Previously, everyone dumped everyone else, the Legion of Dim spied on Buffy, Dawn's kleptomania issues were exposed, and oh yeah -- Buffy, in a hallucinogenic fugue state, tried to kill all her nearest and dearest. Just another day in Sunnydale.
Two vamps run through a cemetery, pursued by the Legion of Dim riding ATVs with big stakes on front. Huh. I don't think you could actually stake a vamp in the heart with those things. That's kinda lame. Where are the super-soakers with holy water? Andrew worries that the vamps are going to get away, and Jonathan expositions that they desperately need the disk that the vamps are carrying. One of the vamps knocks a nerd off his ATV, and the others quickly crash, thus giving the vamps time to make a run for a nearby gate. They think they're home free, but in actuality they've got Slayer problems. Buffy fights with the vamps, and while she's so occupied, Warren creeps up behind her and grabs the dropped disk. Suddenly one of the vamps rises into the air, and the camera pulls back to reveal Spike sitting on top of the gate, effortlessly swinging the vamp by the collar. He asks how Buffy is handling things, and although she's struggling slightly, she claims to have the sitch under control. Spike offers to take care of the vamp he has restrained if Buffy will do one simple little thing for him. Buffy has obviously heard all of this before; she doesn't miss a beat in exasperatedly saying that she's not going to tell her friends about them. Now that their "relationship" is over, I can't figure out why Spike would want the Scoobs to know so badly, except to try to exert some weird control over her. After refusing Spike's deal, Buffy neatly calls Spike's bluff by saying that while she won't tell the Scoobs, he is more than welcome to, since the events of the last episode have shown her that even when she tries to murder her peeps, they looooove her, so they'll be able to deal with her sleeping with Spike. Can I just give Buffy two cheers and a few hearty props for finally standing up to Spike's creepy emotional manipulation? Faced, Spike! Of course, Buffy's logic only holds up if she forgets everything she's ever known about Xander. The writers certainly have. Buffy turns to walk away as Spike lets his captive loose (why didn't that dumb vamp wiggle out of his coat at some point?). The vamp quickly runs after Buffy instead of running the other way to save his own undead ass, but stops and turns with a look of total "Da fuck?" when Spike calls out, "In that case why don't you sleep with me again?" Buffy nonchalantly stakes the vamp and sighs, "Because I don't love you." "Like hell," sulks Spike. Delusional much?
Xander's new apartment that I've been unable to come up with a catchy name for. Sep keeps trying to sell me on The Non-Basement of Debasement, but I think she's lost her edge. The set dressers are really overdoing it with the red light that's everywhere, but I guess it's not as anvilicious as if they had used blue light. Because Xander is, quite clearly, feeling blue. He's sitting on the floor, listening to country music and drinking out of a dark brown bottle that's supposed to be beer, but he's cleverly covering the label so parents across the land can tell their kids that it's only sarsaparilla. He looks purty sad. Oh well. He gets up, grabs his coat off the chair, and takes off. As he walks down the front walk, the camera pans over to some bushes, and Anya steps out from behind them, looking like some sort of misplaced Spiegel model in her sensible gray turtleneck and mulberry overcoat. She turns to the camera and says, "The worsted wool of this stylish yet affordable coat will keep you warm on the endless string of cold and lonely nights after your beloved leaves you at the altar. It also comes in heather gray!" Also, her hair looks like chicken-fried ass. I guess she's in pain too.
Buffy, Willow, and Xander are hanging out in the Summers's dining room, where Willow is attempting to trace the signal from the hidden camera. She says she should be able to snag the signal as soon as she can "tap into the fiber optic network." If you say so, Red. Willow types and taps on her laptop (which we all know always makes for fascinating television) as Xander muses that if the culprit is not Spike, then they all know who it is. Buffy grits out that she wants to find the Dimsters.
In the Dimsters' lair, beta-nerd Jonathan lights a candle as the usual crappy, twinkly soundtrack plays. He props up the disk from the teaser in front of the candle as Warren and Andrew look on. After a sprinkling of magic powder, the disk begins to glow brightly, and the candle shoots out a beam of light that goes through the disk and then focuses on a map lying on the floor. The map is old and appears to say "Map of Sunnydale" across the top. I say "appears" because it was hard to read, what with my cheap VCR and dinky TV. As the beam pinpoints a location on the map, Jonathan leaps up in glee and cackles, "They're digging in the wrong place!" Then he and Andrew do a happy jig arm-in-arm. Okay, not really, but they might as well have, considering what a direct, um, "homage" this scene is to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Between this and the "Short Round" thing earlier, I'm wondering what's with all the references to movies in the Indiana Jones series. Jonathan says, "There. There's where we have to go," and it seems that Warren is threatening to dispose of him ("Well, now that we've found out where we're supposed to go...") when the map catches on fire. Much shouting.
Der Zauber Kasten. Anya and Spike do shots with the conveniently-left-behind-by-Giles shot glasses they have found. Spike, without using Buffy's name, complains about her "real for you" speech earlier in the episode. Anya is totally not concerned with Spike's romantic anguish and just wants to get back to the topic of Xander. She whines, "Nobody seems to care enough to do anything," and if I cared at all about her character or her stupid relationship with Xander, I might stop to ponder what she seriously thinks other people are supposed to "do" about the failure of her relationship. But I don't care, so I don't have to bear that burden! Whee! Back and forth between Spike and Anya about how awful Xander is and how Spike would take him on himself if not for the chip. Big words, impotent boy. Anya's attempts to get Spike to make a wish about Xander are not successful.
Lair of Dim. Jonathan runs back into the room with a fire extinguisher and whines about Warren and Andrew putting out the fire with his blankie.
Willow, tapping and typing, says she might have the signal.
Anya and Spike, doing more drinking and complaining about their humanity and chip, respectively. They both claim they were going to just "use" their partners, but then get soppy. "She was so raw. Never felt anything like it," muses Spike, which just gave me a giant "ew" because I could only think how uncomfortable that must have been for Buffy. Somebody should tell her they have creams for that. More commiserating about how they began to care about the other person's opinions and changed to suit them.
Typing. Tapping. Willow says there are "firewalls and booby traps," but assures Buffy and Xander, "Hey, I'm still me." Ego much, Willow? And most fans this season would argue that you are not at all you. Tapping. Typing. Did Hollywood learn nothing from The Net? Willow discovers that there are other cameras.
Spike and Anya. Toasting and drinking. Nothing they did was enough. Spike complains that he saved the Scoobies even though he "can't stand" them, and Anya agrees, "Me either! I hate us." She bitches that they never say what's on their minds, and Spike assures her that she does and that's why she's the only one he wouldn't bite if he had the chance. Sorry, but I don't buy this scene at all. I find it utterly unconvincing. I don't believe these people are drunk, I don't believe that Spike ever thought twice about Anya's personality and whether he would bite her, and I don't believe the very contrived drunken sex that's upcoming. Maybe that's because I was spoiled for this whole scene? Lauding forthright women, Spike slurs, "Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on in front of her, but she was straight about it." Is there a difference between being straightforward and simply not having any filter between what goes through your head and comes out of your mouth? Because I'd say Dru was suffering more from the latter condition. Spike accuses the Scoobies of being "uptight and repressed," and adds that the gang couldn't deal with him and Anya because "we should have been dead hundreds of years ago and we're the only ones who are really alive." Spike's alive like the lilies of the field. He toils not nor does he spin. Anya and Spike stare into each other's eyes, and the wretched soundtrack plinks conspiratorially.