Willie to Power

S14E02

Welcome to the new purple title sequence, with the old porny theme music all remixed and reprocessed so it sounds a lot less porny. It also sounds a lot less like music.

After Jodi's summary eviction, Dan claims in the Diary Room that he got rid of her because the other two people on his team, Kara and Danielle, get along so well with each other. I don't know how he could tell that so soon after meeting them, but it probably wasn't hard for him to tell they're also cuter. Coming back to Day 1, Mike Boogie talks about how sad it wasn't for him, and Wil says the games have begun like he's Effie Trinket.

Afterward, Kara and Danielle bond in a bedroom, and a squeaky-voiced alliance is born. Mike, meanwhile, takes Dan aside to try to draft him as an ally, offering to let him "Will it up with me." Dan wisely DRs that it sounds like a deal with the devil, and, also wisely, doesn't commit to anything. However, Janelle takes Britney aside to launch a blonde veteran alliance of her own. So it looks like Dan's mind may be made up for him.

It's the first HoH room tour of the season. In the DR, Willie compares himself to his brother who called himself "King Russell" but had to sleep in the dirt. The HoH room also includes a separate room for the HoH's coach, so it looks like Britney's getting some cozy digs of her own...but without a door between them. Doesn't anyone think it's odd that there are no photos of Willie and his family on the walls? With, like, him and his brother Russell, who he claims to have never seen?

Late that night, Ian, unable to sleep, gets out of bed late at night to "explore every inch of this house." In his boxer shorts. And in the weirdest possible way. He thinks he's alone, but has apparently forgotten that there's a monitor in the HoH, where Russell, Britney, and Janelle are all sitting in the dark watching him act like a weirdo, and getting both freaked out and entertained all at the same time.

Britney is trying to pull together a voting bloc consisting of her team (Shane, Jojo, and Willie) and Janelle's players (Joe, Ashley, and Wil). She sits with Willie, Janelle, Shane, and Jojo in the HoH room talking about Mike and Dan, and Willie brings up how he thinks Dan is targeting him because he thinks Willie is Russell's brother, even though Willie denied it. But here, among friends, Willie cops to the relationship, while insisting he's not Russell. He's much less villainous, he wants everyone to know when he's not in the DR. Janelle proposes a two-week deal for the two female-coached teams to vote together. Wow, thinking big, aren't we?

By M. Giant

Janelle brings her team up to the HoH room so she and Willie can bring them into the loop. Joe hollers in the DR about how "JANELLE, OUR COACH, AND BRITNEY HAVE BEEN TALKING!" Let's hope that wasn't a secret or anything.

So with six of the eleven players still in the house on board with whatever he's going to want to do, Willie apparently thinks it's a good move to try to add another person;. Just because, I guess. Maybe he figures the only thing missing from the current plan is a way for it to backfire, and I can see several ways for that to happen as a result of bringing Frank into the loop. Willie invites Frank up to the HoH room, where Frank says Mike hasn't talked strategy with him at all. Willie seems to see Frank as a natural ally, thinking they're a lot alike (they're not) and extracts a promise from him not to vote him out or even nominate him week if Willie keeps him this week. Frank agrees to it, and gives a promise that they'll go far together, regardless of anything Mike may want Frank to do. As if doing what Mike Boogie says is a good idea anyway.

Ian wanders into a random conversation going on in the game room, but he still can't seem to sit still. Like, ever. He keeps getting on people's nerves and giving everyone the wig by fidgeting, wandering around on his tiptoes, camping out in the bathroom when people are trying to shower, and running around with nothing on but Joe's cowboy hat over his junk. "AND I CAN NEVER USE IT AGAIN," Joe DRs. So of course Willie spots him as an easy target, whose eviction probably wouldn't upset anyone. Well, it might upset a few people on my Twitter feed.

Early in the morning is Mike's favorite time to talk, so he's out there with Frank, asking how confident he is about staying this week. Frank spills that he's almost completely confident, which impresses Mike rather than worries him. Of course, that's because everything is good news to Mike, because of how awesome Mike is, which means nothing bad could be happening that he doesn't fully understand.

Later, a recording of Julie comes on the viewscreen to summon everyone to the living room. She says that this season includes a "Coaches' Competition," in which the four coaches will compete for the right to give one of their players immunity for the week. Janelle DRs about her reputation as the "comp queen" to uphold, while Britney says she has "the strength of a six-month-old" and will count herself lucky not to come in last every time. Julie adds that the Coaches' Competition will also determine the Have-Nots for the week. Oh, good, I was worried there wasn't going to be any slop.

By M. Giant

Willie comes out of the DR in a green blazer and straw boater hat to lead everyone out to the backyard. Which has been faked up to look like the cheapest horse-race course ever, so the houseguests can sit on the bleachers wearing hats like they're at Ascot. Ashley takes the whole situation at its word, of course. Russell calls out the coaches, who are wearing jockey outfits and, even more ridiculously, stuffed horses around their waists. Willie explains that the coaches will compete in heats, one-on-one. The first "randomly" selected matchup is Mike and Britney, who will start at opposite sides of the plastic track (which is heavily slicked up with water and dish soap), and run in the same direction trying to catch each other, negotiating big padded hurdles across the track. A coach wins the heat by yanking off his or her competitor's tail.

When first the race starts, it only lasts a few laps before Mike catches up with Britney and nabs her tail, despite the much smaller Britney's ability to slide effortlessly under the hurdles. The short uphill stretch appears to be her downfall. The heat is Dan and Janelle. Dan has gamed this out in his head, realizing that if he wins and saves one of his two players, the other one is going to be that much more vulnerable. So he's going to throw the competition, which was always one of his favorite strategic moves during his season anyway. He pretends to get stuck trying to climb that same slippery hill that screwed Britney, and Janelle is only too happy to charge up behind him and take him out on the first lap. "Whether or not they believed I threw it or not really depends on how stupid these players are," he DRs. That leaves Mike and Janelle for the final heat. That goes on for a while until Mike wins, with the attendant gloating. Now Mike gets to pick one of his three people to get immunity, and after making a speech, Mike saves... Ian. He DRs that Jenn has "stepped up her social game," and Frank is the most popular guy in the house, so choosing Ian was a no-brainer. Willie breaks the news that their decisions aren't over: each coach will have to pick one of their players to be a Have-Not for the week. Ooh, ouch; I just assumed it was going to be one whole team. This is actually somewhat less boring. Cringing, Britney picks Shane, Dan names Danielle, Janelle picks Ashley (despite LOTS OF YELLING from Joe in the DR), and Mike does whatever the reverse is of softening the blow for Ian by consigning him to the Have-Not room for his week of immunity.

By M. Giant

Of course, when they're allowed back into the house, there are buckets of slop in the kitchen. As a longtime fan, Ian excitedly tries some to see if it's as bad as everyone says, and declares it "the definition of mediocre dining." While some of the others sample the stuff, Janelle leads a delegation to the Have-Not room -- which turns out to be a black-and-white-painted Escher nightmare-scape, with curved metal platforms in place of beds that will force one to lie at an angle on diamond-plate steel. Those look bad enough that I think most Have-Nots may actually take the unprecedented step of sleeping on the floor. If, that is, any of them are sufficiently capable of thinking outside the box.

Up in the HoH room, Janelle and Britney discuss the sitch with Willie, now that nominating Ian is off the table. They figure they'll need to nominate people that Dan and Mike don't want to lose, meaning Kara and Frank, respectively. Britney and Janelle seem to agree that Frank looks like a good target, but of course Willie has his secret deal with Frank, which means he's in a difficult situation. One that can only be resolved by...making a decision.

In the backyard, Mike and Dan quietly talk about how outmatched Britney and Janelle are. Dan asks Mike who he'd get rid of if he had to, and Mike says Jenn, then talks some more about how popular Frank is. Dan worries about other girls being jealous of his own favorite, Kara. Mike smugly DRs about how there are only two people in the game who have won before: Dan, who won Season 10, and Mike himself, who won All-Stars. "You do the math," he invites. Sorry, Mike, I'm not enough of a statistician to accurately weigh Dan's unanimous final vote against the advantage of being carried by Dr. Will for a whole season.

Joe is making some big, delicious dinners, as promised, but some of the other players, Mike chief among them, are worried about how quickly he's burning through their limited stores of food. Mike sees this as an opportunity, so he takes Willie into the HoH room to suggest ditching Joe, bolstering his case by talking about his experience with chefs and how they're all "super hotheads[s] and a little crazy." As opposed to your average Big Brother contestant.

First nomination day of the season. Willie reminds us that he has to nominate two people. Kara DRs that she's nervous, because you never know. Joe shrieks at the back row of the DR about how he "DONE TALKED TO EVERYBODY IN THE HOUSE. EITHER THEY'RE A BUNCH OF LIARS OR I'M SAFE." Or they told you what you wanted to hear so you'd stop screaming at them. Frank talks about his deal with Willie but how you can never totally trust anyone. Willie narrates that he's playing against not only other players but the other coaches. Mike's feeling good, considering Frank's deal with Willie and Ian's immunity (which allows Ian to do bizarre things like sit there with a duck on his head) and his own suggestion that Willie nominate Joe. Britney figures her players and Janelle's players are safe, but Willie says the other players will be surprised by his nominations... especially the coaches.

By M. Giant

The players sit around the big table, with the coaches on a bench behind them. Russell pulls the first key, which is Jojo's. Jojo pulls Shane's, Shane pulls Wil's, Wil pulls Danielle's, Danielle pulls Ashley's, Ashley pulls Jenn's, and Jen pull's Joe's. Which means the two nominees are... Kara and Frank. Wow, look who isn't waiting around for the game to start. Willie tells the meeting that he hasn't talked much to Kara, and with Frank, it was cool early on but then it "just got weird." Frank is completely flummoxed by this, as he tells us on the DR. Kara says she feels like crap, and having Dan as her coach makes her a target, but she's going to fight hard. Britney DRs that Willie took her advice. "A successful first week of coaching indeed." A little early to determine that, I'd say. Willie himself DRs that he's nominated both Mike's and Dan's strongest players, and says "One of them's gotta go home," clearly having forgotten about the whole Power of Veto thing that happens sometimes. Mike, who was visibly and thoroughly blindsided during the nomination meeting, claims in the DR that his "All-Star suspicions" have been aroused, and reminds us that he's Mike Boogie. "If you nominate one of my players, you might have a little trouble coming your way." Yes, like an acerbic e-mail from Dr. Will in your inbox when you get home.

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.