Beneath Who?

S07E02

Previously on Buffy: Buffy used Spike to "feel something," but finally managed to overwhelm even her depressed, oblivious self with the ickiness and so she dumped him. Anya and Xander were going to get married. But they didn't. Not a single viewer was surprised. Anya went back to her old job. Spike tried to force-feed Buffy a sausage, but she wasn't in the mood for pork. Warren shot Tara (I typed "Dawn" there first; must've been wishful thinking). Willow flayed and cried. Spike got a soul. Ash got very confused, not having watched the show for months and months.

Ash: Wait? All this happened last episode? Buffy and Spike were doing it again? How'd they put this much in the premiere?
Ace: No, no. All this happened last season. They're catching us up.
Ash: Damn, how long are these previously things?
Ace: Should be over soon.

Willow recovered with Giles in England. Halfrek told Anya that "something's rising" and she didn't mean the ratings. Principal Wood opened the new Sunnydale High and gave Buffy a job. Buffy found crazy Spike in the basement. Buffy said she'd "get back to" him.

Ace: Or not so soon.
Ash: Can I go read my new issue of Linux Journal now?
Ace: No. Hush.

Thumping electronic music plays and we see a nightclub in "Frankfurt, Germany." Another one of our mysterious running girls is, um, running through a skyway above the nightclub. This girl, referred to hereafter as Pinky, has a punked-out biker look: pink 'n' black hair, leather coat, studded belt, and knee-high black boots. Her look (especially the pink hair) reminded many of our posters of how Jennifer Garner was kitted out in the very first episode ofAlias, which in turn seemed to me (and others) to be a nod to Franka Potente in the German movie Run, Lola, Run. I must admit to not knowing much about either source. I missed Run, Lola, Run out of sheer laziness, and Alias because of extreme prejudice against Jennifer Garner, whose duck-lipped, peanut-shaped head has copiously bugged me ever since her first appearance on Felicity. Like last week, two figures in black cloaks with hoods chase this girl. Pinky executes a graceful leap off a balcony and exits the building, climbing down a wall. At the bottom she enters the nightclub, but is quickly pushed back through the doorway into an empty corridor by one of the robed figures. Pinky fights both robed figures, but they prevail and stab her with a curved knife. She appears to be dead, but then intones in a deep voice, as her head turns towards the camera, "From beneath you it devours."

A shriek and Dawn calling Buffy's name. Dawn is attempting to wake Buffy, who was screaming in her sleep. Buffy crinkles her brow, considering the dream that Dawn tries to confirm was "just" a nightmare. "From beneath you it devours," repeats Buffy. And just in case you haven't already memorized that handy little catchphrase, rest assured you will get a chance, as it will be repeated again and again (and again) in this episode. Some sharp-eyed viewers have suggested that Buffy has moved her bed into Joyce's room. If she hasn't, she did change the wallpaper and curtains in her room. As Buffy pulls back the sheet and gets out of bed she says there are more girls like Pinky "out there, somewhere." Aw, Dawn and Buffy both look incredibly cute in their tank top and pajama pants nighttime ensembles and I'm not just saying that because that's exclusively what I wear to bed. Buffy's hair is nicely rumpled too. Peering pensively out the window, Buffy says that other girls are going to die too. Oh, whee! Isn't season seven shaping up to be such a happy, happy season? Maybe Sep and I have finally flipped roles and I'll be the one catching all the most depressing episodes this season.

The camera pans down a quiet street, but then we hear rumbling. Some sort of force seems to be traveling under the ground, throwing up stones and shaking bushes as it goes by.

Ash: Ha! Crappy effects. Though I appreciate the low-techness of those fake bushes. I wonder which poor prop guy had to crouch down there and whip them all around?
Ace: C'mon! Buffy effects are much more sophisticated than that -- I'm sure the prop guy was actually yanking them with a rope from off camera.

The thing under the ground keeps traveling, leaving a trail of broken asphalt in its wake. Whatever. The roads in Tucson all look worse than that, with no wormly intercession at all.

Basement of Sunnydale High, I'm assuming. There's junk and old filing cabinets strewn about and water dribbles atmospherically. It seems a little hard to believe that all this would be left after a new school was built on the site, but then again, I work in a state-contracted building in which the water fountains were discovered to have originally been hooked up to non-potable water. In addition, one side of the building is unintentionally a foot and a half longer than the other, the tenth and highest floor is not located directly over the ground floor, and the huge plate glass windows on the upper stories tend to shatter unexpectedly and plummet to the ground. So perhaps I shouldn't be so skeptical that some Sunnydale contractors might do a crappy job on a city contract and leave an old basement behind. Spike, in dark clothes and still sporting his two-tone curly hair, stalks a fat brown rat; he's looking for dinner I presume, although I would guess the basement is a little short of cable and other amenities so perhaps he's just doing it for kicks. Am I wrong in remembering, however, that the chip is supposed to prevent him from harming any living thing? Hmm. That could mean no chip or no continuity. It's a toss-up. Spike babbles as he creeps up on the rat. This doesn't seem like a good hunting technique, but hey, he's crazy. He says it's not the right time for something, but "they" don't understand. He then complains about lack of manners and breeding. I agree. Rats today just aren't as well-raised as they used to be. The stupid rat just sits and squeaks as Spike babbles toward it. Then the basement begins to shake and rattle. Spike stands up cautiously, saying it's not the time and he's "not hardly ready." Something (perhaps peroxide withdrawal?) seems to be causing him great pain and he drops to his knees, screaming and holding his head.

"Could you just die?" chirps Dawn. Nah, too easy. She's riding in the backseat of Xander's car, with Xander driving and Buffy riding shotgun. Dawn's very excited that Buffy will be working at Sunnydale High, although she does remind Buffy, "You understand you cannot talk to me, look at me, or hang out with any of my friends, right?" No seeing Dawn -- check. We understand, Dawn, and we hope to comply fully for the rest of the season. Buffy worries a little about her "fuzzy job description," and Dawn doesn't really bring the unfuzzy when she notes Buffy will be "dealing with troubled kids." Xander quips that the kids at Sunnydale don't have much to be troubled about, excepting all the drugs, pregnancy and "hordes of Armageddon" in the basement, of course. He then delivers a treacley, clunky paean to how lucky the kids will be to have a Slayer watching out for them and how much he appreciated it when he was there. He seriously sounds like he about eighty years old and reminiscing in the Sunny Lawns Retirement Home. Mutant Enemy doesn't have any idea how grown-up responsible people act, do they? And why is this scene still happening? The car drives along, I yawn, and Xander notes that at least in high school he was dating. Buffy says he could be doing that now, but reminds him that deserting his bride at the altar just a few months before might be what's holding him back. Oh, ya think? Xander bitches that Anya seems to have "bounced back" from the experience by becoming a demon again, and I sigh at his lack of insight. Dawn wants to know if Xander and Anya ever talk, and it seems they don't, although he has seen her at the Bronze a few times talking to scorned women. Wait, they know Anya's a demon again and they know where she's practicing and they haven't tried to do anything about it? I hope they have insider information that she isn't really hurting anyone, otherwise their decision to let her continue to curse people all summer seems pretty crappy. Demons in Sunnydale better watch out for the fearsome Slayer! Oh, except all the ones sleeping with her or her friends. "You guys really need to ease up with the whole dating demons thing," teases Dawn. Hell yeah! Let's make that our motto for season seven. Buffy reminds Dawn of her night of wilding-lite with a vampire boy and I suddenly realize I'm watching an episode of Buffy for Dummies. This entire scene is clunky exposition for a brand-new viewer; hence the recap of last week's episode, the giant glowing arrow over Buffy's head that reads Slayer, the recapping of Xander and Buffy's high school friendship, and Xander's relationship with Anya. Sheesh, I knew this scene was buggin' for a reason.

By Ace

She heads for the basement, looking for Spike. The rats are there, but no Spike. The door slams behind her.

Back at the ranch, or uh, the pastoral estate in Westbury, England, Willow sits on a suitcase in a doorway, looking out. What a beautiful place. Seeing it combined with hearing his heartbreaking song about missing his daughters ("Babies [the in between]") helps me to understand why Tony Head wanted so much to go home. Giles, looking delicious in leather, comes up behind Willow. He leans in and confides, "Taxi's here." I, for one, have never felt more thrilled or excited to hear the word "taxi." Willow doesn't make a move and Giles gently teases her, "And in keeping with quaint old British tradition, you would now be expected to get into it." Willow's not sure she can; she feels she's not done with her work in England. When he says it's her fear talking, she admits it is but asks if she should ignore her instincts. She's afraid of going home and "screwing up again." The taxi beeps. Giles asks Willow to be specific about her fears. I'll tell you mine, Giles! I'm afraid Willow's going home to Sunnydale and we'll never see you again! Just keep her with you for the episode, or twenty, okay? Oh, I guess we were talking about Willow. Fine. She's worried about not being able to handle the problems that are brewing in the Hellmouth, and that if she does try to handle them she'll end up all "veiny and homicidal again." Giles wonders if she's actually worried that the Scoobies won't take her back. Oh, hell, Willow. After the freakin' red carpet treatment murderers like Spike and Anya get, no worries for you, huh? You killed two people? Small potatoes compared to the Demon Lover contingent. Giles crouches down in front of her but doesn't say any of that. Instead he chooses to tell her that no matter how long she stays in England, she will never become more sure that the "friends [she] left behind [her] are still [her] friends." Yikes. "You may not be wanted," he continues, "but you will be needed." He pats her knees and stands. Swoon, Uh, sorry. Giles tells her to trust herself and then opens an umbrella to walk her out to the taxi. Oh, Willow, don't leave the sheltering protection of Giles!

Nighttime in Sunnydale. A random woman walks a small dog along the sidewalk. The dog stops and growls and Random Woman (whose name turns out to be Nancy) tells him to do his business quickly. She lets him crap on the sidewalk? Nice manners, Nancy. She is carrying a plastic bag for removal, but still. The dog continues to growl and Nancy grouses, "Could have gotten a cat, but nooo." I'd certainly take a cat over one of those tiny, greasy-looking dogs any day. Hell, who am I trying to kid? I'd take a cat over just about anything except Giles, FedExed to my doorstep and wearing a leather coat like in the last scene. Suddenly, with a crumbling noise and a little whimper, the greasy dog vanishes through a new sinkhole in the sidewalk. Looks like the thing from the teaser got him. Nancy is still attached to the dog's leash, however, and she's dragged toward the hole. As she reaches the edge of the hole, something bursts up through it, smashing the sidewalk apart. Nancy somehow detaches herself from the leash and runs away screaming. She promptly slams right into Xander.

We cut to Nancy sitting on the sofa in the Summers' living room, explaining her recent adventure to Xander, Buffy and Dawn. So that whole thing where the door slammed behind Buffy in the school basement earlier was just…nothing? Huh. Nancy looks an awful lot like the unfortunate love-child of Hilary Swank and that girl who played Julie on Felicity. Trying to explain what she saw, Nancy says, "And whatever it was, it was big and strong. Stronger than…" She trails off and then admits that everyone hears about weird events like this living in Sunnydale, but "nobody actually believes them." Buffy, who is bandaging Nancy's hand, makes a funny face. Nancy worries that her new friends think she's crazy, but they assure her they don't. "We're going to take care of this," machos Xander, "It's your lucky night!" He realizes he's being insensitive and continues, "Considering, you know, your dog just got all ate up and stuff." Nancy looks queasy. Xander makes a "D'oh!" face. After some questioning, Nancy says the only warning of the attack was a rumbling, which causes Buffy to make the connection to her dream. "From beneath you it devours," she muses, and Dawn looks concerned. I think we were supposed to be misdirected that the sidewalk worm was the very entity foretold in Buffy's dream and haunting Spike in the basement, but it didn't work on me for one second. I mean, I wasn't spoiled at all, but somehow I knew we weren't going to see a Big Bad this early in the season. "Shall we round up the gang?" inquires Dawn, but Xander has to remind her that they pretty much are the gang. Buffy promises to find the dog that Nancy seems so very unconcerned about losing. "The only thing I need is a little..." Buffy continues, and although I don't think she was going to say "a little vampire ex-slam-piece," Spike appears in the living room anyway. Will these people never learn to lock their doors? If I lived in Sunnydale and had seen what they've seen, I'd have six kinds of locks and seven magical spells on every possible entrance to my house. And I guess Buffy forgot to have the mystical vampire locks changed after "Seeing Red," or else Spike lost his vampirism when he gained his soul. Instead of a soul, I wish Deep-Throaty Demon had given Spike some freakin' BOUNDARIES! "What you need is help," declares Spike, who has bleached and cut his hair since earlier in the episode. Well, Spike honey, I think you could have helped Buffy by not showing up in her living room unannounced and startling the crap out of her, considering how your last sane encounter with her went down. "Fortunately, you've got me," continues Spike. Cocky much, Mr. Bugfuckcrazy? Oh man, the first time I typed that I actually typed "Buffyfuckcrazy" by mistake. The camera pulls in close on surprised Buffy.

After the suspenseful commercial break, Spike nods a greeting to Buffy, who is still staring at him, jaw dropped. Maybe she's wondering if he's wearing Superman Underoos that match his super-tight blue shirt. Or perhaps she's thinking, as I was, that no man who isn't a ballet dancer has any excuse wearing a shirt with three-quarter length sleeves. Buffy gets up quickly and Nancy, sensing the sudden tension in the room, asks about the new arrival. Xander and Dawn stutter about for an explanation, which Xander finally finds in the succinct word, "ex." As in Buffy's ex-lust-puppy. Buffy says Spike has changed: new clothes and hair, and "not so much with the crazy." She approves of that, but remains curtly curious as to what he wants. Spike points out that he's not too happy to be there "surrounded by people who don't particularly like" him, but he wants to speak to her about something. Xander blusters about pointy weapons, which freaks Nancy out a little, but Spike pretty much ignores him. I get why Xander is protective of Buffy, but I think generally he can step back and let her handle the threatening with violence. She much more capable and believable. Spike admits he was a mess the last time Buffy saw him, and it comes as a surprise to Dawn and Xander that Spike is referring to last week and not, say, last season. Dawn's pretty pissed that Buffy didn't spill the beans on that and dings Buffy a good one about only letting her and Xander in on stuff when it's convenient. At least Dawn's snotty teen moments are much more on-target and justified this season. Buffy and Spike step out into the foyer to talk. She tells him not to apologize; he says he's there to help, not to "atone." However, the only information he has is that "something's coming." Something big. That's all he's got? And that justified breaking (okay, walking) into her house uninvited? "Am I wrong?" he asks. "Everything about you is wrong, Spike," snits Buffy, perhaps thinking again about his incredibly silly blue leotard top. Spike makes to leave, but turns back when Buffy admits that something is coming. He again offers to help. Buffy is skeptical about him playing the "champion of the people," but accepts his offer. Oh, God. Not the "c" word. Please, not the "c" word. I vote that in all future Buffy and Angel scripts the "c" word should be replaced with "chimp." Just think of the comedy potential!

By Ace

Anyway, the principal thinks students will want to talk to Buffy and advises her that she shouldn't judge or evaluate them. Her role will be just to listen and provide understanding. Oh, please. Nobody is going to open up to anyone else in a cubicle. Buffy seems to have missed the point entirely though, because she just asks all excitedly, "Can I give detention?" Wow, Little Miss Power Trip. Sure, give them detention. In a listening and understanding way. Sigh. Why would she even be dishing out punishment unless the students directly break rules while in her office? Wood says she can give detention and admonishes her not to make friends with the kids, because if she does so "these students will eat [her] alive." Buffy asks, "You heard about Principal Flutie, right?" "He was the one whose woolly-headed, liberal thinking lead to his being eaten, right?" asks Wood. Actually not. I just missed Snyder for a moment. Wood just looks confused and then makes a lame attempt to relax Buffy by adding, "There's only three things these kids understand: the boot, the bat and the bastinado." He chuckles but spots Buffy's blank look and muses that no one ever gets the joke because they don't know what a bastinado is. "Wooden rod used to slap the soles of the feet in Turkish prisons, but if made with the correct wood, makes an awesome billy club," dictionaries Buffy. The principal thinks she'll "fit in just fine." Buffy's curious as to why she has the job, suggesting that perhaps Wood "enjoyed [her] work at the Doublemeat Palace." Hee. Nope, he's a vegetarian. Guess he doesn't know the secret of the meat there. He doesn't know much, does he? Anyway, he's not a vegetarian with a very good answer to Buffy's question, as he just replies that the students need someone who understands them. That's not any more of an answer than it was the first six times we heard it this episode. Then he wonders if there's something he should know about Buffy; she claims she can't think of anything. After Principal Wood leaves to discipline some students, Buffy decides to snoop around the school some more.

She heads for the basement, looking for Spike. The rats are there, but no Spike. The door slams behind her.

Xander has walked Worm Bait Nancy back to her building and they stand around like morons waiting for one of them to work up the courage to asking the other out. Nancy hits on Xander, asking if she could call him sometime. He's amiable to the idea saying that he's "very listed." Shouldn't he take this opportunity to remind her of his last name, or give her his business card? She turns to go to her apartment, but the building starts to tremble. "I just got a swell idea," says Xander. "Run!" he finishes as the glass panel of the door shatters and the tiles in the floor are violently displaced by the burrowing of From Beneath You It Causes a Little Havoc. I'm starting to think that maybe Xander is smarter than I've given him credit for in the past. Going into construction in Sunnydale seems like a very perceptive occupational choice. Xander and Worm Bait Nancy run and run until they predictably stumble on some stairs and the (need I even mention?) extremely phallic Little Havoc worm emerges from under the floor. Then we cut to what I can only assume must be some leftover footage from Dune or Tremors as we focus in on the worm. Seriously, the shot looks as out of place and differently lit as if it were stock footage. Little Havoc screams at them and then retreats back underground because…because…because we've got more than thirty minutes left to fill in this episode. Best I can come up with. Xander realizes that since Little Havoc attacked Nancy twice in one night it must have some connection with her. Nancy grouses about the oddness of her present situation a bit saying, "Ronnie would love this." With a little help from the Exposition Fairy (who has possessed both participants in this scene) we learn that Ronnie is Nancy's stalker-lite ex-boyfriend whom she characterizes as "trouble." Xander suspects that Ronnie might be the kind of trouble that summons supernatural worm things, but Worm Bait Nancy classifies him as more of an "abusive bastard." Xander and Worm Bait Nancy then commiserate over the fact that both of their exes are ruining their lives (although in that regard I think Xander is bending the truth a bit.) Worm Bait Nancy goes on to ask, "And you get so tired of feeling helpless that all you can do is just wish that it would stop?" Xander, having heard the forbidden "w" word, grimaces with an inkling as to what might have happened.

Cut to the Bronze, where Anya is plying her trade on yet another unsuspecting and lovelorn female who really, really reminds me of Karen with a K from "Superstar." "And you know what I wish?" Possibly Karen says, leaning in to the table. "God, do I want to," replies Anya.

Commercials. How much do I love that Siegfried and Roy commercial where they're hanging out in 7-11 microwaving burritos and letting the tiger have its way with the candy aisle? It's my absolute favorite commercial of the moment.

We return from a message from our sponsors to the Bronze. "You were saying?" prompts Anya. And huh? That has to be the clumsiest and stupidest place to have put a commercial break in the entire history of television. Excepting, of course, the one in the middle of the "Seeing Red" rape scene. Possibly Karen with a K tries to remember where they were. "I want more quesadillas?" Because it often happens that you completely lose your train of thought when interrupted by three minutes of commercials in the middle of a conversation. Anya leads Possibly Karen back onto the subject of her cheating ex-boyfriend and is trying to coax her into wishing for something better than "spineless" when her attention is diverted to something across the Bronze. "Oh, penis," grumps Anya, as Xander leads Worm Bait Nancy to her table. It is established that Anya is indeed the person that Nancy was talking to when the dangerous "w" word was uttered. Anya dispatches Possibly Karen and then Buffy and Spike join the funfest as well. Anya snits, "I am working here." Buffy places a big frickin' knife on the table as she says, "We noticed." Took you long enough. Under Xander's superior cross-examination (a direct question actually), Anya admits that she did indeed turn Ronnie into Little Havoc. Anya's upset that Worm Bait Nancy ratted her out to the gang, and Xander tries to explain to Nancy that Anya can make things happen. Poor Worm Bait Nancy is sickened by the whole unbearable worminess of Ronnie. Buffy snappishly informs Anya that Ronnie Worm ate Nancy's dog. "Oh! Puppy," squeaks Anya with concern; Xander's a little outraged that a dead dog gets Anya's "sad noise" when she's so unconcerned about how she's affecting people's lives. Nancy asks who Anya is and then follows a bunch of exposition for all the new viewers about who slept with whom which I'm not going to waste my time recapping because anyone who is reading this is very likely to have already seen this episode as well as every episode that has come before it. Suffice it to say that, after the explanation, when Nancy tartly asks if there is anyone there who hasn't slept together, Spike and Xander exchange a look. Amusing, but hardly worth the clunky setup. Buffy pulls everyone back on track, asking how Ronnie got to be such a very large worm. Anya is forced to admit that she "embellished" her spell a little, turning Ronnie not into a worm but some sort of demon that has a name that sounds like Sodoff. I wish I had a Sodoff demon that I could sic on anyone who was bugging me. Xander tells Anya that she'll just have to "unembellish." Anya's response is a firm, "Bite me, Harris. I have rules to work with." And there are codes of conduct for vengeance demons that she could never possibly explain because her present company is just so banal and human. "I'm not," growls Spike. "Now you're going to turn this spell around…" Anya is gazing deep into his eyes, seemingly fascinated. "How did you do it?" she wants to know. Spike becomes very agitated that his shiny soul-shaped secret is close to being revealed. He repeatedly tells Anya to shut her gob as she excitedly keeps asking him how he managed to come by "it." She asks with a childlike wonder that is really almost endearing. She ignores his requests for her to drop the subject and continues throwing questions his way. Then Spike hauls off and slugs Anya simply for being very close to revealing something he'd rather keep secret, and in the process learns that you can buy all the Build-Your-Own Soul kits you want but it doesn't automatically make you a worthwhile person. Anya falls to the ground hard; Worm Bait Nancy finds the scene a little too intense and takes off. Spike, dissatisfied despite Anya's silence, stands over her and slugs her again. She boots him off and gets into her game face. She and Spike (who's in vamp face) circle each other until Spike is set upon by Buffy. They trade a couple of punches and Spike, with his old Spike persona and pre-crazy-freak delivery, taunts, "I guess this is first contact since you know when," referring of course to the attempted rape. I hate the way he tends to refuse to return her punches while egging her on to beat him. Aw, that Spike. What a prince. I can see now that he's really the type of man that Buffy deserves. How could I have ever doubted his love for her? Or maybe it's just the crazy talking in this scene. In which case…nah, he still bugs me. Xander interrupts, suggesting that Buffy might want to go after Nancy since she's "worm bait" and in danger to boot. Worm Bait walks down the street wanting nothing more than to get home and away from these "freaks," but she's only made it a short way before the trembling starts up again. She runs. Bangs on a door. Cries for help and then climbs up a roof-access ladder on the side of a building. The rumbling stops for a moment but then the building starts to shake and the ladder starts coming loose. Buffy, skipping across the rooftops, notices and Spike trails behind her.

"What do you want me to do?" Anya asks sourly back at the Bronze. To Xander, the solution of reversing the spell is simple and clear, but Anya explains that she's in hot water with D'Hoffryn already. "Nice friends you've got," notes Xander. "Nice friends I had" corrects Anya. She had the whole kit 'n' kaboodle until Xander left her at the altar. "And sooner or later, Anya, that excuse just stops working," Xander replies. Which is true. I know I've thankfully blocked out a large part of season six but I don't recall those scenes in which the gang completely snubbed Anya and then packed her into some inter-dimensional minivan and drove her straight into the arms of D'Hoffryn. Was Xander leaving her on the day of their wedding a shitty thing to do? Yup. Was Anya returning to her old life a hasty reaction that was briefly understandable under the circumstances? Yup. But it's been a number of months now and she's had plenty of time for a little cold reflection as to what she wants to do with her life. The clock on my patience with Anya as a character is ticking.

By Ace

Ace: Stop it. You're depressing me.

Xander and Anya arrive. "You," says Worm Bait Nancy to Anya, "You did this. What are you?" She stares daggers and then leaves. I kinda hope Xander doesn't get involved with her in the future, as she seemed rather unconcerned about the fates of both her little dog and Ronnie. Buffy tells Xander that help will soon arrive and orders him to look after the wounded Ronnie as she runs after Spike. Xander throws some props Anya's way, telling her that reversing the spell "took guts." Ew! Not literally I hope. Considering the impaled Ronnie lying in a dirty alleyway, Anya is unsure if reversing the spell was the right decision. Xander attempts to comfort her with "it could be worse." "Oh it will be," intones Anya as she thinks about what D'Hoffryn has in store for her.

Buffy jogs through the graveyard until she comes upon a church. Church right to a cemetery? Eerily efficient. Buffy enters and looks around for Spike. Now that I can get a good look at that top without the jacket, I hate it. It looks like nothing so much as trashy Wal-Mart lingerie. I like her necklace though. The mother-of-pearl pendant looks like a Chinese throwing star. It's exactly the kind of jewelry a Slayer should have. "Didn't work," comes a voice out of the darkness. Buffy spins around, momentarily frightened by Spike's shirtless torso as she again thinks back to the night Spike tried to violate her. "The costume," he explains, tossing away the balled-up blue shirt. What was the costume supposed to be anyway, Doug Henning? Buffy is freaked and tells him that she's not interested in any more "mind games." "No more mind games," he agrees, "No more mind." Hee. "Tell me what happened to you," Buffy demands, reaching out to trace the scars on his chest. He flinches away all crazy and confused, rambling about flesh, and tells her not to touch him. But then he fumbles at the button of his pants saying, "Get it hard. Service the girl." Buffy grabs at his hands to stop him, he grabs her by the neck and she throws him into a row of pews. "Right," muses Spike, "Girl doesn't want to be serviced. Because there's no spark. Ain't we in a soddin' engine?" Buffy is all, "Have you completely lost your mind?" Ace and Ash scream in unison, "Well, DUH!" A glimmer of the old Spike appears as he backs us up, "Well, yes. Where have you been all night?" Buffy tells him, "This is all you get. I'm listening. Tell me what happened." Spike chomps his way through some pews and a few backdrops as he tells her that he went looking for the "spark." You simply can't recap crazy. A recap isn't a random non-sequitur generator, you know. She didn't want him, hence the search for the spark. He retreats into the shadows and tells her that he dreamed of killing her. I wonder if he's seeing the visions of the other girls dying and Buffy is among their number, or if whatever he got along with the soul made him have these dreams. Buffy decides that this would be a good time to arm herself. Spike babbles on about being weak and spilling his salt over her ending, but I'm very distracted by the chomping noises coming from his direction. Good thing there's a lot of scenery in this scene. Wouldn't like to think of what might happen if they were to run out and he had to move onto chewing something else. "They put the spark in me. Now all it does is burn." Is that what that is? I always chalked it up to indigestion. I guess I need some Soulox. Spike mentions his soul in conjunction with Angel, and Buffy can't seem to handle what she's realizing. "Your soul," whispers Buffy in shock. Think about how much cooler this would be if we, the audience, the people who this show is ostensibly made for, didn't already know that Spike had his soul. Might have generated some suspense. I wonder whatever happened to my good pal Suspense anyway? Oh, well. At least the dreaded Martiphor is away on maternity leave. I guess you can't have everything. "It's what you wanted, right?" asks Spike, looking directly into Buffy's eyes. Um, I'd say that's a definite "no." He looks skyward. "It's what YOU wanted, right?" Oh great. The last thing this show needs is to drag God into things.

Ash: So, Buffy has an over-reaching plot and a weekly plot, right?

By Ace

Excepting, of course, the one in the middle of the "Seeing Red" rape scene. Possibly Karen with a K tries to remember where they were. "I want more quesadillas?" Because it often happens that you completely lose your train of thought when interrupted by three minutes of commercials in the middle of a conversation. Anya leads Possibly Karen back onto the subject of her cheating ex-boyfriend and is trying to coax her into wishing for something better than "spineless" when her attention is diverted to something across the Bronze. "Oh, penis," grumps Anya, as Xander leads Worm Bait Nancy to her table. It is established that Anya is indeed the person that Nancy was talking to when the dangerous "w" word was uttered. Anya dispatches Possibly Karen and then Buffy and Spike join the funfest as well. Anya snits, "I am working here." Buffy places a big frickin' knife on the table as she says, "We noticed." Took you long enough. Under Xander's superior cross-examination (a direct question actually), Anya admits that she did indeed turn Ronnie into Little Havoc. Anya's upset that Worm Bait Nancy ratted her out to the gang, and Xander tries to explain to Nancy that Anya can make things happen. Poor Worm Bait Nancy is sickened by the whole unbearable worminess of Ronnie. Buffy snappishly informs Anya that Ronnie Worm ate Nancy's dog. "Oh! Puppy," squeaks Anya with concern; Xander's a little outraged that a dead dog gets Anya's "sad noise" when she's so unconcerned about how she's affecting people's lives. Nancy asks who Anya is and then follows a bunch of exposition for all the new viewers about who slept with whom which I'm not going to waste my time recapping because anyone who is reading this is very likely to have already seen this episode as well as every episode that has come before it. Suffice it to say that, after the explanation, when Nancy tartly asks if there is anyone there who hasn't slept together, Spike and Xander exchange a look. Amusing, but hardly worth the clunky setup. Buffy pulls everyone back on track, asking how Ronnie got to be such a very large worm. Anya is forced to admit that she "embellished" her spell a little, turning Ronnie not into a worm but some sort of demon that has a name that sounds like Sodoff. I wish I had a Sodoff demon that I could sic on anyone who was bugging me. Xander tells Anya that she'll just have to "unembellish." Anya's response is a firm, "Bite me, Harris. I have rules to work with." And there are codes of conduct for vengeance demons that she could never possibly explain because her present company is just so banal and human. "I'm not," growls Spike. "Now you're going to turn this spell around…" Anya is gazing deep into his eyes, seemingly fascinated. "How did you do it?" she wants to know. Spike becomes very agitated that his shiny soul-shaped secret is close to being revealed. He repeatedly tells Anya to shut her gob as she excitedly keeps asking him how he managed to come by "it." She asks with a childlike wonder that is really almost endearing. She ignores his requests for her to drop the subject and continues throwing questions his way. Then Spike hauls off and slugs Anya simply for being very close to revealing something he'd rather keep secret, and in the process learns that you can buy all the Build-Your-Own Soul kits you want but it doesn't automatically make you a worthwhile person. Anya falls to the ground hard; Worm Bait Nancy finds the scene a little too intense and takes off. Spike, dissatisfied despite Anya's silence, stands over her and slugs her again. She boots him off and gets into her game face. She and Spike (who's in vamp face) circle each other until Spike is set upon by Buffy. They trade a couple of punches and Spike, with his old Spike persona and pre-crazy-freak delivery, taunts, "I guess this is first contact since you know when," referring of course to the attempted rape. I hate the way he tends to refuse to return her punches while egging her on to beat him. Aw, that Spike. What a prince. I can see now that he's really the type of man that Buffy deserves. How could I have ever doubted his love for her? Or maybe it's just the crazy talking in this scene. In which case…nah, he still bugs me. Xander interrupts, suggesting that Buffy might want to go after Nancy since she's "worm bait" and in danger to boot. Worm Bait walks down the street wanting nothing more than to get home and away from these "freaks," but she's only made it a short way before the trembling starts up again. She runs. Bangs on a door. Cries for help and then climbs up a roof-access ladder on the side of a building. The rumbling stops for a moment but then the building starts to shake and the ladder starts coming loose. Buffy, skipping across the rooftops, notices and Spike trails behind her.

By Ace

Worm Bait is just about to be devoured by Ronnie Worm when Buffy swings in and plucks her from the ladder. They land on a pile of broken wood and all is quiet for a moment. Buffy paces about and Worm Bait Nancy hides behind a Dumpster. Ronnie Worm smashes up through the pavement right to Buffy as Spike leaps into the alley and grabs a piece of rebar. He beats Ronnie Worm around the mouth and is moving in for the kill when Ronnie Worm morphs back into human Ronnie. Spike drives the rebar right through Ronnie's right shoulder. Ronnie screams in pain. Spike screams in pain as the chip kicks in. I sigh in relief as we go to a commercial.

Back in the alley, Spike chokes out an apology and yanks out the rebar as Buffy springs into action, grabbing an abandoned blanket and calling 911. It seems that both Ronnie and Spike have gone into shock. "Wrong maneuver. Not hardly helpful," panics Spike, and then screams, "Help me!!!" Buffy snaps at him that he's "not the one who needs help." Oh but he really, really is. Spike paces and begins his Rain Man impression, mumbling, "Toomuchtoomuchtoomuch" and clutching at his head. He flails his hands at an invisible assailant and Buffy tells him to take whatever mental fit he's throwing somewhere else. Yes, please. Watching Spike rant and rave isn't my idea of thrilling television. Buffy looks like she has no idea how to deal with the Spike of the moment and instead turns her attention back to Ronnie. Spike kneels by her, telling her, "All this is just the beginning, love. The real headliner's coming and when that band hits the stage all this will come tumbling in death. And screaming horror. And bloodshed." He points a finger at the ground (with a strange hand-gesture that reminds me a lot of an ex of mine) and pontificates, "From beneath you it devours." Buffy just stares, at a total loss for words. Spike takes a moment to mourn the greasy little dog I'd already forgotten about and then takes off, running clumsily down the alley.

By Ace

Ash: Heh. He's gone all Improv Workshop 101.
Ace: Eh, what?
Ash: The crazy-talk. It's a standard beginning improv assignment. I've seen it done just like that a ton of times. Done it a few times myself.
Ace: You? Tall, silent and disturbingly even-tempered? You're the least actorly personality I know. I'd pay to see that. Do it now! Do it now!
Ash: So you can yell at me for talking during Buffy? No way. Must've been an easy episode to write, though. Just set up a framework, tell Marsters the few things he needs to fit in and let him work his improv mojo for twenty minutes.
Ace: Stop it. You're depressing me.

By Ace

It's exactly the kind of jewelry a Slayer should have. "Didn't work," comes a voice out of the darkness. Buffy spins around, momentarily frightened by Spike's shirtless torso as she again thinks back to the night Spike tried to violate her. "The costume," he explains, tossing away the balled-up blue shirt. What was the costume supposed to be anyway, Doug Henning? Buffy is freaked and tells him that she's not interested in any more "mind games." "No more mind games," he agrees, "No more mind." Hee. "Tell me what happened to you," Buffy demands, reaching out to trace the scars on his chest. He flinches away all crazy and confused, rambling about flesh, and tells her not to touch him. But then he fumbles at the button of his pants saying, "Get it hard. Service the girl." Buffy grabs at his hands to stop him, he grabs her by the neck and she throws him into a row of pews. "Right," muses Spike, "Girl doesn't want to be serviced. Because there's no spark. Ain't we in a soddin' engine?" Buffy is all, "Have you completely lost your mind?" Ace and Ash scream in unison, "Well, DUH!" A glimmer of the old Spike appears as he backs us up, "Well, yes. Where have you been all night?" Buffy tells him, "This is all you get. I'm listening. Tell me what happened." Spike chomps his way through some pews and a few backdrops as he tells her that he went looking for the "spark." You simply can't recap crazy. A recap isn't a random non-sequitur generator, you know. She didn't want him, hence the search for the spark. He retreats into the shadows and tells her that he dreamed of killing her. I wonder if he's seeing the visions of the other girls dying and Buffy is among their number, or if whatever he got along with the soul made him have these dreams. Buffy decides that this would be a good time to arm herself. Spike babbles on about being weak and spilling his salt over her ending, but I'm very distracted by the chomping noises coming from his direction. Good thing there's a lot of scenery in this scene. Wouldn't like to think of what might happen if they were to run out and he had to move onto chewing something else. "They put the spark in me. Now all it does is burn." Is that what that is? I always chalked it up to indigestion. I guess I need some Soulox. Spike mentions his soul in conjunction with Angel, and Buffy can't seem to handle what she's realizing. "Your soul," whispers Buffy in shock. Think about how much cooler this would be if we, the audience, the people who this show is ostensibly made for, didn't already know that Spike had his soul. Might have generated some suspense. I wonder whatever happened to my good pal Suspense anyway? Oh, well. At least the dreaded Martiphor is away on maternity leave. I guess you can't have everything. "It's what you wanted, right?" asks Spike, looking directly into Buffy's eyes. Um, I'd say that's a definite "no." He looks skyward. "It's what YOU wanted, right?" Oh great. The last thing this show needs is to drag God into things.

By Ace

Ash: So, Buffy has an over-reaching plot and a weekly plot, right?
Ace: Very perceptive, honey.
Ash: A season plot and an episode plot, you might say. And no other plots at all?
Ace: Sadly, no. Not for the past few seasons.
Ash: Can I go read my magazine -- hey, what's that? You're reading my Linux Journal. Double hypocrite. You said I couldn't and you always rag on how dull it is.
Ace: Not duller than this, baby. Not duller than this.

"And now everybody's in here-uh. Tawking." I think Spike must have some scenery stuck between his teeth because he's having a terrible time enunciating and sticking with an accent. "Everything I did. Everyone I…and him…and it...the other…the thing. Beneath you. It's here too." So is the thing "beneath her" the Spike entity, as she told him in "Fool for Love," or is it the morphing basement entity? Apparently the whole big rowdy party in his head agrees on one thing -- that he should go to Hell. Buffy looks horrified, appalled, something. She wants to know why Spike did this. Um, he already told you that, Buffster. Try to stay awake, okay? If I have to, you have to. "Buffy, shame on you," Spike says, "Why does a man do what he mustn't? To be hers. To be the kind of man who would never…" He catches sight of the cross on the altar and warbles, "And she shall look on him with forgiveness. And everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved." Spike hugs the cross, leaning against it. Smoke begins to curdle upwards. "Can we rest now? Buffy, can we rest?" Two little tears run down Buffy's face. Maybe Spike can wipe them away with his plastic soul. And we fade to black as Spike has finally chewed through all possible scenery. Even those vamp incisors were no match for that metal cross.