Good news this week! Maybe it's the post-tonsillectomy liquid Vicodin talking, but I think I like MJW's dress! I mean, it's not perfect. That one brown sleeve that hangs down lower that the other grey sleeve and is weirdly poofy isn't right and it's still waaaaay too tight so that even though she does manage to squeeze her body into it (no doubt with the help all kinds of slimming devices), you know she can't be at all comfortable or possibly even move. But still -- progress! We immediately free the judges from their rhinestone egg and introduce them, and is it just me or does MJW pronounce Danny's last name different every week? As usual, MJW is her smirky self when telling us the sad news that someone will be eliminated this week, because I've decided that she hates these contestants for being better at dancing and losing weight than she is. Well, except for Pinky, but that's only in the losing weight department.
We have two dances tonight, and the first one is '80s, which I was not aware was a dance style but am looking forward to. Pinky is up first. We check out her rehearsal footage, and despite her lower weight loss than the other contestants, you can really see in her profile that she's slimmed down. Mr. Lucky tries to talk to Pinky, but is interrupted by the arrival of two goofy boys. It's her hip-hop dancer brothers! Group hug time! Pinky says she's tight with her parents and her brothers, despite the fact that one of them has a really creepy smile in the home submission photo. Tears flow, and Pinky reminds us that her weight kept her from being allowed to join her brothers' dance troupe. She says they made her who she is and if it weren't for them she "wouldn't be here today." Does she mean on the planet? Or on this show? Either way, give yourself some credit, Pinky. I like my brother and think he's a pretty inspirational and admirable guy too, but I wouldn't say I owe him everything. Nor would I tell him any of the good stuff I just said. Anyway, she works on some moves with her brothers that don't appear to be related to either of her dances tonight.
Pinky and Mr. Lucky are dancing to "Holiday," and Pinky is in full early Madonna garb. Early on, she appears to be a bit out of sync, but I think her footwork is good. It's hard to tell because as usual, they always cut away from the feet on this show. WHY??? It's a DANCING SHOW. SHOW THEIR ENTIRE BODIES!!! And stop cutting away to Lisa and her real lips bobbing out of time with the music! Pinky's brothers are in the audience to cheer her on, and then it's time for the judges. Mayte loved it, and gives Pinky a 9. I think Mayte likes 9s because she can't give out 6s anymore because they're too low and 9s are the best thing, because they are 6s upside-down. Lisa has also noticed Pinky's weight loss, and while she has nothing to say about her dancing, gives her a 9. Danny says he was glad to see an '80s routine that was fun and energetic without being cheesy and cliché. He also gives her a 9. That gives Pinky an average of a 9.
Ruben's up. His boyfriend John and his brother are there to surprise him when he arrives for practice, and John chokes up in his interview when he describes how it felt to see a Ruben for the first time in weeks. Ruben doesn't even notice them at first, but when he does, it's quite a reaction, as you'd expect from Ruben. He hugs John and leaves his brother standing there awkwardly. Dance partner Hilary wipes her eyes in the corner. Aw! John says that Ruben looks great and seems confident again. I guess it doesn't matter that Ruben didn't win the phone call home after all, since everyone got to see his family anyway! Which kind of cheapens it for Alicia, but oh well. Ruben and his truly tacky outfit are dancing to "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Three seconds into this dance and I can tell you it has too much jazz hands. I think I saw a move from "Thriller," too. Other than that, it's nothing technically amazing or special, as I have a feeling will be the case for all of these '80s dances. Oh! John and the brother made signs! And John's cheers for both Ruben and Hilary, which is sweet. Then again, it was probably made by some PA and not John himself.
Judges: Mayte noticed some flustering in the beginning, but still gives Ruben a 9, which seems to be this week's new average score. Lisa found the dance to feel less organic and natural to her than Ruben's routines usually do, but that's what happens with jazz hands. No one looks natural doing jazz hands! Unless he's wearing mime make-up. She gives him an 8. Danny says he also noticed some hesitation in the beginning but felt like Ruben let go about halfway through and gives him a 9. Ruben's average is an 8.7
Alicia is , and I can already tell you that she's dancing to "Mickey" based on her cheerleading costume. Anyway, she misses her family a lot. How convenient! Her mother and sister are there to greet her at rehearsal! With flowers! And balloons! Her mother says this is first time she's seen Alicia with a weight loss, and she never thought she'd see her "thin." Wow. Dare to dream, Mom. I'm sure Alicia cherishes your complete lack of faith in her. Alicia cries a lot and her mother says lots of supportive things that just don't mean much after hearing her say she never thought her daughter would be thin. With that, Alicia shows off her dance moves for her family until Mom jumps up to show off her own and steal the spotlight. I think we have a better idea now why Alicia eats like she does.
Sure enough, Alicia and Italo are dancing to "Mickey." It's a bit gimmicky, which Danny might not like, but also high-energy and fun. And it works with those huge facial expressions Alicia likes to make. Judges! Mayte loved everything, and gives Alicia a 10. Lisa says the change in Alicia's dancing abilities due to her weight loss are obvious, and then gives this week's crappy score of an 8. Danny dings Alicia for too much running around and mugging and not enough content. He gives her an 8, and then Mom steals the spotlight by shouting out "we're still proud of you, Alicia!" as if a 10 and two 8s were a bad score. It's an average of 8.7. Also, what's with Mayte giving Alicia such a higher score than the other judges?
Finally, it's time for Shayla. She misses her parents, but there are her dad and boyfriend waiting for her at rehearsal! Shayla screams and straddle-hugs her father, which I'm not sure is an appropriate father-daughter hug, really. She doesn't even give her hot boyfriend that kind of attention! Ugh, and now her dad is interrupting rehearsal to give her boring fatherly advice about controlling her own destiny and finishing on top. She's dancing to "Girls Just Want To Have Fun." It's a bit gimmicky, but has plenty of the technical content that Danny should like. Judges: Mayte warns Shayla to have fun on the stage while she's being focused on the prize, then gives her a 10. Lisa starts talking about stuff that didn't even happen during the dance and thus has no place here and says she loved it all, but not enough to give it a 10. She gets a 9. Danny says it's the best '80s dance of the night, but that's only worth a 9 because I have a feeling Danny hates the '80s. Shayla's average is a 9.3.
After the family rehearsal surprise, contestants and family members returned to the main loft to meet each other and have a lunch of each contestant's favorite meals made healthy. Ruben has some tomatoes and low-cal mozzarella, Shayla busts out that Arroz con Pollo she learned how to make a healthier version of a few weeks back. Alicia commits a party foul with wheat pasta, which everyone knows tastes like shit. And Pinky, of course, made dessert. Everything looks good, but then the meal is ruined by the arrival of MJW. "The beautiful Marissa comes in and surprises us," Pinky interviews as no doubt MJW hands her a twenty off-camera. John is positively star-struck, as he saw MJW when she was in Hairspray on Broadway. "Can you believe she got this far?" MJW asks Alicia's family. Harsh! Sister Robin says she cried for two days when she heard. "So has she. Don't worry," MJW spits back. Oh snap! When you take MJW out of the tight dresses, she's a little firecracker! "She's cried a lot. Alicia's been crying since she got here," she continues. Then she takes off without even sitting down for a bite. Shayla stands to propose a toast to their journey and crap. She says when you meet people's families, you really find out what they're about. Shayla, who is somehow now the leader of the group, then announces that the meal was great but it's time to work out. Why can't we spend more time with the contestants like this every week?
It's foxtrot time! The last two contestants to dance are the ones who lost the least weight this week. First up is Alicia, much to her surprise. Back at the loft, she shows her mom the Cheat Cabinet. Oooh! I hope they both take it out! That would be awesome. Hey, what are Potato Buds doing in there? Potatoes are good for you! Alicia decides to introduce her family to crazy nutritionist Meg for a few lessons of their own, since they all eat the stuff in the Cheat Cabinet, too. Simple solution: have Alicia rampage through their kitchens and get rid of all the bad stuff with much noise and drama, thereby burning maximum calories! Meg proves just how insane she is when she tells them that broccoli shouldn't have cheese on it. Um, yes, it totally should. Even The Biggest Loser knows that, as I know because I recapped the episode where they extolled the virtues of product placement frozen vegetables with cheese sauce. Kids love it! It dawns on Mary that it's kind of her fault that her daughter is so big, because she fed her fatty greasy foods growing up. She vows to change her ways now that it's too late.
With that, Alicia and Italo are foxtrotting to "Rehab," which should be interesting. Alicia's foxtrot mugging is hilarious, but the dancing looks smooth and the high kicks are impressive. Judges: Mayte liked Alicia's improved leg extensions and her carriage. And then she gives her a crappy 8. She gave her a 10 for "Mickey," but this gets an 8? I don't get it. Lisa talks about pictures and frames and says it was elegant and impressive with a lot of movement. And that's worth a 10! Danny sweetly asks Alicia if she feels as pretty as she looks, and Alicia says she feels more amazing than she ever has before in her life. Danny says that's good and all, but she was in her head sometimes and the energy disappeared, so she gets an 8. That's an average of 8.7 for the second dance and an overall dance average of 8.7. Also, Lisa's the one giving out the crazy way-too-high score for Alicia this time around. On the scale, Alicia lost 5.9 pounds for a percentage of -- oh, wait, time for Mom to steal the spotlight again. She cries and says she's really proud of Alicia. Alicia cries. MJW refrains from making fun of her again and says she lost 2.66 percent for a total final score of 11.36. Alicia has lost 41.5 pounds so far. Wow! And you can really see in the before and after shots how much her arms have toned up. Alicia sobs that this show lets her do what she loves and get rid of what she hates. Let's hope the issues that caused her weight gain are being dumped as well.
The person to dance is also the last person to miss the dreaded bottom two, so it's very important. And it's not going to be Pinky. I mean, come on. Sure enough, much to Ruben's obvious surprise, it's Shayla. Oh shit -- Ruben is giving her dead crazy eyes. Shayla, her dad, and her boyfriend met with crazy Meg. Apparently, Shayla's hot boyfriend is also some kind of athlete, so he eats six thousand calories a day and that tempts Shayla to eat a lot, too. Meg mumbles something about portion sizes and that's it. Shayla and Mario are dancing to "Back to Black." Wait -- another Amy Winehouse song? Are all her songs written in the foxtrot rhythm or something? And why would it matter if they were? It's not like this show hasn't picked songs that totally didn't match the dance at all before. Anyway, this is a sad song, so Shayla has a sad face. She ends the dance with Mario's face in her hands and her boyfriend watches from the audience and forgets to hold up his sign. Judges: Mayte says Shayla looks beautiful but didn't push her extensions enough. Then she gives her a 9. Lisa thinks the dance was too sad for a foxtrot and perhaps better suited for a waltz, not enough floor was covered, and there were a few missteps because Shayla wasn't connected to Mario like she should be (possibly because her boyfriend is watching) and thus can't feel him leading. Shayla thinks she's going to get a 5 or something, but she gets a 8, and she's very happy with that. Danny thought the dance lacked energy and Shayla didn't have enough support in her upper body. But still, it gets her an 8. Shayla's second dance average is an 8.3 and her overall dance average is an 8.8. On the scale, she lost 4.5 pounds for a percentage of 2.48. It also means that Alicia kicked ass in the weight loss half of the show this week. Shayla's overall total is an 11.28. Shayla cries a lot about how she found herself again on this show and loves her dad a lot and she's starting to cry more than Alicia these days. Toughen up, Shayla!
Pinky is the first of the bottom two to go. She took her brothers to her gym to show them some of her work out activities, thereby lessening the amount of working out she had time for this week and putting her in the bottom two. Whoops! They ran out of Amy Winehouse songs, so she'll be dancing to "Isn't She Lovely." The dance comes with props, as Mr. Lucky begins the routine with a cane. They look a bit off with the footwork, but Pinky really looks graceful and beautiful. Judges: Mayte loved Pinky's arms and she and Lisa thought Pinky looked gorgeous tonight. Lisa says this is Pinky's coming out party. As in, debutante coming out. But Pinky's steps were small and too careful, although her upper body was great. Danny praises Pinky's transformation over the weeks, but didn't see the foxtrot element of the dance because the moves weren't big enough. Pinky gets on the scale, and she lost 3.7 pounds, which is pretty good. It's 2.22 percent, which is pretty close to the girls in the top two.
Finally, Ruben is up. He interviews that with his boyfriend and brother in town, he's actually been distracted and not as focused in rehearsals as he usually is. Well, that's ominous. He's dancing to "Bubbly." It looks graceful to me and there's even a nice lift at the end, but we'll see what the judges thought. Mayte calls it beautiful all-around. Ruben claims that he never did ballroom before, despite being a professional dancer, and has discovered that he loves it. Lisa agrees with Mayte that Ruben is very elegant and thanks him for doing a "proper dance hold." She also praises Hilary's choreography and the fact that Ruben did a turn, too, just to show that his routine was just as difficult as the women's. And Danny calls it "magic," so I think it's safe to say that Ruben will be okay this week. Ruben takes the scale, and he lost 5.4 pounds for a percentage of 2.08, which should be fine. He tells his crying boyfriend that he loves him. Aw!
Time for the eliminations! Only Alicia is safe for sure, and the other three take the stage. I think it's between Pinky and Shayla going home tonight, which sucks because I like them both. Ruben's scores are revealed first, so obviously he's staying. He needs a second dance average of 9.7 to beat Shayla. That's high, but I bet he got all 10s again. Lisa and Mayte give him the 10s, and before we hear from Danny, MJW asks Ruben how $100,000 will change his life. He says it'll mean that he can take care of his boyfriend and build their future together. John covers his face to avoid sobbing on camera. MJW is completely unmoved by the display. And what did Danny give Ruben? A 10, of course. Ruben is so happy that he runs to the panel and shakes the judges' hands. His final score of 11.48 puts him at the top of the leader board.
So it's between Shayla and Pinky. Shayla looks freaking nervous. Like, on the verge of hyperventilating. Danny gave Pinky an 8. Uh oh. Bad news for Pinky. Mayte gave her a super-horrible 7. She needs an average of 9.2 to beat Shayla, which means she'll have to get at least a 13 from Lisa. Hmm ... let's see if she can do it! Lisa sniffles. I know this show is on a women's network and all, but too much crying, guys. Keep it together, Lisa! She's really sad to have to send someone home tonight, but not sad enough to, you know, not create this show in the first place. But it turns out it was all an act, because no one is going home tonight at all! Pinky and Shayla just about collapse on the stage, and MJW says all four contestants will be in the semifinals. Which means they aren't semifinals at all, then, but quarterfinals. They cut to Alicia and Ruben's reaction to the news, which isn't exactly a happy one. Neither would mine be! They both thought they had a 33% chance at $100,000, but it's still 25%. And I guess this show will continue on for an extra week more than I anticipated. Oh, joy.