Episode Report Card Cindy McLennan: D+ | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Hold Me Closer, Closet Boxer
By Cindy McLennan | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 04.14.2009
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.A sperm bank baby enlists Trevor in his quest to match up his mother with his biological father, and Claire's mother comes to visit. Wackiness ensues, if you believe what you're told and not what you're shown.
Marshall is about 15 years old. He comes into Tres Equis and orders vodka on the rocks, so Trevor does what any self-respecting god of love would do and pours the boy a big glass of milk. He doesn't really care, as long as he can stay. You see, he's fixed up his mom, Hallie, who works for PSB (think PBS), with his boxing coach, Clint, who just happens to be his OBC (other biological contributor) thanks to his past donation to a sperm bank. Hallie and Clint get along swimmingly until the subject of politics arises. Hallie, you see, is a hardcore lefty, while Clint is something she cannot abide. A Republican. Huh. You mean they're not extinct?
Since Claire and Clint are both big wine enthusiasts, Trevor helps Marshall get them invited to a big wine tasting of this season's Beaujolais. Posing as a radio show host, Trevor gets Hallie to come down to Clint's gym and see Marshall box. Since she's a major pacifist, Marshall has led her to believe he's been doing yoga all this time. To her credit, she doesn't freak when she finds out her son has been boxing. Instead, she and Clint decide to put politics aside and give it another go. Also, somewhere in there, she decides to film a feature for PSB about Clint and all the community outreach work he does, and the difference he's made in the lives of the locals. Everything goes well between them, but the bead on Trevor's billiards tally doesn't slide to the right, which would signify the gods' approval of the match, so Felix suggests that Trevor test the couple's bond outside of their cocoon. He throws a six-week early surprise birthday party for Hallie at Tres Equis. When Hallie meets Clint's family and Clint meets Hallie's friends, they have second thoughts.
Marshall starts getting in trouble for fighting at school. Eventually, Hallie breaks things off with Clint, again, because she thinks they're not suited for each other, even though they agree on every single thing except politics, and Trevor sticking up for himself. Marshall wants to remain close to Clint, but Hallie puts her foot down and Marshall acts out, like teenagers sometimes do.
Eventually, Trevor suggests Marshall "go nuclear" and explain that he set up Hallie and Clint because he did some "hacking" and found out that Clint's his OBC. And so he does, but that doesn't fix things, at least not at first. Hallie has to go to Marshall's school because of the fights he's been in. While there, she realizes that Marshall's been fighting because kids have been calling him "gay" and writing things like "queer" on his locker. When she tells the father of the other boy involved in the fight that her son isn't gay, Marshall gives her the "I beg to differ look," and Hallie gets the whole true story. Yes, Marshall is gay, and he told Clint months ago (who could be a perfect, sainted Log Cabin Republican if only he, too, were gay), and Clint totally affirmed and supported him. Hallie sees Clint in a whole new light. Clint, who has been perfect all along, sees Hallie in the same pretty light he's been seeing her in for no reason all along, and they all live happily ever ever.
In the B plot, Claire's flighty, romantic, and dare I say floozy-ish mother comes to stay with her when things between her and her latest boyfriend don't work out and he won't leave her apartment. Claire enlists Trevor to put the hammer down and oust the lothario who's been playing her mom, and the mom makes a special point of telling us Claire and Trevor have chemistry, because we'd never see it on our own, otherwise.
Want more? The full recap starts right below! Dear Rob "Not the Singer" Thomas, I was talking with TWoP Senior Editor Angel Cohn today. On the phone, even, not in e-mail. She sounds so young and innocent and not at all like the apple-tini pusher I know her to be, but you probably don't care about that. So anyhow, our conversation turned to this new little show of yours and the short of it is: it's bad, Rob. I mean, when Angel reminded me that cancellation is a distinct possibility, I -- I smiled.And okay, so maybe she and I are a little jaded, because we so often watch TV for work. But my husband doesn't. And yet Tuesday night, at the end of this episode, he turned to me and said, "No way is this the same 'Rob Thomas' who did VM." The kicker though, is my 10-year-old hopelessly romantic daughter. She thought this episode sucked. Oh, she didn't say it sucked because she knows that's not allowed. What she did say is that Cupid is going further downhill every week, and dude? I agree with her. I mean, I'm getting paid to watch it, and this week, I looked at TWoP's rate for a one-hour weecap and thought, "I'm not sure it's worth it." I can only imagine what the people who are watching for free are doing -- particularly the ones who never watched VM and aren't inclined to give you a chance. Okay, lecture/plea over, but really, you can do better. I hope you soon do.
Nighttime; Tres Equis: A white boy of about 15 comes in, produces a bad fake ID with the name "Mr. Kowakami" and orders a vodka rocks, so Trevor gives him some good-natured crap and a glass of milk. It does a body good! The boy, Marshall (Colton James), begs Trevor not to throw him out. He's there to spy on his mom, Hallie (Constance Zimmer, whom I adore) and his boxing coach, Clint (Lee Tergesen), as they have their first date. Marshall spent the past year lying and conniving to set it up, which is all he has to tell Trevor in order to win him over. They go to Felix's office where they have a view of the club. Felix would like Trevor to get back to work, but Trevor explains that Marshall went to a lot of trouble to fix his mom up with the perfect guy. Felix wants to know how perfect, so Trevor explains, "She manages a public TV station. He coaches boxing." He takes a beat and then turns to Marshall, "Remind me again why this guy's so perfect for your mom?" Marshall says his mom picked him from a catalogue. Trevor marvels at this brave new world that has dating catalogues, so Marshall elaborates. "Sperm bank catalogue. My mom doesn't know it, but down there? That's my dad." Trevor chokes on his potato chip and tips his chair over backwards -- falling to the floor. I was going to have chips because I want popcorn and we're all out, but now I'll go with the safer Oreos and a glass of milk, thanks.