Secrets And Lies

S05E06

Previously on Buffy, Spike is having nasty thoughts about Buffy, Tara flubs a spell to reveal demonic energy, and Marci needs to find "the key." "The key is...energy," rasps a brutally beaten Monk. Yes, it's true that if we could find a viable energy source, we could eliminate fossil fuels and save the planet! Oh, he's talking about Dawn. Dawn's the key. Check.

"Tell me a story," burbles Willow from off-screen. Tara obliges her with a story of a kitty that nobody wanted while we watch Miss Kitty Fantastico worry a toy on the floor. Is Tara's secret that she's trapped Miss Kitty in an unnatural state of permanent adolescence? That cat hasn't grown a bit. Willow indicates that she's upset by the story so far (at least, I think that's what she's saying -- I can't quite make it out through all the gurgling baby-talk) so Tara says that "one day...a man came and swooped her up and took her to the pound," as she swoops Miss Kitty up onto the bed, where Willow is nestled under the covers and Tara sits at the foot. Nice Mission-style headboard you've got there, Willow. I hear that's a very popular style of dorm-issued furniture this year. Not. Tara continues, "And at the pound there were lots of other kitties and puppies and some ferrets." Ah. This pound is not in California, then. Ferrets are illegal here. Also, pounds tend to kill kitties that nobody wants. Except in San Francisco. Willow coos that she's sleepy, but Tara wants to keep the light on to research spells. "That's fine," says Willow, "I don't need to be snuggled." "Vixen," shoots back Tara with a smile. Hmmm, yes. I see that chemistry set I ordered hasn't arrived yet. Willow comments that Tara has been spending a lot of time burning the ritual candle at both ends, and Tara replies that she wants to keep up with Willow and be useful to the gang, because she doesn't feel like she brings anything to the group. Willow reassures her that she's "essential," and with a smile Tara climbs under the covers to snuggle in the crook of Willow's arm.

"I don't know what to say," is Giles's reply to Buffy informing him about Dawn's identity in the Summers' living room. They discuss strategies to keep Dawn safe -- mainly, sending her away. Giles suggests sending her to live with Hank, but Buffy shoots that down with the news that he's in Spain with his secretary, "living the cliché." Buffy pontificates a bit on how odd it is to remember feelings and experiences that she's never had. Buffy resolves to keep Dawn safe, and she and Giles agree to keep it a secret for the rest of the gang. Because that's worked so well in the past and all. Giles: "If she comes after you..." "She'll come," replies Buffy solemnly. "She'll come for us."

On cue at the empty building where we last saw her, Darcy or Shannon or whatever her name is pushes aside the rubble she was buried under and stands up. "Okay. Now I'm upset." Me too, Cookie. Me too.

Over at UCS, everyone is helping Buffy move out of her dorm room that we've never seen before. Oh, how incredibly pointless. Buffy remarks that Giles isn't helping with the heavy lifting. "Well, I saw myself in more of a patriarchal sort of role. You know. Lots of pointing and scowling," replies Giles with a cutesy little smile. And then he...wait for it. Points and scowls at Xander and Riley, who are tussling like overgrown puppies on the floor. Xander protests that "he called me a bad name. I think it was bad. It might have been Latin." Tara grins at their antics as Buffy threatens to break some heads, and the boys straighten up. Xander wonders why Buffy is giving up the "cherry corner suite," and Buffy tries to play it off that she'd rather be at home where her mother is and try to save money at the same time. Yeah, I imagine that leather-pants-of-the-month club is sucking the old wallet dry, eh Buff? Xander points out the two doors, which provide "a lot of opportunity for bawdy French farce, and everyone loves bawdy..." "Where's Dawn?" interrupts Buffy. False alarm. Dawn was only pawing over Buffy's misappropriated CD collection. The gang talks tough about taking down Heather or Sandy or whatever her name is. Tara tries to join in with a "yeah. You learn her source and we'll introduce her to her insect reflection." The gang just looks at her like she farted, and Tara declares that it's funny if you're Wiccan, "and a complete dork," under her breath. "Then how come Xander didn't laugh?" is Riley's question. Heh. I actually don't mind Riley when he's interacting with Xander or Giles. On her way to the car, Tara runs into Willow, on her way for another box. Once inside, Willow reminds everyone to be at the Bronze by eight tomorrow night for Tara's birthday fete. The gang has obviously forgotten about the occasion, despite Xander's assertion that he's already picked out a gift. Willow worries that everyone won't be able to attend because of the new evil that is afoot, but Buffy assures her that they could all "use a break from this craziness."

Which segues rather nicely into another gibbering disturbed person being wheeled down the halls of Sunnydale General by an unnamed intern. The unnamed intern runs into the only other intern Sunnydale General has, Greasy Intern Ben. Unnamed Intern expositions to Ben that this woman "makes five this month." "They told me Sunnydale was going to be interesting," is Greasy Ben's response. Greasy Ben then goes into the locker room and...ugh. Takes off his shirt. Ah. Gratuitous nakedness of tertiary, recurring, and nonessential character + washboard abs = blatant attempt at manipulation. This also tells us that Joss has something in store for Greasy Intern Ben. Hopefully things involving a lot of soap, water, and clarifying shampoo, and preferably taking place off-screen. The camera pans down other rows of lockers to reveal an ugly, sore-covered demon creeping towards Ben, tasting the air with his tongue. Go demon! Kill! Indiscriminately! Unfortunately, Sheila or Lisa or whoever clamps a hand over its mouth and says, "I need a favor."

"Please come again for more purchases!" calls out Anya brightly from behind the counter. Giles suggests that she be a bit less effusive, but Anya is just happy to be a "working gal" in such close proximity to money. Enter Xandman and the Buffster. They're chittin' and chattin' about Tara's party. Buffy sort of shrugs it off, but Xander reminds her how important it is to Willow before going over to swap spit with Anya. I'd like to observe a moment of silence here to commemorate the fact that Xander is the least offensively dressed person in this shot. Giles leads Buffy to a table covered in books. Buffy scoffs at the lack of information that Giles has turned up, but Giles points out that Buffy didn't give him much to work with. "I'm pretty sure she dyes her hair," offers Buffy, and Giles sarcastically replies, "Ah yes. Well, of course, our work is done." Ha! Xander and Buffy sit down, ostensibly to continue researching, but as soon as Giles has disappeared upstairs Buffy quizzes Xander instead on what he bought for Tara's birthday. Xander admits that his response was "a tangled web of lies" necessitated by the fact that he doesn't really know Tara that well. They discuss how they don't "get" Tara but that she's "really nice." "There's just that thing...of not understanding," Buffy trails off. "Half of what she says?" supplies Xander. "But she's super nice!" amends Buffy. Yeah. Okay. We've established that Tara is Canadian. Can we move on now? Thanks. So. Buffy and Xander wonder if everyone at the party will be getting Wiccy with it and hope that they'll be able to fit in. Buffy slams her book shut with a groan and complains about her "present-buying" headache. Xander points over his shoulder and suggests that Buffy go "work off the tension."

Cut to Buffy and Spike going at it. No, not that way. They roll around a bit, and the camera tricks they're using to disguise the utter craptasticness of this fight scene make me woozy. Bam! Pow! Smash! Buffy and Spike roll apart. "You want me, Slayer? Come and get me," taunts Spike. "Oh, I'm coming," grunts Buffy, "I'm coming right now." Then there's a quick cut to a shot of naked Spike and Harmony covered by a comforter as Spike, uh, completes his last, uh, thrust. I can't believe they got that past the censors while we've never seen Willow so much as kiss Tara on the cheek.

"Come up with anything yet?" queries Giles as he comes back downstairs. Xander and Buffy mistakenly think that he's asking about gift ideas, and Buffy replies that they're "at a loss." Confusion ensues, but once everyone is on the same page, Giles busts on them with a "you're in a magic shop and you can't think what Tara would like. I believe you're both profoundly stupid." Hee! I love me some snitty ex-librarian. During their discussion, a nondescript individual has been browsing nearby. He turns around and starts leafing through the books on the table. Rude much? Giles directs him towards the books that are for sale, but the guy, who I've decided to call Gee Dub McChoad for no reason whatsoever, ignores him and asks if "all these books got spells in 'em? Turn people into frogs? Things like that?" with a faintly southern accent. Buffy and Xander exchange a look, and Xander replies, "Yeah, we're building a race of frog people. It's a good time." Snerk. Gee Dub McChoad says some more stupid things, and then the bell jingles to herald the arrival of Willow and Tara, giggling over the insect reflection joke that Tara made earlier. They're interrupted by Gee Dub McChoad, who calls out, "Well. Whaddya know. Whatsa matter? You don't have a hug for your big brother?" Tara just blinks and half opens and closes her mouth a few times. Oh no! Tara is turning into a frog person! Maybe Xander and his army of frog people will be the Big Bad this season. What? That wasn't any lamer or less thought-out than the whole Adam fiasco.

Back at the farm. Willow says, "Brother?" enunciating slowly as if she's never heard the word before. Tara introduces Willow to Gee Dub and the rest of the gang as "m-m-m-my friends." "What, uh, all of you hang out?" warbles Gee Dub. Well, yes, that is one of the aspects of a friend. God's sack, doesn't anyone here speak English anymore? Tara starts to ask how Gee Dub "found" her, but quickly amends that to, "How come you came?" "Well duh, birthday girl. We came down in the camper." Which is the cue for Papa and Cousin McChoad to enter. Tara doesn't so much give her father a hug as submit to a half-hearted hug from him, and stutters her introductions once more. Papa McChoad gives off generic creepy vibes as he suggests to Tara that they have dinner later that evening. He apologizes for rushing off, but the camper is double-parked. Willow tries to make some small talk, but Tara obviously doesn't want to discuss her family and suggests they get "into research mode."

"Honey, I'm home," Buffy calls out as she comes through her front door. Riley bounds down the stairs to give Buffy a kiss and mentions that he's put away the rest of Buffy's things. Then there's some talk of "favors" being owed and repaid. I'm okay up until Buffy bandies about the idea of "outfits," and with that we've crossed the line into TMI. I see enough of SMG's bony little shoulders as it is. I don't need the visual that Riley's words provide. "Oh. Be still my heart," says Riley as he leans in for a kiss. Ugh. Be still my stomach. Thankfully, Dawn interrupts on her way out the door to "Melinda's for dinner." Buffy quickly nixes the idea with a series of plausible reasons that include, "I don't like you hanging out with someone that...short." Remind me why Buffy doesn't want to tell the rest of the gang about Dawn again? Because they'll act conspicuous around her? Oh. Just checking. Dawn stomps off, and Riley sticks up for her, saying, "Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness. You gotta nip that in the bud." Buffy protests that she's worried about the Abimbonation, but Riley feels that there's more to it. He deftly passive-aggressifies, "Every time I think I'm getting closer to you," and then stands to leave. Buffy runs after him, reassuring him that she does indeed want his help, but Riley cuts her off with, "I know you got a lot on your mind. You decide you want to let me in on any of it, you let me know. I'll come running." Sigh. Bitter Riley is only slightly more tolerable than usual.

Tara comes rushing into her room to find Papa McChoad already there, fingering her stuff; she'd left the door unlocked. Again. He's upset that she doesn't try to hide her Wicca ways, and he thought that if they "let [her] go," she would "get it out of [her] system." Everyone getting the subtext here? Yeah. Cree. Pee. Papa McChoad says that they came because her twentieth birthday is approaching and that's "the same age your mother was when she..." What? Wised up and ran out on your ass? He asks if she's told her friends, and Tara shakily applies in the affirmative, but admits that she's lying under her father's brutal cross-examination of "are you lying to me?" Papa McChoad lays down the law and tells Tara that she's coming home with him and that they're leaving in the morning. Tara looks anguished. Papa McChoad then feeds Tara some more typical abuser's rhetoric before leaving: "Your family loves you, Tara, no matter what. How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face?"

Somewhere...else, the Abimbonation pelts shoes at the sore-covered demon to wake him up. He's chained to a closet rod in part of a huge, HUGE closet. Let me get this straight. The Abimbonation has only been in Sunnydale a matter of weeks, and she's already either amassed or transported more clothes than I have owned in twenty-six years? Maybe all Buffy needs to do is point her in the direction of the Cabezon outlet mall and be done with it. Anyway, Amber or whatever her name is finds out Buffy's secret identity from the demon and then orders him to "get your friends. Find the girl. Kill the girl." Whatever. Wake me when this character becomes important.

Tara sits pensively in her room when Willow walks in. She tells Tara that there's a Scooby meeting. Tara tries to beg off, but Willow insists and Tara gets increasingly agitated, saying, "Not everything is about you and your friends." Willow is chastened, but Tara quickly retracts her comment, claiming that she's just tired and busy. She tells Willow to fill her in the morning, and Willow agrees, saying, "Great. We'll be demon hunters." Rogue demon hunters? As soon as Willow is gone, Tara turns and leafs through her books, looking more and more tormented.

Giles, Buffy, Dawn, Xander, and Anya are gathered in the Magic Box when Willow enters, asking if she "missed any exposition." As Giles instructs the gang to be careful because Señorita Looney Tunes will be coming after Buffy, the camera tracks slowly into the shop's back room, where Tara is lurking. Staring into the shop, she whispers a spell, a prayer to "blind Cadria" to work her will upon the others. She blows a fistful of pink powder, which curls out into the main room and zaps each of the Scoobies in the eyes. They all pause for a second, and then Giles resumes speaking as Tara slowly backs out of view.

At Willy's place, a bartender who is not Willy pours a drink and muses, "You shouldn't be coming in here. You've got a rep with these monsters." We're expected to think he's talking to Spike, so of course he isn't; he's instead talking to Riley, who apparently comes there "night after night." Huh? Doesn't Buffy keep him occupied (cough, cough) at night? Or are we supposed to think she's been too busy with Slayer stuff to see him? And since when is Riley a drinker? This just seems out of what little character Riley actually has, you know? I could almost buy that Riley would go out drinking with Graham to military bars, but I can't think of one reason that he would hang out at Willy's by himself. Riley snarks about the bar's ambience and downs his drink as a heavily made-up brunette takes the seat beside him. Some non-witty non-banter ensues and she introduces herself as Sandy. She comes onto the Big Spud, but he declines, saying his "heart belongs to another," and in addition, he doesn't date vampires. In contrast to that other to whom his heart belongs. Sandy looks disgusted -- god knows why, since she's just been spared the extreme boredom of a night with Riley -- and stabs at the lime in her drink. Joss Whedon seriously wrote this episode? Seriously? Dude needs a vacation. Do you think if we all pooled our spare change, we could send him on a retreat where he could recover his powers of characterization and plot pacing?

Spike is in his lair, studying his "Buffy" mannequin head. Didn't anyone ever tell you that big boys don't play with dolls, Spike? He quickly drops the head when Harmony enters the apartment, her hands full of shopping bags. As she looks over her purchases (well, not really purchases -- she killed the shop clerk), she expositions that a local Lei-ach demon has been "recruited by some big nether-wig" and is now getting his kin together to kill the Slayer. Spike looks surprised, but mutters that the Slayer getting killed would be "pleasant" as Harmony chatters about sending a gift basket to the demons if they succeed. Spike jumps up and puts on his jacket, informing Harmony that he's going to watch the Slayer die.

Tara hurries across campus, huddled in her jacket, and runs into Cousin Beth, who apparently is not feeling the same nip in the air as Tara, because she hasn't thrown a coat on over her ghastly tube top and ruffled half shirt combo. Tara apologizes for not going to dinner, and Beth sweetly says that she was looking for Tara to see if she needed help with packing. Struggling against her stutter, Tara informs Beth that she's not returning home with her family. Beth looks sweet as homemade apple pie for a second before snarling, "You selfish bitch!" She claims that Tara's dad has been worried about her, but then ruins that sentiment by rebuking Tara for leaving her father and brother alone to do all the housework for themselves while she lives "God knows what kind of lifestyle." Beth continues, archly telling Tara she can't wait until her "little friends find out the truth" about her. "They'll see," Beth declares over Tara's distressed protests, and then figures out that Tara has cast a spell on the Scooby gang. Beth tries to hurry off to rat Tara out to her father, but Tara grabs her arm to explain, "It was just so they wouldn't see. So they wouldn't see the demon part of me." She insists that the spell was "harmless," which in Television Land of course means that the spell will turn out to be the exact opposite of harmless.

In the Magic Box workout room, Buffy is doing some sort of yoga backbend, but she's doing it in a snug pair of jeans. I would think you could damage certain, uh, tender parts, that way. ["I've had experience with snug jeans, and I've had experience with yoga. They're not two things I ever plan on combining, though." -- Ace] In the front of the shop, Willow hears a knock on the door; thinking it's Tara, she goes to answer. Outside are a whole passel of Lei-ach demons, but we can tell from Willow's confused expression that she can't see them standing there. Demons knock on front doors now? Everybody else in Sunnydale just lets themselves in. Willow slams the door and the demons, still outside, grimace menacingly.

Back on campus, we're in for a lather, rinse, repeat as Tara is hunched on a park bench while bitchy Cousin Beth chews her out some more for lying to her friends and casting a spell on them. Beth insists she's telling Tara's dad about the spell and that Tara should tell her friends goodbye. Filler, filler, filler.

At the Magic Box, Dawn is fiddling with a snow globe, entirely unaware that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Lei-ach demon is lurking right behind her. The rest of the Scooby gang is equally oblivious as the demons head through the store to the back room, where Buffy, done with her yoga, is working out with a punching bag. The demons sneak up behind her, and Buffy turns as if she senses something, but sees nothing. Use the Force, Buffy! One of the demons attacks her and throws her to the ground and Buffy, grappling with the invisible assailant, shouts out to Giles for help. Xander rushes to help her but is thrown across the room by another invisible demon, who them gets him a chokehold. Willow proves quite handy with a chair, smashing it over the attacker's invisible back, and thus begins the first (of many I'm sure) destruction of Giles's store. Giles instructs Dawn to hide under a desk. Back in the training room, Buffy is fighting two demons when Spike enters the room in a hurry through a back door (see what I mean about knocking? And what I've been saying for over a year about door-locking in Sunnydale?). Spike spends a few pleasurable seconds watching Buffy getting her butt whipped, but then his face falls, and with an exasperated eye-roll he rushes to her aid. Because Spike is grappling with one of the demons, Buffy is able to make short work of the other. She gives the room a quick scan but sees nothing, because Tara's spell has rendered Spike invisible to her as well. As she runs out of the room, Spike grouses, "You're welcome!" unaware that Buffy can't see him and appreciate his help. As if she would even if she could see him. Spike's living a fantasy, man.

Buffy runs into the front room and tells everyone to shut up -- so she can try to hear the demons, I guess. From the sores covering those guys' heads, I would assume you could smell them coming a mile away. As Buffy scans the room, the front door opens and Tara runs in. "Buffy, behind you!" she shouts a second too late, as a demon tosses Buffy across the room. In the back room, Spike grabs a nasty-looking weapon off the wall and finishes off his opponent. "Tara, where is it?! Can you see it?" shouts Buffy, and Tara, realizing what she has done with her magic, breaks the spell. Buffy's eyes flash and she is able to see the demon now attacking Tara. The punches in this fight scene are incredibly fake -- just like in the earlier dream-sequence fight with Spike, it's painfully obvious that the blows are landing nowhere near the supposed target. As if we didn't already have enough trouble, all the McChoads choose this moment to arrive at the store. One of the demons rushes Pa McChoad, who throws himself to the ground in terror, I guess because the demon doesn't get anywhere near him due to Buffy's quick intercession. She snaps the demon's neck on the stairs with a nasty crunch. Nice work, Foley artists! At least you guys still can do your job, even though the show's creator is writing bad characterization and the show's stunt coordinators seem to be drawing inspiration from the oh-so-realistic action of a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game. Pa McChoad wonders, "What the hell was that?" and I guess he was talking about the demon and not the crappy excuse for a fight scene we just witnessed. Everyone is understandably confused as to what was going on, and Buffy fixes Tara, crouched on the floor, with a nasty glare. As Willow rushes over to her, all concerned-face, Tara stutters out an apology, saying, "I was trying to hide. I didn't want you to see -- what I am." Buffy and Willow want to know what the hell she's talking about, and when Tara can't answer, Pa McChoad declares, "Demon. The women in our family have demon in them. Her mother had it." Wait, Tara's mother was in her husband's family? Because where I come from, we call that "in-breeding," not "demon." Shouldn't he have said, "Tara's mother's family have demon in them"? Oh, anyway. He goes on to explain that Tara's demon side is the source of her witch-fu, and that he came to fetch her home before Tara started making too much trouble. Giles, apparently looking out for the slower viewers at home, expositions the obvious -- Tara cast a spell on them so they wouldn't see her demon side, and that's why they couldn't see their attackers. Yeah, we ALL figured that out, Joss. My cat figured it out, and she spent most of the episode distracted by some nefarious carpet fuzz. Tara is ashamed and rises, saying she'll leave with her family, but Willow tries to stop her, saying she only made a mistake. Pa McChoad tells Willow it's none of her concern, but Willow ignores him, asking Tara if the trust she put in her was all just a lie. Tara tearfully insists it wasn't, and Willow asks if she truly wants to leave. Before Tara can answer, Pa McChoad again tells Willow it's not her decision, and Willow amuses me a little by snarling, "I know that!" Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, Tara doesn't want to leave, but Pa McChoad insists, "The girl belongs with her family." Buffy steps up: "You want her, Mr. McClay? You can go ahead and take her." Pause and sad look from Tara. Buffy continues, squaring her shoulders, "You just gotta go through me." Buffy tells Pa McChoad she won't allow him to take Tara against her will, and Dawn lends her voice of support. Pa McChoad expresses disbelief that "two little girls" would try to stop him, so Giles also stands up for Tara.

Xander: "You're dealing with all of us."
Spike: "'Cept me!"
Xander: "'Cept Spike."
Spike: "I don't care what happens."
Sep: "Hee."

Will this scene never end? Pa McChoad asks, "Who the hell are you?" and Buffy, with all the Scoobies ('cept Spike!) arrayed behind her, quietly declares, "We're family." Tara gives a bleary smile to Willow, who smiles back. Gee Dub McChoad can't stand all this smarmy happiness (and I can't say as I blame him) and sputters, "If you don't get in that car, I swear I will beat you down!" His tiny impotent display of manhood is quickly smushed by Xander, who promises him, "You're going to break something trying." When Beth sneers she hopes they'll "all be happy hanging out with a disgusting demon," Anya cracks me up by raising her hand and inquiring, "Excuse me, what kind?" At Beth's confused expression, Anya blandly explains that there are many kinds of demon: "Some are very, very evil and some have been considered to be useful members of society." She and Xander share a smile. Well, technically, you're an ex-demon, Anya. And you're only just on your way to being a useful member of this show, so don't get too cocky. As Tara's family fumbles for an explanation of what kind of demon Tara is, Spike has a revelation. "Why don't I make this simple?" he inquires and promptly smacks Tara in the nose. Immediately, he grabs his head in pain and shouts, "OW!" Buffy and Willow realize the import of this as Spike explains, "There's no demon in there. It's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Heh. You're a piece of work. I like you." Pa McChoad looks constipated, and Gee Dub McChoad looks confused. Tara and Willow share a happy moment, and Giles tells Pa McChoad to get the hell out. He tries one more time to command his daughter, but Tara gently says, "Just go." As she leaves, Beth sours, "Are you happy now?" but it sucks to be her, because apparently Tara is happy and a grin spreads across her face.

Tara's birthday party at the Bronze. It looks like a damn "Faces of the WB" party in there with everyone dressed in their finest. Laughs are shared; Dawn runs about enthusiastically until stopped by Buffy; Tara unwraps a crystal ball from Giles, who beams until his face is obscured by the broom Dawn gives Tara; Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya play pool as Buffy looks on. Missed someone in all this? Someone like Riley, perhaps? Yeah, me neither, but he chooses this moment to show up, apologizing for being late. Guess he had important bar-stool-warming business to take care of elsewhere. Or maybe he needed some quiet time to hone his jealousy of his girlfriend's destiny. Or nurture his love-hate relationship with the military institution that cared nothing for him and used him like so much one-ply toilet paper. Buffy and Riley kiss. More party antics; Willow approaches Tara for a dance. In their clashing floral baby-doll dresses, they look like a bloody explosion in Courtney Love's dressing room circa 1996. Way to use clothing to de-sexualize the teen lesbian Wiccas, Fashion Nazi. Willow and Tara slow-dance as Willow chides Tara for not telling her about her awful family. Tara admits that she thought her family would make Willow not want her, but Willow assures her it just makes her love her more to see how far she's come. Tara sweetly says that Willow always manages to make her feel special. A heterosexual couple on TV would kiss at this point, of course, as would any couple of any sexual persuasion in the real world, but these poor girls have to settle for dancing close and resting their heads on each other's shoulders. They dance slowly and then rise up into the air, floating and slowly spinning. I projectile vomit all over my carpet and wonder what sort of pod alien replaced Joss Whedon and wrote this piece of crap ending. I have never seen Buffy be so blatantly and unforgivably sentimental. Where's the snark, Joss?

By Sep

In the back room, Spike grabs a nasty-looking weapon off the wall and finishes off his opponent. "Tara, where is it?! Can you see it?" shouts Buffy, and Tara, realizing what she has done with her magic, breaks the spell. Buffy's eyes flash and she is able to see the demon now attacking Tara. The punches in this fight scene are incredibly fake -- just like in the earlier dream-sequence fight with Spike, it's painfully obvious that the blows are landing nowhere near the supposed target. As if we didn't already have enough trouble, all the McChoads choose this moment to arrive at the store. One of the demons rushes Pa McChoad, who throws himself to the ground in terror, I guess because the demon doesn't get anywhere near him due to Buffy's quick intercession. She snaps the demon's neck on the stairs with a nasty crunch. Nice work, Foley artists! At least you guys still can do your job, even though the show's creator is writing bad characterization and the show's stunt coordinators seem to be drawing inspiration from the oh-so-realistic action of a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game. Pa McChoad wonders, "What the hell was that?" and I guess he was talking about the demon and not the crappy excuse for a fight scene we just witnessed. Everyone is understandably confused as to what was going on, and Buffy fixes Tara, crouched on the floor, with a nasty glare. As Willow rushes over to her, all concerned-face, Tara stutters out an apology, saying, "I was trying to hide. I didn't want you to see -- what I am." Buffy and Willow want to know what the hell she's talking about, and when Tara can't answer, Pa McChoad declares, "Demon. The women in our family have demon in them. Her mother had it." Wait, Tara's mother was in her husband's family? Because where I come from, we call that "in-breeding," not "demon." Shouldn't he have said, "Tara's mother's family have demon in them"? Oh, anyway. He goes on to explain that Tara's demon side is the source of her witch-fu, and that he came to fetch her home before Tara started making too much trouble. Giles, apparently looking out for the slower viewers at home, expositions the obvious -- Tara cast a spell on them so they wouldn't see her demon side, and that's why they couldn't see their attackers. Yeah, we ALL figured that out, Joss. My cat figured it out, and she spent most of the episode distracted by some nefarious carpet fuzz. Tara is ashamed and rises, saying she'll leave with her family, but Willow tries to stop her, saying she only made a mistake. Pa McChoad tells Willow it's none of her concern, but Willow ignores him, asking Tara if the trust she put in her was all just a lie. Tara tearfully insists it wasn't, and Willow asks if she truly wants to leave. Before Tara can answer, Pa McChoad again tells Willow it's not her decision, and Willow amuses me a little by snarling, "I know that!" Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle, Tara doesn't want to leave, but Pa McChoad insists, "The girl belongs with her family." Buffy steps up: "You want her, Mr. McClay? You can go ahead and take her." Pause and sad look from Tara. Buffy continues, squaring her shoulders, "You just gotta go through me." Buffy tells Pa McChoad she won't allow him to take Tara against her will, and Dawn lends her voice of support. Pa McChoad expresses disbelief that "two little girls" would try to stop him, so Giles also stands up for Tara.

By Sep

Xander: "You're dealing with all of us."
Spike: "'Cept me!"
Xander: "'Cept Spike."
Spike: "I don't care what happens."
Sep: "Hee."

By Sep