Michael's little brother Nate is back in town for one of his regular visits, and this time it's to help a couple of brothers who customize cars and got one stolen out from under them -- when it was full of a drug kingpin's heroin. Michael goes back undercover as master car thief Johnny to take on the job of finding the vehicle before the drug lord kills Nate's friends. The culprit proves easy to find: it's the bad guy's own right-hand man, Caleb, who's trying to pin it on their clients. Now all the team has to do is plant the car on Caleb's property so he can take the fall he should be taking. Which he does, with the added bonus that he already stole the smack out of it so our heroes don't have the added karmic burden of putting drugs back on the streets. Like Nate needs that on his conscience now that he's going to be a father (eek!).
While that's going on, Sam and Jesse are down in Santo Domingo trying to figure out how to steal the NOC list before it goes up for auction. Although they successfully crowdsource the intel they need to set up a snatch-and-grab, it takes the whole team to pull it off. Now that they've got it, as much as Michael may gush on about the importance of teamwork, he's going to have to decide what to do with it all by himself.
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Michael is pouting even in voice-over about not getting to go to the auction for the NOC list, while Sam packs in front of him at the loft. Apparently Michael's job is zipping up the bag. Jesse shows up with confirmation (in the form of a weeding invitation) that they're in for the auction, three days from now in Santo Domingo. Michael wants to come along, but Sam says he shouldn't attract attention while that list is still out there. Michael insists that Sam take a gun that's modified to fire three-round bursts for some reason that isn't going to be explained now or later. Jesse advises Michael to enjoy hanging out with his brother Nate, who is apparently flying in that day. Which doesn't seem to improve Michael's mood.
With almost no transition, we're in Santo Domingo. Jesse heads to a restaurant to meet "Justin Walsh -- Covert Intelligence Thief/Auctioneer," who is a lot more scroungy-looking than I expected. He writes down the time and place of the auction on a matchbook cover, but Jesse wants to quiz him about security. Walsh isn't sharing, though, other than to say that the list is always moving and whoever tries to steal the list is dead. And if that doesn't satisfy Jesse, there are 20 other potential buyers. Jesse returns to Sam outside to report what little he learned, and Sam figures that means they're relaying the list around using motorcycles. "We can make it work. We just need to make some new buddies. My specialty." Wait, I thought Sam's specialty was having buddies. Oh, well, as long as they're never on screen it doesn't make a difference.
Michael meets Nate at the airport, still whining in VO about how much spies hate days off, "especially when it means playing chaperone to your kid brother." Nate and his obnoxious graphic tee hug Michael, having forgotten about the gunshot wound that's apparently still a little sore, at least in this scene, and after trying to claim this is just a trip to see family, admits that he has a friend whose customized car shop got robbed a few days ago. "Don't they have insurance?" bitches Michael, who was just kvetching about having downtime thirty seconds ago. Nate says, "It's on the way. bro. Don't look at me like that." As if Michael ever looks at him any other way.
Michael and Nate arrive at the car shop just in time to break up a fistfight between the other two brothers in this episode, Billy and Jeff. After things calm down a bit, the younger brother, Billy, explains that a few months ago he started working with a guy named Hector Rivera. "He is not a guy, he is a drug kingpin!" Jeff yells. There's already a lot of yelling in this episode. The worse news is that one of the cars that got stolen was packed with 20 kilos of Rivera's heroin. So Billy's an idiot, and they're screwed, but Nate figures everything will be cool if they find the car in the day or two. The subtitles introduce us to "Jeff & Billy Taylor -- Nate's Clients." Michael pulls Nate aside and tells him he isn't taking the job -- he needs to tell the brothers to get out of town, and he's pretty unsympathetic about their predicament. "You know what it's like to have a screw-up for a brother," Nate reminds him, and insists he's taking the job with or without Michael's help. So of course Michael agrees to call Fi. You know how the big tough spy is defenseless against emotional blackmail.
After a quick shot of Fi sneaking past a cut lock and some lethargic-looking "guard-dogs" in cages in the back, we're back inside the shop, with Nate showing Michael photos of the three stolen cars, including the dark-red-and-black 1969 GTO that had the drugs hidden in it. Fi walks in with evidence that a high-tech crew hit the shop, and Michael mentions the name Tony Soto. Who Nate's heard of as one of the big local car theft bosses, and so have we, in a episode. Which means a return to an old cover ID. While Michael VOs about that, he and Nate dress up in the matching black suits, slicked-back hair, sunglasses, and pinky rings from "Hot Spot." Madeline sees them like that and gets suspicious, ordering Michael to keep Nate out of trouble. "Mom, he's a grown man," Michael reminds her, but agrees to look out for Nate. Madeline lets them go, but only after taking a picture of them all dressed up.
Nate drives Michael in the Charger up to the hotel bar where Tony Soto hangs out. "Keep the car runnin', I won't be long," Michael says to Nate, already in character as Johnny the Car Thief. He walks into the bar and sits right down across from Tony Soto, as the guy Tony remembers as "smooth-talking Johnny." Michael tells Tony about the heist, and gives him a photo of the GTO he says he wanted for himself. Tony hands it off to a minion, and the two of them make a little small talk while the guy checks. In a moment, he returns, and Tony tells Michael that he's looking for a guy named "Buckwild." Really? A car thief who shares a nickname with a former contestant on Flavor of Love? "He's not on my good side," Tony adds. "That's the address to his chop shop." Michael reaches for the slip of paper, but Tony also wants Michael to take out the chop shop while he's at it. "A deal's a deal," Michael says, probably even happier to agree as himself than he is as Johnny.
He's still in character when he rejoins a very nervous Nate outside: Nate reports that Billy called, and Rivera's already on his way over to the shop. So I guess the good news is that this case should be wrapping up early.
Over at the shop, Billy and Jeff are getting braced by the goons of "Hector Rivera -- Car Enthusiast/Drug Kingpin," who actually looks more like a high school chemistry teacher, but whatever. The head goon, Caleb, is played by Marcus Chong from The Matrix, who we haven't seen in a while. Looks like he's got his act back together. While Billy is telling the bad guys that their car was stolen, Michael and Nate do a slo-mo walk to the entrance. They present themselves as car finders, and say they already have the name of the thief, in the face of Caleb turning his threats on them. "I'm going to find it and... ask for it back, as soon as your dog stops barking at me," Michael says. Rivera calls off his men and gives Michael 24 hours, but Caleb's coming along. 'The cheerleader can come, bring your pom-poms," Michael says to "Caleb -- Michael's Cheerleader." Rivera will be holding Jeff hostage, but Billy offers to go in his place, and Rivera's got a soft enough touch to go along. "The clock is ticking," he warns.
Down in Santo Domingo, Sam and Jesse are recruiting their own personal network of locals to watch for passing motorcycles. They're giving them cash, but no lines to speak. That done, they decide to leave Michael out of it. "He could use a break," Sam declares ironically.
Back at Madeline's garage, Michael and Fi are loading up shotguns while Nate's trying to get Michael to let him come along. Fi and Michael throw a coat over the shotguns and try to look innocent (and fail) while Madeline comes in with Nate's lunch. She busts them, of course, and asks for a moment alone with Michael. She doesn't waste much time; she just threatens to put a cigarette out in his eye if Nate gets hurt. Michael gets the message. That sounds like something his dad would have said, except for maybe the "if Nate gets hurt" part.
Over at Buckwild's chop shop, Michael, Fi and Nate are ready to go in, Michael telling Caleb to hang back. A moment later, Fi drives up in an Audi claiming it's for Buckwild. "At an illegal chop hop, the lady in the $90,000 stolen car is a VIP," Michael's VO explains. So the guard raises the door, and Michael and Nate come in firing beanbag rounds. This quickly subdues the bad guys, but only two of cars stolen from Billy and Jeff are there -- the one with the drugs in it being the missing one, of course. Fi threatens to torch the place -- with them inside -- unless they find out where the GTO is. The guard says Buckwild has it, and Michael asks where he is, then.
Cut to the thugs running out of the place, while Fi and Nate get in the Audi and roar off and Caleb asks a seemingly empty-handed Michael, "What the hell'd you do in there?" The shop explodes behind them. "That's what we did," Michael says, which should shut up anybody.
So then they all head over to some ratty-looking house, but this time Caleb insists on coming in with them. They burst into the house, and while they're clearing it, shots are fired and they find Caleb standing over the bullet-riddled body of "Buckwild -- 'Former' Car Thief." Caleb claims it was self-defense, and leaves the room so Michael and Fi can quickly conclude that Caleb was behind the theft in the first place "Too bad the only one who can prove that is dead," Michael says. Wait, Michael's dead!?
In what Michael's VO ungenerously calls a "third-rate hotel room," Jesse is using a corkboard instead of a computer to tabulate his crowdsourced intel reports when Sam walks in with the one last bit of info he needs. Jesse trash-talks the board a bit until Sam asks for an invite "To the party in your head." Jesse traces out the route he's figured out on a map, and the downtown alley where they can set up an ambush. Sam's not as excited, now that this has become more than a two-man job. It's going to be at least a day before Michael and Fi can get down there. "Fi said Mike's family time got a little hectic." What else is new?
Michael and Nate report back to Jeff, who wants to tattle on Caleb to Rivera. Michael warns that Rivera won't believe Jeff over Caleb. Nate says they need to find proof, and failing that, Michael says, "We go in hard and we get Billy." That's worst-case, though -- not only because it means the brothers will be on the run, but also because Michael hates to work that sloppy.
Fi's out running, not at all conspicuous in her tiny jog bra as she stops to tie her shoe in front of the wrought-iron security gate outside Caleb's house. Of course she's doing recon so Fi and Nate can search Caleb's place while Michael answers a summons from Rivera to a meeting. Looks like Caleb and his minions are also heading out, with Billy. Michael heads out while his teammates head in.
Over at Rivera's place, Caleb reports to Michael that a source of his claims to have found the GTO. "This is my happy face," Michael deadpans. Caleb and Rivera invite him along to pick it up, and Michael says he'll call off his people. He reaches Fi while she and Nate are inside Caleb's house and gives them the good news that the car's been found. Even though Michael doesn't embed a coded message in there somehow, Nate's not fooled, figuring it's a setup by Caleb to make it look like Jeff and Billy are the real thieves. The problem is that Caleb keeps his computer files locked, and his documents are shredded. But fortunately there's some kind of cache in the printer that allows Fi to print a rental agreement for a storage unit in Billy's name -- five minutes closer to Rivera's place than here. 'They don't know it's a race," Nate points out.
It soon becomes one, with Nate's borrowed El Camino in splitscreen up against Rivera's convoy. Nate and Fi get there first, and spot the car through a convenient window. Thinking there's no time to pick the lock, Fi figures they need to set up an ambush. But Nate insists he can hotwire it if Fi can get him in there, even with the installed killswitch that Michael warns us about in VO. Sure enough, the GTO is gone before Rivera and the gang show up. Billy wonders what they're doing at his storage unit, and when Caleb opens the door on an empty garage, Rivera bitch-slaps his minion for wasting his time. Michael reminds them he still has eight hours to get the car back, and Rivera agrees, threatening to kill both the brothers and Michael if he doesn't have his car back by the deadline. That would be scarier if Nate weren't driving around in it right now.
The problem is that, back in the courtyard, a search of the car from bumper to bumper turns up no heroin, which is not going to satisfy Rivera. Michael says all they can do is plant the car back on Caleb's property, via an access gate from the alley. Nate wonders how they're going to manage that, and Michael reminds him, "Remember that summer dad made us rebuild the Charger? Call Jeff. We need to borrow some tools."
Madeline shows up at the loft to yell at Michael for not answering his phone and to wonder why Nate's packing car parts on a truck with a gun in his pocket. Well, if he does it with the gun in his hand, he's likely to hurt himself. Michael informs Madeline that the job was Nate's idea. "And by the way, you have two sons, I don't know why you're only worried about him." She tells him to quit whining (hear, hear) and says, "Only one of you is about to be a father." Michael's stunned to hear that Nate and Ruth are pregnant, and he gets what she's trying to say. "If I could do this job without him I would, but I can't." So things must be really desperate.
Michael meets Fi and Nate and a truck full of disassembled GTO parts in the alley behind Caleb's place, and commences a whole thesis in voice-over about silencing tools and working quickly. They rush to put it together well enough to look intact, until Fi calls a halt with an hour to go, since Michael will need to get cleaned up to be Johnny again in time for his rendezvous with Rivera. He leaves Nate to the work with Fi standing guard. Good thing there's a garage blocking the view of this spot from the back of Caleb's house.
Michael is escorted into Rivera's kitchen, where he's busy with a meat cleaver, and hands him a slip with an address on it. Of course Rivera's not impressed, immediately recognizing Caleb's address. "Caleb stole you car and your heroin," Michael explains. "Tried to pin it on the Taylors." Rivera gets pretty angry and dramatic with the cleaver, saying, "You come here without my car, without my product, and you expect me to believe this story?" Yes, yes and no," Michael says, grabbing a guard's gun and pointing it at Rivera. "In my experience, show beats tell, and you and I are taking a ride to Caleb's place." Holding a gun on Rivera, he forces him and his guard out.
Caleb is in his house threatening Billy when Michael shows up with his hostages. "Mr. Rivera was missing his car, so I brought him to it," Michael explains to Caleb. He reminds everyone that he still has six minutes, and he wants them to go out back (where Fi is rushing Nate to finish up). He even gives Rivera his gun back. Nate and Fi leave, with the inside door panel still off so it looks like the drugs were removed, and they'd better hope that's where they were to start with. Right on cue, the little group comes out back to find the car right where Michael said it was, behind Caleb's garage. Caleb says (correctly) that Michael did this, but Michael asks, "I just drove that car through the front gate past all your guards? I'm good, I'm really good, but I'm not that good." Rivera's convinced, and after he orders Caleb brought back inside, he asks Michael about the product. "I said I'd find the car. You want the drugs, talk to your boy." Rivera agrees to let Michael leave with Billy. "You don't want to see what happens ." See? I knew he was a soft touch.
The two sets of brothers meet for beers, and unlike Michael, Nate actually accepts some money for the job (cash from Rivera for the car and finding the rat). I wonder if they deducted the price of the two cars the torched in Buckwild's chop shop. After Jeff and Billy leave, Nate offers to split the cash 50/50, and Michael, who never takes money from anyone, suggests he keep it. "You know, for the baby." Nate says he wanted to tell Michael, but he's not used to the idea himself yet. Michael reminds Nate that he saved the Taylors, and Michael, too. "Now if your kid turns out anything like you, I'm going to be a proud uncle." A very old proud uncle.
After Nate leaves (because apparently they drove separately), Michael finally returns a call to Sam, who asks if Michael's done and tells him he has a seaplane ready to met him. "Yeah, Sam, I'm done," Michael grins, putting on his own shades.
One seaplane flight later, Michael and Fi meet Sam and Jesse at the alley in question with a big bag o' guns. "You know us girls, we have a tendency to overpack," Fi says. Jesse starts laying out the plan that will be put in motion when the motorcyclist shows up in an hour, but we don't have to wait that long. Somewhere along the downtown part of the route, Sam's driving along with a houseful of crap tied on the back of an old truck, so loosely that all he has to do is pull a loop of rope off the sideview mirror and the whole kit and caboodle spills into the street, blocking it. Don't ask me where he got all that crap to begin with. The bike changes direction and heads through an alley to avoid the traffic snarl, only to find his exit blocked by Fi in a minivan. He does another 180. "Here we go, Mike, batter up, "Jesse says into the radio, and Michael appears out of nowhere with a two-by-four that he uses to knock the rider off the bike. After kicking him unconscious (helmet and all), Michael uses a rotary power tool to cut open the strongbox on the back of the bike and remove a Ziploc bag with a flash drive card inside. Jesse and Sam lower a rope to Michael, just as two backup bikers are roaring into the alley. With perfect timing, Fi remotely detonates a flash grenade that both sends the bikers over their handlebars and provides cover for Michael's ascension to the roof, using a heavy counterweight that Jesse rolls off the roof. Nice teamwork, right? It's enough to inspire Michael to an inspirational VO on the subject: "In the end, you don't heed a hero to succeed in the field. You need a team." And all four of them get back in the seaplane home to Miami. Okay, show, you can stop trying to convince me that Jesse's part of the team. I've been on board for a while now. Are there people out there who think he's like Poochie to the rest of the team's Itchy and Scratchy?
Back home at the loft, they're looking through the file, and Jesse's so impressed at being sixty seconds from the real names of every person on the list of people who burned Michael that he's practically whispering. Now the question is what to do with it. Jesse, Sam and Fi debate turning it over the to government or taking it into their own hands. Sam reminds Michael that it's his call. Michael just stares silently at the flash drive, because they have to leave us wondering something about week.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.