Chapter Forty-One

Previously on Boston Public: Lauren invited Scott to the symphony; Meredith was displeased with this turn of events; Harry became reacquainted with Dana "Slow-lita" Poole when she chose him as the subject of a school project; Scott tried to become headmaster of Exeter, only to learn that Steven's doubts about his readiness cost him the job; Scott fired Meredith and broke up with her in a neat double whammy; Ronnie and Harry hung out on the sidewalk, and she stroked his face, but he ran away.

Boston by night. A high-rise building. What Winslow teacher can possibly afford to live here?

Oh, it's Ronnie's apartment. The place is hopping with faculty, though, as Ronnie bustles around preparing a party. Marla wonders if "he's coming," and Dick Teachie wonders if "he suspects." Turns out Ronnie has arranged a little surprise party for Harry for his birthday, and has invited him under the pretext of giving him his gift. But it's late, and the troops are getting restless. Marla announces that she's starving, and Harvey has his head in the fridge (it is still attached to the rest of him, of course). Lauren points out that Harry bailed when she tried to do exactly this for him last year, and Ronnie throws crackers at Marla, who tells Ronnie she's a snippy host, earning her a reprimand from Steven. Oh dear god, is this going to be a tough recap. Is the whole episode going to be like this, with everyone just wandering around the room and saying random things? Ech.

Ding-dong. Whew. Rescued. Everyone crowds around the door as Ronnie flings it open. Everybody yells "surprise!" Oh, but guess who's really in for a surprise? That's right! All the people trying to surprise Harry! How ironic! You see, Harry is standing on the other side of the door, all right, but with him isSlow-lita. Everyone stares for a second. Harry is all, "Wow. Um. Everybody, you remember Dana Poole." From the looks on everybody's faces, they do.

Later, everyone is gathered in a nook around the corner from the living room, talking about the situation in hushed tones. Scott seems outraged; Dick Teachie thinks Dana is cute. Harry pokes his head in and asks what's going on. Leave it to The Exposition Fairy: "We were just talking behind your back about you and Dana Poole." Harry explains that they ran into each other at Starbucks, and are just going to grab a bite to eat, and he didn't know this was a surprise party. "Can we buy that?" asks Dick Teachie. "I mean, does that work for everybody?" Heh.

Meanwhile, Harvey is looking at some piece of paper, and announces that Steven appears to be applying for another job. Steven wants to know what Harvey was doing in his briefcase. "I thought it was Ronnie's briefcase." Anyway, Steven attempts to dodge the question of whether he's leaving Winslow, Harvey reveals that he suggests Marla as a replacement, and as things begin to reach a rather fevered pitch, the doorbell rings. Who could that be?

It's Meredith. "Oh, I'm sorry, am I late?" Ronnie deems this to be a surprise, and Meredith is all, "You invited me!" Scott pulls Ronnie aside to confirm this, and she clarifies that she did so when Meredith and Scott were still a couple. Meanwhile, Lauren continues to hector Steven about this application, which is, specifically, to be headmaster of "Boston Prep," which one can only assume is some kind of snooty private school, without drugs and guns and cheating and Nude Olympics and porn and theft and human feet in lockers and bomb scares and sex in the hallways and abortions and stair diving and internet perverts and suspicious tutoring and cancer and sex columns and bullies and dungeons and un-geons and stalkers and severed hands and seniors preying on freshmen sexually and abuses of the Americans with Disabilities Act and debates about appropriate use of the N-word and sex sex sex sexwhew. Wait, why does he want to leave? Anyway, Steven explains that he just thought he'd throw his hat in the ring, and that he'll never get the job, but if he does, he doesn't know if he'd take it. But he notes that being a principal wears one down. "There are places that are less frustrating." Ronnie notes that the food is getting cold, and Lauren's all, "Enough about the food." "Hey," Ronnie fires back, "this is my house. Check your personality at the door." Lauren wants to know what that means. "Don't snap at me. You get away with it with other people, don't try it with me." Dana asks Harry if "it" is "always like this." What does she mean? Surprise birthday parties at Ronnie's? Harry says yes, pretending to understand the question. At this point, things fall apart a little. Scott tries to leave, Meredith says it's because he's afraid of her, Dick Teachie makes a locking-in-basement crack, Ronnie tells him to shut up, he tells her to shut up, and The Exposition Fairy starts playing "Feelings" on the piano. Ronnie yells at her to come to the table, and announces that they are going to start having a nice birthday party NOW.

Moments later, at the table (it's hard to do a recap with no scene breaks, okay?), Steven ends up sitting to Dana, where he makes an incidental reference to her running into Harry at Starbucks. "Is that what he said?" she says. "Is that what you said? It was our third date. I guess Harry doesn't want you to know that." Third date already? Wow, she's not Slow-lita anymore. Also, isn't this the magic date where sex is supposed to happen? Sars, isn't that, like, a law or something? ["My memory of dating/sex protocol is sadly faint at this late date, but yes, I believe De La Soul is correct in telling us that three is the magic number." -- Sars] Apparently, Ronnie knows this too, because she announces that the party is cancelled. For some reason, everyone objects, so she says, "Either shut up and eat, or the fun is over! Pass the food." Umall of it, Ronnie?

A short while later, everyone appears to be eating. Dick Teachie says that the food is really good, and makes lame half-jokes about that being the reason that nobody's talking. Scott brings up Marla's name being on Steven's list for a replacement, Steven objects, and Scott says, "I don't want to discuss it." Then why did you bring it up, dude? Steven says, "Then why are you discussing it?" Yeah. Meredith notes that this is the way Scott addresses problems: with passive aggressiveness. Scott's all, "Maybe it's better to resort to old-fashioned aggressiveness, the kind used to beat students." Oh, yeah. Add "student beating" to the list of reasons Steven might want to leave Winslow. Lauren takes this moment to bring up her personality, which has been the subject of some criticism of late. Harvey asks, "Do you have one?" That sound you hear is a great cheer going up from the forums. Lauren asks the table point-blank: "Do I have a problem?" Everyone looks fastidiously away. "No. No, no, really, I would like to discuss this. We're all among friends here." Steven says, "I think your personality's fine. Scott?" Scott says, "Me? Oh, uhI've always found you to be, um" "Elegant," supplies Meredith. "Shut up." Steven says this conversation isn't going to get them anywhere, and Scott seizes on this as an excuse to make a running-when-things-get-tough dig. Steven leaves the table, and asks Scott to follow him. They go. The Exposition Fairy suggests that they not discuss school business, and Ronnie obliges: "So, Dana. What's it like to be twenty and dating? Is it hard to find good men, your own age?" Marilyn suggests they all get up and dance, mostly because she's barely said anything, not having a bizarre emotional history with anyone else at the table (though she may have a future with Dick Teachiemore on that later). Harvey objects because they haven't had cake yet, so Ronnie gets up, grabs the cake, sings a quick "Happy Birthday," and drops it heavily in front of Harry. I thought she was going to go for the old cake-in-the-lap, or maybe even the cake-in-the-face. But she, umdidn't.

On the Delineation Balcony, Scott and Steven are having it out. Scott notes that Steven called his application to Exeter the year a "betrayal," so how could he apply somewhere else without telling Scott? Steven points out that he hasn't formally applied. Also, he suggests -- rightly -- that Scott is mainly angry because of Marla being his choice to replace himself, though he tells Scott that he was on the list, too. "Oh, wonderful. I made the list. Yeah, I don't know why I'm so shocked. You made it perfectly clear last year that you don't consider me headmaster material." And if anyone still needs proof, by the way, that Anthony Heald is a fantastic actor, get a load of the incredibly quick take he does to the windows when he says this line, perfectly combining a clear desire to make this point with an equally strong desire to make sure that no one else at the party hears him say this. If you've got this on tape, check it out; it's masterful. Steven reminds Scott that what he really said is that he thought Scott would someday make a great headmaster, but that he wasn't there yet, and that this has not been his best year. He proceeds to make a list similar to the one I made above, except that it lists only Scott's recent follies. It's still pretty long, though ("then you try to cancel the school play on account of it being too gay" Hey, what ever happened to that play?), and it ends with an operatic account of the ridiculousness of Scott's relationship with Meredith, which includes the phrase "certifiable wacko" and the word "psychopath," and which, naturally, Meredith emerges onto the balcony to hear. Scott and Steven see her. Steven's all, "Oh, great." Scott leaves the balcony. Steven tries to follow, and Meredith says, "When I'm done getting even with Scott Guber, you can be sure I'm coming after you, Steven." Steven's all, "Hey lady. Bring it on." She's all, "It's already been broughten." Kidding. Hey, didn't they set up a whole bunch of mystery earlier in the season about the death of Jeremy's father? Oh, well -- guess DEK changed his mind about that arc.

Elsewhere at the party, Lauren has pulled Marla into another room, and she asks Marla if she's liked. Uh-oh. "Just tell me, please, because I am starting to develop a complex." Marla says, "Well, first of all, you're very liked by everybody." But? "But. Sometimes have a slight entitlement thing, barely noticeable. It's the way you make this little face. Like this. It's like, sometimes, you come off, slightly I'm saying, as superior. And your hair. It's the way it's so perfect every day. But that's it: the way you hold yourself out, and I'm still talking slight here, as perfect, well, some of us are put off by it." Lauren looks at Marla like she's crazy. Which she is, but she's not wrong. "And that's another itty bitty little thing you do. Shoot back the 'you're crazy' look. It's hard enough doing the job we do. We shouldn't have to put up with 'you're crazy' looks from Little Miss Perfect, walking around all day making the face. You know something, Lauren? You're not perfect, so get over yourself, okay? You have flaws just like the rest of us. And we are sick and tired of your mother nun superiority things with the perfect, perfect hair! We're tired of it! So just knock it off!" Marla walks out. First of all, I could see where that monologue was going from the very beginning, though that didn't really diminish my enjoyment of it. Secondly, didn't Marla say this exact thing to Lauren WEEKS ago? So why did Lauren need to ask? Why is she surprised by the answer? Why did she ask Marla, instead of someone who she doesn't already know has a problem with her? Whatever. Still, it's nice that the show is acknowledging how annoying Lauren turned out to be, instead of being the appealing leading lady she was clearly meant to be when the show began, which is why she's been totally sidelined this season in favor of Ronnie. Maybe they figure they need to air and solve her personality issues to bring her back to center stage. Good theory.

In the kitchen, Harry finds Ronnie, and asks her what gives. "Of all the people to pounce on me" She is incredulous at his obliviousness, but tries to explain. "I've kind of put myself out there. For you. Lately." "You have?" "Oh, come on. When you walked me home that night? You practically ran when I touched your face, and I figuredif there's somebody else, there's somebody else. So I invite you out for your birthday, and I cook you this dinner, and you show up with a twenty-year-old former student. And that's your right. But it's my right to feel like the world's biggest idiot, okay, so just let me do the dishes." Harry says okay, and walks away. Ronnie makes a noise like she can't believe him. Obviously, he hasn't learned woman-code. "Go away and let me do the dishes" means "stay here, apologize for everything you've done wrong, and help me do the dishes."

On the couch, Scott tries to tell Lauren that he doesn't have a problem with her personality. She snaps at him, and then apologizes for it. "Do you think I have an entitlement problem?" Scott says that she demands high standards of herself and others, and that he admires her for that.

Elsewhere, Dana is mad at Harry for lying about running into her. He explains that he didn't want to go into his personal life, and she says that's not okay, because she's humiliated.

Elsewhere, Marla tries to get Steven to dance. He tells her that he doesn't want to dance, and the force of his yell magically silences the music to which other people are dancing. Steven apologizes. Scott tells him that he owes Meredith an apology, as she has not come in off the terrace since she heard him call her a psychopath. Marla overhears this, apparently being sensitive to that particular epithet, and Steven agrees to go apologize.

OnlyMeredith isn't out on the terrace. Scott ducks back inside, and asks if anyone saw her come back in. No one did. Scott and Steven panic a little, and each suggests that the other check over the edge of the balcony. The others file out onto the terrace behind them. Fearfully, they lean out over the edge to check together

Later, everyone is still standing on the balcony. They don't see a body on the street below. Then, Meredith comes out onto the terrace with the standard "What's everybody looking at?" Which, by the way, was done much better in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. ("I thought I'd lost you, boy!") Anyway, Dick Teachie notes that the party has now picked up, and Scott approaches Meredith: "A lot of terrible things have been said to night. Let's just try to forget them and have a good time." Meredith says she realizes she's not welcome (shocker), and that she's leaving. Ronnie looks vaguely guilty.

Scott follows Meredith out into the hall, to the elevator. "Why did you come here tonight, truthfully?" After dodging, she finally answers for real. "I miss being part of a society, no matter how unpopular I was in it. The way we ended, you were so angrywhere there's emotion, I guess I always felt there's hope." Scott says he doesn't foresee "getting back," and Meredith says that this is because she reflects poorly on him, and makes it less likely that he'll achieve his life's ambition: to become principal. Blah blah he was ridiculed as a child, and "you're not about to be with a woman who occasions that beam of ridicule to light you up again." Then she gets on the elevator and delivers her parting shot: "Take a good look, Scott. I may be the last woman who ever loves you." Ha ha, that's where she's wrong. I know of dozens.

Scott heads back inside, where DaveKelley's Child is singing "It's A Thin Line Between Love And Hate." Scott slams the piano shut, nearly severing The Exposition Fairy's hands, and announces to the room, "Whether or not you like Meredith Peters, and clearly none of you do, there is no excuse for the kind of hostility she was subjected to." Then he lists all the mean things they each did, some of which we didn't see, i.e. "The deliberate passing of food clockwise so she'd have to take the plates with her prosthetic" Heh. Everyone looks mortified, kind of. Lauren just looks annoyed. Harry looks bored. Dick Teachie looks confused. Actually, I take that back; no one looks mortified. When Scott is done and storms out, Slow-lita thinks it's a good time to say, "Can I ask a question? What is wrong with you people!? I mean, this is a birthday party! You're all friends, and this is how you act?" Now everyone looks mortified. Except Ronnie, who rolls her eyes. Slow-lita goes on about how she wants to be a teacher, because "you seem to live great lives." Huh? What about all the horrible questions she was asking Harry last week? Whatever. Blah blah blah you-get-to-do-work-that-matters-cakes. Now it's time for Marla to give a big speech. She talks about how it's a myth that teachers are all friends with each other, and in fact they bug each other, and have social skills so atrophied that "we can't even get along at a lousy birthday party!" She closes with, "At least we have always been together. Though I guess that's about to change." This last is accompanied by a pointed look at Steven. But, um: huh? I mean, they haven't "always" been together. Ronnie and Dick Teachie signed on this year. Harry was new, or newly returned, last year, as I recall. Milton and Kevin got canned. What is she talking about? Meanwhile, Slow-lita is heading for the door, and Harry follows her out, offering to drive her. Also, Harvey appears to be videotaping everything now. He says, "Does this mean the party's over?"