Chapter Seventeen

Previously on Boston Public: Lauren dumped Harry; Steven yelled at Harvey for not liking Shakespeare and told him he had to teach it with Lisa Greer; a security guard revealed that tapes of naked girls showering were stolen, and that they included footage of Lauren; Lauren was incredulous about this; Tyronn told Harry he killed someone; an angry man with a shotgun almost killed Tyronn and Marilyn; Tyronn told Harry it seems the word is out he killed that kid; Tyronn tried to leave town; Steven told Harry that Tyronn was killed at the bus stop.

Night at Winslow High. Steven is packing up a bag for some reason when The Exposition Fairy comes in, encrusted with magical seedlings for future plot lines. "Steven," she says. "Rumor mill: the Dragon Lady is circling her wagons." Steven wants to know what for. "Lisa Greer teaching a class? Don't say I didn't warn you." Steven's all, "Fine, I won't say that, Louisa." But when he tries to leave, she tells him he's got a meeting with a parent who has been waiting for twenty minutes. The Exposition Fairy has brought documentation to help with her special guest, and gives Steven this woman's daughter's transcript: "Sophomore. Good grades. No disciplinary problems." Steven asks if we know what this meeting is about. "Something about the school buses." Adjusting his tie, Steven sighs, "Okay. Send her in." A friendly-looking woman, Ms. Roening, comes in and thanks Steven for agreeing to meet with her, and when she mentions her daughter, Steven's all, "Marie. Excellent student. I wish they were all like her, believe me." Ms. Roening smiles politely at the transparent flattery and says she has a question about the bus. "Well, there's been studies recently on school buses in Los Angeles, actually newer buses than the ones we use, but the same kind. They found more diesel exhaust inside the bus than smog outside. Carcinogenic soot!" Wow. Gross. Steven nods, unperturbed. "Oh. Um. I did not know that." Ms. Roening reiterates her point: "Well. This is bad, isn't it? Diesel fumes inside? According to this report, it's probably true of buses everywhere." Steven says he'll certainly bring this to the board's attention. Ms. Roening is not satisfied, however, and says that she feels she's not being heard, and that "it's not like I'm complaining about an outdated textbook. These are carcinogenic fumes." Then she adds, "And, about those outdated textbooks" No, she doesn't, but that would be funnier. He says, "I will raise your concern with the board. I'll do it tomorrow." And she says, "My concern? Why isn't it your concern?" Oh, wow, that's my second-least favorite arguing technique ever: irrelevant semantic harping. It is second only to aggravating someone until they explode, and then saying, "I don't see what you're getting so worked up about." Speaking of aggravating someone until they explode, Steven's patience appears to be waning slightly. Our first clue is when he is unable to get a word in edgewise for the minute as Ms. Roening blathers on and on about how long she had to wait, and how she feels patronized, and how this affects every kid who rides the bus, and how Steven clearly doesn't care. "It causes cancer, Mr. Harper." Something snaps audibly in Steven's brain. But, wait, she's not done: "I realize my daughter goes to public school, and she's not gonna get things the private schools get. I put up with overcrowded classrooms, the teacher shortage, budget cuts on almost every damn program, but do I have to put up with her breathing cancerous fumes to and from school every day? Is it too much to ask that she be given clean air?" With diesel fumes now pouring from his ears, Steven says, "No. It isn't. And I'm gonna add this to my damn list. I'm gonna write it down. Make sure students don't breath polluted air on their way to school in the morning. I'm gonna put a little star by it. Make sure kids don't get cancer. See, I even wrote it down. What else? Would you like me to check the water?" Ms. Roening storms out. The Exposition Fairy comes in, covering all the bases by vocalizing even the most obvious of exposition: "You didn't handle that well."

Credits. Welcome. Chaomung.

Phat urban beats over shots of kids getting out of the polluted school buses. No one is coughing or anything, though, so these are actually just second-unit filler shots that coincidentally contradict one of the plot points of this episode.

"She just walked out?" Hey, surprise, a scene that starts with an incredulous question, this one directed by Anthony Heald at Steven, as they sit in the office; other teachers and administrators mill around. "I lost it," Steven confesses, "but what does she expect me to do? Go and start testing all the buses to see if the air" Um. I'm guessing yeah, Steven. That's exactly what she expects you to do. ["Ma'am, we can't be 'policing' the whole city." -- Chief Wiggum] "Did you know about these new reports?" Scott says that, no, he didn't, but he's not surprised. Before he can elaborate, though, he spots a poster on the wall, one that reads: study plenty at 4:20. He grabs the passing Exposition Fairy by a gossamer wing. "Louisa, who authorized this?" Louisa says, "It's just to promote studying in study hall, I didn't think you'd have a problem with it." Scott says that he does, and demands to know who's responsible. Turns out, it's some kid named John Jacobs. "Have Mr. Jacobs come see me." The Exposition Fairy says, "With all due respect. This is why they call you the Nazi." Anthony Heald thanks her for the unsolicited advice, and once again sends her off to collar Mr. Jacobs. They are now out in the front hallway of the school, where a man approaches Steven and Scott from behind. "Mr. Harper? Jason Anderson. Tyronn Anderson's father." Steven says of course, and asks how the family is doing. "Oh, we're making it. I appreciate you attending his memorial. Is it possible I could meet with you?" Steven leads Jason away, just as Louisa returns to Scott. "Scott?" she says, "We have another little issue today."

"What?" says Lauren, in the teacher's lounge. I'd like to make fun of this, but, while it is technically a question, her delivery is more apprehensive than it is incredulous. Marilyn, who's looking at an open laptop, replies, "Well, the good news is: you look fabulous." Lauren goes to her. "Oh god. What now?" Marilyn says, "Well, remember how that tape of your showering was recovered before anybody saw it?" Lauren says, "Yeah," apparently still not able to make the enormous logical leap towards where Marilyn is going with this. "That didn't exactly happen." And then, with a single keystroke, no pun intended, Marilyn shows Lauren herself, in all her glory. "I don't believe this." Marilyn tells her to look on the bright side, which is that she looks fabulous.

Lauren is now in the stairwell, where a thousand pairs of probing eyes no longer have to imagine what she looks like naked. Some of the extras have even been instructed to point and giggle. One girl drags her boyfriend past Lauren, not letting him look at her. Heh.

In the Vice-Office, Scott is now interrogating Mr. Connelly, the hapless kid who stole the security tapes in the first place. "I gave you all the tapes!" Scott wants to know, then, how the video ended up on Cheryl Holt's website. "She must've made a copy!" Scott wants to know if he asked her if she made a copy. "Wellno." Is it just me, or could this kid not look less like someone likely to traffic porn? I mean, yes, yes, appearances can be deceiving, but he's such a doofus. Anyway, Scott tells him he's suspended for a week. "You said if I got them all backI didI held up my end of the bargain." Scott is intractable. "Mr. Guber, if I get suspended, my parents will kill me." Scott's all, "Then perhaps this is goodbye, Mr. Connelly." Garbage in, garbage out, and Scott sends Connelly out with Louisa, and asks her to send in John Jacobs, the boy who committed the unforgivable crime of promoting studying in study hall. Or is that all he was promoting? We shall see. John comes in, a easy-going sandy-haired kid. "Mr. Jacobs. Taking an interest in study hall, I see." Yes, sir. "Study plenty at 4:20. Very inspiring. Look at me, Mr. Jacobs. Do you take us for fools here at Winslow High, Mr. Jacobs?" No. "The term 4:20 is code for smoking marijuana. Are you trying to promote pot, Mr. Jacobs?" Ohnosir, I "You're suspended. Go home, Mr. Jacobs." Scott also advises him that April 20th is Stoner's Day, or something, and that a lot of students are planning to be absent, "but that would not be a good day for you to be absent, Mr. Jacobs. Good day." Jon leaves shaking his head, to clear it from the clouds of THC, I guess. Scott hands another set of suspension papers to The Exposition Fairy and says, "Who's !"

Commercials. MmmBoot Camp. How is that show? Because it looks enormously, irresponsibly, psychotically dangerous. They, like, actually blow things up.

Steven's office. Steven sits at his desk, looking stoic and pensive, when The Exposition Fairy enters. "What's the matter?" she says, betraying a shameful lack of familiarity with the exposition on this week's show. "Nothing," says Steven, with such a pained tone and expression that he might as well have yelled, "Harry Senate concealed knowledge of a murder and got a student killed!" The Exposition Fairy, eager to earn her keep, however pathetically, informs Steven that Anthony Heald is suspending everybody, such as John Jacobs, Connelly, and now (apparently) he is searching for Cheryl Holt. Steven reacts as though this is another problem he's going to have to deal with, but -- guh? Stop the presses! Vice-Principal suspends students for promoting drug use and trafficking in pornography! Has the world gone mad!? Just then, My-Fair-Lisa-Greer bursts in, with a familiar cry: "Lipschultz." Steven asks what now. "He's a Shakespeare bigot. I like teaching, Steven, we had a good class until he came in, and I won't do it." Steven says he doesn't have time for this. Which he doesn't -- he has to go stop his vice-principal from disciplining criminal students. Lisa tells him he should make time, but -- uh-oh, The Exposition Fairy's still in the room, and so let's watch the fur fly as she morphs into The Exposition Scary: "You're a student." But Lisa gives as good as she gets (as we well know), and fires back, "Bite me, Louisa." "Oh, that's good teacher talk." "I don't need your opinion." "Why don't you sleep with Lipschultz, get him fired." "Don't you have some filing to do?" "I'll fire my fist right down your throat." "Try it." "HEY!" This last, of course, is Steven, shutting up the two harpies flitting around his head. "I definitely do not have time for this." I was hoping they'd actually start fighting, though, and maybe rip each other's clothes off. Oh, wait, the stripper episode is coming up in Chapter Eighteen. Anyway, Lisa gets to the point: "He calls England a sexually depraved, arrogant country. He should be locked up." I don't follow her logic, in part because Harvey is more or less right, but at the very least he shouldn't be teaching Shakespeare. Steven tells Louisa to summon Lipschultz, and Louisa's all, "Why can't she tell him." Um, because it's your damn job, Exposition Fairy. Steven is fed up, and leaves to go talk to Harry. Why he bothers to tell them he's going to talk to Harry is anybody's guess, since presumably he wants to keep the things he's going to talk to Harry about private. But: whatever. Louisa and Lisa stare at each other, making me realize for the first time how similar their names are. Weird.

Instead of punching him, Steven lets him talk even more. "Look, I knew there was a risk in not coming forward, and if I thought it was going to hurt anybody else of course I would have spoken up. But in this case, in my opinion, speaking up would have gotten him killed." Steven asks Harry if it ever occurred to him that perhaps not speaking up got him killed -- "did you ever think of that?" Harry's all, "Did I ever think of that? I've done nothing but think of that for the past few weeks. I haven't slept, I've sucked as a teacher, Lauren and I areI've played it out in my mind a thousand times, and I always arrive at the same answer." Steven, who hasn't bother to pursue why Harry thought speaking up would get Tyronn killed, which was if I recall a conclusion he reached in consultation with very well-informed gang-activity experts, says, "Then you got it wrong a thousand times, Harry. You don't take the law into your own hands." Anyway, this conversation is going on for too long. Suffice it to say, Harry doesn't think he took the law into his own hands, whereas Steven points out that obstruction of justice is, in fact, against the law, and that's at the very least what Harry is guilty of, and his precious word of honor is not important compared to that. "I'm glad it's so easy for you," says Harry. Steven fires back, "It should have been easy for you. I don't know if I can protect you on this, Harry. I don't know that I care to. Why in god's name would you put yourself at risk for a kid who commits murder. Who thinks that makes you a hero? It makes you stupid, Harry, and this time it could cost you your job, not to mention your freedom." Obviously, Steven never met Tyronn Anderson, and has no idea what kind of a kid Harry was putting himself on the line for. Still, Harry did break the law. So they're both kind of stupid. Which is no surprise.

The hallway, where Scott chases down Cheryl "I Wanna" Holt "Your Hand." "Here we go," she says, when she hears her name in those unmistakable clipped tones. "I told you we were looking for stolen tapes, and were they to fall into your hands, you were not to publish them on your website, Ms. Holt." Turning to face him at last, Cheryl says, "Well, first of all, I didn't know these tapes were the tapes in question, since you refused to tell me what was on those tapes." Scott asks if he looks like he's stupid, which, after forty years of ridicule, he should really know better than to do. "Mr. Guber, if you keep asking those rhetorical questions, someday, someone will respond, and the answer won't please you." Scott suspends her for a week, but she remains phlegmatic in the face of his onslaught. "I got a lawyer, and I beat you, last time." Scott tells her that perhaps she should engage one again, and boots her, like a snotty poster in the MBTV forums. But Scott's not done, as he spots a kid in a flannel shirt near the stairwell. "Mr. Harzl! I'm told you helped John Jacobs put up the 4:20 poster?" Before the explanation about study hall is even out of Mr. Harzl's mouth, Scott's all, "Yes. You are suspended three days for promoting drug use. Clean out your locker and be gone before lunch or the suspension is doubled." Scott jets off down the hall, drunk with power, and just in time to keep things happening in the frame, Marla and The Exposition Fairy come down the stairs. "What's up with that?" says Marla, referring to Scott suspending Mr. Harzl, which she couldn't possibly have seen, and even if she did, what's so strange about the vice-principal suspending a student, since she only "saw" him suspend one; or even if she had seen them all, what's so weird about him suspending four? But The Exposition Fairy is just happy to be able to do a bit of her job: "He's on a frenzy."