By M. Giant
Fi and Jesse take on a job trying to rescue a guy's sister from the bad guys who kidnapped her -- except the guy isn't really the brother, the sister is a stolen chemical weapon, and they're not so much rescuing it as getting blackmailed and guilt-tripped into helping steal it. At least the bad guys are bad, though. The real client is none other than Natalie from Season Three, who claims to want their help stealing it back because it's just too heavy for her to be involved in. Of course it's just a ruse so she can sell it again, not that the team realizes that until it's too late. Michael pulls a scam to make her think they pulled a switcheroo on her, which allows them to track her to the buy. Michael tricks her and her buyers into thinking he's released the gas, and in the ensuing chaos they bust Natalie and give her the option of calling the Feds to protect herself from what are sure to be some pissed-off buyers.
As for the longer-term project of tracking down that NOC list, Jesse blackmails his old handler Marv into finding out that the guy who has it is planning to auction it off. And then he convinces Marv to lend him the five million dollars he needs to get into the auction.
Relationship-wise, Madeline is more bored with the tension between Michael and Jesse than we are, and tells them to knock it the hell off. So I guess they're all back to normal now. So her thing is going to be restoring the status quo at the end of every week? I guess we can live with that.
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Michael VOs about the surprising frequency with which local cops work with intelligence agencies; hence the "fusion center" in most police stations where they keep classified intel. First I've heard of any such thing, which makes me wonder if they just made it up for Michael to break into. After, of course, the obligatory scene where Sam drives him up to the building in the Charger in the middle of the day and tries to talk him out of it. Michael reminds us that they're looking for any monitored communication the cops might have collected on Justin Walsh, the cryptographer who killed a guy and made off with Simon's Bible and encoded NOC list a few days ago. Michael's cover: some neighborhood watch guy. Sam reminds him to take it easy with his "tender" gunshot wound, and Michael reacts like Sam poked it physically.
Inside, Michael gets past the lobby and gets on the elevator, where he blows off the guy he was supposed to meet and lets the doors close between them. Thus does Michael proceed to the floor where the fusion center is. He picks the lock with a pair of modified cheap sunglasses and walks right in, plugging a flash drive into an open terminal just long enough to download everything that comes up under "Justin Walsh." Meanwhile, the cops are getting suspicious and ordering a lockdown. So Michael smashes a third-floor window from inside, puts on a handy cop windbreaker so he can pretend to be some higher-ranking officer, and tells the rookie that comes rushing in that the intruder just jumped and she needs to call everyone outside. She does, and Michael exits the building, barking orders all the way back to the Charger. "I ever tell you you're the reason I drink, Mikey?" Sam asks him. Come on, even Michael doesn't have that much power.
Over at Madeline's house, Michael and Jesse are going over the printouts as Michael VOs, "There's nothing more difficult to repair in the field than trust." Jesse complains about not knowing about Michael's little gag in advance, since they're still partners, and Michael points out that Jesse just found something and didn't tell him. Jesse admits that Walsh has been sending coded e-mails all over the world looking for the highest bidder for the list. They need resources to find the auction, but Jesse doesn't like the Michael's idea of contacting his old handler Marv, let alone blackmailing him. So Michael's suggests using Sam instead. Madeline comes in, complaining about Michael's plans to move back to his loft while his shoulder's still "leaking." Okay, gross. She reminds Michael he was shot. "But thanks to Jesse, just in the right spot," Michael says loudly. Awkward pause. Madeline offers to let them work it out over some margaritas she'll make for them, but Jesse's off to help Fi with a job. Michael's hurt that this is the first he's heard of it, but Jesse says, "Maybe she wanted you to get your rest," and pats him on the shoulder, which hurts him in a different way. Michael manages a brave smile for Madeline, though. I don't know what Jesse's feeling right now, but I know how pissed I'd have to be to turn down free margaritas.
Jesse meets Fi out in the sticks somewhere, and she wants to poke at the scab some more, until Jesse impatiently lets her off the hook for being loyal to Michael. "We're cool, all right? You're not the one I have the issue with." Failing to take a hint, Fi offers to talk about Michael, but Jesse changes the subject to the gig. Fi says they're meeting a guy named Stuart, who tried to buy a gun from a friend of hers, but "he was so upset, my friend gave him my number instead of the gun." They find Stuart near the remote dock he apparently lives on, looking pretty beat-up. He tells them a story about his sister Stephanie, who apparently took up with a Venezuelan diplomat named Marco and moved to Caracas, whereupon the guy turned out to be not only corrupt but also a woman-beater. So Stuart went and got her, but Marco stole her back and is holding her somewhere in Miami, and the cops are no help due to Marco's diplomatic immunity (over and above the fact of how useless Miami cops are on this show). Fi promises to get her back, and Stuart wants in on the operation when it's time to go in. Fi and Jesse head out, presumably waiting until later to tell him he's not invited.
While Sam makes a cell phone call to "Marv -- Jesse's Old Handler," Michael VOs about how it's easiest to blackmail people who are basically good. "If someone's made a mistake he regrets, it's easy to make him regret it even more." Sam poses as Chuck Finley, PI, and makes a reference to July 2003 and someone named Sally Baker. "Just be on the first flight out tomorrow. I'll fill you in." Marv agrees way too easily, but I guess watching them argue about it over the phone wouldn't be terribly interesting. Because Bruce Campbell and Richard Kind are such losers.
Jesse and Fi are staking out Marco's place, which is the usual type of suburban fortress setup with high walls and armed goons around a palatial house. Fi wants to go in packing, as always, but Jesse suggests an alternate plan involving another car. One of these days they're just going to let her go, and she's going to say, "Oh, fine, fuck it, let's do it your way .I don't even bother bringing bullets to these things any more." thing we know, Jesse is following one of Marco's SUVs in a borrowed Mustang, then crashes it on purpose and goes walking up to the gate acting all wounded (complete with a tiny trickle of blood from his head) while he takes in the whole security setup. "Marco -- Dirty Diplomat" comes out his own self, wondering what's going on while Jesse continues to make a scene, walking right in through the front door acting like he needs the phone. Marco hands him a wad of bills to get rid of him while Jesse keeps wandering around babbling like he's concussed and completely lacking in social skills, getting a load of the view out the back door, until Marco sticks a gun in his face and tells him he's leaving. "I'm just gonna leave," he agrees.
Back at the loft (Back! At the loft!), Fi is patching up Jesse's minor head cut when Michael shows up. He gets them to let him in on the gig they're working, and they're able to give him a pretty good picture of the kind of security they're dealing with. Literally, there's a professionally drawn blueprint that Jesse's come up with from memory, showing the exact position of every floodlight, siren, and shed, the latter of which is where Jesse thinks they're keeping the girl. Michael thinks there's more to it than that, given all the security, and invites himself along as they go check back with Stuart to see what's really going on.
Back at Stuart's boat, they show him Jesse's ground plan and ask if he knows any more about what's going on. He's swearing his sister's a victim when there are a couple of clicks and Stu drops to the deck with a bloody shirt. Instead of diving for cover, the three seasoned operatives stand there exposed as the shooter walks onto the dock and says, "Hi, remember me?" We do. It's Natalie, holding a gun on them with gloved hands. I'd be more surprised if Callie Thorne's name hadn't been right at the beginning of the opening credits, or if Stuart didn't reek of bullshit from the word go. Natalie acts hurt that they didn't tell Jesse all about her. "Long story short, I'm a thief," she says, as the subtitles remind us that she is "Natalie -- Thief." Apparently she drafted Stuart, who was really a small-time grifter, to play his part. After making them drop their guns in the water, Natalie reveals that she just shot Stuart with Fi's .45, which she's ready to turn over to the Miami PD complete with its collection of Fi's prints, tying Fi to the murder that Natalie just committed. Whatever, they'd just lose it anyway. Natalie explains that some Venezuelan revolutionaries had her steal something, and now that she's belatedly found out it was a chemical weapon, she wants to steal it back to keep the heat off herself. And she expects the team to help. And with a party boat about to pull in, they don't have much time to agree. Which Michael does, even though Fi doesn't. Or maybe because Fi doesn't.
Back at the loft, Sam confirms Natalie's story based on his multiple feelers in all manner of intelligence chatter. Michael argues that they don't have much choice but to get into this, and the FBI wouldn't be able to move in time. So all the viewers who tuned in late are up to speed.
Natalie's at a Japanese restaurant with Michael and Sam (who's embarrassed about taking off his shoes with a hole in his sock) and hands over a dossier on "Novichok Agent," which Sam recognizes as bad juju. She asks them to brainstorm, and Michael suggests a plan of faking a gas leak to convince the bad guys to move it out so they can take it while it's on the move. Natalie's end of the deal is to stay where they can see her and give Fi's gun back before she leaves. Natalie agrees, and they toast with some sake. Just a happy murderer and her happy accessories after the fact.
Michael VOs what everyone knows about natural gas smell: it's actually odorless, the notorious smell being an additive. Fortunately, Fi has a big fat jar of that very stuff, as well as a pump and a hose and, for some reason, a stroller. Oddly, however, she's setting it up at Madeline's house, which means she has to have an awkward conversation with her which touches on kids (short answer: NONONONONO) before Madeline brings up the subject of Michael and Jesse: she wants Fi's help with her plot to stick them in a room together. That should go well.
While Michael VOs about the strain that blackmail can put on a relationship, Marv meets Sam at a marina. Sam points behind Marv, who turns to see Jesse and is pretty pissed off about it, this being the second time Jesse's pulled this. Jesse informs Marv that he helped take down Drake Technologies, and Marv is impressed enough to keep listening. Jesse hands over the e-mails pointing to the auction, and Marv agrees to look into it. After Marv leaves, Jesse admits to Sam that he feels like shit for playing a friend like that. "Yep, I know how you feel," Sam says brightly. "But you know what always cheers me up? Stealing a chemical weapon from a bunch of crazy South Americans." Funny, that always fills me with malaise.
While staking out Marco's place again, Michael and Jesse now have to contend with a bored Natalie. Fi pulls up out front in her car, and the three watchers argue a bit while Fi starts wheeling that stroller out along the street and up to a gas valve. Meanwhile, Sam is posing as a gas company guy ordering an evacuation. When the smell hits, the goons are ready to move, but no sooner have they opened up a vault in the shed than Marco comes and shuts it again. Per Michael's VO, he apparently fears something even more than getting blowed up. Sam is driven off without ever being allowed through the gate, and worse yet, one of Marco's goons flags down Fi as she's trying to leave. Michael and Jesse are about to go in, but Natalie wants to be the one to save the day. "You don't like what you see, then you can shoot me first." They should probably do that anyway. Meanwhile, the goon is wondering why Fi has a stroller with no baby, and he shows her his gun to alert her of his suspicions. Fi is busy stalling when Natalie runs up pretending to be the lady Fi stole the stroller from. Fi plays along, and... catfight! Good enough for the goon, who tells them both to get out of there. Plus Fi got to pop Natalie in the face, which she's probably been wanting to do for like a year and a half now.
Back at the Japanese restaurant, Natalie recaps to Michael and Fi that Plan A was "Kind of a fail." She hasn't been around them long enough to know that's what Plan As are for. Fi says at least they now know where on the grounds the weapon is, and Michael says they'll disable the floodlights with a sniper rifle and use spray insulation to mute the alarm sirens. Then they'll bust into the vault with a water saw and hand off the weapon to Sam for the getaway. Natalie likes the plan but suggests a much faster thermal lance to cut the vault door. Which she says she can not only get, but also operate. They don't like the idea, so as a gesture of goodwill, Natalie gives Fi her gun back so they can all be a happy, trusting team.
Michael VOs about the similarity between romances and relationships with sources. "Of course, romantic relationships usually end if there's a betrayal, whereas spy relationships often begin with one." Jesse meets Marv at the marina to ask what he found out about the e-mails. Marv is acting sketchy enough that Jesse realizes he's wearing a wire. He shuts it off (fortunately nobody is listening and Marv was only trying to cover his ass), but Marv is still freaked out by what he found out: the e-mails were to some arms dealers and other heavy hitter types who are meeting in Santo Domingo in two weeks for the auction, and there's a five-million-dollar buy-in. No explanation on how Justin Walsh knew all those people in the first place. Jesse pushes his luck, asking if Marv still has his contacts at the Fed. After all, where else is he going to get five mil? Marv reluctantly agrees. "I love you, Marvin," Jesse says as he walks away. Like that'll make him feel better.
That night, Michael's getting ready for the heist when Fi shows up (having ditched the murder weapon in the ocean). They talk about Natalie (bad) and Sam's escape route (all set). Time to move.
The team strikes right before dawn, which is when Michael says most people are at their deepest REM cycle and anyone who is up is likely to be near the end of a shift. Fi starts shooting out floodlights, which the guards in the yard somehow don't hear, and Michael, Jesse and Natalie go over the wall. Looks like Michael's arm's all better. They use spray insulation to block the diaphragms of the sirens, (heh, Michael said "diaphragms"), taser the guards posted outside the shed, and open it up. Natalie fires up the thermal lance (literally) which according to Michael's VO burns at 8,000 degrees and "will slice through a heavy deadbolt like butter." Which Natalie does. The door falls, Michael snatches the silver briefcase inside, and they run for it, Natalie dropping the lance on her way and setting the yard and the shed alight. Back to the fence. Michael tosses the case over to Sam, and he and Jesse follow. Jesse tries to pull Natalie up after him, but she falls and claims a broken ankle, saying she'll get out when the bad guys see the case missing and take off. Jesse needs to shoot her right now, is what he needs to do. They're already moving, swarming around the burning shed, and Natalie stays hidden in the bushes while the rest of the team gets away.
After the sun comes up, Sam is on his way to a drop-off for the Feds. Michael VOs that spies need to look out for roadwork -- too many guys means an ambush, but no guys and roadblocks directing you onto a freshly-fixed pothole means you're about to drive over a bomb. Which Sam forthwith does, even though he jerks the wheel at the last second. The car rolls and burns, and Sam is killed instantly. Okay, obviously not that last part. He gets out and starts moving to where the case was thrown clear, but Natalie pops up and starts shooting, pinning him down behind the car with machine-gun fire. Sam warns her that the weapon isn't worth the hell that'll rain down on her, but as she says, "20 million dollars will buy me a hell of an umbrella!" She takes the case and is gone before Sam can even start returning fire. So now I guess she'll find another buyer she can steal it back from, and continue doing this indefinitely.
When the rest of the team catches up with Sam, they're at least glad he survived, but Jesse points out that Natalie had no way to know what Sam's escape route would be. Then Michael realizes she must have bugged his shoe when they were at the Japanese restaurant. The good news is that the bug is still active, so they can use it to fool Natalie into thinking she has the wrong case. Good thing the bug isn't in the shoes Michael's wearing now.
Back at the loft, Michael pries the heel off his shoe and finds the bug, VOing that the last thing a spy does when he finds one is shut it off. It's a "direct line into the mind of your enemy." Sam pretends to come in, and he and Michael read off a prewritten script in which Sam tells Michael what happened, but adds the part where Natalie took a decoy case, because the real one was in the trunk. Natalie's listening, of course, so she hears as they continue to talk about leaving the case at the bus station for the Feds to pick up.
At the loft's courtyard, Fi meets Jesse with a duplicate case that they load with a tracker, and then make up some fake chemicals to stick in it. A cocktail of pesticide, tear gas and diesel fuel should pass a field test without posing too much danger, as Michael VOs.
Jesse's staking out the bus station while in Bluetooth contact with Michael and Sam, fretting about whether Natalie's going for it. Then he gets a signal from the tracker, and the team mobilizes. They track her to a boathouse in the marina, and watch unseen from between couple of boats as Natalie opens both cases. Fi wants to go in shooting, as always, but as always, Michael insists, "I'll do this quietly." After yelling at Fi.
Natalie's dialing her cell phone when Michael walks up behind her with his gun leveled, saying, "Move and I kill you." She wonders which of the canisters is real, but Michael isn't about to answer that. Too bad for him her buyers just showed up. There are five of them, and they're packing, and Natalie would very much like them to shoot Michael. Thinking quickly, Michael points his gun at the canister -- the fake one. Fi wants to go in, but Sam stops her. Still pointing his gun at the fake canister, Michael gives a whole "to the pain" speech about the effects the gas will have on them. Natalie says he's bluffing, but he pulls the trigger. Of course he was bluffing, but not in they way they thought. Nasty gas starts leaching out and everyone runs -- except Michael, who grabs the real thing. Sam and Fi nab Natalie on her way out. She's still thinking she's going to die (of smeared eye makeup, I guess) until they let her in on the good news. Then they handcuff her to a boat, drop the canister in her bag, and tell her to call the Feds, who are probably going to be her only chance for surviving all the bad people she's pissed off. Sam hands her a phone to call 911. Fi adds, "Clean yourself up before they get here. You look like hell."
Marv and Jesse have another meeting at the marina, and this time Marv's got a duffel bag full of cash and some dire warnings. "Can you trust Michael Westen?" Marv asks him. Jesse gets evasive, but Marv lets it go. Jesse thanks him and sticks the cash in the trunk just before he gets a call from Fi asking him to lunch at the Carlito. Jesse agrees to some fish tacos, which is some pretty awkward flirting, of you ask me.
But when he shows up, there's not only Fi, but Madeline and Michael as well, like this is some kind of intervention only with too many exits. Jesse comes in, Fi leaves, and Jesse starts to say, "Maddie, this is really ni--" "Shut it!" she barks, shocking even Michael. "And sit down." She tells them, "If you two don't start trusting each other again, somebody's going to end up dead." She reminds Jesse that Michael ruined his life and got him fired. "He was trying to do a good thing, so get over it." To Michael, she says ,"Jesse shot you in the chest .He was trying to save your life. Deal with it." She tells them to gut it out, suck it up, and move on. "If you two are good, shake on it. If you're not, too bad, shake anyway,." They shake, more out of fear than anything else. So that's resolved. After she leaves, the subject moves on to Marv, and the money he gave him that Barry needs to put into an escrow account. Michael invites him to stay for lunch and some planning. "We have an auction to crash, Jesse." They actually smile at each other. Sam's going to be so jealous.
Watch this episode below, discuss it in our forums, then find out how to make a USA Network show!
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.