We're joining the endurance-based Head of Household competition, with nine of the remaining houseguests (all save outgoing HoH Rachel) up on a wall, standing on ski-resembling platforms that swing from side to side. Daniele DRs that she has to win, because everyone's after her except Kalia. Kalia says roughly the same thing, but with the names reversed. Jeff and Shelly also talk about being motivated to win, and Rachel DRs about how vital it is that "we" win this HoH so "we" can continue running the place, even though she's not allowed to compete this time. Flashback to Dominic's exit, which Adam doesn't seem to feel too bad about, Rachel feels great about, and Daniele blames herself for, saying she "outplayed" herself. Like that's hard.
Kalia explains that voting Dominic out was necessary, because she can't have people hating her more than they already do. I'm sure her lack of sympathy vote will patch things right up with everyone else. Jeff DRs that as much as he likes Dominic, "He had to go" for plotting against Jeff.
Back to the competition. Rachel DRs that it's frustrating not to be able to compete in this one and rely on other people. Which is code for "Brendon sucks." Adam, the physically largest competitor, is clearly looking tired already, and he jumps down with only nine minutes and ten seconds elapsed. Now he has to pick one of those five snowballs, and he opens it to reveal that he's going to be wearing an elf suit for a week. He DRs loudly about how little sense it makes to be a Jewish elf. Sorry, dude, Big Brother probably didn't have a golem costume
Lawon, with his boasts about being here to play, proves to be all talk as he falls with 19:15 down on the clock. He takes a while getting up, and then his snowball makes him a Have Not for the week. At least this way he can get some airtime. Speaking of which, Porsche is glad to be back in the game. Brendon talks about not wanting to disappoint Rachel, but he jumps off after 35:20, much to Daniele's shock. Rachel pretends to be supportive, even as she disses him in the DR. She tells him to go get the $10,000 snowball, but he ends up as another Have-Not for the week. Total airball for Brendon.
With six players still in it, the wind, fake snow, and wall-tilting gets jacked up. Jeff, the last male player still up there, is not only increasingly exhausted, he decides to take a crack at the snowball with $10,000 in it. He jumps off at 51:20. Sure enough, he wins the cash prize. "Maybe a one-way ticket home" he adds. If there were such a thing with this show.
Now there are just the five women up there: Shelly, Jordan, Porsche, Kalia, and Daniele. Jordan's arms get tired, so she's down at 57:26. Daniele's happy to be rid of all the other veterans, but knows she needs to outlast their allies Shelly and Porsche as well. Jordan gets the final "prize" of a week as a Have-Not.
As the challenge goes on, Daniele and Kalia get tired of listening to everyone give Porsche and Kalia encouragement, and decide to offer each other some. Porsche's shoulders give out at 1:16:33. Now Daniele only needs to outlast Shelly, who is feeling the pressure to protect herself and her alliance. Rachel says in the DR that her only shot at safety this week is on Shelly's shoulders. Which makes me really want to see Shelly shrug.
After the ads, Shelly, Kalia, and Daniele are the remaining holdouts, and Shelly's starting to wear out. Kalia DRs that the veterans pushed her into a corner, so they asked for what's coming. Brendon says something catty in the DR about Kalia's figure. Daniele and Kalia, meanwhile, are preemptively gloating. All the cheering for Shelly from the sidelines prompts Kalia to ask her, "Did they get to you?" Way to pick up on that, Kalia. Shelly's only the Typhoid Mary of the newbies in this house. Rachel DRs about how well she would do at this challenge, which is exactly what Daniele thinks she's saying to Brendon. Shelly's feet slip but she stays on, and Kalia gives her encouragement until Daniele quietly tells her to shut up. Shelly finally falls at 1:26:55, so Jeff DRs that he's a target now, whatever happens. Shelly, meanwhile, mutters to Brendon and Rachel, "Two classless people up there." They're both staying in it for a while, but Kalia decides that Daniele looks comfortable and isn't going to come after her anyway, so she jumps down at 1:37:01. "And she's back in the game, folks," Daniele says before jumping and landing lightly on her feet as though she hasn't been on anything more grueling than a ride in an elevator. Rachel and Jeff both seem a little nervous in the DR. Back in the storage room, Daniele and Kalia celebrate.
Afterwards, Kalia says to Rachel in the kitchen, in front of everyone, "I have no beef with you, I promise." Rachel does not take this in the spirit its intended, basically calling Kalia crazy for trying to say she was sorry. Of course Brendon takes her side and follows her into the purple room, telling her Kalia isn't "worth it." Which is probably smarter than pointing out that Rachel's irrationally taking out her frustrations on the first non-Brendon person to go near her, but Brendon probably realized that was a bug's game after the hundredth time he tried it. Rachel insists in the DR that Kalia's the crazy one. It's a shame movie theaters are all going digital, because Rachel's a brilliant projectionist.
Tense moment with a red-faced Jordan and Porsche going wordlessly though a bedroom that has Daniele in it, until Daniele offers Jordan assurances that she isn't going after Jeff and Jordan this week. Not that Jordan believes her at all.
She does go right to Jeff to report this to him, and he cheers her up in her new Have-Not room about how he likes being the underdog. Which certainly worked out well for them on their last three legs of The Amazing Race. Rachel and the other new veteran Have-Not join them in there, and as Jeff heads out to shower, they agree that Daniele's going to after one of them this week, but isn't going to be able to last past week. I hate when they're right.
Tie for Daniele to show off her HoH room, which Brendon compares to "Having your ex-girlfriend ask you to come over and check out her new apartment." Except in this case, Brendon misses the place and hates the person. Jeff compares it to being on death row, but with the executioner inviting you to a dinner party beforehand. Daniele bestows the HoH robe on Lawon for some reason, while he DRs that he's got the style for it. It's a pretty dead room other than that, so much so that the editors add crickets. I feel like it's time for a new sound effect that indicates how played crickets are. Meta-crickets?
Out in the backyard, Shelly and Jordan discuss Lawon sexual orientation with him, which I think is the first time it's has been specifically discussed on the air. He talks about coming out to his grandmother, who was supportive and the opposite of surprised. Jordan talks about how accepting she would be if she had a gay kid, like here's your medal, Red State, and Lawon waxes inspirational about playing this game for the gays.
Moment over. morning, Jeff and Jordan pay Daniele what looks like a serious visit. Jeff says Daniele never talked to him, so she didn't know where she was. Probably should have been a red flag right there, Jeff. Daniele says it wasn't personal, but Jeff is still taking it that way. Daniele tries to apologize, smoothing things over, offering to keep them safe this week if they'll do the same for her week after she's out of the HoH room. Jeff leaves with word of appreciation for the offer. "Whether it happens, we'll see," he can't resist adding.
Speaking of shitty deals with untrustworthy people, here's a CBS special report about the debt ceiling deal. Don't get me started.
Adam is called into the DR and emerges for a lap through the house in his new elf costume. As Porsche says, he looks better in it than he would have in a unitard.
Jeff and Jordan try to have a serious conversation by the hot tub, which is repeatedly interrupted by Rachel and Porsche running laps past them and, in one case, face-plant right into Jeff's lap.
The Have-Not menu this week is seaweed and sardines. Can we just keep this moving, please?
Brendon and Rachel make their case to Daniele, with Brendon starting by apologizing for losing his temper and then saying he was hurt by what he sees (correctly) as Daniele's attempts to pit him and Rachel against Jeff and Jordan. Daniele denies it, and Rachel adds her own insincere apology, saying that the five of them could still work together. Brendon echoes that, and they promise not to backdoor Daniele if she keeps them this week. Daniele's willing to listen, but isn't ready to deal yet. Brendon and Rachel do some more sucking up before taking their leave. Brendon seems sincere in the DR about wanting her back, but we're not hearing from Daniele before the ads.
It's nomination day when we come back. Jeff expects to be nominated. Brendon says he's worried, but also maintains that it would be stupid of Daniele to nominate any veterans this week. Jordan's hoping that Daniele meant it when she said they're safe this week. Which means it's the only thing she can do. Rachel's only praying for the best. As for Daniele, she says she's not there for revenge, vindication, or anything else other than herself. She says some people have been bullying people in the house and isn't afraid to get blood on her hands. Which is a pretty clear signal of what's about to happen.
Daniele convenes the meeting. For the first time this season, individuals pull their keys instead of as duos. Elf-suited Adam is the first to come up safe, followed by Kalia, then Shelly, Lawon, Jordan, Porsche, and Jeff. Which makes Brendon and Rachel the nominees for the week. Daniele tells them that she tried to make a big move last week and they went against her, so basically they started it. "Nothing personal, just game, and I feel this is the best move for me, when I feel like nobody else would be able to do it." I'd say Daniele is making a heroic sacrifice, if she thought it was actually a sacrifice. Rachel is scary-calm in the DR as she repeats her catchphrase about coming between her and her man, and declares war on Daniele. Jeff DRs that he's amazed not to be nominated, but is paranoid about being backdoored. Jeff is the new Adam. Brendon makes a creepy-ass DR speech about wining the PoV and taking her off the block to keep her safe. Daniele says that even of one of the nominees does win the PoV, whoever stays on the block is going home. I just hope she's right. And I actually do really appreciate her flushing the tattered remnants of her own game down the shitter to make it happen.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.