Winning

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I mean, there was no way the recaplet of the finale wasn't going to start with a holy shit so let's get that out of the way: HOLY SHIT.

Let's also get this out of the way: mea culpa to everyone who called that Walter really did poison Brock. Even though it wasn't exactly like y'all thought, and even though I certainly never maintained that it was something Walt wouldn't do. The bastard.

Anyway, so what happened: in the aftermath of the car non-bomb, Jesse gets picked up by the Feds for questioning about his ricin claim re: Brock. This keeps him out of the way while Walt bull-in-a-china-shops his way to find Saul. He needs to find another venue where he can get to Gus, and after talking to Jesse, Saul gives Walt one possibility: Tio Salamanca. After ascertaining that Tio and Gus are enemies, Walt pays the old man a visit and gives him an opportunity for revenge.

The plan goes like this: Tio makes a request to see the DEA. Hank schleps in for the occasion only to get some slowly spelled out epithets tossed his way by Tio, but the point is that Gus hears about it. Tio's gotta go. So while Walt hides out in at the old folks' home, Gus sends Tyrus to scout Tio's room and make sure the coast is clear for Gus to show up and give the old bastard a lethal injection. Only Tio gets the last laugh, as he rings his little bell that's been rigged up to Walt's bomb. Tio's room goes BOOM, and Gus emerges ... with the entire right side of his head blown off. Rest in peace, sweet chicken man.

Meanwhile, Jesse is freed from custody when it's found that Brock wasn't poisoned by ricin after all. But Jesse's not free two minutes before he's picked up by Gus's men and forcibly taken to the lab to cook the batch at gunpoint. After hearing that the explosion at the old folks home went according to plan, Walt shoots his way into the lab, liberates Jesse, and the two of them burn the mother down. When they convene for a post-mortem, Jesse relays the news that Brock is on the mend, and that it wasn't ricin poisoning but ingestion of lily of the valley. Walt is relieved the kid is okay, and he assures Jesse that even though this means Gus didn't poison him, he still had to go. Jesse, damaged and tortured as ever, reluctantly agrees.

After Jesse's gone, Walt gets a call from Skyler, who's been watching the news reports about the bombing and the laundry fire. That wasn't Walt's doing was it?? She asks him what happened. Walt: "I won." Cut to the Whites' backyard and the potted plant to the chair where Walt was spinning his gun last week. That potted plant? Lily of the valley.

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So the car bomb didn't work. That's a bummer. Walt races to the parking garage to recover the device -- being awfully careless in throwing around the bag (which ... is that a diaper bag?) that carries the trigger to the bomb. Into the hospital he goes, to tell Jesse/accuse him of tipping Gus off. Jesse is all WTF about bringing a BOMB into the hospital, and both men start growling insanely at each other. Walt needs to know where else they could possibly get to Gus that isn't completely covered with cameras. Walt's like, give me ONE place! But Jesse can't think of any place -- or any thing, really. He's shaking with panic. They're suddenly approached by two besuited men -- ABQ police. They need to ask him questions about Brock. Walt tries to interject and throw his weight around, until the cops are like, "And who are you?" and he remembers that it's probably best not to stick his neck out with the POLICE. The cops walk Jesse away, and everybody gulps at the implications.

After the credits, Jesse's in an interrogation room. Why'd he tell Brock's mom that he was poisoned? Jesse downplays it, says he was just trying to help the doctors cover all bases. He was awfully specific, though. Ricin? They threaten that the FBI could come down on him . They're all sarcastic with him about how helpful he was being, suggesting ricin. Congrats, the doctors think he might be right. Jesse tries to explain it away as something he saw on House or something. And more importantly, he wants to see his lawyer. The cops make their usual "Oh, you don't want to do that!" spiel about lawyers. They always complicate things! This isn't Jesse's first rodeo, though. He repeats: "Saul Goodman. Get him."

At Saul's office, his poor, put-upon secretary, who I'm not sure has been named so let's just call her Flo, is shredding documents. She's also ignoring phone, and then ignoring the knocks at the door, even as they become louder and more urgent. Suddenly, there's a crash of broken glass. She grabs her pepper spray and watches Walt climb through the blinds and broken glass like an ogre. She's all WTF are you doing here? He needs to see Saul, who is not there. She's like, "Oh what else is new?!" She's so pissed at him, you guys. "Let me explain something to you," Walt condescends. "My partner and I..." Flo: "...are in DANGER??" She's like, "Whoop-tee-fricking-doo!" Walt and Jesse are in danger again? After doing something idiotic? "You are such a pain in my ass," she says. She's gotta go on unemployment for God knows how long, and now she can't even get out of here until she gets a guy to fix the door. "Who pays for this?!" she demands. Walt pulls out $1,700 and "apologizes" for the door. Flo gets opportunistic, though -- and good for her! -- and says the door's going to run more like $20,000. It takes Walt a while to get what she's talking about. Shakedown! She bumps it up to $25,000, and Walt snarls at her. He crawls back out of the door to go get the money.

As Walt approaches his home, he pulls over down the street and gets paranoid. Instead, he calls his door neighbor, Becky Simmons, and says they left for vacation but may have left a burner on. Could she possibly go check? She agrees, and Walt watches through binoculars as she enters his home. She's not shot to death by snipers, so that's a good start!

But after a moment, he does see two men clad in black emerge from his backyard. They converge but ultimately move on. Walt gets the call back from Mrs. Simmons, who tells him everything's fine. With the men flushed out momentarily, Walt makes his move, darting into his backyard and through the back door. He heads right for the crawl space and starts gathering up his cash. Suddenly, we see two pairs of legs walk past the window. As they enter the house, Walt scrambles to close the closet door. They hear it click and investigate. The floor panel is closed up (weird they don't check that out), and Walt is able to escape via a vent to the yard.

Back at the police station, Jesse tries to get the cops to tell him how Jesse is, but they stonewall him. If he cares about the boy so much, tell them what he knows. He reiterates that he was trying to be helpful. They say that'll depend on the tox screen they're doing. Saul arrives and does the standard "lawyer threatening the cops" thing and clears them out. Alone with Jesse, Saul is exasperated. "Christ, you two," he says. "All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I'll know what to name them." Saul puts his coat over the camera and checks the room for bugs -- you can never be sure when you're in the police station like this. He does think that Jesse is a lot safer inside here. They just tried to get Walt at home, he says. He needs to know if Jesse has any information to pass to Walt. "Tell me I didn't just stick my head up for nothing." Jesse might have something.

Cut to Saul talking to Walt by an old abandoned building about Casa Tranquila, an old-folks home where Jesse says Gus took him a while back to see an old acquaintance of theirs: Tio Salamanca. Saul starts to describe Tio, with the chair and the bell, but Walt remembers. Saul relays the story about how Gus went there and taunted Tio with news of the slaughter in Mexico. Later, Gus apparently told Jesse (in a moment of mentorly closeness, guys!) that Hector murdered someone close to him once. Walt connects what few dots are left to connect: Gus and Tio are enemies. Walt thinks he can use this.

Walt pays a visit to old Casa Tranquila. He passes the Old Folks Bingo to find Tio, who does the screwed-face scowl when he sees Walt. "I know you despise me and want me dead," Walt tells him, "but I bet I know a man you hate even more. I am offering you an opportunity for revenge." Scowl sliiiightly downgraded.

After the break, Tio summons his caregiver (who's wearing some sad lime-colored pants) with that infernal bell. It seems they've worked out a system where one ring of the bell means "yes," zero rings means "no." But the y/n questions aren't doing it for Nurse LimePants, so she gets the board. The board is a grid with letters on it, and their system works like this: each line starts with a vowel. Nurse LimePants reads each vowel out, and Tio rings the bell when she gets to the correct line, then rings again when she gets to the correct letter in that line. It's a very time-consuming process, so it's a good thing he's barking monosyllabic orders and not writing his memoirs. So through this process, Tio spells out "N-E-E-D D-E-A." The nurse doesn't get it and assumes Tio needs another letter at the end of the word. Is it "dear"? Deal? She finally looks at him: "Honey, 'dea' ain't a word." Oh, LimePants.

Walt waits in a car outside the home and gets a call from an agitated Junior, who wants him to take this situation seriously and get to Hank's. And if you think Junior's agitated, try Marie, who can barely stand still. She finally gets Junior to hand her the phone, at which point she upbraids Walt for thinking a day at the car wash was more valuable than his family's peace of mind. I love Marie, have I mentioned that? Walt feebly tries to make his case, but it's not much of an argument. Marie turns to Skyler, like, "Do you have anything to add?" Skyler says helplessly that he'll get here when he gets here. Marie hangs up, and then gives Hank shit for not helping. He's not even paying attention.

Gomez rolls up to the Schrader house, and for a split second, for some reason, I get worried that he's secretly been on Gus's payroll this whole time. Making me paranoid, Breaking Bad! Hank is still poring over the photos Gomie took at the laundry. He notices a pair of electricity panels, twice what a laundry that size would need. Hank is suspicious and asks if Gomez would go check it out again. But Gomez has a lead of another sort: Tio Salamanca (Hank remembers him -- anybody who shits on your floor while being interrogated does tend to leave an impression) has contacted the DEA with information that he will only give to Hank, in person. Marie takes notice -- absolutely not! She thinks this is clearly a ploy to get Hank out in the open. Gomez says they thought that, but they don't see the angle for a guy who's been out of the game this long. And there's no safer place for Hank to be than at the station. Skyler, Junior, and Marie all say it sounds like a bad idea, with Marie going further to say "It is a ridiculous idea, and there is no way that you're going to do it. End of story."

Smash cut to Hank at the station. Kind of a mean edit, at least as far as Marie is concerned. Tio is there with his bell and his nurse, and they get to spelling: "S-U-C-K M-Y" ... Hank, Gomez, and Merkert see where this is going and stop the nurse. Is that really all that Tio came down here for? Or does he want to try again? So he spells again: "F-U-C" And again, they get it. Well this was a waste of everyone's time! As they load Tio and his nurse into the elevator, Hank bright-sides, "Well, at least this time he didn't shit himself." But outside, we see the purpose of the visit, as Tyrus watches Tio get loaded into the van and calls up Gus. "We may have a problem."

Back at the home, Nurse LimePants is in NO mood to deal with Tio. She wheels him into his room to think about what he's done. When she's gone, Walt emerges from the bathroom. "Any second thoughts?" he asks. No bell. Okay! Let's get to work. Walt checks -- the coast is clear. Meanwhile, Tyrus pulls into the parking lot of Casa Tranquila (which I keep wanting to call Rancho Relaxo). He heads inside, stalks the halls, and finds Hector's room. With Hector looking on warily (but not ringing the bell), Tyrus scans the room for bugs, cameras, anything the DEA could have wired Tio with. He checks out the bathroom -- Walt's not in there. No, Walt is hiding outside the window, out of Tyrus's sight, but in full view of this one batty old bird with pink cat's-eye glasses who keeps saying "Hello! Hi!" to him. Tyrus, assuming it's another crazy at the home, doesn't investigate. When he's clear, Walt returns to his car and speeds off.

The cops come back and tell Jesse he's free to go. That tox screen came back with no evidence of ricin in Brock's system. Jesse tries to hide his surprise from the cops, who are super bitter and "'til we meet again" about it. Outside, Jesse tries to hail a cab and places a call to Andrea to check on Brock's condition. He's leaving a message as he walks past a minivan with its side-door open and hazards flashing. The driver makes like he's going to ask him for help, and in the half-second hesitation, Jesse gets a stun gun to the back and loaded into the van, just outside of police view which quickly drives away. Jesus, Jesse, arrange for your ride BEFORE you head out into the cruel, dangerous world!

Gus gets a call from Tyrus. Jesse has been picked up, and Tio's room is clean. Gus sighs and says he's on his way. Tyrus wonders if it'd be better if he took care of this himself. Gus is adamant, however: "I do this." He checks his camera feeds, unclips his tie, and gets dressed for business.

Gus arrives at Casa Tranquila and the spaghetti western music starts. He lets Tyrus walk in first, just in case, but the coast is, again, clear. From the tracking close-ups and dramatic music, obviously some shit is about to go down. Gus stalks into the home like an old-time movie villain, and into Tio's room. He approaches Tio with the same contempt and condescension as always. But there's an added layer of rage here. "What kind of man talks to the DEA?" Gus practically spits. "No man. No man at all." He pulls a chair up to face Hector as Tyrus prepares a syringe all nice and quiet-like. Gus stares down at this "crippled little rata" in front of him. "Last chance to look at me, Hector," Gus says, as Tio has been avoiding eye contact, as always. Just before Gus administers the syringe, Hector's eyes go to him. They're sad and pleading in a way we have never seen them before. He fears death. He probably REALLY fears what's to come after that. Gus is momentarily thrown by the expression. It doesn't last. Hector goes back into his trusty old scowl, hatred in his eyes. He begins to rapidly ring his bell, which is now a muted click rather than a ring. I wonder why that is. Maybe Gus does too. Maybe it takes him a few seconds to realize that this isn't a crazy old man ringing for help on a suddenly-malfunctioning bell. The camera tracks down to the bomb Walter has affixed to the underside of Tio's chair. Maybe Gus notices too. Maybe his sixth-sense from last week's car-bomb plot just showed up late. Maybe the last thought that goes through his intact head is that after all this, he can't believe he left Tio alive long enough for him to have gotten the last laugh. First Max. Now this. He thought he'd avenged his pollo hermano down in Mexico a few days ago. In all his cruelty, he never quite finished off the guy who actually did the killing. And now he never will. Maybe all that is why Gus screams "NOOOOOO!" before the bell finally triggers the bomb.

It's a fairly localized explosion, to be sure. The other rooms don't seem too affected. The fire alarms go off. And out of the doorway, ramrod straight as ever, walks Gus Fring. The camera is to his left, and he looks dazed. But ... somehow alive. Well...? The camera moves to take a more direct view of Gus. And that's when we see that THE ENTIRE RIGHT SIDE OF HIS HEAD has been blown off. Giant gaping eye-hole in his skull and everything. It is SO GROSS and the perfect end to a superhuman like Gus. Am I sad that fucking Tio (much less fucking Walt) got the last laugh on Gus? You bet. But that's life in the meth biz. Goodnight, sweet prince of pollo.

From his parked car amid what looks like a mall parking lot, Walt listens to the radio. He gets a report of an explosion at Casa Tranquila which says that as many as three people may have been killed. Walt exhales and pulls out of the lot.

America's Meth Kitchen. Jesse's cooking at gunpoint. He eyes a giant screwdriver on the table, but before he can even contemplate how to use it, the guy guarding him tells him to not even think about it. Jesse continues to work as the buzzer rings. The guard makes Jesse handcuff himself to one of the vats as he answers. The hatch opens and Walt emerges from behind another flunky. All Jesse hears is the BANG BANG. Lord knows who this is and what it portends for him. He finally sees Walter, who drops the gun. He tells Jesse that Gus is dead, and they've got work to do. Gas masks on and mariachi music on the soundtrack, they flood the lab with everything they've got. All the tanks, all the jugs, all the barrels, all are emptied onto the floor. Walt affixes an exposed wire to some kind of gauge on the wall (thermostat?), and Walt and Jesse quickly doff their coveralls and exit. They emerge from the lab into the laundry and wipe their prints off everything. They pass all the workers, and Jesse pulls the fire alarm. Walt: "Vamanos!" Downstairs, the spark ignites, and the lab goes up in spectacular flames. The laundry starts filling up with smoke that is, like, DEADLY, and we see workers running around in it. Walt and Jesse don't seem too concerned as they stalk away slowly.

On the rooftop of the parking garage, Jesse meets Walt, after having checked up on Andrea and Brock. "He's gonna be okay," Jesse says tearfully. Walt exhales with genuine relief. Still...it wasn't ricin poisoning. Walt asks what it was. Jesse says they think it was most likely a flower called lily of the valley, which has edible-looking berries that will poison a kid. So Gus didn't poison him. He doesn't follow up on that thought, but after all the mentoring Gus did for him, you can imagine the thoughts in Jesse's head. At least he got to be locked up in the lab this time. Didn't have to pull any triggers. Jesse looks to Walt, the only mentor he's got left (until Mike returns from Mexico; which ... should be amazing), and asks for reassurance: "He had to go...right?" Walt: "Damn right. Gus had to go." Jesse should get back to the hospital. The two men shake hands, for what feels like the first time in forever. Inside the garage, you can hear tires screeching. Nothing comes of it, but this show has me so paranoid.

Walt has about half a breakdown after Jesse leaves but composes himself. He calls Skyler, who is watching TV at Hank's house, with the family and the DEA all gathered around. Junior yells, "Tell him Uncle Hank was right!" Aw. She takes the call in the kitchen and tries to ask all the questions without actually asking them. How is he...doing? Oh, quite well! She tells him the news about Gus, then hesitates. "Do you know about this?" All Walt will say is that "It's over. We're safe." Skyler moves farther away. "...Was this you?" Were these the actions of The Man Who Knocks? She asks him what happened today. Walt: "I won." After he hangs up the phone, Walt scowls and drives off. He passes Gus's car that never blew up. Pollos air freshener hanging from the rearview.

As the season fades out, we get a cut to Walter's empty backyard. The song on the soundtrack sings "Until you travel to that place you can't come back..." And the camera pushes in on that potted plant. The one Walt's spinning gun finally landed on last week. I don't think we need the last push, the one that lets us read the little card sticking out of the dirt. The one that says it's a lily of the valley. I think we all figured that out half a second ago. And our jaws dropped. And if we hadn't already figured it out two seasons ago, now we all realize: Walter White is a ruthless, terrible, perhaps now irredeemable human being.

Joe R will go and die now. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.

For one last taste of Breaking Bad before Season 5, check out our Best, Worst and Grossest Moments gallery. We promise it doesn't have any poisonous berries in it.