The Weight Of The World

S05E21

Last week on Buffy, the Slayer lost Dawn to Glory and then sat down on the ground and refused to play anymore.

Minions scurry about Glory's apartment, gathering up and packing her possessions. Bride-Of-Dreg wonders why they're sticking around when Glory's victory is so close, and the explanation is that, well, Glory has acquired a whole lot of crap. I don't get why a god would need to take any worldly possessions with her. Shouldn't she be able to create whatever she needs in her own dimension? Plus, what sort of transportation is Glory taking to her home? I'm picturing her standing out on a platform with her bags, waiting for the inter-dimensional train to arrive, but that just can't be right. In the other room, Glory stands on a tuffet, not eating curds and whey, but instead getting her lacy garment hemmed. She worriedly muses that she doesn't feel like killing any minions despite the fact that "in torture, death, and chaos does [her] power lie." Glory, hon, it's best to know thyself; in boredom, histrionics, and inefficiency does your power lie. You're pretty lame at torture, death, and chaos. I mean, in this dimension all we've seen you do is brainsuck a few people and drive them crazy. I've done that much! And I have ex-boyfriends who'll attest to it. Blah blah blah, tonight the portal will open and Glory will return to her hell world to kick ass in some hell godly way. But, flopping on the sofa, she admits she isn't as happy as she should be. "Something's off. I don't know, what do you think?" asks Glory of the bound and gagged Dawn. Dawn whimpers. That's sad and all (oh, who am I kidding? I don't care), but were we really supposed to be surprised that Dawn was there all along?

The Scoobies have retreated into the gas station from last episode. Tara is in the back of the shot, peeping out the windows as Willow and Xander stare glumly in the foreground. Spike charges in, mentioning that he's hot-wired Ben's car and suggesting they all beat it. Xander asks Giles if he's prepared to leave; he is. He asks, "How's Buffy?" and Xander replies, "The same." Everyone stands quietly, fretting about the Slayer, and Xander encourages Willow to try again to get through to the Sulkster. Willow crouches down and calls Buffy's name. We see Buffy; she sits, staring blankly, and doesn't respond to Willow.

After credits and commercials, we're still with the Scoobies in the abandoned gas station. Willow stands back up, crossing her arms glumly, as Spike worries that Buffy might be brain-dead. Irritated, Xander wants to get moving so they can retrieve Dawn from Glory, but Spike argues that it should be Buffy's decision. They bicker; Anya, Giles, and Willow discuss whether moving Buffy will be safe for her. Spike loses patience with what Giles calls Buffy's "catatonia" and grabs her by the shoulders, shaking her. No reaction from Buffy, so Spike belts her in the face. His chip causes him to grab his head in pain, but Buffy still just sits blankly. That Spike -- what a prince! If the woman you love won't talk to you, obviously hitting her is the best way to get her attention. Oh wait, I shouldn't be surprised by this, because I saw "Crush." Predictably, Xander is pissed off at this approach; he and Spike argue, and Spike makes a crude comment about Buffy liking "it rough." Why? I do not know. Xander punches him, and they begin to fight. Suddenly Willow turns towards them with an ominous look in her eyes. "Separate," she intones, and Spike and Xander fly apart. Willow glares at them both. "If you two want to fight, you do it after the world ends, okay?" Willow snaps, and then firmly and coldly lays out a plan of action. The gang is going back home; Xander will accompany Giles to the hospital; Anya will care for Tara; Spike will find Glory. Oh, I like grimly-in-charge Willow. She cuts through the crap! Nobody challenges Will's plan, although Anya does timidly ask what Willow herself plans to do. Willow replies that she will be helping Buffy.

At the window, Tara begins the agitated crazy-talk; Willow softens and rushes to comfort her. As she shushes Tara, Spike asks, "Uh, Will? Now don't turn me into a horned toad for asking, but what if we come across Ben?" Will's all "huh?" and says that Buffy doesn't need a doctor. Right-o, laughs Spike, "Especially not one who also happens to be Glory?" All the members of the Scooby gang (those few who still have their sanity) stare at Spike, lacking in a certain comprehension of what he just said. "Ben is Glory," explains Spike succinctly. "Duh?" from Willow, Anya, Xander, and Giles. Spike explains again, patiently, that Ben and Glory are the same entity. The humans look confused and rather vague, so Spike explains that, not over an hour ago, Ben came to the gas station, turned into Glory right in front of them, and made off with Dawn. "The what with the who now?" looks from the gang. Spike, running out of patience: "Is everyone here very stoned?" That's what I imagine was a common refrain in the script breaking room this season, or should have been. Ben is Glory, Glory is Ben, repeats Spike, and y'all better get used to this and not think that I'm making stuff up or repeating myself, because this very scene gets played over and over and over for the rest of this episode. Seriously, if I cut all the freakin' repetition and redundancy out of this recap, it would only be three pages long. Despite having just heard Spike explain that Glory and Ben are one and the same about four times in the past three minutes, the Scoobies still cannot comprehend or remember. Xander begins, "So you're saying Ben and Glory…?" and Anya concludes, "Have a connection?" Giles (mystified): "Yes, obviously. But what kind?!" Spike laughs and finally realizes that Glory has worked a spell so that humans can't remember seeing her in the process of turning into Ben and vice versa. A teeny tiny light bulb goes on over the heads of Anya, Xander, and Willow, who parrot back that Ben is indeed the same entity as Glory and that anyone who sees the transformation instantly forgets. Spike is relieved and happy and makes a very cute "on the nose" gesture to Anya. Long pause, and then poor, bleeding Giles says, "Excellent. Now, do we suspect that there may be some kind of connection between Ben and Glory?" Anya and Xander look at Spike expectantly. Spike and I both break down into frustrated tears, walk off the set, and go for beer and spicy chicken wings together. Or at least in my fantasies. In reality (such as it is this season in the Buffyverse), Spike sighs and grits his teeth.

In some sort of warehouse, one extra and a bunch of sound effects in the background work very hard to give us the impression that a whole bunch of construction is happening. Lame. Glory rushes into the place, pulling Dawn along with her, and the three or four extras (plus the legions in our willing imaginations) kneel down before the god of bad home perms and even worse acting. "The Key. The Key," they chant. I'm painfully bored with this scene already, and it hasn't even begun. I can tell it will suck, though. And most likely be repetitious. Repetitious it will be. Glory hustles Dawn into some back room, and I'm glad Joss and crew managed to shave a few bucks off the budget for this episode by just going around the back of the Zauber Kasten set and filming there. I sure hope the money saved on sets and on writing a full script for this episode will go towards something fantastic in the season finale. Heh -- who am I kidding? We'll probably get an hour of the Scoobies standing around in front of a blank wall, exclaiming that Glory's demon dimension is so awful and hellish. Then some clangy noises off-stage, and whoop -- Xander can run in saying that Buffy just defeated 1.5 million Knights of Borezantium. "Look! There!" he'll say and point off stage right, and the Scoobs can all go, "Ooooh." It's starting to look a lot like Beckett around here.

Glory sulks while a large priestly-looking minion daubs stuff on Dawn's forehead and the other minions repeat their two lines this week about the Key opening dimensional portals. I've got it! This episode must be an homage to the movie Memento. In the movie, Guy Pearce plays a guy who has had some sort of brain damage and can't form any new memories. If you talk to him for longer than fifteen minutes, he won't remember meeting you or even that he was just speaking to you. And this whole episode is like that -- we've got the Scoobies who can't recall what Spike just told them, and a script written as though we, the audience, can't remember what just happened, that keeps telling us, over and over, that Ben and Glory are the same and that Glory wants to use Dawn to lower all the walls between the dimensions. The only problem being that I'm NOT Guy Pearce, I CAN form short-term memories, and I KNOW that Ben and Glory are the same and that Glory wants to use the Key to get home. I know it, I get it, all my ancestors got it, they wrote in the family Bible about it; they sang songs about it while they farmed potatoes in the Old Country. It's entered my genetic code and all my descendants will be born getting it. Their first words will be, "I get it!" and they'll fly in their perpetual motion machine pod transportation vehicles with vanity plates that read, "We get it!" For god's sake, people, stop telling us the same thing over and over! I barely have the fortitude to continue recapping this scene because, as I recall, this is the scene where Ash, who rarely watches Buffy with me, and who in fact rarely gets to even spend time with me, stood up, said, "This sucks," and went to bed rather than having to sit through any more. Grrrrrr.

ANYWAY, Glory tells the daubing guy to get out, and she wipes the crud off Dawn's forehead. Dawn whimpers that she wants to go home, and Glory makes with some nicey-nicey pep talk. She offers Dawn pizza or a pillow, and then tries to explain to Dawn how much fun it will be to shed her human form and go back to green energy blobbiness. "Don't call me Dawnie," snarls Dawn. Glory's feelings are hurt, and she's very confused as to why she's even having feelings or trying to be nice at all. She struggles to name the emotion she's feeling, which turns out to be guilt. Blah blah blah, I'm above having feelings, I'm a god. She blames Dawn for casting a spell or affecting her in some way, and then lets the priest back in to anoint Dawn again. As he does so, Glory explains that draining Dawn's blood will be the way to use her Keyliness to open the portal. Whuh? Wait? Portal? Glory wants to open a portal? Why didn't anyone tell me? Goddamn, I'm always the last to know these important things. Aw, just messing with you. Of course I know Glory wants to open the portal. How could I not know? I've only been told ONE MILLION TIMES already in the past few episodes. "Tomorrow you bleed, little girl," threatens Glory, just in case we all forgot, or didn't get it, or something.

Xander's pad. Willow stuffs supplies in a bag as Anya asks if she's sure she knows what she's doing. "I gotta try," is Willow's reply, and Anya worries about the spell being dangerous for the Slayer and the witch. Across the room, Tara begins bugging out again, moaning about "time." Willow soothes Tara and asks Anya to look after her; she has the medication Tara needs every two hours to keep her calm. Anya acts quite human and wishes Willow good luck with Buffy. Willow heads into the bedroom and lights a few candles around the room. She then sits in the edge of the bed and contemplates Cat-uffy, who is propped up in an office chair. I snicker. I don't think I'm supposed to, though, because the plonky Fisher-Price music is cueing "melancholy." As Willow stares at Buffy, she is suddenly transported into a dream house. Wow, that was a simple spell -- light a few candles and zappo! You're walking in someone else's mind. I'd try it with the cat here and now, but there is very little I need to know about eating roaches and projectile-vomiting hairballs. Maybe I could figure out why she's taken to barfing in the bed under the covers, though. Willow walks through the sunny dream house, which has elements of the Summers' home but features many more heart-shaped picture frames and sculptures of loving mommies. "Hi, Willow," lisps a small blonde child actress in pigtails. Buffy's dark secret: she was Cindy Brady as a child. Sheesh, that is enough to scar anyone. Willow smiles at Baby Buffy and greets her.

Spike wanders through Glory's abandoned apartment (which I swear is not the same set they were using in the beginning of the season, but I brought it up with Sep, and she scoffed that there wasn't enough Pirate's Booty in the world to induce her to go back to check her tapes and why did I care anyway, so I guess I've been told). Spike lights a smoke and walks towards the back of the place. Under the stairs (classic! Isn't that where Wesley's dad locked him up? Too bad he didn't leave him there), Spike opens a door and finds a small, grim room with a narrow bed. I instantly understand that this is Ben's room, but the Buffy writers think we're morons with no short-term memory, so they pan over to show some hospital scrubs hanging on the wall. And because we're extra stupid and extra incapable of remembering that we just saw hospital scrubs, the camera pans down to show us Ben's hospital ID badge clipped to the scrubs. Spike looks shocked. Why? I have no idea.

"What are you doing here?" lisps Cindy-Buffy to Willow. Willow asks the tot what she's doing here, and Baby Buffy replies, "I like it here." Kneeling before her, Willow gently says that Buffy is needed outside of her own head. Baby Buffy isn't convinced, and then runs as she hears the front door open. Aw, it's Joyce, and she looks so young; plus, she brought along Almanzo Wilder! Oops -- in this universe, he's Buffy's dad, Hank. Joyce is holding a small bundle and asks Baby Buffy, "Are you ready to meet your new sister?" Li'l Buff sulks that she wants to be the baby, and acts jealous until Joyce puts Li'l Dawn into her arms. "Mom? Can I take care of her?" says Baby Buffy. Which is touching and all, until you realize that these memories never actually happened and that Joyce never held Dawn as an infant, and then things just get creepy. Suddenly, we're at the magic shop where Buffy, in a beige top and skirt, shelves a book. The skirt has two white triangular panels, front and back, which make it look like you're seeing her chonies, and I have to wonder if the Fashion Nazi has any idea how these clothes appear on television. Take the hideous outfit Willow has been stuck in for the past two episodes: a dark green turtleneck and a green and brown plaid jacket, with ochre-colored pants. She looks like a home health-care worker! Which might be appropriate, I guess, since she's making herself at home in Buffy's brain, attempting to cure her. Whatever. Willow stares, confused as to the significance of what she has just seen. Suddenly, she's outside at night, standing to a large fire.

At the hospital, Xander helps Giles shrug himself back into his coat. "How you doin'?" asks Xander, and Giles replies, "It only hurts when I answer pointless questions." Marry me, Giles! After a brief smirk, Xander catches Giles up on the fact that Willow is "going into Buffy's mind." Giles calls the spell "extraordinarily advanced," but we all know all Willow had to do was light a few candles, so it doesn't seem that impressive. They discuss the fact that Xander checked the mental ward and it's empty of Glory's brainsucking victims. They then spot Spike, lurking at the end of the hall and helping himself to a packet of blood. Spike informs them that Glory's apartment is empty and suggests they consult Doc for help in finding Glory and Dawn. That's not contrived. Nope. Not at all. He then lights a smoke, while standing directly in front of a no-smoking sign, of course. Hoo. Haw. Spike and Xander head out, agreeing to meet Giles later at the magic shop. As they walk, Spike tells Xander about finding Ben's room at Glory's apartment; Xander predictably and painfully (for me) expresses surprise that Glory and Ben are linked. "This is going to be worth it," sneers Spike right before dope-slapping Xander on the back of his head. "Ow!" shout the wacky butt-monkey buddies in unison. I myself would like to dope-slap the person who wrote this flaccid scene. "For the last time, from the top..." grits out Spike.

By Ace

Back at the Wacky Factory, Ben manifests again and asks Dawn if she's all right, then starts his own navel-gazing, revealing that he can still feel the blood of the hundreds of men that Glory slaughtered. Of course, he says this in a tone that one would use when discussing the merits of rival brands of dishwashing liquids, so it kind of loses something. Well, everything. Dawn tries to explain, "Something is happening to both you and Glory." Oh, thanks for solving that riddle, Captain Clarity. Not. Dawn is agitated and tries to get Ben to help her to get the hell out of there. Knockety-knock. Ben jerks the door open to reveal the Minion Priest. Ben pulls him in and roughs him up a bit before telling Dawn, "I'll take you as far as I can and ditch you before she comes back." Please! How is that going to work? As we've seen, Ben has approximately four seconds of warning before Glory repos his mortal coil, and since Ben is not endowed with the Flash-y non-special running effect, at most he could only put a few yards between himself and Dawn. Just more proof that Ben is not the brightest bulb in the pack. I'm beginning to think that the only reason he was chosen to house Princess Priss was because he had loads of space for rent upstairs and wouldn't likely notice a squatter.

"Okay, now this is weird" says Willow as we're back in the house with Slayer Baby. I see where this is going -- Joss misread his contract. He thought he only had to produce twenty-one episodes of Buffy this season, but then someone pointed out that he was off a week, so now we get the televised equivalent of circling the control tower for an entire episode. If you listen closely, you can hear him whispering fiercely, "Walk sloooower, people! Talk sloooower! We only have fifteen minutes of original footage this week!" Basically, a lot of the same stuff happens again, and then Willow glances over to see Beige Buffy shelving the book again.

Cut to Doc's. He's sitting at his desk having a nice cup of cocoa by a roaring fire. Knockety-knock. "It's always open," he calls out. And because this is Sunnydale with all the demons and beasties and various other nasties that go bump in the night, his nonchalance creeps me right out. Spike and Xander enter like the butt-monkey buddies they are, and Doc offers them a cup of cocoa. Spike starts to tell Doc that they need some info when Xander blurts out, "Ben's Glory!" Thank you, Buttmonkey Savant. "Wonderful," deadpans Spike, "but not why we're here." Spike fills Doc in on a little hell god named Glory who's absconded with the Slayer's li'l sis, and wonders if Doc has any info. "You don't mean Glorificus?" Doc asks in an incredulous tone, and warns them not to mess with her, as he "hear[s] she's awfully unpleasant." You don't know the half of it, buddy. You try sitting through each of her scenes four, five, and six times. Shudder. I realize that, as a hell god, Glory very likely revels in the torture and discomfort she causes others, and I can only conclude that Joss was trying the sensory home equivalent of Smell-o-vision, and since there was no way to make us feel as though our lives are actually threatened and since none of the audience actually cares about the characters anymore, he was left with making Glory as grating and unpleasant to watch as possible. It worked. Now stop. Please.

Anyway. Doc walks over to the side table and messes with a few stray items, putting this and that away as he says that, as much as he'd like to help, Glory is way out of his league. "She's got Dawn," says Spike, as if that's supposed to mean anything to old Doc here who only met the kid once. Doc, still standing in front of the table, rambles that he may know a guy who knows a guy in China who could maybe help them out. Spike's attention is drawn to a carved chest on the table half-hidden by Doc. "You're lying," says Spike flatly. "And what's more, I believe you're standing right in front of the very thing we need." Doc gives a tight little half-smile and then leaps across the room to pick up a handy stray sword. "Idiot," he hisses at Spike, sword held at the ready. Spike bats the sword aside, momentum knocking him over while Doc yells, "Go, go gadget tongue!" and pins Xander to the wall. Doc helpfully takes the time to reveal that he is a follower of the beast before rushing to toss the carved box in the fireplace, and then he goes back to threaten Spike some more, thus giving Xander recovery time enough to shove a knee in Doc's face. They both go down and wrassle on the floor while Spike rescues the box from the flames. Xander reaches for the sword and plunges it deep into Doc's chest with enough force to send a bunch of purpley-blue goo skyward. Ew. Xander wipes goo off his face, and then the Buttmonkey twins exit stage left. The camera focuses on Doc's inert form just long enough for us to see his eyes open wide. Cree. Pee.

Willow. Buffy. Hallway. AGAIN. "Buffy, you have to stop doing this. This never happened. You never killed your sister." Buffy Classic matter-of-factly says, "Will, I did this." Willow tries to explain that it only happened in Buffy's head and desperately says, "You're stuck in some kind of loop." ["Willow! Hello, hacker chick? Case in an exit option or a break or something. C'mon. In the program that is Buffy's mind, it can't be that complicated." -- Sep] Buffy Classic brushes by her and heads down the hall again.

Ben and Dawn slink down a darkened street, and why is Ben still wearing that lacy wrap? Um, don't make it too easy for the minions to find you or anything. As a minion, it's probably a safe bet that if the guy you spot down the block is in drag and creeping about with teenaged girl in tow, he's the guy you're after. Besides, it's not as if Glory can do anything to Ben if he isn't wearing what she left him in. Anyway. Dawn whispers to Ben, "I think they see us." Ben pulls her into and alley and huddles in the alcove of a building. He warns to her be still and then peeks around the corner. Before he can turn back, Dawn has somehow managed to pick up a stray pile of heavy chain (conveniently left lying in the alley) without making one single sound. She dumps it on Ben's head, knocking him unconscious, and right when I start to congratulate Dawn for realizing that she needs to get herself as far away from Ben as possible, Glory manifests, I guess because of the shock to Ben's system.

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Glory is all mad that Dawn had the audacity to hurt her, shoves her around a bit in retaliation, and then says they're going to have some "big-girl fun." But then Ben manifests again, and they argue for custody of Dawn. God. This scene. Is. So. Tiresome. Back and forth. Ben to Glory. Glory to Ben. Bad wooden acting to scenery chewing. It's all so incredibly painful. Dawn, smart little cookie, sees that they're both engaged and tries to get away, but Glory notices this and flings her against a dumpster. Then she morphs and Ben grabs a stray bottle, breaks it on the side of the dumpster, and threatens to bleed Dawn dry then and there so Glory won't be able to go home. Before he can do it, Glory manifests. She offers him a deal -- basically, if he helps her get back home, she'll make him immortal. Ben refuses at first, and Glory shouts, "When exactly when you get stupid?" May I field that one? The question is not when did Ben get stupid (as anyone can see that it happened long before he came to Sunnydale), but when did this SHOW get so stupid as to think that foisting this scene, with these "actors," on us would make for riveting television? Did they get a discount on the morphing special effects? Frankly, I'd rather see this executed with dueling sock puppets. Crater-faced sport sock in a brown wig for Ben, and a silk trouser sock with a bad spiral perm wig for Glorificus. At least then I might stand a chance at being amused. Ben says that he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of killing Dawn, but Glory informs him that immortal creatures aren't bothered by pesky feelings of guilt. Ben manifests again and approaches Dawn, offering her a hand. "I'm sorry," says he, in a normal tone that makes one think he Made The Right Decision. But then he grabs Dawn by the arm roughly and drags her out of alley and hands her over to the minions.

Okay. We're still trapped in Buffy's "mind." Willow follows Buffy out of Joyce's room and into the magic shop, where we see Beige Buffy playing librarian again. "What is this?" asks Willow. Endless loop of Beige Buffy shelving the same book over and over again. Willow: "Right here it happened. I know it's something small but it's something." Buffy Classic doesn't want to talk about it, but Willow insists that if she weren't trying to show her something, she wouldn't keep dragging her back to this same point. "What happened here?" she probes. Beige Buffy says, "This is when I quit, Will. Just for a second." Basically, in that very second that Buffy was shelving that book, she knew, nay, felt that Glory would best her, and as soon as she had felt that in her soul, she wanted it to come to pass so it would be over; even though it would mean Dawn's death, it would still be a relief for it to finally be finished. Whew. The Buffys then explain that, in the moment Glory captured Dawn, something could have been done differently, and therefore it's as if Buffy held the knife to Dawn's throat herself. Willow says, "I think Spike was right back at the gas station. [yelling] Snap out of it!" God, this is so tedious. Willow explains to Buffy that she's feeling guilt, and that because of the incredible burden she's been carrying since she was fifteen, one second of wanting "out" is completely freakin' normal. "I killed Dawn," monotones Buffy Classic. Willow, losing patience, explains that Dawn isn't yet dead, but will be soon if Buffy doesn't get her act together. She starts to leave, but Buffy asks where she's going. Willow half-turns and says, "Where you're needed. Are you coming?" Buffy Classic looks once more to Beige Buffy, and then we're back in Xander's room. Buffy shakes and wakes up, and immediately begins to cry with her head in her hands. Willow kneels at the foot of Buffy's chair and holds her. Just when I was almost getting caught up in the touching moment, I notice that Willow is wearing boots with spiky high-heels. Okay. I'm used to Willow wearing some sartorial disasters, but I really think it's bad characterization for her to be wearing spiky boots. It's just. Not. Willow.

Der Zauber Kasten. A refreshed Buffy enters, flanked by Willow, Tara, and Anya. "Heard you found a ritual text," says she, all business. Uh. How? Xander: "Did you know that…" (beat) "…Ben is Glory." "So I'm told," breezes Buffy. Again. By whom? Buffy asks to be briefed, and Giles haltingly stammers that the scrolls tell them that Glory can be stopped, and that he's read them very carefully and he's sure he has understood them correctly. Buffy looks quizzical. Giles sits, takes off his glasses, and tells Buffy that "Glory plans to open a dimensional portal by way of a ritual blood-letting." A blood-letting? Really!? When did this happen?! I sure wish they wouldn't spring these plot developments on us unannounced. He goes on to tell us almost verbatim what we heard last week from Commander Blob, in that the universe will melt together like Sep's nummy chaos cheese sandwich. "So how do we stop it?" Giles looks serious and says, "Buffy, the only way is to kill Dawn." Oh, for the love of all that is holy. Is this how every few seasons of Buffy is going to end from now on? I can see it now: in season twenty-seven, after every character we have ever remotely cared for is killed off, BuffyBot will find an ancient text prophesizing that, to stop the reign of evil and uncharismatic villain number thirty-three who has opened a portal into hell/breached the integrity of the dimensional boundaries/opened the Hellmouth/broken ground on an outlet mall in Sunnydale, she must spill the blood of her beloved hamster Fluffernutters.

By Ace

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By Ace