Last week, Cristian "sustained a serious samba injury." How embarrassing! How do you explain that at cocktail parties?
Q: So, did you hurt your arm doing some sort of crazy stunt or playing with your kids and during a game of racquetball?
A: No, doing the samba.
Q: Were you doing a handstand or a lift or something?
A: No, just regular old samba.
Q: [Suddenly makes an excuse to walk away and then whispers in his wife's ear while she stares at you]
Tom reminds us that legal lifts are allowed this week, and Sam adds that they're not required, and they need to be in the character of the routine. Because why not leave it vague so there's more controversy with the scoring?
Last week was Kristi's worst week, so she's determined to come back. While rehearsing, Kristi presses to do a lift, especially since Jason and Edyta are also doing the samba, and you know they are doing a lift. Mark doesn't feel like it fits with the character of the dance, though, and Kristi honors his expertise. Mark's intermittent British accent (he grew up in London) comes back as he and Kristi practice their lift for their quickstep routine.
The quickstep is my favorite dance, and maybe I suffered from heightened expectations, but I thought this routine was boring. Kristi didn't put any emotion into it at all, and seemed like a robot, which then only makes me watch Mark's weird guppy faces even more, and that's never good. The choreography seems slow for a quickstep too. There's a nice turn sequence near the end, and they finish with Mark lifting Kristi up on his shoulder, which as lifts go, was pretty boring. You've got Kristi Yamaguchi, dude! Throw her into the air and make her spin around three times or something! What's with the lame sitting on the shoulder? My high school cheerleading team did that, and we were terrible. But what do the judges think? Len says that he's been fed up all day, but that routine cheered him up, and he loved the choreography. Bruno thinks Kristi has a ticket to the finals, and she showed great details. Carrie Ann liked how they presented to the judges, but they got a bit out of sync in the middle. Bruno protests, and the audience boos. So no one but me thought it was boring then? Maybe I'm just grouchy today.
Backstage, Samantha points out that they broke their six-week streak as the leaders last week, and Kristi says that she was nervous out there. She asks why Mark was more cautious about the lifts, and Mark says that he didn't think it fit the character of the dance. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 10, and Bruno 10 for a total of 29. Over-rated! Clap clap clap clap clap.
Mario and Karina are up . Last week, the judges told Mario he was too young and too loose for the ballroom dances. This week, he's doing the jive and the Viennese waltz. Of course, they are doing a lift during the jive, and they have some trouble, so just like Baby and Johnny, they take to the water. Except Karina is wearing more jewelry in the pool than I wore to my wedding, including giant doorknocker earrings.
Their first dance is the Viennese waltz to Alicia Keys's "If I Don't Have You," which I was just belting out in the car the other day. Karina twirls across the floor towards Mario and one of her hairpins or something goes flying from her head. She could put someone's eye out! Anyway, that giant twirl leads to a twirling lift, which does seem to fit with the character of the dance. Something is really wrong with Mario's footwork, and I just can't figure it out. It's like he's too flat-footed or something. Judges? Bruno says that Mario is the new prince of the dance floor, and he danced with poise and distinction. Carrie Ann compliments his stiffness and everyone gets a big kick out of that. She adds that their lift really enhanced the routine. Len starts off comparing Mario's usual routines to Britney Spears getting out of a car -- not very elegant. Wow, timely reference there, Len. Anyway, Len thought that tonight, Mario was elegant. Backstage, Mario does a truly awful Len impersonation, so the less said about that the better. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 27. Man, the judges are overscoring tonight.
Marissa and Tony are up . Last week, Marissa got her highest scores from the judges but landed in the bottom two. She says that after surviving cancer, nothing seems like that big of a deal. Tony declares that he's doing a lift, no matter what, with the unspoken no matter what being that Marissa outweighs the other women in the competition by quite a bit. Marissa says that now that she's made it this far, she kind of wants to win. Let's not get crazy there Winokur.
Seriously, the wardrobe people hate Marissa, or they don't know how to dress anyone who actually wears clothing. This week she's got an old-fashioned Gibson girl hairdo and an ugly gray dress that just emphasizes her belly. Have these people ever heard of Spanx? I'm all for letting it all hang out, but not while wearing a skintight dress. Anyway, Marissa and Tony begin their foxtrot to "New York, New York." Okay, I did a tap dance to this song when I was ten. And you bet I wore a silver spangled top hat and carried a cane. The best part was when my group formed a kick line and one girl's top hat bounced off her head and she drop-kicked it out into the audience. Good times. Anyway, this routine is eh. I'm so distracted by Marissa's unflattering dress that I can't really watch it, and it doesn't feel like a ballroom dance. But what did the judges think? Carrie Ann loved the joy Marissa brought to the floor. Len thinks Marissa looks better in hold than alone. Bruno compares Marissa to Ethel Merman and does a passable impersonation of Ethel singing before saying that there wasn't enough gliding for a quarterfinal dance. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8 for a total of 25.
Last week, Jason finally knocked Kristi off the lead, and he wants to stay there. Jason admits that he and Edyta have an advantage when it comes to lift, because he's a giant. Jason felt goofy when doing the samba, so Edyta decided to go completely goofy and made him wear a wig, frilly shirt, and maracas. And then she made him get a spray tan! Why? Anyway, their first routine is the tango. Jason starts out with some fairly complicated footwork, and does a great job staying in character throughout. And avoids looking at his feet mostly! They add in some lifts, but they seem in character to me, but what do the judges think? Len starts out by criticizing the routine for being too much of an Argentine tango and Bruno totally interrupts to tell him he's on crack, basically, and that the couple is too beautiful together, and that Edtya has never danced better. Jason shakes Bruno and Len's hands. Carrie Ann thinks Bruno is scary, but she thought Jason brought even more posturing and character to this routine. I might even say that this was their best routine yet. Tom's trying to give a preview of tomorrow night's show but Bruno is still mumbling to himself. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10 for a total of 29. And then Bruno and Carrie Ann smack Len with their paddles. Samantha tries to position it as a Jason/Kristi showdown in round two, but Jason is a gentleman and says that everyone has been working really hard.
Cristian is dancing this week, despite having a ruptured bicep tendon, which is just gross. Cheryl says it will be a challenge to choreograph a routine that will disguise his injury. And yet Cristian still wants to do a lift, which seems foolhardy at worst and ill-advised at best. He declares in rehearsal that they're working with one hand and two hearts. Don't Cheryl's hands count? Anyway, they're doing a tango to "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. My husband says that he thinks it looks more Argentine than ballroom to him. I'm getting worried about him. Cheryl is working her ass off to make this tango look interesting, but she can't disguise that she's dancing around Cristian even more than usual. They do manage to pull off a lift, and I'm quite impressed considering the one-handedness. But the routine as a whole left me cold. Somehow I don't find Cristian's bravery quite the same as, say, Marlee's. Bruno says that they have to judge what they see, and don't give him a handicap or anything, and yet it was a perfect tango. Carrie Ann says that she saw nothing wrong with it either. Len compliments Cheryl's choreography. Maybe I just don't get the tango, because I didn't think that was so great. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 28. Cristian goes NUTS over the 10, and Cheryl is worried he's going to hurt himself more celebrating.
First up in the second round are Kristi and mark dancing the samba. They do some cool spins in the middle but I still don't get what's up with Kristi's turns. They look off or off-kilter somehow. They execute two moves that look like skating turns, which is theoretically cool but not my favorite. Carrie Ann pauses and says that it wasn't her favorite, and it lacked some of the grace and control. Len points out that they had grace and speed but lost some of the rhythm. Bruno loved the level of difficulty and finds it understandable that not everything was perfect, since they raised the bar so high. I wonder if Mark ever thinks about toning it down -- they've never been criticized for doing moves that were too easy, have they? Especially since the viewers at home can't really recognize, for the most part, how difficult the moves are. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 9 for a total of 26 and a grand total of 55.
Mario and Karina are doing the jive this week. Mario starts with a cartwheel off the stage and over Karina's head, which looks terrible. He's definitely sticking his butt out way too much and I can't believe none of the judges have called him out on it before. They do an extended lift at the end where it's all Happy Days style and Mario swings Karina around his body and flips her around and she ends up in a split. It felt kind of forced, and not that smooth, and other than that, the dance didn't feel like it had much content. Before they did the lift, it looked like something one of my dad's drunk friends might pull off at a wedding reception. Judges? Len thought it felt rough and there was no technique in the footwork. Bruno thinks Len is too harsh, and that it captured the spirit of rock and roll. Carrie Ann thought Mario's wildness worked this week, and his footwork wasn't perfect, but it was good. Man, I thought it sucked. I don't know why I feel like I'm watching a different show than the judges this week. Scores; Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9 for a total of 26 and a grand total of 53. I really hate when Samantha tells us at home to vote for everyone. If we vote for everyone, it will be a giant tie. Tell us to vote for our favorites or whatever instead, dumbo.
Marissa and Tony are doing the mambo this week. Marissa has absolutely zero hip action in the opening. I know I'm obsessed with her body shape, but it's so...odd. It's not like she's just heavy. It's that her dresses are so unflattering. I'm not saying she's got to dress in a burqua or something, but there has to be a happy medium or some sort of A-Line situation she can get going. They end with a sit spin very similar to the one Kristi did. The dance just kind of ends. Bruno thought it was sexy with great hip action. Carrie Ann loves watching Marissa, but she thought Marissa needed to be better technically at this stage of the game. Len thought it was a bit too dainty and careful and not raunchy enough. Bruno rips on Len for never deciding what he wants -- raunch or no raunch. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 9 for a total of 25 and a grand total of 50.
Jason and Edyta have to bust out their samba. Jason does a great job with the hip action, and his facial expressions have improved once again. It's a really different samba than Kristi and Mark's, which is probably for the best. Jason's footwork is not great as he seems bit flat-footed. They go for a big lift at the end with Edyta doing essentially a handstand on Jason's shoulders, and it's a bit wobbly. Judges? Carrie Ann thought Jason was looking at his feet a lot (finally someone noticed) but she admits that the samba is difficult. Len thought it was all right, but Jason looked uncomfortable. Bruno says that a turkey happens to everyone, and Jason wasn't as focused as usual. Wow, that was the harshest they've been to Jason, ever. Maybe it's part of their winner campaign -- if people feel badly for him, they'll vote instead of assuming he's safe. Backstage, Jason says that he's heard a lot worse than what the judges just said. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8 for a total of 23 and a grand total of 52. Jason takes it really well and asks everyone to vote for them.
Tom points out that if Cristian and Cheryl can match their first-round score, they will be at the top of the leaderboard for the first time ever. Cristian starts out sitting on a wood box as their mambo begins. I don't know. He's also got his shirt completely open to pull out all the stops. And he's mouthing along with the words in Spanish. There are a lot of complicated turns and pelvic rolls and footwork and it's really good! I'm surprised! They end with a lift that I can't even begin to explain so just go watch the episode at ABC.com or something because there are no words. Len thought it was full of energy and underarm turns, and a fabulous job. Bruno thought it was magic, and made him dizzy with energy. Carrie Ann thought they were on fire and she also has no words but she makes a terrific crazy gesture that needs to be made into an animated .gif somewhere because it's hilarious. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Carrie Ann 10 for a total of 29! The only high score of the night that I thought was actually deserved. Cristian is flipping out and running around hugging everyone.
Standings:
Cristian and Cheryl: 28 + 29 = 57
Kristi and Mark: 29 + 26 = 55
Mario and Karina: 27 + 26 = 53
Jason and Edyta: 29 + 23 = 52
Marissa and Tony: 25 + 25 = 50
My prediction this week is Marissa and Tony going home. Come on. It's time. She lasted about three weeks longer than she had any right to, she got her improvement arc, and it's over. See you for the big extravaganza tomorrow night!