I Don't Wanna Grow Up!

S01E02

Outside, Horatio explains to Khanita (who's wearing yet another sleeveless black top to show off her buffed and waxed arms) that the fiancé and Bob the Rapist happened to run into each other at a bar. They are casual acquaintances, who sniff butts in the same social circles: "Bob had one date with Sylvie a year ago -- all he talked about was how much money he makes, things he owns, total jerk. Sylvie wasn't interested. She got engaged to Karl about six months later." As Horatio starts to explain how Bob the Rapist "just happened" to have the nanites on him because he "set the whole thing up," Khanita interrupts that she hardly knows him. And that is relevant...when? Oh, right, the non-latent, asexual, tension-not between them. "You know me," says Horatio. And is that in the Biblical sense, honey? Khanita contradicts him and says that the boxing gloves (gestures to a corner) have his name on them; she says she thought they were just part of some "macho affectation." Why doesn't she still think that? Because they have his name on them? Somehow THAT makes them non-macho and non-affected? Clearly, In The Future, it is difficult to get your name embroidered on something unless Everlast actually has proof that you stepped inside a ring and danced around a bit. Horatio plays the part of the Proud but Shy Stander Upper of Tuff Stuff and says that the gloves aren't the affectation -- the boxing is. "So, you punch grown men?" Khanita asks. "Man. One fight, I punched one man," Horatio admits. Oh, he's CUTE! Khanita asks if he won. "A moral victory," Horatio smiles, embarrassed. So, you got your ass whipped? Or is that a clumsy parallel to the moral -- because it will only be in civil court -- victory you will win in this episode? Is it that I watch waaaaaay too much TV that I can see this shit coming, or is the show just that bad? Because I really have cut back on most of my viewing in the past two years.

Speaking of ironic segues (tm Strega), Darwin the Dick watches some television show projected onto the wall of his office. I think that would be sort of distracting, since you can see portions of the wall and beams through the projection. Battorney Manuel walks in just as some too-freckled, too-redheaded, Donny-Bonaduce-of-The-Future kid gives the same line over and over again. Darwin the Dick cracks up. Battorney Manuel notes that it's the second time the kid delivered the same line with the same close-up. "Third," some female face on Darwin the Dick's desktop console corrects. "It's called a running gag," explains D the D. Battorney Manuel thought it had to be a gag before it could "run." "The show's been on the 'net for five years, now -- I think they know what's funny," snarks D the D. Hm, shout-out? Battorney Manuel and D the D argue over who doesn't watch the show the most until D the D orders, "Tell him, Voxy." "This. Is. Billable. Time," the face on D the D's desktop computer drones. Oh, she's SUCH a Holly RIP-OFF from Red Dwarf! D the D just got hired by the star: "I'm watching TV for money." What a coinkiDINK, so am I! D the D, Battorney Manuel, and Voxy are still watching when Hannah saunters in, catches some flat lines, and laughs, "It's funny -- is this a new show?" "Mom, Dad, and Jerry has one hundred and twelve million viewers. The odds that none of the lawyers are regular viewers are --" Voxy starts to Spock, but Hannah interrupts her irritably to ask D the D why he's been hired by the child star. What are the odds that a computer of The Future was programmed to say numbers wrong? She said "one hundred and twelve," which is wrong unless you mean 100.12 because "and" mathematically implies a decimal. Yes, I'm a geek and so's my husband, but this is The Future and she's a fucking computer, so it SHOULD BE PRECISE, DAMMIT! D the D explains that the brat star wants to be emancipated from his parents. "On what grounds?" asks Battorney Manuel. "I don't know and I don't care -- we're repping a star. It's good for the firm," drawls D the D, playing with some blue ball on his desk. Yes, you read that correctly: he was "playing with some blue ball."