa has a good time bonding with her. They giggle over how they can't treat Tony like a sexy being, so they have to imagine someone else to put on the performance. I can see that -- I don't find Tony hot at all. AT ALL. Actually, I don't find any of the male dancers hot, now that I think about it. They just all seem so cheesy to me. Marissa and Tony begin their quickstep with some moves that are technically steps but they're not all that quick. It kind of looks more like a waltz. In 4/4 time. There's not a whole lot of the typical bounciness of the quickstep. Underwhelmed. I mean, it was fine, but it just didn't seem like a quickstep. Bruno points out that Marissa missed a leap on the run across the floor. I knew something went wrong there but couldn't pinpoint it. Carrie Ann tells Marissa that she's an unlikely contender, and Carrie Ann thought it was great. She did? Len points out that it's a difficult routine in which you have to maintain hold throughout, and he thought it was great. Whuh? Did these people watch Julianne's top ten quicksteps in last week's episode? Those were awesome. This was kind of lame. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 8 for a total of 26. Marissa babbles that this was the hardest dance she's ever done. That was? Sometimes I feel like I'm watching a different show than the people actually in the studio.
Cristian and Cheryl, as you may have heard, danced well last week even though Cristian could only use one arm. When they picked, they got the Viennese waltz and the samba, and the samba was the dance where Cristian got injured. Cheryl and Cristian took to the streets and met some fans and tried to drum up publicity. I like that a lot better than the e-mail blasts or Myspace bulletins that some other fans have used; I feel like they have somehow earned it more. First up is the Viennese waltz to Dave Matthews Band's "Satellite," an odd choice. Cristian seems more able to bend his arm this week. He can't do any work with it, but he can hold it up and keep his frame. He also seems more relaxed and he doesn't have the crazy eyes. You know what? I kind of liked it. Something about Cristian post-injury is working for me. Maybe it's the lowered expectations or the fact that he's not as intense, but it just works. Carrie Ann thought it was sweet and pretty. Len thought there was more content than last time. Bruno thinks they play off each other well. Tom takes the chance to make fun of Cheryl's dress, which has some weird silver ribbon curls around the top. She deserved that. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 27. Cristian says that his injury has forced him to be more sure of the routines since he can't let Cheryl lead him. I never thought of that, but it may explain why their routines look sharper.
Kristi and Mark have been second for two weeks in a row and want to regain the top spot. They get the jive and the tango. Their jive earned them a 30, so they are a little worried that people will have unrealistic explanations. They got a 27 on their tango, so there is room for improvement there. To help them out, Kristi and Mark go to a professional ballroom class full of ballroom champions who give Kristi tips. I wish one of them would tell Mark to stop making those faces. At least that was a field trip that actually made sense. So the tango is first. I'm not sure what Kristi is trying to do with her facial expressions because sometimes she is very closed-off looking and almost like she's grimacing, and then she's smiling, which seems weird for the tango. I get the whole "come here, no go away" aspect of the tango, but Kristi kind of just looks like she has a toothache. I mean, her dancing was technically perfect as always, so I have to pick on her facial expressions. Len rips on Bruno for making oohs and aahs throughout and then says that he thought it was a bit hectic. Bruno yells that Len is going barmy, and Len retorts that Bruno is the barmy one for having that haircut. Carrie Ann tells them to shut it, and then tries to do a little dance of celebration for Kristi and Mark but her dress gets stuck on her chair. She manages eventually. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10 for a total of 29. Backstage, Kristi talks about how much she learned from the pros and blah blah blah. Does anyone ever say anything interesting in these interviews since Adam left?
Len went and met with each couple to help them with their Latin routines. He thinks Jason did too much posing and posturing last time. Len actually makes Jason dance with him and... they are AWESOME together! Wait, I have to go back and watch that again. Len works on a particular step with Jason, and Jason actually grunts at him. That was kind of hot! I think there's something wrong with me.
, Len goes to talk to Kristi about a move she did where she stuck her leg out and looked like she was getting on a horse. He helps her through it, and then shows her a new move. up is Cristian and Len dancing together. Len doesn't dance as well with Cristian as he did with Jason, so he ends up dancing with Cheryl. When they finish, Cristian deadpans to the camera and pretends to give them a 7. Then Len has to go teach Marissa to use her hips. Good luck with that!
The first Latin round dance of the night is Jason and Edyta doing the paso doble. They do one more where Edyta does a half twirl/jump and then Jason does and Jason's form is NOT GOOD! He did way better when he was dancing with Len, I'm telling you. His hip action is better than it usually is though, but he looks weirdly stiff and uncomfortable. I think I just don't like the choreography. And then they totally do a lift, but again, when Jason swings Edyta around, I don't know how her feet are supposed to not leave the floor. I liked the ending, but I think it was due to the stunts more than the actual dancing. Bruno thought Jason looked like a true matador. Carrie Ann thought they had more content than usual. Len thought he attacked the dance like he attacks quarterbacks. No mention of the lift? Hmm. That was weird. They did do a lift, right? I mean, Edyta's foot came totally off the ground. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 27. It's weird how a 27 can feel anticlimactic.
Marissa and Tony are doing the rumba. For the first time, Marissa actually makes me believe that she's physically attracted to Tony. I really don't get why she won't try an A-line dress though. I just think the dresses that are tight on her all the way down emphasize her lack of waist. I kind of have the same body shape as her, and you have to emphasize the boobs and then leave the rest kind of flowing and let people guess what you've got going on. Anyway, it was a pretty dance, and at least it conveyed the right emotions. There's a whole thing where Marissa's dress gets snagged on the sequins on Tony's pants. If I had a nickel for every time that's happened for me. Carrie Ann starts out and says that she was disappointed in the routine. Len recognizes that the rumba doesn't have the wow factor of some other dances but he thought it was well done. Bruno liked her attitude. Carrie Ann starts arguing that the routine wasn't exciting enough for the semifinals, and that they need to hold Marissa to the same standards as the others. I don't know why they're arguing now -- their scores have already been recorded and can't be changed. I guess Carrie Ann is worried that her score will be way lower than the others and she's trying to justify it. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 26. Marissa thanks her fans for voting and asks them to keep her in for the finals.
Cristian and Cheryl are ready to rock out their samba. Cristian has once again decided to go with the unbuttoned shirt look. And why not? Cristian appears to get a little lost at one point but he covers pretty well. Cheryl does a great job of letting Cristian have the spotlight at times too, and you can see Bruno in the background cheering for them. They finish up by doing what my nephews call "the wiggle bum" up on the stage. Len thought it was "hotter than a chili pepper" and that his arm has somehow made him stronger. His only criticism is that Cristian was sometimes flat-footed. Bruno loved it. Carrie Ann was reminded of Emmitt Smith, who is in the audience. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10 for a total of 29. Cristian is FREAKING OUT backstage. He notes that their last samba got them a 21 and a night at the ER, and this got them a 29 and a night out partying all night.
Kristi and Mark are the final dance of their night with the jive. Kristi has a strand of hair in her mouth the whole time and it's driving me NUTS. I'm sure it's bugging her too. Mark does these weird leaps in the air that don't seem that jive-ish. I still feel like it would be useful to see a pro version of some of these dances and have Len point out what we should look for because sometimes I don't love a routine and I feel like it might just be because I don't love that particular dance. Such is the case with the jive. Bruno thought it was delicious and he thinks that Kristi can do it all. Carrie Ann thought it was really difficult and she admired Kristi's ability to tackle it, even though they were a hair out of sync. Len liked the basic steps that Mark put in, but thought they were at times stiff. I think the judges are just justifying why they're about to give Kristi a 9 instead of a 10. Let's find out if I'm right. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 10 for a total of 28. Kristi and Mark are happy with that.
Final standings:
Kristi and Mark: 29 + 28 = 57
Cristian and Cheryl: 27 + 29 = 56
Jason and Edyta: 28 + 27 = 55
Marissa and Tony: 26 + 28 = 52
I really hope it's Marissa who goes home tomorrow night. It's been a long time coming. See you then!