By M. Giant
Michael meets up with Mason Gilroy, and he's a smug dick, as expected. To earn his trust so he can sabotage whatever Gilroy's up to, Michael pretends to be the bad guy his burn notice described. Fortunately, that fits with his Job Of The Week. Which is:
An old SEAL buddy of Sam's shows up asking for Sam's help tracking down a child molester. Sam signs on, despite some obvious personal hostility toward the guy. When Sam and Fi scare the target off trying to nab him in the barrio, Michael takes it upon himself to enlist Omar, the local Robin Hood-style gang boss to help with the hunt. His plan for this is to dress up in black and red, talk in a creepy whisper, and have things blow up when he snaps his fingers. But since the gang boss already has his hands full with a rival boss played by Danny Trejo, Michael has to make himself a higher priority. An added wrinkle is that the molester is under Danny Trejo's protection, so Omar finds himself in an alliance with Michael to take Danny Trejo down. Which they do, while they bag the child molester and Sam makes peace with the former friend who stole his wife. Then Michael takes Fi out on a date and gets a call from Gilroy, who has decided he wants to work with Michael after all. Look out, Gilroy; Michael has recently proved very susceptible to mission creep.
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Michael stands in a sky-blue suit, looking over a balcony railing that is clearly not his. You can tell because instead of a muddy, polluted canal, he's overlooking a sparkling hotel pool. "In the intelligence community," he VOs, "an invitation to meet at a hotel pool is an olive branch. The person you're meeting is offering you multiple escape routes, a crowd to mix in with, and the virtual certainty that no one's concealing a weapon in their bathing suit." Not to mention an excuse -- nay, a mandate -- for the cameras to linger on the bikinis even more than usual. "But if you're meeting the kind of guy who arranges coups d'état for a living," the VO continues, "it's still a good idea to bring backup." So why did he bring Fi? She joins him on the balcony to offer him a glass of champagne. Of course Michael is all business, much to Fi's irritation. "Why do we never come to these places for anything other than surveillance?" she complains. Given what we've seen of Michael's cash flow, I'm surprised he can afford it even for the surveillance. Scanning the crowd below through his binoculars, Michael ignores her question, but when she says Gilroy sounds as bad as the people who burned him, he corrects, "He's worse." According to Michael, Gilroy will sell anything for the right price, up to and including nuclear secrets. And his eBay rating is for shit. Which is kind of Fi's point, but Michael says he needs to find out what Gilroy's up to. "This man is a freelance psychopath, and I'm the only one in a position who can do anything about it." He leaves her on lookout so he can go check out the scene at ground level. If he can ever climb down off that cross, that is.
Down at the pool deck, Michael wanders around, glances back up at Fi with her binoculars on the balcony, and hears someone sitting under a cabana saying, "Westen," in a British accent. He's a baby-faced fortysomething in a linen suit, and although I don't recognize the actor, Chris Vance, he was apparently the star of last year's Fox series Mental. Which means you probably don't recognize him, either. He smiles up at Michael as the subtitles tell us this is "Gilroy -- Freelance Psychopath." Michael walks over and Gilroy offers to shake hands, but then clamps onto Michael's and waxes creepy about how he thinks hands, not eyes, are the windows to the soul. Never misses an opportunity to be creepy, I see. Michael boasts that he's never been afraid to get his hands dirty, and Gilroy says that's what he'd heard. So it looks like Michael is embracing his burned side for this interaction. They flirt briefly, Gilroy bad-mouths Americans as "sheep," and Michael says the two of them have a lot in common. Gilroy says that's what he heard from none other than Tom Strickler. "You know him, don't you? Oh, that's right -- you shot him." Michael gets a little more serious, but when Gilroy asks him why he did it, Michael recovers in time to say he was just eliminating the middleman. Gilroy gets that, but says it also attracted a certain CIA agent's attention to Strickler's business -- that business being Gilroy. "You arranged to have him fall out of a fourth-story window," Michael realizes. Okay, mystery solved! Can Michael get a job at Radio Shack or something now? Oh, we're only a few minutes into the episode, so I guess it's going to have to play out. Gilroy wonders why Michael was there, and since Michael can't exactly say he came to protect Diego and just showed up too late, he says he was Strickler's business, too. With Strickler out of the picture, Michael suggests the two of them work together. Gilroy likes the idea, but his only concern is that Michael was once rather a boy scout, which does not fit with what Gilroy's working on. Whatever that is. Michael smiles that he got nowhere as a boy scout. "That's why I live by a new code: 50 percent up front." Not ready to buy yet, Gilroy misquotes Rogers & Hammerstein: "I'm still getting to know you. Getting to know all about you. And your little girlfriend up there," he adds, nodding up at Fi. Just as Fi realizes they're looking up at her, a sniper bullet hits the champagne bottle to her, presumably fired from the high-rise hotel a half-mile a way. She gives Michael a dirty look, which Michael relays to Gilroy, with interest. "Champagne's on me," Gilroy quips. No, I think its on Fi.
Over at Madeline's house, Michael, still in his suit, comes out the back door to find Sam piling some of his crap that he's been storing in Madeline's garage into the yard. Apparently Sam is moving in with Ms. and Mrs. Reynolds. Michael brings up that awkwardness about their Buick getting totaled, but Sam says, "You know, sometimes a loss can bring people together." Even if one of them is never seen? After trying unsuccessfully to unload a hula-girl lamp on Michael, Sam asks how the meeting with Gilroy went, and Michael explains that Gilroy is waiting to see if Michael's as bad as he says. Sam's not sure that's so wise, "playing the rogue operative, after everything you've done to clear your name?" Which is...what, exactly? Michael says he doesn't have much choice. Just then Madeline comes to the door to tell Sam he has a visitor, and Sam sets his beer down, leaving Michael to reexamine that lamp. Think of it as a major award.
Sam follows Madeline through the house to see a guy in a blue denim shirt standing there with a cowboy hat in his hand. "Mack," Sam says in surprise. Mack steps forward, says something in a cornpone accent, and sticks a hand out. "Mack -- Sam's Old Friend," the subtitles inform us. Sam decks him, to Madeline's shock. Mack assures Madeline that he deserved it. "Mack -- Sam's Former Friend," the subtitles amend. So with the subtitles on his side, Sam hits him again. He looks ready to continue the beating, until Michael runs in and pulls him off. Mack says he needs Sam's help, and asks to buy him a beer. "I'm not in a drinking mood," Sam says, and walks away. So Sam has another mood? Sam and Madeline follow him, wondering what's going on. Sam says he and Mack were in the SEALs together, but beyond that he doesn't feel like sharing. Still, for Michael, he agrees to let Mack buy him a beer. Like Michael could give a shit.
Down at the Carlito,. Sam is clearly not too many beers in when he brusquely tells Mack to state his business. Mack says that he's now on the police force in Houston, working child abductions. I think he means solving them. And now he needs Sam's help catching his perviest perp. He slides a manila folder across the table to Sam, and we all know how Sam can't resist a manila folder. It contains information and a photo of a bug-eyed guy named Rincon. Mack built a big old case against him, but when they went to pick him up, the house blew up and some of his best men were killed. "Sorry to hear that," Sam manages grudgingly. Mack says that the brass threw him under the bus and closed the case, but Mack is convinced Rincon is alive and in Miami. Sam thinks this is just about Mack trying to clear his name, but Mack insists that all his other cases will fall apart if he goes down. "A lot of bad guys could walk." That sounds like a major failing of the Houston police department, if you ask me. Sam gets quiet long enough to make Mack think it's going to be a no, but then Sam asks if this is a two-man job. Mack asks if Sam knows a third man. "I do, but I wouldn't call her a third man to her face," Sam advises. Mack offers to clink bottles, but Sam's still cold. "We do this, you go home, that's it," he says. They're totally going to end up making out.
Back in Madeline's garage, she comes out to find Sam packing up his guns and asks him what's going on with Mack. Sam says it doesn't concern her. She pushes. She gets nowhere. Sam leaves. Maybe he could give Michael some lessons on shutting Madeline out.
Oh, look at all the local color in Little Dominica. Street vendors! Things being passed between two parked cars! Kids riding around on bikes! And everyone in sight, on a street as crowded as Disneyland, is Latino. Except Sam and Mack, in the front seat of a stakeout car. Mack tells Sam that in addition to diddling kids, Rincon also smuggles drugs, and Mack (illegally) tapped a call saying Rincon has a meeting in this very neighborhood today. The walkie-talkie in Sam's hand crackles to life, and Fi's voice can be heard from another nearby car, alerting them to Rincon's arrival. "Somehow he looks even more like a child predator and cop killer than he did in the picture," she editorializes. The subtitles, knowing better than to argue with Fi, confirm that this is indeed "Rincon -- Child Predator & Cop Killer." Time to move. Sam reaches into the back seat and picks up a grocery bag with handles, and a handgun half-concealed between these handles. He tells Mack to stay where he is. "We can't spook this guy," he warns, which is going to turn out to be rich. Fi also emerges from her car, carrying a shotgun loosely wrapped in a silky scarf. Between the two of them, Sam looks like a guy who's just returning from a grocery run, and Fi looks like a chick carrying a shotgun wrapped in a scarf. As they start to converge in Rincon's direction, Michael's VO says, "Neighborhood watch is just a nice idea in most suburbs. But where you really see it in action is the inner city." People all over the street start whistling. I thought at first that it was at Fi, but the show hasn't been selling her alleged irresistible hotness as much lately. As the whistling is passed along the street in what is clearly a message, the VO continues, "Only there, it doesn't protect against crime, it protects against cops. Just like cops have drug-detecting dogs, some neighborhoods have cop-detecting kids. Once the alarm goes out, criminal activity shuts down like a picnic when it rains." We can see that now, thanks. "And any fugitives run like jackrabbits," the VO concludes, as Rincon disappears through a parking lot. Sam and Fi look confused, having not caught the snap (or the VO), until a kid in glasses offers, "Chiclets, policia?" Which is when they figure it out. Aware of people watching them, including a couple of toughs up on a nearby roof, Sam warns Fi, "If Rincon thinks the cops know he's here, he's gone." "Then we'll just have to show everyone that we're not cops," Fi says. Any excuse to do something illegal. And with that, she breaks the driver's side window on the nearest parked car (I think it's actually Ramone from Cars, resplendent in sparkly purple) and starts hotwiring it. Sam points her gun at those witnesses on the roof while she gets the car started, and they screech off just in time for the owner to come running up with a gun of his own. Like he's going to shoot at his own car. Ramone would never stand for it.
Sam and Mack are back at Michael's loft, arguing in the courtyard to Ramone. Michael comes downstairs to admire the ride, and soon finds himself getting drafted into this problem. "I think if Michael has time for Gilroy then he has time for finding a child predator," Fi says with standard Fi logic, as she and Sam tell him what happened before. Mack is being all glass-half-empty, saying that even if Rincon is still around, they can't exactly go and look for him. Michael says that merely means they need someone in the neighborhood. Like the local gang boss. "Someone at the top was smart enough to set up a network of eyes and ears," Michael says. "He'll be able to find Rincon." Mack asks if they're planning to enlist the local gang leader. "You got a better idea?" Michael grumps at him like Mack stole his wife. Mack, unsurprisingly, does not.
Back in the 'hood, Michael, Sam, and Mack sit in the Charger as Sam briefs them from some police files pulled by one of his multiple buddies. Apparently the local boss is Omar Hernandez, who looks pretty squat and cherubic in his surveillance photo. He started out with car theft and gunrunning, but has since graduated to robbing chain store warehouses for such items as medicine and baby formula, and then fencing them through the local bodegas. Plus his last arrest was for defending his girlfriend. So it sounds like he's a "good" gangbanger. Mack is doubtful of this, but Michael mutters, "You think this neighborhood gets a lot of protection from the cops?" Mack still thinks it'll be hard to get Omar on their side, so Michael busts out one of his favorite lines: "I'll have to be extra convincing."
Later, Ramone pulls up to the curb as Michael VOs, "In an army, a chain of command gets activated by unusual events. Tanks amassing on a border, a hacking attack on a central computer, assassinations of key personnel." As Michael steps out of Ramone in wingtips, a black suit, a solid fire-engine red tie with shirt and pocket square to match, and his hair flattened into a severe side-part, the VO continues, "A street gang's chain of command is no different. Showing up in a stolen car and making a splashy entrance will get a message sent up the ladder." And I guess the message Michael's going for is, "Look out, it's Evil Regis!" Four gang types happen to be conveniently stationed at the spot where Michael pulled up, and they step out to meet him, not in a particularly welcoming way. "I'm looking for Omar," Michael says in a Batman-style whisper. The unnamed leader of this little unit -- the smallest of them, ironically, who's such a little bad-ass that I'm going to call him El Burrito Mal -- says they've been looking for that car. "You found it," Michael rasps. He soon finds himself staring down the barrel of one of the other guys' guns. But not for long, because he grabs it, twists the guy's arms around, and has the man's own gun to his neck before any of the other dudes can react. Lucky for Michael they apparently have standing orders to never have more than one of them draw at a time. "I'll be waiting for Omar in there," Michael says, and drags his hostage past them into the nearest store. Then he does something to show how much he means business: he flips around the "Closed" sign in the window. Brr!
A bit later, as Sam and Fi watch from their stakeout point up the block, some cars pull into the parking lot across the street, one of which disgorges Omar. We know it's him because Sam remarks to Fi, "Here comes the king of the barrio." "Omar -- King Of The Barrio," the subtitles confirm. Can the subtitles get some new shtick, maybe? Omar and about five of his guys enter the store, to find Michael's hostage up against a support pole with duct tape on his mouth and Michael himself leaning against the pole, not even looking at him. Which is not to say that gun isn't still pressed against his neck. "Nice suit," Omar says. "What are you, the devil or something?" Or just someone who watches too many James Bond movies? Without looking at him, Michael whispers, "Call me whatever you like. But my name is Louis." El Burrito Mal suggests they beat his ass. Omar just gives him a look and asks Michael what he wants. Michael tells Omar about Rincon, and how Omar is going to find him. "Because his business is hurting children. And your business is protecting them." While the two of them fence verbally, Michael giving nothing away, Sam and Fi are busy outside. She's sticking a bomb under the muffler of a car, and Sam is breaking into Omar's Impala to plant a bug. Omar hotly says that he looks out for his people, protecting them from the gang-bangers one block over and keeping babies from going hungry, so he doesn't have time to "play with no devil or whatever." Michael grits. "The devil wants Rincon's soul. I just want the man. The faster you give him to me, the faster I go away." "Or what?" Omar asks. "Or this," Michael says, and snaps his fingers. That car in the parking lot blows the hell up. And while the gangbangers are distracted with that, Michael slips out the back. Omar finally looks at what's taped to the shirt of Michael's hostage: a photo of Rincon, with the handwritten words, "Find him!" ¡Esta el Diablo!
Back at Madeline's house, Mack is tracking Omar's car on his laptop. He explains to Madeline that "Your boy and Sam got a peculiar way of doing things. Sam thought it's be best if I kept a watch on things from here." Madeline snatches that opening to ask what happened between them, and Mack says politely that it's not her business. Less politely, she slams the laptop closed and says she's making it her business. "He's my son's best friend. And come to think about it, he's mine, too." Yes, after Michael made her nuke her other best friend last week. She says Sam isn't himself, "with the drinking." Mack chuckles that Sam always liked his beer. "He's not drinking is what I'm saying," Madeline says. That is indeed a red flag large enough to make several of "Louis's" shirts. Mack starts spilling: "You know he was married?" he asks. Madeline quickly goes from surprise at that news to, "You screwed around with his wife?" He claims it wasn't that simple. "Never is," Madeline agrees. Except it is. It's Burn Notice.
Still in his Louis suit, Michael rejoins Sam in the Charger, where Sam has been conducting the stakeout. He says Omar was impressed, but hasn't gotten to work yet. As they watch, another car pulls up, and out comes Danny Trejo. Who is normally a pretty scary-looking guy, with that leathery fucked-up face of his, but his white pants and baby-blue top aren't doing him any favors here. Sam, of course, has a file on him: he's Felipe Vega, another gang boss who's been encroaching on Omar's turf. As Michael watches Vega's men frisk Omar and his, Sam explains that Vega has been "collecting scalps, mostly rival gangbangers, it looks like." "Vega -- Scalp Collector," the subtitles confirm. But unfortunately, the freeze-frame captures Danny Trejo at the exact moment when he looks like the subtitles might more accurately identify him as "Vega -- Stroke Victim." Through the bug in Omar's car, which the leaders of both gangs are conveniently standing right to, Sam and Michael can hear Vega complimenting Omar on the obvious high morale and prosperity of his neighborhood, and then shaking him down for a shipment. Omar says the goods are already spoken for, and Vega starts to take offense. He even gives the old protection speech, which is the cue for one of his goons to smash a window. A girl comes out and is manhandled by one of Vega's goon, who Omar chases away with a punch. Please, Vega, stop it! I can't stand another cliché! Omar looks like he's about to get himself shot, but he gives in and tells Vega he'll get the shipment. Vega tells Omar to pack the stuff in a van, and his guys will "pick it up at your warehouse, over on 26th." Because Omar might know where his warehouse is, but Vega needs to say it so Sam and Michael can find it, too. Vega gets in Omar's face with some grim warnings, and as Michael and Sam watch Vega and his crew leave, Sam observes, "Looks like he's got bigger problems than you, Mike." "Guess I'll have to become a bigger problem, then," Michael says. Well, that should be right in his comfort zone.
Cut to a warehouse with three of Omar's guys stranding sentry out front, and Sam unobserved up on the roof. Michael VOs, "Because warehouses store bulk items and not people, they're usually built cheaply. Most of the time, the roofs are just plywood and asphalt tiles. Attach a hole-saw bit to a silenced drill and you can bore through the roof without attracting attention." Which Sam does, and then lowers a periscope through the resulting 4-inch opening. After locating the van and the boxes, Sam then uses an extender arm to poke something else through the hole as Michael's VO adds, "If you want a bigger opening, a few ounces of C-4 on the brackets holding the door in place will do the trick." Sam attaches a little blinking box to same, packs up his stuff, and moves out. Wouldn't it have made more sense for Fi to set the charges? Especially since she could have slipped right into the warehouse through the opening made by the hole-saw?
Sam rejoins Michael in a hidden vantage point across the street and tells him they're all set. But Fi, calling from a sniper's perch on a nearby roof (oh, so that's where she is), calls to alert them that Gilroy has shown up for some reason, and is sitting in a parked Maserati up the street. She wonders why he's here. "Getting to know me," Michael says. "I guess I'll have to put on a good show." Oh, and he hates having to do that.
Showtime. Michael walks down the middle of the street to where the warehouse sentries are, El Burrito Mal among them. As they come out to meet him, he VOs, "Dominance in the battlefield isn't always about the use of lethal force." As El Diablo Mal whips out his cell phone, Michael casually wags a finger, and the top half of that phone is shot clean off. "Sometimes it's more effective to leave a few targets around to spread the word," the VO says. Or all of them, as the case may be. One of the other guys draws a gun, and is quickly dropped to the pavement by another shot. We see that these are coming from Fi up on that rooftop, as the VO continues, "Rubber composite bullets fired from a suppressed rifle won't kill your enemy." The third guy goes down and both the gangsters who stopped the rubber bullets get up make a run for it, leaving El Burrito Mal to face Michael alone as Michael VOs, "But it will make them think twice about staying in a fight." That was a fight? Looked more like a frame of bowling to me. As Fi puts down her rifle, El Burrito Mal, with his hands in the air, asks Michael what he wants. "I'm here for the van," Michael says. "What van?" EBM asks. Michael snaps his fingers. Right on cue, there's a bang, and the metal door to the warehouse falls into the street in a cloud of dust, revealing a white van waiting inside. "That one," Michael says. Get a load of David Copperfield over here. EBM takes to his heels, and Michael calmly gets into the van and drives it away. Smiling, Gilroy pulls out behind him. Perhaps he's hoping Michael will do another trick. Excuse me -- illusion.
Leading Gilroy through town, Michael VOs, "Selling yourself to an adversary is a bit like getting drafted on a sports team. You may look good on paper, but eventually they'll want to see you on the field." Michael pulls the van over and walks back to where Gilroy has pulled in behind him, putting on a big show of looking irritated. He even grabs Gilroy's jacket, which is not something I'd want to do to a freelance psychopath. Much better to do it to a full-time psychopath, who has his benefits to think of. Gilroy says he had to see Michael in action, and compliments him on his panache. "Love the suit. Who are you wearing?" Adjusting his grip on Gilroy's lapels, Michael says, "You're awfully confident I won't shoot you right here. Don't be." "Maybe I'm just not that afraid of rubber bullets," Gilroy says. Michael says he was just keeping the homicide detectives away. "Is that why you were following me?" he snaps. "To compliment me on my suit and ask me stupid questions?" Gilroy says he's satisfied that Michael's someone he can work with, and he'll be in touch. Michael's already walking back to the van when Gilroy remembers to ask who it's for. "I don't kiss and tell," Michael spits, climbing back in. Which is smart, because it not only supports the pissed-off vibe he's trying to give off, it's exactly what Gilroy wants to hear. That, and "We'll get the wrinkles out of that suit in no time."
When Michael returns to the loft, Fi's relieved to see him, having been trying to call him for a while. Michael says he threw away his phone, figuring that Gilroy was tracking him with it. "I just got that phone two days ago," he carps. Walking to the fridge for a yogurt, he says of Gilroy, "He wanted to see if I'm the same kind of monster he is." And then he Brits, "Apparently, I am." Humorlessly, Fi says, "No, you're not. But if you fake it long enough..." Fi asks what seems like a reasonable question: "Can't we just shoot him and get on with our lives?" Michael says no, because Gilroy is "the tip of a very nasty iceberg." Oh, it does get tiresome, how Michael is always so determined to smoke out the bad guys in the long-term plots and then, when he does, equally determined not to do anything to them. Then Sam calls on Fi's phone, also looking for Michael. He says Omar's freaked out, and Michael says it's time to see if he's feeling cooperative.
Omar emerges from the place where Sam sent Michael to find him, alone and not bothering to look both ways before stepping out on the sidewalk, so how freaked out can he be? At least when he hears Michael whispering his name, he doesn't turn around until he has his gun out. Pointing it in Michael's face, he demands to know where the van is. Michael says it'll be in Omar's driveway after he hands over Rincon. While giving Michael grudging props for his little tricks, Omar's gun never wavers. Taking a page from his enemies -- or at least he way he always sees them -- Michael threatens right back, "You touch me and your whole world comes apart," and he starts listing off all of Omar's assets, finishing with Omar himself. "You give me Rincon and I'll disappear." Omar asks for a few hours, and seems relieved when Michael turns and walks away. Even though Michael didn't chirp, "All righty-roo!" as he did so.
Sam is now busy packing up his eight-track tapes (har!) when Madeline comes in to guilt him about the "Ice Babies" on her curio shelf, half of which were destroyed when Sam blew up her house. He thought they were over that, and she says she's just kidding. "I was thinking about replacing them anyway, so it really didn't matter what you did with them. I mean seriously, why would I hold this against you?" Sam realizes that she talked to Mack, and he's not pleased about it. Because she's suddenly an expert, Madeline points out that Sam's marriage had been over for years. Sam blusters about a code: "You don't sit in another man's canoe. Period." Canoe? Is that what the kids are calling it now? Madeline tries to talk some sense into him but he just stomps off, with her yelling after him that if he's going to be that way, he owes her an ice-skating snowman. Seriously, Sam, grow up. I know it must have been tough for your ex to end up with one of your buddies, but given the number of buddies you have, it was also statistically inevitable.
"The best defense isn't always a show of force," Michael VOs as he walks right past Omar's sentries and into the warehouse where Omar's doing inventory. "Keep an adversary in the dark about what you're capable of, and he has to assume the worst." Omar looks up to see him looming there, and nearly pisses himself. So it's clearly working. Omar says he found Rincon, but he's protected. Michael whispers, "You had three hours to give me Rincon, not give me excuses." Omar tells him that Rincon's protector is none other than Vega. Apparently Rincon is Vega's drug supplier. Does Vega know about Rincon's hobby? Does it matter? "Let me worry about that," Michael says, which is so the kind of thing he usually says to his clients that it sounds strange coming from his Louis voice. Omar says he's on the brink of war with Vega already, and Vega will go after his people. This clearly gets to Michael, but he still doesn't break character. "If you don't give me what I want, Vega will be the least of your worries," he threatens. Omar starts writing and gives Michael directions to the safehouse where Vega has Rincon stashed in an abandoned housing project, along with some guards. "You better hurry; and you better pray Vega doesn't find out," he calls out to Michael's departing back.
The morning, going by the editing, Mack, Sam and Michael are all dressed in black commando gear and making their way down the hallway of an apartment building as Michael VOs, "When you're extracting a heavily guarded target, it's important to choose the right entry point. Guards watch windows and doors. So if you come in through the common wall of a neighboring apartment, you've got surprise on your side. Not to mention a shower of shattered concrete." The stuff on your side would probably not include the neighbors whose apartment you came from, though, which is why it's good for them that this is an abandoned building. Michael pauses in the act of attaching some detcord to the wall and murmurs, "It's a little too quiet in there." And looking out the window, he adds, "And a little too quiet out there, too." As Vega and some of his goons walk into view down below, cutting off the exit from the parking lot, the VO concedes, "Of course, surprise doesn't count for much if you're walking into a trap." Well, no, because it's not surprise any more, derr. Or it is, but not the kind you were going for. They can see Vega's army barricading themselves behind a Dumpster as Mack reports from the apartment door that guys are coming up the stairs. "I hope you brought enough rope, Sam," Michael says. That's what she said.
From outside, we can see that apartment window blast outward. The glass is still falling during Michael's VO of, "Traditional rappelling requires holding a rope with both hands. Which is inconvenient if you're being shot at. That's why special forces are trained to rappel in unconventional ways." Michael and Mack are now going down the building face-down, providing their own covering fire to add to that which Sam is providing from the window. One of the bad guys even gets shot in the leg, so you know this is for real. After they land, they cover Sam as he ziplines down, and the three of them run for the Charger parked behind the building. Mack yells for Sam to duck, and he does just as bullets rip into the pillar behind him, and they all make it out alive. What, you thought we'd get out of this without a scene of Sam or Mack saving the other's life? How would the opportunity to exploit that cliché get missed?
By the time they've pulled back into Michael's courtyard, they've apparently been so busy changing out of their commando clothes that they haven't had time to talk about what happened until now. Mack blames Omar for setting them up, but Sam says that makes no sense, given Omar's fraught relationship with Vega. "That's funny, you talking about betrayal, he adds." Fi comes down the steps with a recording from the bug in Omar's car. She plays it back, and we can hear the sounds of another firefight with Vega (who is clearly one busy hombre), and Omar taking a round in the arm. "I hope I screamed less when it happened to me," Fi says. Well, yes, as I recall, she was too busy drowning in four feet of water to do much screaming. Michael realizes that Vega must have learned Omar was looking for Rincon, and now Vega wants Omar dead. As the team realizes the position they've put Omar in, even Mack says they owe him an assist.
Later, Michael in his Louis suit comes walking up to Omar's hideout. El Burrito Mal, posted outside, rolls his eyes, pulls his gun, and calls to Omar. The whole crew comes outside with him, pointing their weapons at Michael. "You shouldn't point guns at friends," Michael whispers, which for "Louis" is pretty much the equivalent of kissing Omar on the mouth. Omar does anyway, saying Michael almost got them killed, and Vega's looking all over for them. Of course Omar doesn't know about the tracking device Michael's crew put in his car, so as far as he knows, just finding him is another sign of Louis's omnipotence. Michael breathes, "You shoot me, you'll still have a problem with Vega. You don't, Vega will have a problem with me." He wants Omar to take him to Vega so he can finish this. "Hear me out. Inside. Now." He cocks his fingers for a snap at this last, and that's enough to get him invited in. I wonder what would have blown up this time, or was that one just a bluff?
Inside, Michael has apparently just finished laying out his plan to Omar and is dealing with Omar's remaining doubts. Omar doesn't like the idea of surrendering to Vega on his own turf, but Michael assures him, "He just has a few guys with guns on his side and you have the whole neighborhood on yours." Will the whole neighborhood also have guns? [And be dressed like Michael, like in Three Amigos? - Zach] But Omar says it'll just be the two of them once they go inside wherever they're going. "If everything goes right," Michael says, "You and me is all we need." It's that "if everything goes right" part that should worry Omar. But then at this point in the episode, everything generally does.
"Camouflage is commonly associated with jungle warfare," Michael VOs over a scene of busy activity in his courtyard involving propane tanks, tires, and vendor carts. "But the truth is, it's just as important in urban settings. You're bound to draw attention setting up a bulletproof barricade on the sidewalk or toting a concussion charge down the street." Now he tells me. "But fruit stands reinforced with strips of steel-belted tires, and ice cream carts packed with explosives [the aforementioned propane tanks, which Fi is now wiring to detonators] blend right in. Of course, the ultimate Trojan horse is a shackled prisoner." Fi holds up a pair of handcuffs, asking Michael, "Where have you been hiding these?" While attaching a strip of tire to the bottom of a cart, Michael fumbles his screw gun. This is not a euphemism.
As for those handcuffs, Michael brings them up into the loft, cuts one of the links out of the little chain, and puts the rest in a rubber mold. Meanwhile, he VOs, "A paranoid enemy might go so far as frisking a hostage who's wearing handcuffs, but people tend not to check if one of the handcuff links is made of polystyrene. Or," he says as he installs one, "If there's a listening device in the pin lock." Well, I will from now on.
The preparations complete, Omar drives his shot-up Impala up to where Vega and his men are standing in front of an abandoned store in an otherwise quiet street. Fi's watching from the Charger, parked out of sight. Vega welcomes Omar to "my" neighborhood and gloats over Omar about his people's loyalty. He says he grabbed one of Omar's guys to see what Omar was up to. "One hour with my knife, he started spilling everything. That's all you get for loyalty -- one hour." Omar acts all conciliatory, saying they just had a misunderstanding. With that, Michael is pulled from the back of the car, in his suit and with his hands cuffed in front of them. "So we cool?" Omar asks Vega. Vega says they are not. "Today I take you neighborhood. Tomorrow, I take your woman. It's a new world, Omar. Get used to it." Sorry, Vega, could you try that again, but more evil this time? He orders Michael and Omar brought inside, leaving Omar's guys out in the cold. Except they've got all those vendor carts Michael keeps looking pointedly at without anyone noticing.
Rincon is waiting inside, which is lucky. He asks Michael who he is, but Michael doesn't speak, except to say, "You'll find out soon enough." Rincon punches him in the gut, and asks if he's a cop. "You're not that lucky," Michael grunts, and takes an elbow to the ribs. Fi is having a hard time listening to his outside. "What kind of man comes looking for me dressed in a suit like that?" Rincon asks Omar. "What kind of man preys on children?" Michael whispers. Rincon doesn't deny anything, but picks up a machete and threatens to make this so painful Michael will beg for mercy. "You don't know what pain is," Michael says, "But you will. I promise." Rincon exchanges a confused, not to say uncomfortable glance with Vega, only to hear Michael say, "Don't look at them. They'll see what you are." Child molester? "Coward," Michael says. Rincon tells Michael to go to hell. "Come with me," Michael invites, and raises his handcuffed hands to snap his fingers. When he does, Fi hits her remote detonator out in the car, and the corner of the store gets blown to shit, sending Vega's guys flying, both inside and out. Omar's guys were apparently well clear. Michael snaps his fake handcuff chain and socks Rincon in the mouth, while Omar beats Vega to a gun dropped on the floor. Meanwhile, outside, Omar's men tip over their reinforced vendor carts and take up position to cover Michael and Omar's exit, lest Vega's men get any ideas. Michael drags Rincon out of the burning store and throws him into the open trunk of the Charger, which Fi just pulled up in outside, while Vega finds himself surrounded by Omar's men, with Omar himself holding the gun at his neck. "Welcome to my neighborhood," Omar tells him. I'm sure they'll be good friends after this. Meanwhile, over at the car, Michael tells Rincon, "I made you a promise. It's time." And he slams the trunk lid. Whatever, Louis. You're all talk. Unless you plan to make Fi go over a lot of speed bumps.
Mack and Sam say their farewells at Madeline's house, as we learn that Rincon's on his way back to Houston. Mack thanks Sam for his help and shakes his hand. As he leaves, Sam -- with Madeline in the background, watching approvingly -- stops him to say something about his ex, whose name turns out to be Amanda. "I just wanted to say... thanks for taking care of her. I was never really good about doing that. I guess the mission always came first." Sounds familiar. Mack says she left him, too. "Don't think she ever got over you," he says. "Who could?" Sam says. So they part friends. After Sam closes the door behind Mack, he asks Madeline to have a beer with him. So all is right in Sam's world again.
Omar and Michael are also saying their goodbyes. Omar says he doesn't know what to tell people about the man in the suit. "I'm just the guy that helped you get back on top, that's all," Michael says, rather out of character if you ask me. Omar says he can't figure him out. Without smiling, Michael says, "Honestly, Omar, Don't try." He doesn't crack a smile until he's walking away. Just to try it out for himself, Omar snaps his fingers. Whoa, he triggered a White Collar promo!
Nighttime in Miami. Michael stares out the balcony window of another hotel room as Fi comes in, lugging a giant suitcase. And she's in a mood and a half. She has something to say, if she's going to do more Gilroy-backup in another of what she calls their "wasted hotel rooms." She says he's going to get himself killed. He points out that he's not dead yet, but she's not done, threatening him with the extra ammo in her steamer trunk if he doesn't let her finish. Michael politely sits down on the bed to listen. Fi claims this would be a full-scale intervention if she didn't mind worrying Madeline, or if Sam agreed with her (which actually makes this the lamest intervention ever). Her point? She says Michael works too hard. This is nice, considering she was the one who dragooned him into helping with Rincon in the first place, but when he starts to say something, she shuts him up again. He amusedly keeps his lips pursed as she goes on about how she gets his reasons, but he can't keep up this pace. "You need a life. Or you're going to wind up dead. It's just basic operational sense." Smiling, Michael asks if she's done. She is. So he looks on bemused as she opens her case to pull out and unfold a sniper rifle that's bigger than she is. She stands there holding it, looking like an ant with a black Twizzler, then asks, "Where do you want me?" He just pats the bed. "Gilroy said he would call here for the place and the time of our meeting. He said he would call here tomorrow morning." Well, look who was listening to her in the teaser after all. She realizes this is a booty call, and as he unties the stringy shoulder strap of her dress, he smugs, "Like I said, I'm not dead yet." She shrugs hornily and her dress ends up puddled around her ankles. Bedtime!
The sun is barely up the morning when Michael steps out onto the balcony to answer the phone in his hotel bathrobe. Gilroy's voice greets him, and remarks on "a certain transfer of power in a certain section of Little Dominica that a certain someone had a role in facilitating." Michael plays dumb as Fi comes out behind him. Gilroy wants to meet, but Michael puts it off as Fi starts pulling him back into the room. "Don't keep me waiting," Gilroy says. "So we're in business?" Michael asks. Gilroy says they are. "And there's lots of work to be done." Michael had better hope so. And he'd better hope the pay is good. Working with Gilroy, the hotel expenses for all these meetings and pre-meetings alone are going to break him.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.