The Crying Game

S03E19

First off, I know I did this episode out of order. There's a reason for that, but if I told you what it is, I'd have to kill you. Second, because this episode puts me in a very sentimental mood, I'd like to thank all the recappers, whose work makes my life a lot funnier. Special thanks for props thrown my way go to Aaron, Demian, Keckler, Shack, and Strega. Thanks also to Ace and Sep for being so supportive, and Wing Chun and Glark for all their hard work and for generally just being great people. And, finally, a very special big love to Sars, one of my best friends for ten years and an amazing writer and editor. I'm totally buying you a little sparkly umbrella. ["Aw. And if that bitch Sunday touches it, I'll kick her ass." -- Sars]

One other thing, just to get it out of the way: I know Marti Noxon wrote this episode. I still love it. I think we'll all be happier if I don't discuss it any further.

The camera pans up to reveal a sleeping Buffy. Angel is watching her, his face a mere foot from hers. She opens her eyes, and they smile all googly-eyed at each other. Buffy's got serious bed-head, of which Angel informs her. She notes that they got carried away with the "whole post-slayage nap thing." This is the only episode I remember wherein Buffy woke up looking like she hadn't just been to the salon. She gets up to attend to her hair, but Angel reminds her that there are no mirrors at his place. Yeah, like she wouldn't have been on Crate & Barrel's website buying him one as soon as they got back together. She complains that the place isn't "girl-friendly." Insert slash joke here. He tells her she looks perfect, which mollifies her. They cuddle. I hate that word, but it's what they're doing. She suggests that they get some mirrors and maybe some clothing drawers for her to use. Considering how many clothes we've seen her in, I'm surprised she hasn't appropriated a couple of rooms in the mansion already. She says it would be nice to spend the night there after the prom. He unenthusiastically repeats, "The prom?" Misinterpreting his tone, she tells him that lots of girls have older boyfriends, and that he'll blend. Well, considering that all the guys will be in tuxes, yeah. Just stay away from ruffled shirts and you'll be fine. Angel seems vaguely discomfited, and tells her it's probably time for her to go. She whines that there must be a few more hours until sunrise. Put "clock" on your home-supply list, kids. She opens the curtains, and sunlight comes pouring in. Angel jumps up in pain, and cowers in a corner. Making him scurry around like that looks like a fun way to spend the day. Buffy meekly apologizes. He just looks at her like, "Are you trying to kill me, or are you just that dumb?" Credits.

Wow, I forgot that Ed O'Neill was a 1-800-COLLECT spokesperson. Does the career death come before or after?

School, outside. Xander walks. I've got to admit, in the second half of Season Three, Xander looked pretty hot. Hair was under control, body was in great shape. Anya calls his name, and walks up with a smile. He teases her for not having her powers back, then worriedly asks if he's right in that assumption. She confirms that he is, but says that it's just a matter of time before she does. Yes. A matter of a long, long, fucking long time, during which you two will torture everyone with your single-entendre-filled romance, your pathetic engagement, and your public-humiliation wedding ceremony. Oh, phew. I thought I wouldn't get any vitriol into this recap. Anyway. Blah blah blah vengeance-demon-exposition-cakes. Anya rants about how awful men are, which prompts Xander to ask why she's talking to him, then. Unable to look at him, she admits, "I don't have a date for the prom." Say what you will about Anya's character over the years, but I think Emma Caulfield is a terrific actress. Her timing and delivery are consistently really good. Xander sarcastically wonders why she doesn't have a date. Anya: "Men are evil. Will you go with me?" Hee. Xander: "One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which." Uh, can't you both be? Shut up, Xander. She berates him for causing her predicament by being unfaithful to Cordelia, and whines that she's stuck in a high-school girl's body. "All I know is, I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me." Xander wonders why he got the "short straw." Insert short straw joke here. Anya says he's not as obnoxious as most of the "alpha males" around there. "Alpha males"? At best, I'd rate Xander an epsilon. She continues that she knows he doesn't have a date, but he says he hasn't "settled" on anyone yet. I giggle as I picture him "settling" on a girl by tackling and sitting on her until she agrees to go with him. Anya says she knows Xander finds her attractive because she's seen him looking at her breasts. Wow, Anya can blurt out naughty anatomical names without being embarrassed! Isn't that an endearing character trait? Don't you wish she'd do it over and over and over again? Xander counters that when a guy does that, "it just means his eyes are open." She "whatevers" him, always a good idea in my book, and asks again if he'll go with her. Long pause.

Library. Willow is describing something to Buffy. Xander and Oz are also there, seemingly researching. Giles overhears part of the description: "What's that, a demon?" Buffy: "A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Can't you ever get your mind out of the Hellmouth?" Aw, fun Buffy-Giles interaction. So cute. And Giles is wearing suspenders! Giles counters that he'd be happy to, except for the Ascension and all. Xander wonders about the pages Willow stole out of the Books of Ascension in "Choices." Giles says they know that the Mayor will become a demon on Graduation Day, as we see two pairs of legs walking on the balcony.

Wesley's poncey voice cuts through the air, saying that they don't know which demon he's going to become. He and Cordelia descend the stairs as Wes continues that they can't trifle with talking about a school dance. Cordy says that's too bad, because he would look "way double-oh-seven in a tux." I bet George Lazenby looks more 007 even now than Wesley does here, and I don't even know if he's still alive. ["He is...if you can call that living." -- Sars] Buffy and Xander share an amused look. Wesley continues that on the actual prom night he will be assisting Giles in his "chaperoning duties." Giles is pissed, but quickly accedes. Wesley and Cordelia exchange a smile. Yuck. Buffy assures Willow that they'll find her a dress, although at first I thought she was talking to Wesley. Buffy says they should check a shop called April Fools. Cordy: "Don't go there." They look at her. She covers with, "I shop there." Xander says he's buying a tux. Giles: "And I shall be wearing pink taffeta as chenille will not go with my complexion. Can we please talk about the Ascension?" Ha! Buffy tells him to chill, saying they get it, but one night of fun isn't too much to ask.

Cut to a run-down-looking house. A male hand slides a tape into a VCR. We see his legs walk around a cage, which contains a hairy demon-like creature on all fours. In addition to being caged, its head is held in place so it's forced to see the TV. It growls menacingly and shakes the cage.

A church in daylight. A priest performs a marriage ceremony. It's for Buffy and Angel. As the camera swings around to show them from the front, the church music kicks up to drown out the priest. Buffy looks beautiful in a traditional white dress and veil. Angel, in a black suit, looks great as well, although the white tie wouldn't have been my choice. They exchange rings, and he lifts the veil and kisses her. They smile at each other. They turn to walk out, and a full shot shows that the lower part of Buffy's dress is enormous. It's a bit distracting, considering how serious this scene is. They walk toward the entrance. Angel looks nervous at approaching the sunlight. Quick shot of the stained glass windows, and they step outside. Angel squints and hesitates as Buffy walks into the light. Angel follows her, and we hear something start to burn. Creepy music kicks in as the camera shifts to a terrified Buffy. Fire erupts from her chest and the bottom of her dress. She calls Angel's name, but is quickly completely on fire. Angel looks absolutely horror-stricken as Buffy incinerates. The effects were kind of fake-looking, but I didn't care. It was one of the scariest things I've ever seen on the show. Angel wakes up, panting.

Fade to a night shot of Sunnydale. Buffy sits in her bedroom window with her legs on the eaves. Angel mopes in the mansion.

Back to Buffy's house, in the daytime. Buffy and Willow sit on her bed. Buffy has just filled Willow in. Willow calls Angel a "big dumb jerk person," and a "super maxi-jerk for doing it right before the prom." Buffy defends Angel, saying that he doesn't get the prom. "You don't have to make him the bad guy." Willow: "But that's the best friend's job. Vilifying and grousing." Aw. Sniff. Buffy acknowledges that usually that's true, but that she thinks Angel might be right. Willow agrees, but says that she's sorry, and that it must be horrible. Buffy's voice breaks as she says, "I think 'horrible' is still coming. Right now it's worse. Right now I'm just trying to keep from dying!" She collapses into sobs and rests her head on Willow's knee. "I can't breathe, Will! I feel like I can't breathe!" Willow looks distraught. This episode is making Terms Of Endearment look like Mary Poppins.

Slum house. The demon breaks out of its cage and escapes.

April Fools. Xander walks by, and sees Cordelia admiring a dress. He walks in and accosts her, asking how long it takes her to buy a dress. She counters that she doesn't want to get stuck with another "dud." A female co-worker of Cordelia's comes up and outs her as an employee. Xander is floored. Cordy explains that she's trying to buy a dress. Xander: "But don't you already have all the dresses?" Heh. Cordy snits that she has nothing, and that all her possessions are gone because her father was busted for tax evasion. She asks him if he's happy, and goes on that she can't afford to go to college now, and she can't stay home either because they no longer have one. All Xander can manage is, "Wow." Cordy: "Yeah! Neat-o! Now you can run along and tell all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers! How she has to work part-time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway! And" -- she pulls open her jacket -- "how she has to wear a name tag. I'm a name tag person. Don't leave that out! The story just wouldn't have the same punch!" On cue, the demon crashes through the storefront window. Xander shoves Cordy out of the way, and I hope she feels bad for all the things she said in "The Zeppo" about his cowardice. The demon starts to attack Xander, but notices a dude in a tux, and goes after him instead. I'm a sucker for a guy in a tux too. The demon looks like he's having a slap fight with the guy, but I guess it's got sharp claws or something. Finished with Tux Guy, the demon looks around, but then we see a geeky-looking kid holding some sort of remote control, through which he's ostensibly controlling the demon. It runs out, past the terrified people in the store.

By Couch Baron

Wow, I forgot that Ed O'Neill was a 1-800-COLLECT spokesperson. Does the career death come before or after?

By Couch Baron

Cut to Oz: "Anya, huh? Interesting choice." Hee. A camera pullback reveals that Xander has just told Buffy and Willow as well. Xander says that "choice" didn't enter into it, and it was either Anya or, as he makes a fist, the "sock puppet of love" for him. In a high voice, and moving his thumb to simulate a mouth, he says, "I love you, Xander. I'll never leave you." I'd think Xander's hand would indeed be jealous, considering the close relationship they must have. And also, ew. Willow: "Well, if Anya tries to get you killed, put me down for a big 'I told you so.'" Xander's hand, in close-up: "Who's this Anya? Is she prettier than me?" Self-Deprecation hangs his head in shame. Buffy defends having a demon date as a "valid lifestyle choice." She continues that she's got a great dress, and that Angel will "lose it." Predictable clunky backtracking about Angel not losing his soul ensues.

Angel, at the mansion, picks up a notebook of Buffy's. On it is doodled, "Buffy and Angel 4 ever!" Rather than sound like a lunatic by going off on a diatribe about people who abbreviate by using numbers, I'll simply opine that, even for the girly Buffy of Season One, this would have been out of character. Angel hears a knock, and puts the book down. He opens the door to find Joyce. He lets her in, and they exchange awkward pleasantries. She notices the manacles on the wall. Heh. Joyce sets her jaw and gets to the point, namely that she heard Buffy spent the night. Angel starts to explain, but she says she's not interested in the details. She goes on that she's worried about the two of them. He says he won't lose his soul again, but she says that's not all she's worried about. She lays it all out: Buffy and Angel are from different worlds, and Buffy's had to grow up fast. "Sometimes even I forget that she's still just a girl. She's just starting out in life." Angel concedes the point, and says that he thinks about that issue more now that Buffy's staying in Sunnydale. Joyce uses that concession to press onward: "When it comes to you, Angel, she's just like any other young woman in love. You're all she can see of tomorrow. But I think we both know that there are some hard choices ahead. If she can't make them, you're gonna have to." Angel looks a bit stricken. I'm going to continue in my sentimental vein by continuing to praise people I've harshed on in the past: I think David Boreanaz's acting was excellent in this episode. Joyce finishes by saying that she knows he cares about Buffy. "I just hope you care enough." This recap's Snark Lite, people -- I can't cut up a scene like that. I'm amazed how much they've packed into this episode already, though.

By Couch Baron

Sewers. Angel helps Buffy down through a hole in the ceiling. Exposition that they're following a vampire. Buffy mentions that Angel hasn't gotten a tuxedo yet, but he shirtily tells her to keep her mind on the job. The vamp drops down from the ceiling. Buffy: "Not now." She dusts him. Hee. She goes on that every time she brings up the prom, Angel gets grouchy. How can she tell? He struggles with his thoughts (insert "Angel struggling with his thoughts" joke here), and tells her they need to talk, but not now. She tells him to spill it, and that he's scaring her. He says that he's been thinking about their future, and that the more he does, the more he thinks that their being together is unfair to her. Buffy refers again to "Choices," saying that he shouldn't listen to what the Mayor said, because he's the bad guy. Angel says the Mayor was right, and I'm forced to agree. One of the perks of being evil is that you can tell people the truth without worrying about sparing their feelings.

Fade to a night shot of Sunnydale. Buffy sits in her bedroom window with her legs on the eaves. Angel mopes in the mansion.

Slum house. The demon breaks out of its cage and escapes.

By Couch Baron

Slum house. The demon breaks out of its cage and escapes.

The Scoobs, in the library, review the security tape of the incident. It's of course completely implausible that they would have the tape instead of, let's say, the police, but I have bigger fish to fry. Giles notes that Xander and Cordy claim the demon "just stopped" its attack on Xander. Since they just watched that part of the tape, I'm not sure what he's unclear on. Cordy points out that the demon "chucked Xander and went right for the formalwear." So I suppose Xander in a tux would represent a classic approach-avoidance dilemma. They rewind the tape again, but Buffy says she doesn't want to watch. Giles says she should study the creature some more. Perhaps they should stop showing the same two-second segment. Wesley chimes in that the creature in question is a hellhound. Why not a Devil Dog? Because I loved those as a kid. Then again, perhaps naming a fierce killer after a tasty snack food wouldn't inspire the correct level of fear. Now, if they named it a Pork Rind, that would be appropriately scary. I went off on that tangent to try not to comment on the fact that Wesley actually knew something relevant, but I couldn't pull it off, since Giles confirms that Wesley is correct. Giles says that the hellhound is a sort of "demon foot soldier," and that it feeds off the brains of its victims. Well, half this crew should be safe, then. Wesley, out of nowhere and completely inappropriately, asks Cordelia what she was doing at the store with Xander. As Cordy fumbles for an answer, Xander covers for her. Cordy looks surprised and pensive. Oz notices the kid with the remote. Xander: "Hello, hellhound raiser!"

Cordelia's co-worker tells her not to forget her dress. Cordy says she hasn't finished paying for it, but the girl says someone else did. Cordy looks at the receipt, and pulls the same surprised/pensive look as before. Oh, don't look at me like that -- we all know Xander paid for it.

Buffy returns to the library to grim faces, but tells the gang that she got Tucker's address. She shoos them off to the prom. They protest. She shoos. Oz really protests. She really shoos. They leave. She tells Giles to keep an eye on them at the gym. He cautions that the case isn't solved yet. Buffy gives an over-identifying speech about how important tonight is. Giles, tuned in, realizes that Angel isn't taking her. She fills him in that Angel is leaving town. Whatever lingering issues he might have about Angel, Giles puts them aside out of sympathy for Buffy. He says he doesn't know what to say, except that it's his understanding that "this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind." I'd start crying now, but I know what's to come, and I have to ration the water in my body. Buffy allows herself a small grateful smile, but steels herself for the task at hand. She produces an all-time great quote: "Great thing about being a Slayer? Kicking ass is comfort food." Sing it, sister. She leaves.

Prom. Everyone's dancing. Anya is regaling Xander with vengeance demon war stories. Giles and Wesley reminisce about school days. Giles is wearing a vest. First suspenders, now this. Just more clothing to rip off him in a fit of passion. Sorry. Inside voices. Cordy walks in, hair up and wearing a gray sequined dress with a slit in it. It looks great on her, although her chest does look a bit bony. Wesley makes a big show of choking and staring. Giles rolls his eyes. So do I. Kids dance. Willow and Oz enter. Aw, Oz is wearing a vest too! So, so cute. And Willow looks beautiful in a full-length maroon dress and shawl. She's got her hair up too! I don't remember ever seeing that on the show. It's too bad. Anya has chosen a very unflattering look that I won't comment on here. Xander eagerly greets Wesley and Cordelia and asks how they are. Wesley, defensively: "Very well, thank you." Cordy, with a pointed look at Xander: "Yes. Thank you." WAAH! ["Aaaaand cue Sars waterworks." -- Sars] Xander says it looks good on her. Cordy, with a bright smile: "Well, duh!" Giles regards the entrance, wondering how Buffy's doing.

Buffy descends the stairs to Tucker's basement. This set looks suspiciously like every other basement I've seen on the show. Tucker's preparing to loose the hellhound, but Buffy throws him up against some shelves. He tries to break a vase over her head, but she deftly blocks his attack. She notices several videos with prom scenes, such as Carrie, Pump Up The Volume, and Pretty In Pink. Man, it's too bad the hounds didn't run into Molly Ringwald on the way to Sunnydale High. Buffy asks him why he would want to destroy the prom, but Tucker says he has his reasons. Hilarious cut to him asking a girl to the prom, and her simply saying, "No." Buffy manhandles him and ties his hands behind his back. She happily says she's going to lock him in the other room, but upon opening the door, she sees three empty cages with TV screens in front of them. He gloats that his "three fiercest babies" are on their way already. "If you think formalwear makes them crazy, wait till they see the mirror ball." Hee. But what about that whole remote-control thing? I don't get it.

The hellhounds move toward the school entrance. Buffy raises a crossbow and shoots, dropping one of them. The other two start chasing her. She runs, trying to lure them somewhere, but they stop when they hear Kool & The Gang's "Celebration" from inside. Ha! Buffy turns to pursue them. She finds them growling at the gym door. One of them tackles her onto a table. They roll over, and suddenly there's a knife in its chest. Huh? I'm willing to accept the knife's presence, despite the fact that it came out of nowhere, but wasn't the hound's chest pressed to Buffy's? Whatever. See? I do it too. Some dude comes out of the gym, and the remaining hellhound turns to attack him. Buffy drags it off and snaps its neck. Tux Dude, shakily: "Bathroom?" Buffy points him in the right direction and smiles. Hee.

Buffy drags the corpses under some bushes. She opens a large bag, and starts to let down her hair.

Prom. Dancing. Buffy enters in a wraparound number and long straight hair. Giles sees her, and they exchange a smile. Willow and Oz see her, and they're all happy.

Some time later, it's the awards ceremony. They're up to the class clown award, and Xander rubs his hands together in anticipation. He doesn't get it, and complains that "none of the people who vote for these things are funny." That explains Nielsen ratings, I guess. Buffy, her back to the stage, pours herself some punch. Jonathan takes the mike, lowering it to his height. From here on in, it's nothing but tears, folks. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Jonathan says that they have a special award, and asks if Buffy Summers is there. Buffy looks around warily. Jonathan reads a prepared statement from the prom committee that I think would be an injustice not to transcribe: "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you. But that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here." At this point, several students call out examples of weird stuff that's happened since the beginning of the show. Giles looks on lovingly. I'm even grateful to Wesley for unsmilingly looking on like the ponce that he is, because it gives the lump in my throat a two-second break. Jonathan goes on, "But whenever there was a problem, or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history, and we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this." He holds up the miniature umbrella we all know so well. "It's from all of us, and it has written here, 'Buffy Summers, Class Protector.'" I need to take a little break. Okay, I'm back. The crowd parts to let Buffy through, and gives her an ovation. Even Wesley is smiling and clapping at this point, which makes me hate him again. Huh? I know. My only problem with this scene is SMG's acting choice; she's all smiles, and I'd think Buffy would be at least a little teary after everything that's happened. But it's a minor point.

By Couch Baron

Buffy drags the corpses under some bushes. She opens a large bag, and starts to let down her hair.

Prom. Dancing. Buffy enters in a wraparound number and long straight hair. Giles sees her, and they exchange a smile. Willow and Oz see her, and they're all happy.

By Couch Baron

Dancing. Wesley sits down with Giles. Wesley hems and haws about asking Cordy to dance until Giles delivers possibly his all-time best line: "For God's sake, man, she's eighteen, and you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you, and stop fluttering about!" BWA HA HA! Giles sees something more interesting than Wesley, or, to quote Xander, "his eyes are open," and walks off. Wesley simpers to himself.

By Couch Baron

And I know I said this before, but this time I really mean it: It's all tears, all the time. The Sundays' remake of the Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses" starts up. The remake was one of my top ten favorite songs before this episode aired. Sars knows I'm not kidding, as we went to see them for the first time in 1992. Wesley and Cordy dance, as do Anya and Xander.

I watched you suffer
A dull aching pain
And now you've decided
Just to show me the same

Buffy stands with her umbrella. Giles joins her, and praises her for saving the night. "I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious." Don't get used to it. We're mean and surly. Hey, I can be thirty-two and still be a child -- just ask anyone I know. Buffy: "Every now and then people surprise you." Giles, with his eyes now on the entrance behind Buffy: "Every now and then." He smiles, and takes the umbrella from her. You can just assume that I'm crying, so I won't have to mention it every other sentence. Buffy turns, and can't believe her eyes, which see Angel standing there, tux and all. They approach each other. Buffy says she never thought he'd come. Angel: "It's a big night. I didn't want to miss it." He starts to explain that it's just for tonight, but she cuts him off with, "I know," which provides a beautiful symmetry to their goodbye at the end of "Angel." He asks her to dance, and her face registers the mix of joy and sadness I was looking for earlier.

Faith has been broken
Tears must be cried
Let's do some living
After we die

Harriet Wheeler sings her heart out. ["I've always thought that last line sounds like 'or why don't we die,' which somehow makes it even more poignant. Dammit, I've run out of tissues." -- Sars] Buffy and Angel hold each other, and the camera starts circling around them. If you pay attention to the background, which you'd only do if you were recapping the episode, you can see nice shots of Willow, Oz, Jonathan, Cordelia, and even -- so help me -- Wesley. Angel and Buffy close their eyes, and she rests her head on his shoulder. The song finishes as we fade to black.

Wild horses
Couldn't drag me away
Wild horses
We'll ride them someday

I need to watch Bring It On now. See you time.