By Jacob
Daniel's corporate nemesis Tomas Vergis cuts a fine figure as he moves to Caprica from Tauron, starts on getting his Caprican citizenship, and makes a hostile bid for the C-Bucs. His reasoning? Daniel stole the MCP to make the Zoëbot, killing two guys in the process. Specifically, two guys whose kids were his godchildren. What Tomas doesn't know, of course, is that Daniel used Sam and the Ha'la'tha, via Joseph Adama, to get this done. So now Daniel's caught between Tauron money and the Tauron mob, and Tomas makes very clear that he wants to destroy Daniel's entire life, one thing at a time, before drinking his milkshake once and for all.
We meet Sister Willow's opposing demagogue -- the leader, as we suspected, of Ben and Keon's terrorist cell of the STO. Barnabas Greeley's got a fucked-upness level just about equal to Clarice's -- like, mortifying the flesh with barbed wire amounts of fucked up -- but he has the added issue of being a mad bomber rather than just a pervy drug addict. After a troubling couple of meetings, we learn that Barnabas won't help Lacy get to Gemenon until Keon finds out what her cargo actually is. (And yes, the cheekbones are still ridiculous. Spike don't crack).
Even without confronting Barney face to face, though, Sister Clarice has a really busy episode: Day-drinking with Amanda and committing corporate black-ops in the attempt to locate Zoë's avatar in the Graystone home lab, being totally creepy as usual with that ridiculous giant doorknob ring, and then heading off on another drug bender. She also confirms for us, in another confessional with Alvo, that her version of "apotheosis" is... Pretty much exactly what's happened to Tamara Adams. Huh.
Speaking of, Joe Adama is frankly adorable as he purchases a holoband, can't get it out of the packaging, and ends up tearing into it like a wolverine. Daniel drops by to get all racist and paranoid (re: Vergis's sudden accusations), but Joe just dives back in, eventually defeated by the concept of virtual menus and that hacking involves work. Back in the real world, Girl Friday and future wife Evelyn locates Tad/Heracles while wearing some awesome crazy shit on her head, then admires Joe's tattoo with a lascivious gleam in her eyes. You know, the tattoo that marks how dead his wife has been, for a whole month now? Yeah. That one.
And Zoë has her first date, after some okcupid-type highjinks, wherein the cutest boy in the world -- Philomon Hobbit, of course -- meets her at the v-club and immediately goes, "Whatever people say about Zoë Graystone, the girl had principles."
Dooooood. I don't know what Straight-Edge Cult Member is for "third base," but I'm hoping it at least involves tongue because that is the sexiest thing I have ever heard.