“ But its just a cat in the dumpster. Ah, the old noisy-cat-in-dumpster-but-oops-theres-the-psycho trick. Lauren sighs, relieved, when she sees the cat, but -- oops, theres the psycho, accompanied by the Psycho Orchestra noise. ”
If you think David E. Kelleys take on high school is outrageous, wait till you see what he does to graduation! The answer? People walk across the stage, in robes! They get diplomas! Theres a speech, and some awards! Its all so OUTRAGEOUS!!! Yes, folks, its the least outrageous graduation in the history of television. Not even a sprinkler prank.
Previously on Boston Public: Steven threw Malcolm White against a locker; Scott taught Cheryl Holt a lesson about manners and common decency; Harry tried to get Dana Poole to stop stripping and embrace her poorness; Scott asked Kevin Jackson to go out for the debate team; Steven learned that Lisa Greer had been teaching a Shakespeare class ever since the teacher bailed in November; Evie from Out Of This World interviewed Scott for a job at Exeter; Scott didnt get the job because Steven questioned his readiness; Marilyn questioned Jeremy Peters's mother about Jeremys mysterious bruise; Steven told Marilyn to notify social services; Jeremy insisted that his mother was not abusive; Marilyn told Mrs. Peters that she was destroying her son; Daniel Evans told Scott and Harry that he and Lauren were going out; Lauren admitted to Marilyn that she was attracted to Daniel because she used to teach him; Daniel got all scary and stalked Lauren; Lauren bought a gun; Marilyn told Steven about the basement-locking, and Mrs. Peters admitted it; Jeremy sat in the basement looking all psycho.
Whew. And in the five minutes that remain, we present tonights episode.
Lauren leaves the school through the special scary brick-and-wire exit, and walks through the empty parking lot. Because people afraid of stalkers like to stay at school late into the night, and walk around unescorted in areas theyre likely to be found. She bleeps her car, and then is brought up short by a noise off to the side. But its just a cat in the dumpster. Ah, the old noisy-cat-in-dumpster-but-oops-theres-the-psycho trick. Lauren sighs, relieved, when she sees the cat, but -- oops, theres the psycho, accompanied by the Psycho Orchestra noise. Cocker Daniel says, First you send the police to talk to me, then go to an ex-boyfriend to protect you? Can you please explain to me what I did to deserve this? Lauren, in an admirable display of forthrightness, says, You stalked me, Daniel, you made me afraid. Now, Im not looking to put you in jail, but I do want you to leave me alone. She tries to move towards her car, but he remains in her way. He utters some ridiculousness about how she should give him a chance (to what? Take more pictures?), and insists that, while he may have some secrets, hes not dangerous. Of course, the fact that hes crazy is no longer, strictly speaking, a secret, but Lauren doesnt point this out. Instead, she pretends to agree to talk to him in a clever ruse, and says they should go to a restaurant. Someplace public? he says. And shes all, Very public, and heads for her car and gets in. He says, So should I just follow you then? She gives him a look. Heh. He adds, To the restaurant. She looks at him for another beat, and then pulls her gun out of the glove compartment. What are you doing!? says Cocker Daniel. Laurens all, This is how afraid I am, Daniel. I carry a gun now. And if I see you again I may become so frightened that I will be forced to act justifiably out of self-defense. Or I may simply panic. In either case, it will not be a good result. Especially for you. So take a hint, listen to your fear, however you process things to conform your behavior: get your ass out of my sight, and keep it out of my sight. Of course, to Cocker Daniel, this sounded like, Blah blah blah, Daniel. Blah blah blah see you again. Blah blah blah good blah blah you. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah ass blah blah blah blah blah. But, like any smart Cocker Daniel, he picks up a lot from Laurens tone, and scampers off with his tail between his legs. Lauren breathes out.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“ I have difficulty believing that an MIT-bound senior is still taking trig, rather than, say, calculus, or linear algebra at a local college, but whatever. ”
Last credits of the season. So, shall we take predictions on what new faces will be in opening season? Mandy Patinkin, obviously. Jenna The Bitch, perhaps. Reportedly Jeri Ryan. And Im still hoping Milton Buttle comes back
Phat urban beats, as students wander in to the strains of Schoooooools. Out. For. Summaaa! Anthony Heald stalks the hallway, like a puma stalking the hallway of a public high school. He selects his prey: a gangly senior, who looks like a tall, skinny Jerry OConnell, named Mr. Finley. Mr. Finley, says Scott, I see that you are getting a C in trigonometry. Do you think MIT would have invited you to matriculate with them, knowing youd be getting a C in trigonometry? I have difficulty believing that an MIT-bound senior is still taking trig, rather than, say, calculus, or linear algebra at a local college, but whatever. Ill chill out because, as this kid says, Mr. Guber, graduation is in two days. Could you chill out a little? Scott threatens to inform MIT, but obviously isnt really going to do it; he just wants to say, Look at me, one more time before the end of the year, and then he lets Mr. Finley go. He stalks off in search of more prey, but finds Steven instead, who asks if Scott really needs to mess with the kids like that. If you would just bother to glance at their transcripts, Steven, you would know this, we are suffering from a severe case of senioritis. Steven tries to stem the tide, but he cannot: High school is fast becoming a three-and-a-half year program, with a semester of Club Med tacked onto the end, for good measure. Scott blathers on about how eighteen-year-old brains are at an important developmental stage, and how he wont be an accomplice to mind-wasting. He stalks the hallway some more, but is quickly flagged down by Kevin Action Jackson, who says hes been voted class speaker. You!? Kevins all, Yes, thank you for your continued confidence. Heh. He gives Scott a draft of his speech for feedback, and jogs off. Scott is immediately flagged down again, this time by Inigo Montoya, Dr. Jeffrey Geiger himself, Sunday In The Park With Mandy Patinkin. Scott, surprised, greets him. Isaac. How nice to see you. Isaac has brought his son, Adam, along with him, and Scott remarks upon how much Adam has grown. Isaac asks to see Scott for a moment alone in his office.
Alone with Scott in his office, Inigo Mont-Isaac says that hed like Adam to be allowed to participate in graduation. He doesnt go here, says Scott, which strikes me as a salient point. You pulled him from the grasp of ourconfounding incompetence, I think those were your words. But Dr. Gei-saac says, Well, Scott, whatever our differences, Adam shouldnt be victimized, Im sure youll agree with that. Hes doing this weird voice for the character that will take some getting used to, but, you know, hes an "actor," so hes got, like, a whole "physicality" and "vocal presence" and, like, "choices" all worked out and all that crap. Anyway, Scott says not to assume that they agree on anything, and Isaac is all, I admit I was wrong. In thinking you couldnt become an even bigger ass. It seems Ive never been more mistaken. Scott reiterates that Adam does not attend Winslow High. Isaac says, Ill try not to leave a footprint as I go over your head. I know how you are about your hair. Heh. By the way, not to say I told you so, but I begged you to get help. Oooh, should have quit with the funny line. (David, you cannot come to bed until you add one more joke. But, Michelle -- One. More. Joke.)
Hallway. Jeremy Peters. Marilyn. Same scene. Again. Blah. Mom hasnt called Marilyn. Jeremy says no big. Marilyn says, Well, I guess Ill see her at graduation. Jeremy says she might not come. Marilyn asks why not. Key Grip screams that you CANNOT. CREATE. SUSPENSE. BY ASKING. THE SAME. QUESTION. AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND NOT ANSWERING IT. You know what that creates? Ill give you a hint. It rhymes with "boredom." Give up? The answer is: BOREDOM. Jeremy claims his mom will probably be at graduation after all, and wanders off. Steven comes up the stairs and asks Marilyn if everything is all right. Oh, please dont ask her that, because she will TELL YOU. ARGH. Marilyn says, I think hes done something to his mother. Steven gets all skeptical and says, First you suspect her? Now him? Yes, its so strange, since first he had bruises, and now shes missing. Marilyn must be crazy. Luckily, they cannot continue with Same Scene Part Nine, because a parental-looking couple approaches Steven. My name is Michael Evans. This is my wife Patricia. Our son Daniel graduated several years ago. If we could speak to you in private? And you have a teacher, Lauren Davis, if its possible for her to join us. Steven stares at Mr. Evans silently with a vacant look on his face. I guess thats how Chi McBride does speechless apprehension.
A bell rings. Marlas students start to file out of her classroom as she congratulates them for getting down to one last class with her. She stops one kid, who played Graces sort of boyfriend on Once & Again, from leaving. Mr. Hober, she says, could I have a second please? Can you sit please? When everyone else it gone, she says, Listen, I have some bad news. You failed Tuesdays test. That probably doesnt come as a shock, but it leaves me no choice but to fail you for the course. Now shes got his attention. F? he says. Wait a second. If I fail, I dont have enough credits to graduate. Cant you give me a D-minus? Well, I certainly can, what with the new episode-grading feature on the new site. And didnt The Simpsons do this story-line when Bart almost failed the fourth grade back in, oh, 1989? Yes, I think they did. Anyhow, Marla says, You didnt earn a D-minus, Mr. Hober. He points out that hes gotten As and Bs for four years, and she says maybe so, but he took this semester off. As do most seniors. I already got into college. My grades dont really matter unless I dont graduate. Harvard will revoke my acceptance, they will. Youve gotta give me a D-minus. Why anyone would be so eager to go to Harvard, of all places, is kind of beyond me, but Marla says again that he didnt earn a D-minus. Reminded of this fact, I decide that he is Harvard material after all. Anyhow, Mr. Hober flips out and offers to do whatever to takes to get the D-minus, and Marla says shed like to give it to him, But you didnt earn it. And shes right. But I dont buy the set-up. People slack at the end of high school, sure, but no ones going to squander their Harvard admittance, if it matters to them as much as it clearly matters to this kid, by not even putting in the meager effort necessary to get a D. And why is he so surprised? Hed have known if he was this close to failing. And if he knew, hed never have bombed the last test so nonchalantly. But Ill chill out, because graduation is two days away.
In the secret meeting room, Steven, Lauren, and the Evanses are having a little chat. Id like whats said in this room to remain completely confidential, says Mr. Evans. Steven says okay. Mr. Evans goes on: Daniel has had a history of psychiatric problems, and were about to petition a court to have him committed to a treatment facility. I tell you this because some things may come out in the hearing that, uhhe fantasized about you when he was in school here, Ms. Davis. In addition to this, his latest fantasy is that your fantasize about your students, and that youre having a sexual affair with him. Lauren says, Oh. Mr. Evans says that Daniel is also so deluded as to think that Lauren is, snerk, helping him with a supposed history text that he, in his crazy brain, thinks is getting published. Theres no history book? says Lauren. Oh, there is, but its not his, says Mr. Evans, he copies this other book. None of this is too important. Buthes now saying that youre afraid of him, and that you pulled a gun on him and threatened to shoot him. Our attorney says that we may have to call on you to testify at the hearing that none of this ever happened. Lauren takes a moment to really feel her career collapsing around her ears, and says, Wellsome thingsdidhappen. Mr. Evans says, They did? What? She starts them off easy, Well, I did look at his book. Not knowing it was plagiarized. Mr. Evens smiles, relieved. Oh, but the part about the sexual affair Lauren says, Yes, that happened, too. Daniels mother is all, You had a sexual relationship with my son? Lauren says, Yes. An explanation might do her some good, but she doesnt bother, for whatever reason. Did you point a gun at him? Lauren says, I may have done that. Yes. The meeting goes very silent.
Commercials. I like commercials about how Philip Morris is doing such good things for the world. Because they hope to off-set all that suffering and death theyve caused. Did some Nazis really plant flowers occasionally? Yes. Nazis did.
The hallway. Scott is giving Kevin his speech back, apparently having read it and decided that it is not, shall we say, punchy enough: I found it dreadful. Unless your goal is to impel a mass exodus, in which case I consider it a masterpiece. Kevin considers this to be less-than-constructive feedback. Scott says, This is an opportunity to speak to your classmates, Mr. Jackson. I will not be an accomplice to such utter boredom. Then stay away from the scenes with Marilyn and Jeremy Peters. Also, Anthony Heald is all about not being an accomplice this week; this is the second time hes said that. Kevin says he doesnt know what to say, and Scott says, Yes, that much is clear. Kevin rubs his head, like a mini-Steven, and walks away with his speech in hand.