By Kim
Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice return for DanceCenter! Yay! Kenny is, as usual, wearing glittery eyeshadow, and Jerry Rice is too! First, they're going to look at Mario. The best part about these segments are the little fact they put on the screen for each contestant that they don't mention, so you might miss them. For example, for Mario, it says "Younger than Len's underpants" and "Brother called Luigi." Brother called Luigi! Funny. I mean, for this show. I set the bar pretty low. They think Mario has the advantage of youth and athleticism, but lacks finesse. They show a clip of Mario singing to Carrie Ann, and Kenny comments: "First name, Mario. Last name, McCheese."
up for scrutiny is Shannon Elizabeth. Len says that Shannon has great legs and a great figure, even if she does take the judging a little hard. Kenny points out that Derek has been in the hospital twice this season, and shows a clip of Shannon totally hitting Derek in the nuts. That is no way to flirt! Kenny says that Derek was hit in the "man area," which cracked me up. They note that Shannon's always slumping over at the end of her routines, and Kenny telestrates "LAZY!!" on the screen. Len suggests that she should hug him instead of Tom Bergeron, and avoid Bruno, because he wears too much makeup.
What about Christian? Len starts going on about how well-rounded Christian is, and Kenny cuts him off to point out some of Christian's crazy facial expressions. But they can't really dig into him because as of the taping, they didn't know how injured he was. Pity.
How about Def Leppard? Singing "Pour Some Sugar on Me"? There was an urban legend at my high school that this dude named (I shit you not) Enos Ennis (that was really his name) was in this video. If we were watching it, I could point out to you where he allegedly appears, during some concert footage. The story was that they shot the video when Def Lep was in town for a concert. It was probably the most exciting thing to happen in my small town from 1984 - 1988 inclusive. Anyway, there's a paso doble going on, and it's well-danced, as the professional dances usually are, but whatever. It's Def Lep. Also, I was wrong before - the person with no shirt on is the guitar player (Steve something?), not Joe Elliott. But they're all still gross. Even the one-armed drummer. Maybe the drummer could talk to Christian about sucking it up and getting on with it after an injury.
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