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Dearest reader, I'm prefacing this recap with a heartfelt apology. Over the course of writing about thirty-four recaps for this site, I have learned a hard, hard truth: sometimes my muse just deserts me. I'm never sure if it's because the episode was dull, or because of other stresses and distractions in my life, or because I was lax about burning those Amuse Your Muse candles I picked up at Illuminations, but the end result is the same. I sit in front of the television, my heart heavy in my chest and my fingers feeling like they're made out of lead. I type, delete everything I just typed, hit pause while I try to think up a joke, give up, sigh, type more, delete that, and so on. I hate to send out a recap as dull and wan as this, but "Older and Far Away" is obviously a description of my muse while I worked on this episode so please accept my apology and let's all hope for more amusing days to come.
Previously. Dawn had a problem with sticky fingers. Dawn had a problem with not being loved enough. Dawn had a problem with whining. Dawn had a problem with sniveling. Hey, that sounds like this entire upcoming episode. Spike played poker for portable protein units, er, "kittens," and Halfrek came to Sunnydale. Buffy confessed her affaire de Spike to Tara.
At the Summers house, Buffy busily packs a bunch of weapons into a bag whilst apologizing to Dawn for having to bail on their evening. Dawn suggests that when Buffy gets back, they can set up for her birthday party, but Buffy absentmindedly says that Willow is taking care of it, not seeming to realize that Dawn is hungry for a little attention.
Cemetery. Buffy is in a cute, kicky red bucket hat and red shearling coat, which seems a little dressy, but I guess when the demon you're slaying has his own fancy sword, you want to make a little more of an effort. Buffy struggles with aforementioned demon, but is suddenly grappling the thin air when the demon disappears. This demon's fancy headdress leads me to speculate that he's taking a little break from a fabulous revue in whatever the underworld equivalent of Las Vegas is. ["My guess is that would be Las Vegas, straight up." -- Sep] I think I'll call him High Kicker. He rematerializes and Buffy kicks him, knocking the sword out of his hands. She catches it and stabs him in the gut. Buffy is knocked to the ground by swirling blue energy and doesn't see the demon's spirit get sucked into the sword. She gets up, believing that he's run away. Buffy grabs the "shiny" sword, puts it in her magic bag of holding, and takes off.
“ Willow says something about having to attend 'Spellcasters Anonymous,' which I will not even deign to comment upon, except to point out that the existence of such a group is exactly what we've suggested on the boards -- if only in the most cutting, sarcastic, 'the writers would never stoop that low' way. ”
Der Zauber Kasten. Anya, Xander, and Willow make some small talk about the plans for Buffy's party. Xander drops the "T" bomb -- Tara is coming to the party. Willow over-enthusiastically agrees, "Tara should totally be there. It'll be great. I'll wipe her mind and then she'll come back to me and never ever leave again!" Well, she doesn't really say that last sentence, but I bet she was thinking it. Enter Dawn. She's looking for a mall buddy. Willow says something about having to attend "Spellcasters Anonymous," which I will not even deign to comment upon, except to point out that the existence of such a group is exactly what we've suggested on the boards -- if only in the most cutting, sarcastic, "the writers would never stoop that low" way. Xander is also unable to frolic at the mall because he's working on scheduling his crew for week; Anya bows out because she has to fondle the money. Dawn bites back her tears and turns to go to the mall all by herself. Geez. When I was a teenager, you couldn't have paid me enough to make me hang out with my hypothetical older sister and her hypothetical friends. Plus, I know Dawn isn't feeling very nurtured and all, but the Scoobies are busy people, and maybe she should have made plans in advance with them, instead of dropping by right before she had to head to the mall.
Later Dawn creeps through the front door at home. She goes up to her room and then empties her coat pockets of some jewelry, tags still dangling. She takes off her red coat to reveal a black leather blazer underneath and as she models it in front of the mirror we see that it too still has a tag on it. But not the security tag we see on it later in the episode. Oops, did I give something away? Like you care. You're as bored as I am at this point -- admit it.
School. Dawn's in class. The class is interrupted by a message for Dawn; she's to report to the guidance office. Dawn sits across the desk from a new guidance counselor. The counselor quizzes her on her slipping grades and reminds her that "the most important part of [her] job is looking out for [Dawn]." And the way she says it, she seems so sincere and not at all like a demon on a vengeance mission that will cause Dawn to be locked up for an eternity in her house with her narcissistic sister and maladjusted freak friends when there's a hungry demon on the loose. Dawn isn't very communicative, but after a bit more prodding she admits that people keep leaving her, and sometimes she "wish[es] [she] could just make them stop."
Holy cheese and crackers, Batman! Xanya put the finishing touches on the party treats in Buffy's kitchen. Xander wonders who all is coming to the Buffy birthday bash, and Buffy lists the usual suspects, along with "Sophie from work." Buffy makes a big deal about how much she's bonded with Sophie, and how that shows she can make new friends, but when quizzed by Anya, she can't recall Sophie's last name. Xander and Anya let loose that they've invited a boy for Buffy. The birthday girl doesn't look too pleased by the news, but when Dawn hears the end of this as she clomps into the kitchen, she seems excited. Anya over-sells the blind date guy, and Xander scuttles off in embarrassment.
Older and Far Away
“ 'I do understand these things.' Anya rubs Dawn's head and condescends, 'Yes you do,' in a tone which I use on my cat a lot. Huh. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that my cat hates me. ”
Cut to the foyer. Buffy answers the door as Tara arrives. She and Buffy share a hug. They talk about Buffy's mental health, but I'm distracted by the black off-the-shoulder-top that makes Buffy look like nothing so much as The Buffy Barbie Styling Head. Tara wonders if Spike is coming, and Buffy says she wants to stay in the closet about that relationship.
Upstairs, Willow adjusts and smoothes her hideously sequined and gathered and tucked blouse. Honey, I don't care how much you tug at that fabric; you're never gonna turn it into something you should be wearing, and more importantly, you're never going to win Tara back wearing it. ["Willow's blouse? Hideous. I'm a longtime fan of figure skating, and as such I've lived through the illusion fabric trend, the single-sleeve trend, the matching headband and armband with fringe trend. But this outfit? Worse than anything I've ever seen on a Russian ice dancer." -- Sep] Back downstairs, Tara is very nervous about seeing Willow, which of course is Willow's cue to enter. Buffy conspicuously leaves, and Willow and Tara talk to each other with a lot of "fines" and "ums" and "greats." Because everything is fine, um. Great! Tara strides into the kitchen and steals the glass of punch Buffy was pouring for herself. Knock on the door. Enter Spike, six-pack under his arm, droopy-eared kitten poker cheater demon in tow. Spike throwaways that Willow mentioned the party and he thought he'd drop by. Yeah, I'd like to have seen that conversation. When was the last time Spike talked to any of the gang? Buffy and Tara share a look. The droopy-eared demon introduces himself to Tara as Clement, and I'm considering claiming that as a big old shout-out to me since Clement is my dad's name. Xander brings in Richard, his normal friend from work, and immediately concocts a clever ruse to get Buffy and Richard alone together. The old "go show Richard where he can park his car on the street of a small town with ample parking and probably a free driveway since none of the inhabitants of the house even has a car" trick. Buffy, caught in an uncomfortable position, agrees to help Richard out, causing Spike to cock an eyebrow at her. In the doorway, Richard stops her and with a glance towards Clem whispers, "That guy with the" "Skin condition," finishes Buffy. "He doesn't like to talk about it." Spike snarks, "Stupid git," after the departing Dick. "I don't know," needles Tara. "He seemed cute." Ha! I love me some Tara. She gets Clem to agree that Richard is cute; being a lesbian, she's not very sure of these things. Heh. Spike looks miffed.
In the living room, Dawn is hyper-excited about Buffy opening her presents. Anya tells Dawn that it'll be a while because Buffy is busy making a "grown-up friend." Anya tries to pretend that she didn't invite Richard to set him up with Buffy, but Dawn counters with, "I do understand these things." Anya rubs Dawn's head and condescends, "Yes you do," in a tone which I use on my cat a lot. Huh. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that my cat hates me. An exasperated Dawn snaps, "You know I'm in high school, right?"
Some time later, Buffy descends the staircase, and Spike pulls her into the darkened hallway to proposition her. She declines. He teases her about not wanting to upset her "new boyfriend," but Buffy dismisses Richard as "sweet." Buffy posits that Spike is just jealous, and starts to walk off, having given Spike something to think about. Never at a loss for words, he calls out after her, "Think he'll take you out on his ten-speed, pet?"
Prezzies! Buffy looks confused at Willow's portable "back massager"; Willow suggests that she can bring it with her on patrol. I think I'll claim that as a shout-out because of the "Bad Girls" recap, in which Sep and I postulated that Angel should become a masseur because being the Slayer probably results in a lot of knotted muscles. Or else it was a strange single-girl-with-vibrator joke. to Buffy, Dawn twitches impatiently while waiting for her big sis to open her gift. Buffy finally does, and reveals the leather blazer from earlier. Buffy is duly impressed in a stunned sort of way, but then notices that the coat still bears a store security tag. Shouldn't she be wondering how her fifteen-year-old unemployed sister managed to find the money to purchase a present that extravagant? Dawn tries to play the security tag off, and luckily she's interrupted by Xanya rolling in a beautiful new handcrafted weapons chest. Xander points out the features, room for weapons and a CD holder. Dawn pouts on the couch, because Buffy isn't allowed to like any present but hers. Xander's present is so sweet and thoughtful; I think it's a wonderful non-verbal expression of the friendship bond between them. Buffy gives Xander some smoochies. Sorry, B/X shippers -- not that kind. Enter Doublemeat Sophie. She's a little off: "My mom told me to say thank you right away because otherwise I forgetalso I can't have any chocolate or peanuts or egg yolks. And sometimes dairy." Anya leans over to Buffy and whispers, "Our friend is better." Aw, I kinda like Sophie. Us socially awkward people have to stick together. In the background, Spike looks lost now that he doesn't have anywhere to direct his sexual energies. Dawn goes to close the door, and as she does, the camera pans across to the porch, where the new guidance counselor steps out from the shadows and looks pensively inward. She then says, "Wish granted," and goes all demony.