After the previouslies, we flash back to Jessie's eviction on Thursday. Amanda says in the Diary Room that she's had a hand in every eviction to date, and hopefully every eviction from now on. Has she forgotten that there's a jury vote at the end? Helen DRs that Jessie tried to screw her, but she's confident that people will believe her, Helen, over Jessie. Even though Helen was the one lying. Spencer says he's survived being nominated five times, but doesn't want to do it again. And given some of the other, bigger targets in the house, he thinks he should be all right for a couple of weeks. After Jessie's exit on Thursday (Day 56), everyone watches her picture go monochrome on the memory wall. Andy's all red-faced and crying after getting rid of a friend. But he didn't piss anyone else off, so it was totally worth it.
And then Aaryn won Head of Household again. Aaryn DRs that she's the one who's being used for the big moves all the time. Yes, the novelty of HoH has clearly worn off for her. GinaMarie says they're like arguing sisters and they'll be fine, which is conveniently forgetting what a dick she was to Aaryn just the other night.
While they're still outside after the competition, Amanda is still complaining about never winning anything. And she's still complaining about it to McCrae when they're inside later. McCrae says he'll never throw another competition again (aha, I thought so), which Amanda says indicates that McCrae doesn't trust Aaryn, even though she's in the 3AM alliance with them. McCrae says he'd feel safer if Amanda were the one in control, which she takes as a criticism for her failure to win HoH. And she takes it hard. In fact, she leaves the room crying and goes to hide in the storage room, under a shelf and behind the trash bin. I think the Have-Not room would be more comfortable.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Spencer and GinaMarie discuss Amanda's increasingly poor reactions to her ongoing losing streak, and how she'll end up ruining McCrae's life, even if he wins despite her.
Elsewhere, Helen reassures a worried-looking Elissa that she has the votes to stay. As though Elissa's even on anyone's radar any more. Helen advises Elissa to go talk to Aaryn. Reminding Aaryn that she exists could actually be Elissa's worst possible move, not that Helen would be all that heartbroken about another person leaving. So Helen herself goes to Aaryn, and after they discuss Amanda (who's still hiding in the storage room), Helen congratulates Aaryn on her gameplay and for turning it around. Aaryn eats it up, of course, and takes it as a sign that Helen is one of the most wonderful people she's ever met. Because to Aaryn, the finest quality a person can have is the ability to appreciate Aaryn.
Later, when Amanda has finished sulking in the storage room, she and McCrae sit and talk about their target and how it's better that they didn't win. And Amanda declares that Aaryn needs to nominate Elissa and Helen. Which could be a tough sell after the gold-medal-level sucking up that Helen just did.
McCrae finds Aaryn, and she says she's going to nominate Spencer and Elissa, which she thinks is the best move for herself (read: safest). McCrae tells her Amanda's wish for Helen and Elissa to be the nominees, and Amanda comes in to make the case herself, as well as lay out the details. McCrae leaves them to it, and Amanda tells Aaryn that Helen can't win the Veto and needs to think that Elissa's the target. Andy joins them and adds his reedy voice to the chorus. Aaryn doesn't seem thrilled about the prospect of getting more blood on her hands, but then when was the last time she bucked her alliance? Regardless of who was in it at the time?
As if all the alliance name crap isn't tedious enough, the 3AM alliance is giving themselves roles. Amanda's the Mastermind, Andy is the Agent, Aaryn is the Beast, and McCrae is the enforcer. "That's, like, a sarcastic one," McCrae realizes after a minute. He doesn't feel especially up to it, but prefers it to "Little Girl."
Time for another visit to Aaryn's HoH room, and it's getting so old that the houseguests are just straight-up acting sarcastically excited over shit like pictures of young Aaryn with various livestock. Amanda makes herself at home more than usual, having convinced herself that this HoH was hers to lose. Just imagine how she'll react when she loses the one as well.
Helen again pushes Elissa to go to talk to Aaryn, but Elissa would rather whine about wanting to go home to her husband. Well, Elissa, that's not happening until the end of the season either way. We're at jury, remember? Helen is getting frustrated with her, and they talk about how they both miss their families, but Helen says they can either be here or in the jury house. Elissa isn't even accepting the latter as an option, which Helen takes personally: "So if I make it there at the end, you're not there to vote for me?" Elissa just sticks her big fake lips out at Helen, who guilts her about how she would stay for Elissa. And then Helen goes upstairs to cry over this abandonment. Helen DRs that she doesn't understand why Elissa would leave her to die like this. Because she's a useless flake, Helen. You built some decent alliances, but their shelf life is for shit.
Inside the HoH room, McCrae, Andy, Amanda, Aaryn, and GinaMarie are having a little party. At least until Helen comes in and starts crying about Elissa. She tells them what Elissa said to her, and as Spencer joins them, everyone agrees that Elissa's a selfish dick. And that even Rachel would be embarrassed of her sister. Spencer says something about Elissa having a bad day, and GinaMarie yells at Spencer at length about her, like it's Spencer's fault. Helen is still devastated that she can't help her best friend in the house any more (read: Elissa can't help her), but McCrae and Amanda are just secretly amused that Helen thinks she's going to get to the final two anyway.
It's time for the Have/Have-Not competition. The eight remaining players pick random chips to divide into a green team and an orange team. GinaMarie looks disappointed to end up on loser Amanda's team even before the competition begins, because she is a superstitious person. The green team (Amanda, GinaMarie, Helen, and Elissa ) head outside to find, not the usual kind of competition set-up that Helen generously describes as "elaborate," but a big black box with two doors waiting for them. Amanda reads the instructions: one at a time, each team will enter the black box through the entrance, search for a giant Plexiglas key in total darkness amid all manner of clutter, then exit the box and use the key to open a big box containing a "stop button" (which is actually a three-dollar touch light from the "As Seen On TV" endcap at CVS, as always). The team with the slowest time will be Have-Nots for the week.
The horn sounds, and the green team heads inside. The only way we can see what's going on is with night-vision cameras, so the players hold hands in a daisy chain to make their way into the space. Which is pretty gross, and riddled with traps and instep-deep goo on the floor and buckets of nasty-feeling stuff like cherry pie filling, spaghetti, and oatmeal (helpfully labeled for the infrared cameras), between which is nestled the key. Of course none of them can see it, as they split up and wander randomly through stuff like a two-foot high archway in one door. But the editors keep highlighting the key for us viewers until GinaMarie finds it. They make their escape through that low arch and scramble excitedly out, all covered with guck.
The orange team (McCrae, Spencer, Andy, and Aaryn) is up. They fumble blindly for a bit, but Spencer seems to find the key pretty quickly without anyone apparently having to reach into the buckets. He calls everyone together and leads them to a door labeled "wrong exit," which dumps slime on them when they pull it open. McCrae is the one who finds the dwarf archway leading to the exit corridor, and they make it out. "We look awesome!" Spencer lies.
After everyone's back in the yard together. Aaryn reveals the times: Green took seven minutes and 21 seconds, and the orange team did it in 3:41. Not even close. So Amanda, GinaMarie, Elissa, and Helen are Have-Nots. And Helen's mainly worried about how Elissa's going to be a big whiny baby about it. Which is a valid concern.
GinaMarie and Helen soak their feet in the hot tub as Helen talks about her family history, which includes her father escaping from North Korea and immigrating to the States. Whereas GinaMarie has supposedly never left Staten Island. Are there really that many pageants just on Staten Island? GinaMarie's active listening skills are engaged, as she says it would be "almost like you're in a different country." Thanks for the filler.
Elissa has finally swallowed her pride, going up to Aaryn's HoH room, saying she wants to stay and telling her that she never nominated Aaryn as MVP or voted to evict her. Then she babbles on about missing her kid and not having a yoga mat while Aaryn just nods politely and waits for it to be over. Aaryn reassures Elissa that she's not the target, whether she's nominated or not. With only a few hours from nominations, I'm sure this will make a big difference.
Later, Helen asks Andy for a minute alone with Aaryn. She says she expects Elissa to go up. Aaryn says she's whether it's either Elissa or Spencer goes home, as Helen DRs that Elissa's nomination could make her, Helen, a target as well. Yeah, that's not why you're a target, Helen.
Before the nomination ceremony, Amanda DRs that she's hoping Helen's crying didn't distract anyone and Aaryn will do what [Amanda says] needs to be done. Helen DRs that her association with Elissa is going to get her nominated, which gives 3AM some good cover, but she thinks that Spencer is a much more dangerous target. Or a target at all, which shows how out of the loop Helen has gotten. Elissa DRs about how sad she is, and Spencer DRs that he's over sitting in the nomination chair every week. Aaryn says she's not afraid to make big moves, but knows she needs to make the right one.
She calls everyone in -- from one of the bedrooms, not the backyard, which means the black box H/HN competition must have been a bitch for the crew to clean up. Keys start getting pulled, and those who are safe are GinaMarie, Spencer, Amanda, McCrae, and Andy. Which leaves Helen and Elissa as the nominees, as expected. But for different reasons. Aaryn tells Helen and Elissa that she nominated them for being a "power duo," who might come after her "power duo."
GinaMarie smiles because she thinks Aaryn means the two of them, when of course Aaryn is actually referring to Amanda and McCrae. That was surprisingly well played. Spencer rejoices in the DR over having finally missed a nomination train metaphor, Elissa whines that she wants to be with Helen at the end (never, never happen, Elissa), and Helen DRs that she trusts Aaryn, but isn't taking anything for granted. And Amanda DRs that she may not be HoH, but things are going her way nonetheless. As usual. If she could just get over never winning the parts of the game that have no effect on its long-term outcome, she'd be in a much better mood.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.