A veterinarian named Denise digs inside a dead bear's stomach while a Native American (that's important in a moment) park ranger named Sherman wonders why she's bothering, when it's clear that the bear died from a gunshot wound. Denise thinks it's some sort of "honor animals and nature" thing causing Sherman to complain, but Sherman is really sure that a scared camper shot the bear and doesn't see the need to determine cause of death. Denise reminds Sherman that it's the law, as she pulls various foodstuffs out of the bear's stomach. She stops when she realizes that she's found a partially-digested human hand. Aaaaand there's my dinner.
Booth brings the hand-in-bear-stomach case to Brennan, explaining that a bear in eastern Washington state had multiple human bone fragments in its stomach. Brennan wonders why they got the case; it seems like the bear just ate someone, and that's the end of the story. Brennan plugs a USB key into her monitor and looks at the photos from the remains. She finds evidence that the hand was already separate from its owner when the bear ate it. And then she whips the USB key out of the slot without properly giving the command to remove it! I would kill one of my students for doing that. It's the best way to corrupt data. I thought she was supposed to be so smart. Anyway, Brennan thinks she's finished with the case, but Booth explains that they're going to Washington to continue the investigation, and gives her a total Charlie Brown smile that cracked me up. I really think Boreanaz is having fun with this role. He should really get a sitcom. Maybe he could guest on How I Met Your Mother as Lily's cheesy ex-boyfriend.
Brennan complains to her boss that Booth gets to decide that they're going to Washington. Her boss clarifies that Booth made a request, but he's the one who actually made the decision, and adds that he wants Brennan to live a little. Brennan asks if he's suggesting that she have sex with Booth, and the boss is like, "Whoa, where did that come from?" The boss thought that Brennan would be psyched about the work, if nothing else, but she still seems pissed. But in every other episode, she's been begging to go out on field trips, and the very first time we saw her, she was returning from one. So what's up with her hating to leave the office now? Weird.
Booth and Brennan have arrived in Washington and are driving to their destination. Booth says that field trips aren't exactly his idea of a good time either, especially since he only gets a $50 per diem. Brennan is shocked that he gets so little, and claims that she has an unlimited expense account. They banter over whether that's reasonable, or an example of governmental waste. Booth has his sunglasses on, but pushed up onto his forehead, like, either you need sunglasses, or you don't, but you don't get to have it both ways. Brennan argues that she has an "indispensable skill," so they give her an unlimited expense account, which Booth finds ludicrous. Booth wants Brennan to take him out to dinner using her expense account, and when she won't immediately agree, he reminds her that he gets to decide whether or not she gets to use a gun. She agrees to breakfast, and that's it. As they drive, a song that sounds like a knockoff of "Nearly Lost You" by the Screaming Trees plays on the soundtrack. Because they're in Washington! And apparently, it's 1993.
Booth and Brennan arrive on the set of Northern Exposure and continue bickering about whether or not they're in a small town. They are! And I bet it's filled with quirky denizens as well! Booth claims that he's been to Guatemala (and don't ask how that came up), which Brennan doubts, so Booth says he was there to "shoot someone through the heart from 1500 feet." Mysterious Sniper Past!
Denise the Vet explains to Brennan that she thought the remains were human, but she's just a vet. And it's not like they have to go to medical school or anything. So she called in Andrew, the town doctor, who is quick to say that he's the town coroner but has no forensics training. People in this town like to tell you how unqualified they are, don't they? Are they going to go to breakfast and the waitress will be like, "I'll take your order, but you should know that I just started yesterday, and the cook hasn't been to culinary school"? Brennan can tell the age (late teens, early twenties) and sex (male) of the victim, and the small town folk are amazed. Burn her! She's a witch! Brennan wonders if the doctor has performed any amputations lately, and he says he's only dealt with frostbit toes and the like. Brennan reveals that the arm was sawed off, which Sherman the Native American Park Ranger and Captain of the Obvious declares "not good." Brennan prepares to send the remains back to her lab for analysis, and asks how she can ship it. Everyone in the room tells her to go see Charlie.
Brennan walks into a UPS-type store and immediately announces that she's shipping human remains to DC. Is that even legal? Can you just ship them in a regular old cardboard box, like the one Brennan is carrying? Shouldn't there be dry ice and biohazard stickers involved? Charlie, the store owner, is really interested in all the cool stuff at the Jeffersonian Museum, because people who live in small towns don't get out much. Charlie introduces himself and Brennan asks where she can find the sheriff. Charlie tells her and then notes her name on the shipping form and says that he's currently reading her book. He jokes that he's just trying to get ideas to commit the perfect murder. I know it doesn't sound like it from this description of their conversation, but there was definitely some flirting in there. I also thought (and my husband agreed) that Charlie was obviously a serial killer.
Back in the lab, Zack looks at photos of the remains and tries to figure out what kind of saw was used for amputation. He's upset that he can't make a determination, because he's sure that Brennan could. Angela reminds him that Brennan has a lot of years of experience on him.
Booth talks to the Sheriff and asks if someone is missing an arm. The sheriff says he'd probably notice, and he hasn't. The sheriff is not giving out very much information. Booth takes down some basic information on the town, and finds out that a female hiker went missing a few weeks ago. They arrive at the police station as Booth tries to find out more about any likely suspects. The sheriff says the crimes are largely non-violent; their biggest problem is poachers who kill black bears, but Sherman the Park Ranger handles those issues. Brennan shows up, and the sheriff pops a boner. After introductions, Brennan says that they need to find the rest of the body, not just the arm. The sheriff says that Sherman tracked the bear back a week and didn't find any more body parts. Booth thinks Sherman used "Indian" magic, but the sheriff explains that the bear was wearing a GPS tag. That reminds me of when my mom saw a deer in her back yard wearing a collar, so she called some governmental department to find out what was up and it turned out the deer was part of a tracking program they started like hundreds of miles away, and they were really excited that my mom had reported it. And they also gave her the radio frequency of the collar and told her that she might be able to pick it up on her scanner, which she tried to do for about three months, but the deer never returned. But she was really, really psyched for those three months and every time I called her, she would fill me in on her deer-tracking activities. Anyway, Brennan asks if Sherman checked the scat, and the sheriff says that they could go out tomorrow and check. Wow, bear crap? It's a date! Booth is disgusted that the sheriff suddenly turned cooperative, and hustles Brennan on out of there.
Zack and Jack sit on a couch and discuss why the body was sawed into pieces. Zack thinks it was done so the parts could fit into something, like a suitcase. Jack points out that bears can't open suitcases. I think they could if they really, really wanted the fresh meat inside. A really hot woman (who played Kendra on Buffy and also Nikki on Dawson's Creek) joins them to deliver the package to Zack. Jack jumps up and cock-blocks Zack, signing for the package. Jack flirts with the lady over how it's too soon for him to ask her out, but he plans to soon. She walks away as Zack and Jack watch. Zack accuses Jack of bogarting his package. I thought "bogart" meant more like to refuse to share; I don't think Zack wants to share the package or the package delivery lady. Or maybe he does? Kinky. Jack points out that Zack isn't using the word correctly, and also adds what amounts to "You snooze, you lose."
Sherman leads Booth and Brennan out into the woods to look for bear crap. There's a sentence I thought I'd never type in a recap. Or at all. He makes small talk about how people disappear in the forest all the time. Creepy! Booth and Brennan banter about how she got a fancy room and he didn't, but they're interrupted by Sherman pointing out the spot where the bear was shot. As Booth walks ahead to check it out, Sherman gets all spiritual (because he's Native American, natch) with Brennan and tells her that she's a "bone gatherer" who helps spirits move on to the world. She's touched.
Booth has found a giant pile of bear crap. Brennan pulls out some gloves and asks Booth and Sherman to try to find older samples. She shoves some poop in a container. Sherman notes that she's not too squeamish, and Booth says that he assumes not many eligible pretty ladies come through town, since everyone is looking at Brennan like they're on day seven of a week-long fast and she's wearing a pork chop necklace.
Brennan walks into Charlie's Shipping Store to send off her latest sample, and I know for a fact that poop, even in a Tupperware container, even with overnight shipping, is going to stink up the joint. Get some dry ice, people! Charlie wants to chat about Brennan's book, and asks if she does all the running and shooting like her book's main character. As Charlie weighs the package, Zack calls to report that the arm's owner died a week ago and the bear ate the arm a few days later. He wants to send Brennan some photos, and she sets up her laptop and puts Zack on speaker. Charlie takes that as a cue to ask Zack if Brennan has a boyfriend. Zack says that she doesn't, and asks if Charlie is extremely good-looking. Charlie says that he is. Um, he's not. Maybe for a small town, but not empirically. Brennan isn't even listening, because she notes that on the photos Zack sent her, she can see bite marks on the arm. And the teeth don't match a bear's teeth, or a pig's teeth. Charlie asks if Zack is extremely smart, and Zack says that he is. Hey, Charlie? Butt out. They're trying to work here. Brennan and Zack conclude that the bite marks came from a human, so they're dealing with a murderer who's a cannibal.
Brennan informs the sheriff (who is trying to eat his Value Meal in his car) about the cannibalism. The sheriff asks if she's talking about a "Hannibal Lecter" type, and Brennan spouts her catchphrase: "I don't know what that means." Oh, come on. She's a best-selling author, and presumably writers thrillers, and she's never heard of Thomas Harris or his books? Bullshit. Sheriff rethinks the Value Meal as Brennan starts babbling about how cannibalism isn't a big deal, anthropologically speaking. She cooks up a theory about how maybe the man died, and the missing girl found him, and she was lost and hungry. Booth points out that no one is that hungry, really. Brennan adds that the flesh was uncooked, and then realizes that someone who eats raw human flesh will get sick.
Back in the lab, Zack explains his findings to Angela while trying to do more studies on the remains. Jack paces impatiently and wonders where his big bear poop delivery is. Zack says, in the manner of an eighty-five-year-old woman, "Is it the excrement you're anxious for, or the courier?" This is why I've been spoiled by shows on HBO and FX and the like – they would just say "shit." Angela says the only line of the night that made me laugh: "Somebody gnawed on this arm like some kind of man corn?" A random guy walks in and says that Zack is needed upstairs, so Zack walks out.
Upstairs, Nikki the Courier is there and looking for Jack, who she thinks is named Zack. When the real Zack shows up, she doesn't hide her disappointment. Zack explains what happened, and that it was all because Nikki is so beautiful. She's now flattered and tells Zack, "I could just eat you up." As she walks off, both my husband and I note that she's way too pretty to be working for UPS.
Brennan goes to visit the doctor and asks if he's diagnosed anyone recently with a prion disease. The doctor says that he's had some memory loss patients, but nothing that resembles a prion disease, and that the cannibal could have the disease for years before developing symptoms. Brennan is all, "I never mentioned cannibalism," but the doctor uses the convenient "it's a small town and Charlie has a big mouth" excuse.
We're treated to lovely close-up shots of Jack rinsing off the bear shit and pushing it through a strainer of sorts, looking for foreign materials. He gives Zack shit (no pun intended) about stealing Nikki the Courier, but they soon get down to their jobs for once. Jack finds a flap of skin with a tattoo, and they call Angela in. Since she has at least one tattoo, apparently that makes her an expert. Angela uses the fragment to create a reproduction of the original tattoo while Jack and Zack argue over who Nikki likes more. Angela manages to come up with a reasonable approximation of the tattoo, which looks like a red tribal sun. Ooh, a tribal tattoo. That should narrow it down.
Angela gets on a videoconference with Brennan, Booth, and the sheriff to share her findings. She also takes the opportunity to flirt with Booth and the sheriff, but Booth convinces the sheriff that they need to start looking for a missing young man who had a tattoo on his arm. As the two men work, Angela chastises Brennan for not getting some, what with all the eligible men in the room. Who can totally hear everything Angela is saying. Can't Brennan take her off speaker? Angela advises Brennan to loosen up and Brennan shuts her off.
The sheriff uses the new tattoo information to run a search on some sort of missing persons database. He comments about how friendly Angela is, and Brennan tries to nip it in the bud by pointing out the distance between them. The sheriff gets a match on his search. Taking a closer look at the picture, he realizes that he knows the victim, Adam. Apparently, he was a college student and he used to come to town to visit Sherman, because he wanted to be a park ranger.
Cut to Booth, Brennan, and the sheriff approaching Sherman's house that night. The sheriff is still protesting the idea that Sherman had anything to do with this whole thing. The sheriff knocks, and Sherman answers the door and lets them all in. The sheriff sends Sherman off to get tea so that Booth and Brennan can snoop around a bit. As Brennan starts to launch into a story about how ravens symbolize cannibalism or something, they hear a loud slam from the kitchen. It seems that Sherman has slipped out the back. Great FBI skills, Booth! Booth grabs the sheriff's flashlight, even though the sheriff says that there's no way they can catch Sherman in the woods, since he's got special mystical powers over nature as a Native American. Brennan and the sheriff search Sherman's crib, looking for actual evidence. Brennan finds a big knife in the cupboard that could have been used as a saw, and she grabs an apple core from the garbage to compare the teeth marks to those found on the remains. An apple core? Really? It seems like it would decompose fairly quickly. Not to mention the shaky legal ground due to the lack of a warrant and all. Speaking of shaky legal ground, Brennan busts open a locked freezer and finds a bunch of wrapped meat. Is it human? That college kid was HUGE! There's like an entire side of beef (or whatever) in there!
Booth and Brennan are in their car, driving back to their hotel. Brennan calls Angela to report that she's sending some funny-colored meat to the lab for testing. That Charlie does a pretty good business, eh? Brennan reports, to Angela's amusement, that Booth lost Sherman in the woods. Booth protests in the background. Brennan says that they can't do anything else tonight, because she has to wait for the results of the meat testing (that's not a euphemism) and Booth has to wait until the sun comes up to find Sherman. Booth wants Brennan to explain to Angela exactly why he lost Sherman. Brennan doesn't think Angela cares, but humors him. Booth grabs the phone and starts giving excuses in quite a hilarious manner. Brennan grabs the phone back and Angela tells her to take Booth out for a drink and have some fun, and for once, Brennan actually complies.
Cut to the one bar in town. Brennan is dancing with Charlie, who is still wearing his work shirt with the business logo and everything. He couldn't go home and change first? Charlie flirts for a while and then they talk about the case a little bit. Charlie knew the victim; he talks about how they used to rock-climb together and how strong the guy was. As this conversation happens, various townspeople watch suspiciously. Brennan compliments Charlie's arm muscles. Charlie asks some more about the case, but Brennan says she can't talk about it. Dr. Rigby cuts in and asks if Sherman is under suspicion, and adds that Sherman's tribe doesn't believe in cannibalism. Wow, that's sexy dance floor talk. Brennan says that, intellectually, she can understand cannibalism. The doctor quickly changes the subject, but not for long, because the sheriff cuts in. He wants to know if Brennan can really match the apple bite marks to the bite marks on the remains. Brennan doesn't really want to discuss the case, and she's saved from doing so by Booth, who cuts in. Brennan makes fun of Booth for unbuttoning the top eight or so buttons on his shirt, and then complains that everyone is pumping her for information. Booth has to explain that the men are all hitting her, and points out Brennan's competition, the town veterinarian, who is downing a martini at the bar. Hey, she's kind of cute. It's not like she's a hag. Shut up, Booth.
In the lab, Jack examines some sort of mushroom under a microscope, and explains to Angela that it was found in the bear poop, and that type only grows near Douglas Firs. Angela points out that Douglas Firs aren't exactly rare, so they've got nothing. She invites Jack out for a bite to eat, but he wants to stick around and wait for the delivery. Angela is disgusted.
The morning, Booth, Brennan and the sheriff head back out into the woods to look for Sherman. Booth is complaining (he complains a lot!) that Brennan didn't show up for breakfast. He finds the spot where the flashlight died the night; he had dropped a shirt button to mark it. Well, that explains the unbuttoned shirt in the bar. Booth points in the direction he heard Sherman run and they keep walking.
Zack finds Jack asleep at his terminal. Zack shows up with a package and Jack is pissed that he missed the delivery and that Zack got to see the delivery lady. Jack declares war, but they're interrupted from their pissing contest by Angela, who says that she got the measurements for the saw that was used on the remains, and now Zack can try to narrow down the make of the saw. Jack reports that he shaved the mushroom and found "boring dust." Angela jokes, "Is there any other kind?" Jack ignores her and explains that the dust is created by beetles, and it means that the tree was infested. Zack notes that Jack's discovery won't impress the delivery girl, and Jack says he did it "to serve justice and capture a murderous cannibal." Angela thinks that capturing the guy would impress the delivery girl, and Jack smiles and says that he's back in the game.
Booth, Brennan, and the sheriff come upon a clearing and find Sherman sitting on a tree stump. Wow, he's not so good at hiding, is he? I mean, a clearing? The sheriff thinks that Sherman is doing some kind of Indian ritual. Brennan's phone rings, and Zack reports that the meat she sent them was from a bear. As they approach Sherman, he says that he didn't kill anyone. Booth asks why he ran, and Sherman points out that Native Americans don't have a good history with the FBI. Brennan says that Sherman is the bear poacher. Sherman says that he wants a lawyer. On the phone, Jack tells Brennan that the remains were buried near an infested Douglas Fir, which Brennan relays to the team. The sheriff cuffs Sherman, who asks if the poacher would get a break if he could show them a stand of trees like the one Brennan just described. On the phone, Zack tells Brennan what he knows about the saw used on the remains, but it was a common hacksaw, which won't help them out much. Zack and Jack are anxious to know if Brennan will be sending them more samples. Brennan hangs up on them.
Sherman leads the team to the infested Douglas Firs. As they walk, the sheriff guesses that Sherman was selling the bear meat to the Japanese, who apparently enjoy bear gallbladders. I think that'll be a secret ingredient on Iron Chef soon. Sherman won't admit anything, and announces that they've arrived at what is apparently the only area where beetles have infested the trees. Sherman adds that, according to the GPS, the bear was there a week ago. The sheriff asks what they're looking for, like, catch up, dude. Brennan says they're looking for "a shallow grave that's been disrupted by a hungry bear." Booth says that they might also be looking for "some kind of Satanic Stonehenge circle." Because that's exactly what he's looking at. The sheriff says that kids come up there a lot, "get baked and do their own version of The Blair Witch Project." Brennan: "I don't know what that means." She whips out her camera and takes some pictures. Booth explains that it was a horror movie, and comments that it didn't make any sense. The sheriff adds, "Scary, though. With the bloody handprints?" Hee! Brennan whips out her phone and explains that she's sending photos to her boss, Goodman, who's an expert in Native American anthropology. The sheriff thinks the Native American connection makes Sherman look guilty, and Sherman bitches that the sheriff knows him better than that. As they bicker, Brennan walks over to a nearby shrub and notes that the shrub's waxy leaves mean that methane gas is leaching from the soil. She pushes aside some straw and uncovers the head of Adam Langer, as well as a woman's body, which Booth surmises is the missing hiker. Brennan reaches a gloved hand inside the woman's open chest wound, and announces that the woman is missing her heart.
Back at the lab, Goodman analyzes the wagon-wheel-shaped stone arrangement in the photo. He's confused by the fact that it appears to be upside down and inside out. He guesses that it could be interpreted as someone trying to steal people's strength by eating their flesh. He goes through each spoke of the wheel and explains that one spoke represents strength, which is probably why the cannibal cut off the guy's arm. The spoke is for spirit, which is why the heart was taken. The remaining two are for knowledge and courage. Angela makes a Wizard of Oz joke. Angela explains the remains that they found, and Goodman thinks that two more bodies are needed to complete the ritual, so there will probably be two more victims.
Brennan and Dr. Rigby do autopsies on the victims. Brennan explains that the victims were killed by a single shot at close range from a low-caliber handgun. Brennan estimates that the female has been dead for about a week, and Rigby points out that her clothing matches that of the missing hiker. Brennan reveals what Goodman told her about the stone formation's ritual implications. Rigby asks if they think it was a Native American, and adds that it doesn't make sense that Sherman would lead them right to the evidence that would convict him. So he's the only Native American in town?
Sherman, still cuffed, tells Booth and the Sheriff that Adam, the male victim, was a good guy and wanted to be a park ranger. Sherman used to take him out and show him the ropes. Booth wonders if Adam found out that Sherman was a poacher, so Sherman killed him to keep from being discovered. Sherman jokes that he's not exactly the type to eat flesh, and says cryptically that Adam used to visit Charlie and a woman in town as well. He explains that both Charlie and Adam were dating Denise, the vet lady. The sheriff adds that he's been dating her too. Damn! There really aren't many eligible women in town. Brennan bursts out of the autopsy room and puts Zack on speaker phone so that he can report that the bite marks from Sherman's apple don't match the bite marks on the remains. In other words, Sherman is cleared.
Booth and Brennan head to the one bar in town and listen to Denise the Vet ramble on and on about the nature of consumption. They try to get her to give them a dental impression, and again, not sure about the legality of that when she's clearly drunk and probably unable to give informed consent. Anyway, she reveals what we already know about how she was dating nearly every male in town. Denise adds that if she were the killer, she wouldn't have set the investigation in motion by mentioning that there were human bones in the bear's stomach during "the autopsy." Brennan snides that an autopsy on an animal is called a necropsy. Denise snarks right back, "There's a reason I get all the guys, and you don't." She gives them the bite plate and says that if she ate Adam, there wouldn't be anything left. I hate to be like Brennan, but I don't know what that means.
Angela and Zack look at bite marks found on tooth marks on the remains in close up. Zack thinks that the distance between the marks is too regular, and theorizes that a machine was used.
Brennan and Booth leave the bar. Booth thinks that the love "quadrangle, octangle" is enough motive for murder. Brennan points out that doesn't explain the cannibalism, or why the lady hiker was killed, and says that they're looking for someone who's insane. Her phone rings, and Angela says that Zack wants to beam something over to Brennan. Brennan sets up her laptop on some garbage cans, and Zack sends the photos of the indentations on the lady hiker's sternum. Brennan immediately recognizes that the marks were made by a sternum spreader, and can't believe that she and Rigby both missed it.
Booth and Brennan head to confront Rigby, probably the only person in town with access to a sternum spreader. Brennan complains that she really needs to have a gun for this meeting, so Booth hands her the one from his ankle holster, reminding her that it's for self-defense and she should stay back. They head in to the incredibly dark autopsy room, and Brennan notices that the bodies are gone. Booth wonders if Rigby went out for a late-night snack. Ew. Brennan says he's probably trying to destroy the evidence, so they head into the crematory, where they find Rigby feeding the bodies into the fire. Booth orders him to stop and Rigby starts to go on about "life force," until Booth interrupts him to say, "Look, you're nuts. We get it. We don't need the rambling psycho speech on why you did it." Heh. Rigby tries to appeal to Brennan, as an anthropologist, and Brennan clocks him in the head with a metal bedpan, explaining that she didn't want to hear "that rambling psycho speech" either.
Zack and Jack decide to face Nikki the Hot Delivery Girl together to try to settle their dispute once and for all. Angela shows up, saying that she couldn't miss "the clash of the horny titans." Nikki struts over and asks who wants to sign for the latest package. Jack says that they all would. Nikki realizes that whoever signs, wins. She looks both Zack and Jack up and down, and ultimately chooses Angela, who is flattered. Jack thinks that it's really hot, and Zack doesn't get it. I think the whole subplot was stupid, but no one asked me.
Booth and Brennan are having breakfast together. Brennan says that she is so glad that she came, even though she didn't want to, because it was such an unusual case. Booth is just trying to eat, which is kind of difficult with Brennan going on and on about eating human flesh. Brennan wonders if Rigby is insane from eating human flesh, or insane because he ate human flesh. Booth pushes his food away. Brennan comments that she's coming back up to the area in the winter to go skiing with Charlie, adding, "His hips and thighs are perfectly formed for strength and maneuverability." That ends Booth's breakfast. Brennan offers him some cornflakes, but Booth refuses. And…that's it? Weird, tacked-on ending.