First off, I know I did this episode out of order. There's a reason for that, but if I told you what it is, I'd have to kill you. Second, because this episode puts me in a very sentimental mood, I'd like to thank all the recappers, whose work makes my life a lot funnier. Special thanks for props thrown my way go to Aaron, Demian, Keckler, Shack, and Strega. Thanks also to Ace and Sep for being so supportive, and Wing Chun and Glark for all their hard work and for generally just being great people. And, finally, a very special big love to Sars, one of my best friends for ten years and an amazing writer and editor. I'm totally buying you a little sparkly umbrella. ["Aw. And if that bitch Sunday touches it, I'll kick her ass." -- Sars]
One other thing, just to get it out of the way: I know Marti Noxon wrote this episode. I still love it. I think we'll all be happier if I don't discuss it any further.
The camera pans up to reveal a sleeping Buffy. Angel is watching her, his face a mere foot from hers. She opens her eyes, and they smile all googly-eyed at each other. Buffy's got serious bed-head, of which Angel informs her. She notes that they got carried away with the "whole post-slayage nap thing." This is the only episode I remember wherein Buffy woke up looking like she hadn't just been to the salon. She gets up to attend to her hair, but Angel reminds her that there are no mirrors at his place. Yeah, like she wouldn't have been on Crate & Barrel's website buying him one as soon as they got back together. She complains that the place isn't "girl-friendly." Insert slash joke here. He tells her she looks perfect, which mollifies her. They cuddle. I hate that word, but it's what they're doing. She suggests that they get some mirrors and maybe some clothing drawers for her to use. Considering how many clothes we've seen her in, I'm surprised she hasn't appropriated a couple of rooms in the mansion already. She says it would be nice to spend the night there after the prom. He unenthusiastically repeats, "The prom?" Misinterpreting his tone, she tells him that lots of girls have older boyfriends, and that he'll blend. Well, considering that all the guys will be in tuxes, yeah. Just stay away from ruffled shirts and you'll be fine. Angel seems vaguely discomfited, and tells her it's probably time for her to go. She whines that there must be a few more hours until sunrise. Put "clock" on your home-supply list, kids. She opens the curtains, and sunlight comes pouring in. Angel jumps up in pain, and cowers in a corner. Making him scurry around like that looks like a fun way to spend the day. Buffy meekly apologizes. He just looks at her like, "Are you trying to kill me, or are you just that dumb?" Credits.
Wow, I forgot that Ed O'Neill was a 1-800-COLLECT spokesperson. Does the career death come before or after?
School, outside. Xander walks. I've got to admit, in the second half of Season Three, Xander looked pretty hot. Hair was under control, body was in great shape. Anya calls his name, and walks up with a smile. He teases her for not having her powers back, then worriedly asks if he's right in that assumption. She confirms that he is, but says that it's just a matter of time before she does. Yes. A matter of a long, long, fucking long time, during which you two will torture everyone with your single-entendre-filled romance, your pathetic engagement, and your public-humiliation wedding ceremony. Oh, phew. I thought I wouldn't get any vitriol into this recap. Anyway. Blah blah blah vengeance-demon-exposition-cakes. Anya rants about how awful men are, which prompts Xander to ask why she's talking to him, then. Unable to look at him, she admits, "I don't have a date for the prom." Say what you will about Anya's character over the years, but I think Emma Caulfield is a terrific actress. Her timing and delivery are consistently really good. Xander sarcastically wonders why she doesn't have a date. Anya: "Men are evil. Will you go with me?" Hee. Xander: "One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which." Uh, can't you both be? Shut up, Xander. She berates him for causing her predicament by being unfaithful to Cordelia, and whines that she's stuck in a high-school girl's body. "All I know is, I really want to go to this dance and I want someone to go with me." Xander wonders why he got the "short straw." Insert short straw joke here. Anya says he's not as obnoxious as most of the "alpha males" around there. "Alpha males"? At best, I'd rate Xander an epsilon. She continues that she knows he doesn't have a date, but he says he hasn't "settled" on anyone yet. I giggle as I picture him "settling" on a girl by tackling and sitting on her until she agrees to go with him. Anya says she knows Xander finds her attractive because she's seen him looking at her breasts. Wow, Anya can blurt out naughty anatomical names without being embarrassed! Isn't that an endearing character trait? Don't you wish she'd do it over and over and over again? Xander counters that when a guy does that, "it just means his eyes are open." She "whatevers" him, always a good idea in my book, and asks again if he'll go with her. Long pause.
Library. Willow is describing something to Buffy. Xander and Oz are also there, seemingly researching. Giles overhears part of the description: "What's that, a demon?" Buffy: "A prom dress that Will was thinking of getting. Can't you ever get your mind out of the Hellmouth?" Aw, fun Buffy-Giles interaction. So cute. And Giles is wearing suspenders! Giles counters that he'd be happy to, except for the Ascension and all. Xander wonders about the pages Willow stole out of the Books of Ascension in "Choices." Giles says they know that the Mayor will become a demon on Graduation Day, as we see two pairs of legs walking on the balcony.
Wesley's poncey voice cuts through the air, saying that they don't know which demon he's going to become. He and Cordelia descend the stairs as Wes continues that they can't trifle with talking about a school dance. Cordy says that's too bad, because he would look "way double-oh-seven in a tux." I bet George Lazenby looks more 007 even now than Wesley does here, and I don't even know if he's still alive. ["He is...if you can call that living." -- Sars] Buffy and Xander share an amused look. Wesley continues that on the actual prom night he will be assisting Giles in his "chaperoning duties." Giles is pissed, but quickly accedes. Wesley and Cordelia exchange a smile. Yuck. Buffy assures Willow that they'll find her a dress, although at first I thought she was talking to Wesley. Buffy says they should check a shop called April Fools. Cordy: "Don't go there." They look at her. She covers with, "I shop there." Xander says he's buying a tux. Giles: "And I shall be wearing pink taffeta as chenille will not go with my complexion. Can we please talk about the Ascension?" Ha! Buffy tells him to chill, saying they get it, but one night of fun isn't too much to ask.
Cut to a run-down-looking house. A male hand slides a tape into a VCR. We see his legs walk around a cage, which contains a hairy demon-like creature on all fours. In addition to being caged, its head is held in place so it's forced to see the TV. It growls menacingly and shakes the cage.
A church in daylight. A priest performs a marriage ceremony. It's for Buffy and Angel. As the camera swings around to show them from the front, the church music kicks up to drown out the priest. Buffy looks beautiful in a traditional white dress and veil. Angel, in a black suit, looks great as well, although the white tie wouldn't have been my choice. They exchange rings, and he lifts the veil and kisses her. They smile at each other. They turn to walk out, and a full shot shows that the lower part of Buffy's dress is enormous. It's a bit distracting, considering how serious this scene is. They walk toward the entrance. Angel looks nervous at approaching the sunlight. Quick shot of the stained glass windows, and they step outside. Angel squints and hesitates as Buffy walks into the light. Angel follows her, and we hear something start to burn. Creepy music kicks in as the camera shifts to a terrified Buffy. Fire erupts from her chest and the bottom of her dress. She calls Angel's name, but is quickly completely on fire. Angel looks absolutely horror-stricken as Buffy incinerates. The effects were kind of fake-looking, but I didn't care. It was one of the scariest things I've ever seen on the show. Angel wakes up, panting.
Fade to a night shot of Sunnydale. Buffy sits in her bedroom window with her legs on the eaves. Angel mopes in the mansion.
Back to Buffy's house, in the daytime. Buffy and Willow sit on her bed. Buffy has just filled Willow in. Willow calls Angel a "big dumb jerk person," and a "super maxi-jerk for doing it right before the prom." Buffy defends Angel, saying that he doesn't get the prom. "You don't have to make him the bad guy." Willow: "But that's the best friend's job. Vilifying and grousing." Aw. Sniff. Buffy acknowledges that usually that's true, but that she thinks Angel might be right. Willow agrees, but says that she's sorry, and that it must be horrible. Buffy's voice breaks as she says, "I think 'horrible' is still coming. Right now it's worse. Right now I'm just trying to keep from dying!" She collapses into sobs and rests her head on Willow's knee. "I can't breathe, Will! I feel like I can't breathe!" Willow looks distraught. This episode is making Terms Of Endearment look like Mary Poppins.
Slum house. The demon breaks out of its cage and escapes.
April Fools. Xander walks by, and sees Cordelia admiring a dress. He walks in and accosts her, asking how long it takes her to buy a dress. She counters that she doesn't want to get stuck with another "dud." A female co-worker of Cordelia's comes up and outs her as an employee. Xander is floored. Cordy explains that she's trying to buy a dress. Xander: "But don't you already have all the dresses?" Heh. Cordy snits that she has nothing, and that all her possessions are gone because her father was busted for tax evasion. She asks him if he's happy, and goes on that she can't afford to go to college now, and she can't stay home either because they no longer have one. All Xander can manage is, "Wow." Cordy: "Yeah! Neat-o! Now you can run along and tell all of your friends how Cordy finally got hers! How she has to work part-time just to get a lousy prom dress on layaway! And" -- she pulls open her jacket -- "how she has to wear a name tag. I'm a name tag person. Don't leave that out! The story just wouldn't have the same punch!" On cue, the demon crashes through the storefront window. Xander shoves Cordy out of the way, and I hope she feels bad for all the things she said in "The Zeppo" about his cowardice. The demon starts to attack Xander, but notices a dude in a tux, and goes after him instead. I'm a sucker for a guy in a tux too. The demon looks like he's having a slap fight with the guy, but I guess it's got sharp claws or something. Finished with Tux Guy, the demon looks around, but then we see a geeky-looking kid holding some sort of remote control, through which he's ostensibly controlling the demon. It runs out, past the terrified people in the store.