Chapter Twelve

Props to the world. All the boys and girls. Props to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Props to you and me.

Previously on Boston Public: Cheryl made a cartoon of Milton and Lisa; Steven grilled Milton about it and Milton lied; Milton told Kevin that he's in love with Lisa and Kevin told him he'd lose his job; Lisa's butt calls Scott Guber's machine; Scott accused Milton of having sex, and told him he wouldn't be working at Winslow High much longer; Kevin enlisted The Blob to wrestle on the team, and she kicked ass.

To the off-beat strains of Eminem, Harry drives to school. But, uh-oh, what's that? It's a bunch of kids scaling and leaping over a nearby chain link fence. Harry nearly hits the one in the lead, who looks fearfully back over his shoulder and sprints away. The others pursue him, wielding baseball bats and the like. Harry helpfully yells, "Hey!" Then, he gets out of his car, grabs his umbrella (buh?), and gives chase. One might ask what sane man would do such a thing. Then answers is: no sane man. But I'm guessing that Harry recognized the kid he almost hit, since we will soon learn that said kid is a student at Winslow High. Anyhow, Harry runs after the pursuing mob, who are in turn running after the frightened lamb. All the kids, by the way, are wearing the deep blue bandanas and jackets, which means they are not Bloods, if you get my drift. The "gang" of pursuers catches up with their prey on some bleachers, hold him down, and surround him, while one prepares to, it looks like, smash his knees with the bat. "You think this is some kinda game?" says, perhaps, the leader. "This ain't no damn game, cuz!" He gets ready to "do" this unfortunate soul's legs: "This'll keep you from runnin' off on us." Just in time, Harry appears, his trusty umbrella in his hand. "Hey!" he says again. Which, I guess, is his battle cry. "Does it look like rain today, old man?" Harry claims to have called security, which is a lie, but it works, and the gang saunters menacingly past him and away. "Doesn't look like rain to me," says the leader, which, if it's supposed to be some kind of threat, is a kind of vague one. Harry helps up the fallen kid, whose name turns out to be Tyron.

Opening credits. I have nothing to say about them this week. Oh, except, do you remember that episode of Friends where the two bullies won't let Ross and Chandler drink at Central Perk? One of the bullies, a scrawny guy with a goatee, steals Chandler's hat. And who played that scrawny guy? Nicky "Harry Senate" Katt. And look at him now: the crusading hero of his own show. American dream? I think so.

Snow is on the ground in the external establishing shots of the school now. Good for them. Except I don't think there was snow in the scene, but whatever.

Sanctum Stevenorium. With Cheryl by his side, Steven looks at her latest website cartoon, which depicts, for some reason, Milton and My-Fair-Lita naked and swinging from a chandelier. "Are we going to court again," says Cheryl, looking dynamite if I may say. Steven tells her she's not in trouble, and that he just wants to know if the cartoon is true. I'm guessing that Lisa and Milton haven't done precisely what the cartoon shows them doing, but I suppose that's not what Steven means. Cheryl says, "Mr. Harper, I'm not your narc." Steven, master of twisty semantics, says, "I'm not asking you to reveal anything. I'm asking if what you have revealed is true." Which would actually be, you sneaky principal, revealing the fact that what she has suggested is true. Cheryl says, "I don't know." Steven asks then why the cartoon. "Because the rumor is out there. Maybe it's just an innocent Shakespeare Club. Maybe they're really just friends. I don't know." Steven asks for her gut feeling as a reporter. "He's doing her."

"It was just a fight. What's the big deal?" Tyron is in Anthony Heald's office, where Guber is telling him that "the big deal" is that a boy was shot not far from school recently, and that it involved people in gang colors, "The same gang colors worn by the people trying to reset your leg. Look at me, sir. Are you involved with a gang, Mr. Anderson?" Tyron says no, and when Anthony Heald asks if the boys who attacked him were in a gang, he says he doesn't know. "Mr. Anderson, this will not happen. We will not tolerate gang activity on or near this campus, do you understand me?" The way he keeps saying "Mr. Anderson" in that flat, cold, cutting tone of his makes me think of that scene in The Matrix where Keanu is getting interrogated by The Agent. Which, since I got over my need to compare Anthony Heald to the T-1000, will make a good new laugh-a-minute comparison. Anyway, Guber tells Tyrone that from now on he'll be painting over graffiti in the boys' bathrooms after school. Tyrone says, "I've got choir practice." Scott's all, "Do you think humor is really appropriate in this instance, Mr. Anderson?" Harry, who has been lurking the background the whole time, says, "No, Scott, he really does have choir practice. He's a choir boy." Scott nods slowly, then inserts a giant mechanical insect into Tyron's belly button to keep track of his whereabouts.

Stairwell of Important Thoughts and Feelings. My-Fair-Lita chases down Milton and tells him that Cheryl was questioned by Steven this morning. Milton tells her to calm down, there's no evidence. She says, "What about Mr. Riley? Or Louisa? Or that cop?" Good points all, especially Louisa, who, being The Exposition Fairy, is going to have to reveal the juiciest exposition she knows eventually. Milton says, "We have to deny it. Now calm down, go to class, and we'll just go about our days." She books, and Milton spots Steven watching him through a frosty window. Steven comes around the corner menacingly, turns his voice to extra-deep-rumble, and says, "Milton. Have you crossed the line with that girl." Milton says no, and that "this'll teach me to ever mentor a student again, especially a pretty one. You seemed eager to ignore Cheryl Holt when I was leaping into a horse's ass. What, this is more interesting?" Steven says yeah. A lot.

"What do you mean? You've been loving it!" This is not Milton talking to My-Fair-Lita, thankfully. But it is Coach Kevin yelling at Christine "The Blob" Banks, who has, it seems, just announced that she wants to quit the wrestling team. "But this is Belmont Hill!" protests Kevin, alluding, one assumes, to a huge upcoming match, no pun intended. "Just for us to get a wrestling match against Belmont Hill, much less" The Blob interrupts that that's one of the reasons she doesn't want to wrestle: "It's an all-boys' school. They're supposedly all sexually suppressed there. I don't want my opponent to be copping feels during the match." Because Kevin is not an idiot, he doesn't buy this feeble excuse that she obviously just made up right this second. So she tells him another one: "Look, it was fun at first. But after a while: rolling around on the floor with a two-hundred-pound sweaty grunting pig who's trying to physically hurt me? The fun wears off." Better, but she's still lying. He tries again, but she yells, "No!" and slams him against a locker as she storms away.

Choir practice. Oh my goodness. Marilyn is conducting the choir! Actually, she's kind of just in the room, walking around, bopping to the music and yelling instructions at them about "energy" and "heart and soul." But she makes no attempts to guide them with, oh, say, hand signals or a baton. The only thing she conducts, my friends, is electricity. And only when she's wet. Marilyn singles out Tyron and encourages him to sing louder. He has a great voice, and because of his vocal stylings he blends terribly and makes the choir as a whole sound much worse. "That's better!" says Marilyn the Non-Conductor. Harry comes in: "I just came by to let the music wash over me." Heh. That's funny, see, because the music kind of sucks. Marilyn asks him what he really wants, 'cause she knows it kind of sucks, and he says, "Tyron. How's he doing?" Marilyn says, "Well, listen to him, he's incredible." Tyron continues not to blend. Harry asks her to send Tyron to him after practice is over, and leaves.

Thus we cut from Tyron's melodic singing to him yelling, "Don't be hasslin' me, all right? I'm not one of your dungeon boys, and I don't need you followin' me!" We're in the dungeon, where Tyron is, apparently, telling Harry to get out of his life, because he was doing just fine before Harry showed up to prevent Tyron's knees from getting smashed with a baseball bat. Or, as Harry puts it, "I save your ass." Tyron says thanks, sort of, but "I'm not about to kiss your ass." Harry says he wants to know the truth, and Tyron says, "Oh, don't feed me that, cuz! You people don't want to know the truth about nothin'!" Harry's all, "My people. Would that be whites, teachers, perverts, what?" Heh. Blah blah blah loud-sparring-cakes, until Harry says, "Look, we both know those guys who attacked you were hooked up with the Crips. So I asked around. You're in the same gang. What I can't figure out why a bunch of guys in the same gang would be so eager to use you for batting practice." Maybe they ran out of Bloods.

See, in my hometown, there was a gang called XIV, who were Bloods, and whose "territory" was above Fourteenth Street, and a gang called The Thirteens, who were Crips, and whose "territory" was below Thirteenth Street. Much of XIV went to, or perhaps simply hung around, my high school, but they never had anyone to fight, because The Thirteens were all in prison or at different schools. They'd stand around, sullen, glaring at people, with no one to attack. It was very sad.

But back to the scene. Harry is listing Tyron's many skills and talents, and asks him what the hell he's doing mixed up in this gang crap. "Man, I'm trying to get out! Why do you think they've been jumpin' me?" Harry is incredulous. "It's a different kind of choir, Mr. Senate." Yes, it is.

Girls' Locker Room. Um, no comment. Except that I feel dirty. Anyway, Lauren Davis is for some reason here, at a locker, wearing a towel, and heading for the showers. I guess that moment weeks and weeks ago when Anthony Heald smelled her hair, after she revealed that she works out at school and showers there, existed only to set this up: when she gets to the showers, Lauren finds Christine Banks sitting on the floor in the corner, crying. Lauren tries to get her attention. "Please go away," says Christine. So Lauren approaches and asks more questions. After the third or fourth time Christine says "no" or "leave me alone," Laurencontinues to stand there. And we go to commercial.

You know, at first, I wasn't sure why that scene had to occur naked in the showers. Then I came up with a reason, though I may be giving the show too much credit. But Jess Gilsig is the skinniest woman on this particular David E. Kelley show, so having her try to reassure The Blob, while naked in a shower, sort of points up the plight of real human people who weigh more than a pound. If that's what David was thinking, good for him. If not: zuh?

Commercials. Hey, did Topher Grace rock in Traffic or what? Also, anybody see his interview on The Daily Show? Hilarious. And totally strange. All he did, for no ostensible reason, was describe in details the movie Wild Wild West. Funniest interview I've seen, maybe ever.

The locker room. Now fully dressed, Lauren and Christine are chatting on a bench. I guess Lauren did a good job of leaving the girl alone. "He didn't give a reason? He just said he didn't want to go out with you anymore and walked away, just like that?" Apparently, Christine's boyfriend broke up with her. "How long had you two been dating?" Christine says since Thanksgiving. "Do you love him?" Christine says she doesn't know. Maybe. "I can't really believe it's the wrestling." Christine explains that even though, because of the wrestling, some kids really were cheering for her, it made her "more talked about as The Blob, and Danny" Lauren asks if Danny said that that was the reason specifically. The Blob says, "He didn't have to."

The office. Harvey Lipschultz is putting in his two cents to Steven on the Milton investigation. "They were arguing, and Louisa, she said something about if he gets caught." Caught at what? "I can't be sure. I didn't hear it all. And I'm apt to get things wrong even if I did. She I decided to keep my mouth shut. And you know I'm not very good at that either." Steven and Harvey walk off together, passing Milton, who faintly hears that they're discussing him. Possibly because, though they walk right past him, neither lowers his voice or acknowledges that Milton is even there. Maybe they didn't see him. Anyway, Kevin appears, probably in his capacity as Coach Lamprey the Plot Parasite. Oh, yes, here we go. Lamprey says, "Steven wants to see me." "It's about me. I just heard him with Harvey, he was with Cheryl Holt this morning, now he wants to see you?" Lamprey says, "We don't know why," because he's hoping that maybe it's about a his own developing story arc, but really he knows better. Milton says, "They know. They know, and I'm dead." He wants to know what Lamprey is going to say. "Kevin, you're maybe my best friend. You can't tell. You don't have to lie, just say you don't know anything." Lamprey points out that that would be a lie, and says, "I won't even think of covering for you unless you stop seeing the girl." Milton walks away just as Lauren appears to talk to Lamprey about Christine Banks, this morphing him back into Coach Kevin, He Who Feeds Mightily On His Own Plot. Lauren asks him not to push The Blob on "this wrestling thing," and Kevin says, "I will push her. She made a commitment to the team." Blah blah blah argue-cakes, including the fun exchange: "Don't sound like a coach." "Don't be condescending because I'm a coach." And then, later in the argument: "Sport is like life. You get knocked down" "Back to sounding like a coach." "Back to condescending." Lauren explains that The Blob's boyfriend dumped her because of the wrestling, and Kevin makes an excellent point: "Sounds like a quality guy." Because, of course, he doesn't sound like one, at all. Lauren walks away, because she can't bring herself to explain that it's nice to be in a relationship with a non-communicative guy who's kind of an immature jerk. Before Kevin can chase her down, Steven appears and demands that Kevin come to his office right away, thereby morphing him back into Coach Lamprey the Plot Parasite. Oh, the top of the Plot Food Chain can be so fleeting

The dungeon. Anthony Heald brings Detective Danby, whom we remember from the episode where Jamal stole a foot from the morgue, into Harry's classroom. "I didn't do it," says Harry. No one laughs. There is a cough in the distance. A wolf howls, once. "I did it." A tumbleweed passes. The sound of wind. A mosquito circles. No one laughs. Surprise, surprise -- Scott says that this is about Tyron Anderson. Scott says, "Apparently, he has been living two lives. The second as the computer hacker known as Neo. One of his lives has a future. One does not." No, wait, he doesn't. But Danby says he thinks the fight Harry saw is connected with the murder two nights prior: "We think he either witnessed it, or knows who did it." One might argue that, despite his phrasing, those two things are not mutually exclusive, and he may have witnessed the crime AND know who did it. But I can't say, "Who cares about his grammar, he's ONLY A TEACHER!" Because Detective Danby is a cop, and it's therefore acceptable if he's an idiot. Harry says, "He told me he was getting roughed up because he was trying to get out of the gang." Danby asks if he said why. "No." Harry has now told the truth to Scott Guber and a cop for two sentences in a row, which may be a record. Danby says that the timing is suspicious, and that Tyron's life is probably in danger if he does know something. Scott asks if Harry can talk to the boy again, and Harry says he will. I like that he's the liaison to the minority students; I think he's the only teacher all season, including the many teachers of color, who has reached out in a positive way to a student who was troubled, or in need of help, who isn't white. And I don't count Lauren flunking the football player in the pilot.

Steven's office, where Mr. Harper gets right to the point when Coach Lamprey asks him what's up. "Milton," he says, "and Lisa Greer." He closes the door. "You know anything about it?" Lamprey says he's only heard the rumors like everyone else. "Kevin, I know you two are close. But if you're covering for him, it doesn't help him. It doesn't help you. But most importantly it doesn't help the girl. Between you and me?" Which is such a lie. Does Steven expect Kevin to fall for that? To think, for one second, that if he revealed a transgression like that, that Steven would keep it between the two of them? What. Ever. Also, those of us who've been watching the show know that My-Fair-Lita Greer is, as Britney might croon, not that innocen-e-a-e-a-eant. Lamprey holds firm in his denial, but sniffs, and has difficulty meeting Steven's gaze. Steven seems to know that he's lying, but lets him go.

A music room. Or, at least, a room filled with music stands. Lauren is here, talking to a boy, presumably Danny, who is telling her to mind her own business. Which is, as usual, her cue to pursue with more nagging questions. She must drive Harry crazy. Speaking of whom, Danny is saying, "It's kind of personal, Ms. Davis. Do I ask you questions about you and Mr. Senate?" Lauren asks him if he broke up with Christine just because she wrestles. "First of all, why is this any of your business, and second of all, why do you care?" Lauren concedes that it's not her business, but, as for why she cares: "It can be a very lonely world, Danny. I see people around me who love each other breaking up for the right reasons, and living to regret it. To see someone end a relationship for a reason that's so clearly unreasonable" He interrupts, but not, as I had hoped, to point out that a reason cannot be unreasonable, by definition, and what she means is "insufficient," and to tell her that that's okay, because she's ONLY A TEACHER! No, instead he says, "Ms. Davis, you're a very nice person. But you and Mr. Senate are like Barbie and Ken. You're gonna counsel the fat kids?" Lauren says she knows a little about solitude, and Dannyblah blah blah you-don't-have-the-slightest-clue-what-it's-like-to-be-me-cakes. "I get teased just for waking up every day. For daring to come to school. For playing with a baritone instead of a football." Christine's a baritone? Ba-dum-bum. Where was he: "For dating a fat girl. Who's now a star wrestler." Lauren still doesn't get it, so Danny explains, "I'm terrible at sports. She's this big athlete now. So the question of the day has become, 'What's it like to know that your girlfriend can beat you up.' Fat boys may have thick skin, Ms. Davis. But there's only so much I can take."

Elsewhere, Harry enters a bathroom where Tyron is painting over graffiti. He checks under the stall doors to make sure no one else is there, then says, "I did some checking around. There's this local coalition, made up of teachers, ministers, police. They work together to get kids out of gangs. If I talk to them they might be able to help you." Tyron says forget it. Harry asks him if he's changed his mind, and now he doesn't really want out, and "you'd rather throw your life away." Tyron says it's not like that. "Did you witness this murder, Tyron?" Tyron tells him to forget it, again, and Harry says, again, that he won't. "Listen," says Harry. "The last bell rang. I'm punched out, off the clock, we're just two guys painting a stall." Wait, are they going to kiss? No, instead Tyron says, "And what I say stays between us?" Harry gives his word, which, in this case, finally can't be any better than Steven's to Kevin, because he won't hold back forever on turning in a murderer. Unless, you know, it turns out the murderer is a good kid caught in a bad situation, who Harry really wants to help. Then he'd really be in a bind. "Why do you think it's too late for everybody to help?" Harry asks. "'Cause it was me. I killed that kid." Uh-oh. What now, Mr. Senate?

Commercials, I guess, are what now. I can't wait for the show to return, though, so Harry can advance the "he shot someone, but has a beautiful singing voice" argument.

We're back in the bathroom with Harry and Tyron, just after the big revelation for the halfway point of the episode. "I had choir rehearsal after school," Tyron is saying. "It was late, so I was kind of in a rush to get home. Took a short cut through this empty lot, saw a guy coming. It was starting to get pretty dark, so I couldn't see if he was wearing colors." Harry says, "Gang colors?" This is, I'll admit, far too easy, because it may be the stupidest question ever asked on this show. No, Harry, the colors of Dutch national pride. Spring colors. A copy of the motion picture Colors. You're a dumbass, Mr. Senate. But Tyron just says, "Yeah," and goes on with his story. "You know: it's home team? Red or blue? Bloods or Crips? Anyway, he made this move, you know, like he was gonna front me. Then we flashed signs, and boom, it was on." Harry is incredulous, and sounds like a whiny, nave old man when he says, "What do you mean, it was on? You don't even know this guy, and suddenly you're flashing gang signs, and it's on? Did it occur to you to ignore him?" Thanks, Harry. That's like when you're mom tells you that you should just ignore the bully at school who is beating you up, because he's not a good friend. "That ain't how it's done," says Tyron, with admirable restraint. "He had a piece. And as soon as he saw that I was a Crip, he pulls it, and starts shooting at me. He missed." Harry says, "And you didn't." Tyron shakes his head. Harry asks, "And then what?" Tyron says he took off. "I didn't want to kill anybody. But I had to do it." Harry asks if that's why he's trying to get out of the gang. "I can't take it. I just can't take it no more." Tyron starts to cry. Good, good acting.

The Vice-Office. Anthony Heald is having a little sit-down with My-Fair-Lita's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Greer. Dispensing quickly with the salutory pleasantries, Scott cuts right to the chase. "There is a rumor, one we cannot confirm, but which we suspect might be true, that Lisa is having an affair with one of our faculty members." Mr. Greer says, "Awkward pause." Scott says, "Did you hear me?" Which is funny, because Mr. Greer's ears are big, and stick straight out from the sides of his head. Mr. Greer says, "An affair?" so we know his giant super-ears heard Scott just fine. "A sexual affair?" Scott explains that, yes, according to the rumor, but that both Lisa and the teacher in question deny it. "But I felt that it was my responsibility to inform you, even with the possibility of there being no truth to it." Mr. Greer wants to know who the teacher is. Scott, ever discreet, says, "His name is Milton Buttle. The two of them have started a Shakespeare club together." Exhibiting acting bad enough to go with the god-awful dialogue she gets, Mrs. Greer pipes up for the first time, with this: "I've heard her speak of him." You've heard her speak of him? Thank you, M'Lady. I shall tell Launcelot to be victorious in the joust, where he shall fight for your honor. "She sometimes meets him for coffee before school." Scott allows that it may be innocent, and explains to an alarmed Mr. Greer that there's nothing to do at the moment, since they have no proof. But, "in my experience, when a rumor refuses to die, there's usually some truth to it." Mrs. Greer seems to cling blindly to the idea that there's only rumors, but Mr. Greer seems certain that Milton is screwing his daughter, so much so that he won't even shake Scott's hand. Anthony Heald gives him a look like, "What did I do? I haven't slept with anyone in years, let alone your daughter, sir."

The hallway. Coach Kevin is yelling at The Blob not to quit the team. I'll spare you a transcription of his entire clich-ridden speech ("Who does control you? The people hurling nicknames?") -- suffice it to say that he gives one, and that halfway through it Christine says, "Spare me the speech, Gipper." He plays the "you'll get respect" card, which she shoots down, pointing out that she hasn't stopped being called The Blob: "I just became a more famous blob." He plays the "you have teammates" card, and she has no good answer for that. Kevin says, "You amble around this place in self-pity. Is that going to be the walk of your life?" She says, "I guess it is," and ambles away in self-pity. He follows her, yelling in the crowded hallway about her low self-esteem, and about how she's letting her tormentors win. "If you quit now, you LET THEM WIN!" Which ought to be good for the self-esteem he's so concerned about, right? Maybe he should scream louder, and use the word "amble" again. The scene should end at this point, but instead Milton appears, frantic, telling Kevin that Lisa's parents were in Guber's office moments ago, and asking what Kevin told Harper. Of course, it takes only five seconds for this scene to turn into "Break Up With Her Or I Will Turn You In, Part 87." So, blah blah blah break-up-with-her-or-I'll-turn-you-in-cakes. Milton swears he'll do it that night.

The Stairwell of Revelatory Insight. The Blob runs into Steven, who is luckily twice her size and can withstand the impact. He prepares to give her a speech. He knows she really wants one because she says, "Maybe that's a good idea. Every time I eat, I can just go get a pep talk from a faculty member. Then I can just spray vomit over the whole school." He sits her down on the steps kind of forcefully and proceeds to give her a speech more or less identical to the one Kevin just gave her, only in a deeper voice and more measured tones. But he tricks her with clever semantic sleight-of-hand: "You've been getting a lot of speeches? Fine, I won't give you one. I'll just tell you a few things I know. Kids tend to judge each other on appearance. When you become an adult, you find adults often judge each other on appearance." By this point, she's realized that it's a speech, and says, "Can you just get to the moral?" He says, "The moral is: if you continue to judge yourself through the eyes of others" She tries to leave. "Look, Christine, if you don't want to listen to me, fine. If you want to ignore Kevin Riley, that's your right. But of all the people to listen to: the kids calling you The Blob?" As The Strings and Piano of Repetitive Moralizing toodle away on the soundtrack, we realize that Christine is persuaded by the speech the second time around. And, actually, these two scenes are so similar I feel like they filmed both intending to use only one, and then accidentally left both of them in the show. Then again, Kevin's told Milton at least four thousand times to break up with My-Fair-Lita, so maybe having the same conversation over and over again is just school policy.

Lauren's, or Harry's, apartment -- I can never tell which they're in. Lauren is pouring wine for the two of them. "The Bloods? The Crips? I thought those were L.A. gangs." Harry says, "Yes, but they're the only gangs anyone has heard of, so David Kelley used them on the show." No, wait, he says, "The membership is spreading. They're in Boston now." Lauren quotes some violence statistics, and then notices that Harry is staring darkly into space. This obviously means that he's just fine and that nothing's wrong, but she has to ask, "What's wrong?" He says nothing's wrong. She asks him if he's back to not talking about things. Harry's all, "Lauren, I danced. You want me to dance with you and talk?" Heh. She says yes. Greedy bitch. Anyway, Harry tries to do a little tap dance around revealing what's bothering him: "What makes you think I'm not talking about me? Maybe I'm not talking about a student. Oh, now you want me to shut up. Talk, shut up, talk, shut up. I don't understand you. You think this means we should get married?" But the Jedi mind trick fails, and not even a totally nonsensical mention of marriage can throw her off the scent, and she says, "Harry, did Tyron witness it?" Harry says that Tyron said no. "So, whatever it is, you're not talking?" Harry says, "You got it," and goes back to grading some papers. Lauren looks at him like, "God, I want him so bad when he treats me like crap." No, wait, maybe she's annoyed, I can't tell.

Milton's apartment. My-Fair-Lita is peering at him through the barely open door, over the chain keeping her out. "Well, you're acting like there's something wrong," she says. Oh, it's that trick, where a scene between two characters begins so that their conversation seems to be a continuation of the scene between two other characters. Of course, in this case, Lisa would have to be an idiot not to know what's wrong, so the device fails. Milton points that out. "Aren't you upset? The wagons are circling. Steven had your parents in today. Did they ask you about it?" Lisa says yes, and that she showed them the website, suggesting that that's the reason people think they're having sex, and that she told them they're not, and that they believed her. Actually, he says, "Did they believe you?" And she says, "Yes. And you have to believe me when I tell you that there's no evidence." The problem with that being her emphasis, since the sentence before that also involved someone else believing her, and she should therefore put weight on the first "you" not on "me." But that's awfully nit-picky, even for MBTV, so let's move on. "As long as we stay cool we'll be fine. Are you capable of being cool, Milton? Or do you only know how to be hot?" She starts trying to smooch him and stuff, but he pushes her away. "Lisa, we have to stop. It can only end in disaster for both of us." She thinks he means stop for a little while, but he says, no, stop altogether. She looks all pouty and sad. Which is easy for her, since really this can only end in disaster for him, since she's got a few more months of high school left, but his career could be ruined for the rest of his life. He says, "If it gets out, Lisa, I'll get fired." He says this as though he's never said it before. But he has. A lot. And Kevin has said it. And Anthony Heald has said it. I wish everyone would just stop saying it, and they would just fire him. "Please don't leave me, Milton," she says. He tries to explain why it'll be good, that she's eighteen, and should be out with other kids her age. This is the first time, thankfully, that he's mentioned she's eighteen for a reason other than preventing himself from getting thrown into prison, so that's a step forward. She yells that she doesn't want to be out with kids her age, she wants to be with Milton. He sits to her on the couch and tries again: "It isn't right. This could explode in our faces." She gets it, finally, but still clings to scraps: "But when summer comes?" He tells her she'll be on to somebody new by then. "I won't. So, when summer comes?" He stands firm, which is not easy, so good for him. But then she tries the "one lastone kiss?" strategy. He falls for it. She starts taking off his clothes. They go at it on his couch.

Unfortunately, he left his door open, and who should walk in as Lisa and Milton are having one for the road, but Lisa's father! Mr. Greer! What are the odds! The absolute worst person to walk in at the completely worst time! Who'd have thought? Anyway, one wonders how he knew where Milton lives, or why he came here at this particular moment. It would make more sense if we'd seen Lisa at home, leaving, and her Dad asking where she was going, and her saying, "Over to Milton's," really casually, like she has nothing to hide, and then we'd seen her dad get up quietly and start to follow her after she leaves. For all we know, though, that scene exists, and ended up on the cutting room floor. So what we're left with is the explanation that Mr. Greer's giant super-ears heard his daughter getting it on from across town, and he flew to the rescue. "Daddy?" she says. Milton knows he's screwed. "Put your clothes on, Lisa." And not in the good way he was about to get screwed.

Commercials. Man, SMG's lips are a bit on the red side in this Maybelline commercial, are they not? Also, those "Is This The End" Ally McBeal promos make me laugh, because they might as well say, "Will the judge send him back to prison? Will he get into a treatment program?"

Steven's office. Mr. Greer is telling Steven and Anthony Heald what he saw. We don't really need this scene, though, because one assumes that Mr. Greer would immediately inform the school, and therefore it can be easily elided. But my fingers are getting sore from typing that over and over, so why don't I just retaliate with my standard strategy of eliding it in the recap. Steven tells Mr. Greer that Lisa should probably be transferred, and that Milton will "be dealt with." It sounds like he means it. But probably he'll just say, "If you ever sleep with a student, even only two or three more times, I swear, I will seriously consider threatening to fire you if you do it another time, after those times!"

Milton's car. Milton and Coach Lamprey the Plot Parasite are here, in solemn silence. Then Lamprey breaks the silence, but has nothing of value to say because in this scene he's a Lamprey: "The one piece of advice I can give you, Milton. Obviously, abandon the denial approach." But then he says some more useful things: "Accept full responsibility. Show remorse. Argue the totality of your career." Milton asks if it matters that he loves her, and Lamprey says probably not.

Teacher's lounge. Marla, Harvey, and Lauren are all discussing this startling turn of events. "The father walked right in on 'em," says Marla. Harvey says, "While they were having relations?" Lauren can't believe it, because everything shocks her, so Harvey sets her straight: "Don't kid yourself, Lauren. These girls grow up so fast, and they all want us." Heh. Marla and Harvey banter a bit for no reason, and then the scene is over.

The dungeon. "You've got to turn yourself in." It would be funny if that were Kevin talking to Milton, because he has to keep playing that scene again and again even though Milton's already been caught, but actually it's Harry talking to Tyron. "The cops are sniffing all around you. It'll be much easier if you just --" Tyron doesn't agree: "If the cops was on to me, I wouldn't be in school right now." Harry asks what if somebody in The Bloods knows. "Then I'd already be dead." Harry says he can't sit on this forever, but Tyron points out, "That's exactly what I can do. The only thing I can do and still get to live, Mr. Senate." Harry suggests that he argue self-defense, but Tyron rightly suggests that neither the police nor a jury will buy that, not from a gang member. Harry tries a few more tactics, none of which work, especially when he brings up "the psychological damage" of Tyron having committed the crime. That especially fails, the absolute most. Tyron says, "You can't fix everything, Mr. Senate. Now, I know you like to think you can, but you can't. You gave me your word. Now I ain't gonna say nothin' and neither are you." Tyron gets up and leaves.

Vice-Office. Milton comes in. Because Guber is running this scene, it's very efficient. "Can I explain how --" Scott says, "I'm not interested. Here is your resignation. One line. You can read it and sign it now." Milton mentions that he might want to contact his union rep. "Do that, Mr. Buttle, and I'll make sure you're barred from teaching anywhere. Sign the resignation, slip out quietly, and hope that some school, somewhere, doesn't take the time to find out the circumstances surrounding your departure." (I could mention that because of what "circumstances" actually means, it's redundant to say "circumstances surrounding" and he really should just say "circumstances of" and also note that he's ONLY A HIGH SCHOOL VICE-PRINCIPAL who, furthermore, KNOWS LATIN! But I won't.) "Do it quickly, please, I'd like you out of my sight as soon as possible." Milton does it. When he's gone, Anthony Heald looks up, rather sadly.

The gym. Kevin is pep-talking one if his wrestlers during a break in the match when The Blob comes in and sits on the bench. The crowd goes wild, waving their "The Blob rules!" signs and so forth. Christine looks nervous. Kevin is glad to see her.

Sanctum Stevenorium. Steven sits behind his desk, and Milton comes in, beaten, a sad little puppy dog. "I'm so sorry. Most of all for letting you down. You've always treated me, all the teachers, as a noble class, and I apologize for not living up to" Steven says, "Please. Go, Milton." Milton does.

The gym. It's Christine's turn to wrestle. It's a tough match, and after being in a bit of trouble at first, she gains the upper hand. The crow begins to chant, "Blob! Blob! Blob!" and she flips the guy onto his back and pins him. The crowd is still chanting when she goes to a nearby microphone and addresses them: "Excuse me. Could I have your attention please. I'd like to thank you all for coming to support the team. To support me. Wrestling doesn't usually get the crowds, and I'm told a lot of you come 'cause of me. But in the future if you come again, my name is not The Blob. I know it may be fun to cheer that, but it's not fun for me." In the background, a "The Blob Rules" sign gets folded up and withdrawn. Heh. "My name is Christine Banks. If you want to cheer for me, I ask that you do so using my name." She sits down. Someone yells, "Blob!" But no one takes up the chant. Instead, they all start chanting, "Christine! Christine! Christine!" despite the awkward rhythm. In the crowd, ex-boyfriend Danny smiles hesitantly, and join the chanting. Why they don't chant "Banks!" is anyone's guess. Also, what's the problem with her little speech? Um, the opposing fans, people. She's just told the fans of the other school that she doesn't like being called The Blob. That's pretty smart. Now she'll definitely be called that, at every match, by people who don't wish her well.

"So he got fired?" We're in Lauren's classroom, where she's just told Harry what happened to Milton. He seems to think it's excessive. He would, seeing as he got away with firing a gun. Meanwhile, Steven approaches and asks Harry if he got any information out of Tyron about the shooting. Harry says he didn't, and Steven glares at him, because he's really, really tired of his faculty lying to his face, and walks away. Lauren says, "I still can't believe it. I mean, I don't disagree with it, he was sleeping with a student, but Milton?" Kevin appears, and they congratulate him on beating Belmont Hill, but then he morphs into Lamprey and asks where Milton is. "We think he went home." Harry looks off into the distance, and Lauren says, "Still thinking about getting married?" Wow, so that didn't slip by her after all. Harry tells her that what's on his mind, she doesn't want on her mind, and she sighs all dramatically. He says, "You ready?" She says, "I'm ready." He starts to walk down the hall. She doesn't follow, waits a while so that it looks like he's left her behind, then she says, "Coming," in this tone that's all, "He doesn't even care if I'm really following him." What a stupid test. Shut up, Lauren.

Vice-Office. Kevin pokes his head in, and Anthony Heald congratulates him on beating Belmont Hill, but he has, of course, come in a Lamprey capacity. Yes, a very stupid one. He says, "Listen, I do not condone, or excuse Milton Buttle'swhat he did was wrong, no question. However, if it's worth anything in the way of mitigating, when Milton began dating Lisa Greer, he thought she was a student at Harvard. It was only after he fell in love with her that he discovered she was a student here. He still should have ended it, which I repeatedly told him, but I guess what I'm saying is: this isn't just a case of a teacher acting out a horny moment. He was in love with her. He couldn't stop." Somewhere around "I repeatedly told him," Anthony Heald's expression changes ever so slightly, so we know what's coming: "He told you this." Yes. "You were trying to convince him to stop seeing her." Yes. "How long have you been trying to talk him out of this?" Off and on, a couple of weeks. "I appreciate your candor, Mr. Riley. Collect your belongings. I'll be recommending your dismissal as well." What? "You knew a teacher was sleeping with a student, you didn't come forward. You're fired, Mr. Riley." Well, who saw that coming? Okay, we all did. Although, actually, it changes something, which is that now, in retrospect, all nine million times Kevin had that conversation with Milton about breaking up with Lisa, and I called him a Lamprey for leeching off of someone else's story line, it was actually leading him to this moment. Does that make him, retroactively, not a Lamprey, because it now turns out to be his story too? Or does this just serve him right for forcing himself into a plot where he didn't belong, and hogging as much screen time in there as he could? You decide. "You can't fire me!" Scott says, "I just did. Go." Kevin does.

The hallway. Harry and Lauren leave together. They hear the choir practicing. "They've been rehearsing a lot these days." Harry says, "They've got a big concert coming up." I hope that becomes important in a future episode, or that was just a waste of my time. Harry ducks into the music room for a second. He watches Tyron, who's out-of-place talent and vocal stylings continue to blend badly. Tyron does not see him. The song, subtly, contains lyrics like "redemption, wash the blood of sin away, help us in our times of trouble, give us hope for a new day" and so on. Harry watches for a while, then leaves. Lauren stops him as he tries to continue down the hall. "Harry. Is everything all right?" He says, "Fine." She asks, "Are you not telling me something?" He says no. The choir sings as they walk out of the school together.