By Jacob
This show's so great, dude. Okay, Sam Adams is having some kind of week: Plagued with refugee guilt by day and reliving his orphan traumas by night, all those political rants and obsession with funding the latest Tauron insurrection have begun to endanger his big, gay marriage. Joe, of course, doesn't want to talk about the Tauron Civil War ever, nor the fact that it's all happening again, but reminds Sam that to have a spouse is a very important thing. Thinking along the same lines, Grandma Ruth gives Evelyn (née Emmanuelle, a.k.a. Willie's future stepmother) the Naomi go-ahead to fuck her widowed son-in-law. Grandma Ruth really just can't do anything without being creepy, can she?
Amanda's whole deal in this episode is pretty cool. Mar-Beth really wants her out of the Willow Compound, despite Clarice's whole God Yadda-yadda, but with a little encouragement from Jordan Duram, Amanda is able to dig even deeper into the family. Awesomely, it's with this totally offensive story about how frigid careerwomen don't want babies, and when Zoë came by mistake Amanda hated her and became a refrigerator mother and this turned Zoë autistic and into a terrorist -- just like every horrible Fifties thing at once -- and you're rolling your eyes right up until the end of the episode, when Amanda's like, "Yeah, I totally lied to them about the whole thing and they bought it, because they are a stupid cult." Mar-Beth has her baby and Clarice gives it a totally long-ass, sweet little blessing. (Also: How great would it be if the OTG threw in a little Latin every now and then, the way that Taurons toss around Greek? So great.)
The other thing Amanda is doing, unbeknownst to herself, is blowing Daniel Graystone, who is just about the grossest little Matt Cable of a toad right now. He's working on recreating the resurrection program, and he's just coincidentally decided to start with a fake Amanda, who just coincidentally happens to be super horny all the time, and is by complete happenstance bothered neither by his constant abuse nor his unrelentingly terrible decisions. ("Honey, I joined the Mafia. Again." That's cool, want a blowjob?) There are three or four fleshcrawling scenes where you can literally see him choose to see how sick he can get, but honestly it's the sweet and wholesome ones (also the bizarre opening/closing montages, which I still haven't figured out) that are really upsetting. Followed by the ones where he screams about "I programmed you to have feelings! Stop having the feelings I programmed you to have, and have some feelings I did not program you to have! I have forgotten how computers work!"
Then Cyrus pisses DG off further by using a computer-generated Daniel avatar -- similar to that manic thing that greets you in the Matrix -- in the ads for the monetized resurrection product they're calling Grace by Graystone (speaking of things that are nasty as hell). The commercial for GxG is cynically hilarious, but how about somebody comment on the total hypocrisy here? "Stop using my image in mockup ad campaigns nobody will ever see!" Well Daniel, can I at least get a copy of you to virtually suck my dick? "Oh yeah, no problem. That's way less exploitative. In fact, if you've got a minute..."
Anyway, Sam gets embroiled in a turf war over his Tauron-motivated gun-running, and the Guatrau tells him to fix it. Sam decides to steal some Cylon robots and mow down the whole operation, which since the guy's name was Atreus he probably shoulda seen that coming. That goes pretty well, in terms of bloodbathery -- the phrase "by your command" is uttered for the first time in the Worlds -- but the Guatrau tells Sam to stop thinking about weaponizing everything for the resistance on Tauron, but Sam continues to think about just this. The Caprican toasters are going to need somebody to fight, right? Or else they'll never get pissed and rebel against humanity. Let's get this party started!
Watch the episode below, discuss it in our forums, then see why people should be watching Caprica!
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