So Brendon nominated Lane and Ragan, because he's an idiot whose allegedly strategic actions never makes any sense, and Ragan Diary Rooms that he is "devastated" and fears going home "at the hands of somebody who plays as horrendously as Brendon." As if anybody ever goes home for any other reason. Lane also has no idea what Brendon is thinking, but Brendon lets us in on what that is: he nominated Lane as a pawn, but his real target is Ragan for sending Rachel home. Again, I don't know how he and Rachel have been singling out their enemies all this time. They could just use a dartboard. As for Britney and Matt, he says they're also his enemies, but at least they fight to stay. Britney DRs that she still expects to be back-doored and won't feel safe until after PoV.
Ragan lies in the Have-Not dump, tearfully running down his best-case scenario, which is that he wins PoV and one of his best friends goes home. Brendon goes and apologizes to Lane, assuring him that he isn't the target and telling him that if Ragan comes off the block after PoV, he'll have to decide between sending home Matt and Britney, because Lane is totally safe. Why this doesn't immediately make Lane pee his pants in terror is beyond me.
Little time is wasted getting to the PoV player selection. Along with HoH Brendon and nominees Ragan (who sees his $20,000 saboteur fee in jeopardy) and Lane, the other players are Enzo, Kathy, and Lane's "houseguest's choice" of Hayden. Brendon's happy that his two least trusted houseguests, Britney and Matt, are shut out.
What the hell? Early in the morning, a person in a giant robot costume that's marked "Zingbot 3000" stumbles clumsily into the house, starts making fun of the houseguests, and announces that it's here to host the PoV competition. The Zingbot leads the players -- in their own, less metallic, robot-like costumes -- into the backyard. It's a thing where everyone has to race to assemble four jigsaw puzzles that spell out the word VETO. Adding to the challenge is that they have to do it while crossing a balance beam and standing on a rotating circular platform, and if they fall off, they're out. "I'm taking my time on this one," Kathy announces, which lets her in for some mocking from Britney in the DR to such an extent that I think she's gunning for the role of the Zingbot 3001.
The competition begins. Kathy has balance issues, but Lane DRs how it's not that hard. Brendon keeps his eye on (and cheats off of) Ragan, who takes an early lead. Matt bitches about once again having to sit on the sidelines and watch his hopeless alliance-mates brick yet another challenge. In fact, they only person they're beating is Kathy, and they're not even doing that any more when Kathy falls off and out of the game. Try to look surprised. Ultimately, Ragan wins the competition and the PoV. He waves it in the DR and calls it a $20,000 veto, because he's automatically outlasted his saboteur stint.
Brendon realizes that he is now going to have to decide whether to nominate Britney or Matt after Ragan vetoes himself. Which, as Lane says, means a 50-50 chance that there will be two Brigade members on the block. "We can't have that!" Oh, but we just might.
Afterwards, Ragan talks to Matt and Britney in the Have-Not dump, promising to do everything he can to keep them both there. They can all pretty much agree that the one who needs to go home is Kathy. Which I can't really argue with, except for the fact that Kathy stepped up the one time it mattered. Matt goes to get himself a bowl of slop, and Ragan gushes to Britney about how awesome she and Matt both are. There is crying. There is hugging. There is wanting to change the channel. One of those might have just been me.
Hayden and Enzo talk about how the worst-case scenario is Brendon nominating Matt as Ragan's replacement, but they quickly find the silver lining. which is that if Matt goes home, they're actually in pretty good shape. In fact, Hayden DRs about what a threat he considers Matt, with his competitive chops and his alleged brains and his votes on the other side of the house that the rest of the Brigade doesn't have. Of course they don't now about Matt's Diamond PoV, which would knock better plans than theirs into a cocked hat.
Brendon enters the HoH room to find Pandora's Box waiting for him. The video feed from inside the vault shows an envelope, and a card outside the door hints at a tropical vacation for two while warning that every temptation has a consequence. But of course the video screen showing Rachel acting all slo-mo flirty with the camera makes the decision easy for him. By which I mean he decides to go for the prize, not that he reacts as a normal person, who would recoil from the screen so quickly there would be a person-shaped hole in the wall and a rain of debris from the shattered railing following that person through his or her plummet off the mezzanine to sweet, merciful death. When Brendon goes inside the Pandora's Box room to open the envelope, it congratulates him on winning a "24-hour vacation from the game" at a "private mansion in Malibu." In other words, the jury house, not that Brendon seems to realize that. Brendon puts on a sleep mask and walks right out the room's other exit, and presumably out of the house.
Aaand...the front doorbell rings. Ragan goes to answer it, and in charges Rachel, screaming, "HA HA HA, I'M BACK BITCHES!" Although this does not result in seven Enzo-, Lane-, Hayden-, Britney-, Kathy-, Matt-, and Ragan-shaped holes in the far wall, obviously nobody is happy to see her. She revels obnoxiously in their unalloyed horror of her. "Someone opened Pandora's Box, and now you have to deal with me for 24 hours!" she brays. And then she tells Ragan that she's still a juror so he has to be nice to her. "No, I don't," Ragan says, adding that he'd consider her vote against him an honor.
She goes flouncing excitedly up to the HoH room to see Brendon, but the door's locked. Everyone downstairs speculates that Brendon got locked in when Rachel got "released." That's a telling choice of words, is it not? It calls to mind large, shaking animal crates and serial killers being wheeled in on hand trucks (and I think I just came up with the twist for BB13. Call me, Alison!). When Rachel comes back downstairs, thoroughly cockblocked, Ragan invites Rachel to count her friends in the house. "Done already?" he snots. The two of them exchange putdowns, and Ragan says that everyone dislikes her. Rachel asks for anyone to step up in her defense, like they'd take the side of someone who could still conceivably vote them out this week, but all that's forthcoming from anyone is Enzo's weak, "I'm friends with everybody, bro." Ragan leaves the room and Rachel sits down, trying to pretend she's not hurt. Britney tries to relieve the tension by asking her about the jury house, which doesn't last long because Ragan comes back. Rachel is brought up to date that Ragan's nominated, but won PoV, so they won't be seeing each other this week. Out of nowhere, Rachel asks him, "Do you have to be the biggest bitch because you're gay?" Everyone's jaw drops. Ragan calls her a "monster," and her lame comeback is, "You can't even keep a boyfriend." They keep going at each other until they both threaten to make every minute of the 24 hours miserable for each other. The only good news is at a few of those minutes are over already.
Matt goes upstairs and finds the door to the HoH room open. Rachel rushes in and goes right to the Pandora's Box door, braying vainly at Brendon through it. Brendon, meanwhile, has just arrived at what I assume is the jury house, calling futilely for Rachel. Back in the house, there are no clues to Brendon's whereabouts, inside or outside. And at the jury house, Brendon finds a card reading, "While you're enjoying your vacation here, Rachel's enjoying her vacation somewhere else." His only consolation is that Rachel's having a vacation somewhere. So he floats in the pool, has a massage, and enjoys a gourmet meal. Yes, keep telling yourself that Rachel's enjoying herself just as much.
Rachel is planning to make some cookies and offers some to Britney in advance, but she says she's a Have-Not this week, along with Matt and Ragan. So Rachel goes right out to the yard and taunts Ragan with the cookies, because why miss a chance to be the bigger person. Ragan goes nuclear on her right away, calling everything about her a lie. "The only thing honest about you is the pimples on your chin." Ouch! Rachel is so overmatched here, but she keeps trying to score points off Ragan, even having the nerve to put down his gameplay. He makes the point that he's outlasted her, and she says she's back, like that's something she did. Ragan reminds her she's only there as a result of Pandora's Box: "It released something horrible in the house!" He goes on about how awful she is, and he's done talking to her. But of course he's not, telling her that in life, just like in the game, she'll get what's coming to her. "Take it as a tip and learn from it!" He leaves her standing there, with Britney innocently shooting pool by herself in the immediate background. I think we've all learned something. Except Rachel, of course.
Early the morning, Rachel goes up the HoH room and leaves a message on Brendon's table in pretzels: "MATT." And because it's a secret message, after hugging everyone goodbye she brings Kathy up to show it to her and ask her to make sure no one messes with it. Kathy obligingly locks the HoH room door from the inside before closing it. After Rachel leaves the house (let's hope for good this time), Kathy goes right to Enzo and Hayden in their beds and tells them about Rachel's message, telling them not to say anything about it. "She's crazy," Enzo whispers. Of course, he and Hayden are probably already coming up with their rationalizations for how this was their plan all along.
Brendon gets back, sees his message, and DRs that this just made his decision easier. He goes downstairs, and Ragan pointedly goes out to the backyard while everyone else talks to Brendon about Rachel's visit, and how it got a little dramatic. Although nobody names names. Matt does, however, coin the term "P-Box, which I think is probably not likely to catch on.
Britney visits Brendon, who informs her that he's been waffling back and forth between her and Matt. Britney assures him that she won't nominate him if she wins HoH week, and she DRs that she'll say "whatever crazy thing I have to say." As an example, they shake on it and her relationship with Nick, who I guess is her fiancé. Although if Brendon got the name wrong and Nick's just some guy she went to high school with, it'll probably be easier for Britney to go back on it.
Ragan's turn. He advises Brendon to spare Matt, on the grounds that Matt never throws competitions. And we know how much Brendon and Rachel hate "floaters," which I've finally figured out is their term for people who don't have to fight for their lives every goddamn week because everyone hates them. Ragan adds that Lane vs. Britney would mean Britney went home, while Lane vs. Matt might possibly result in Lane's eviction. Brendon is still torn, and I can't believe we're spending all this time on a debate that Matt's Diamond PoV is probably going to render moot anyway.
Saboteur message. All he says is that there's a competition tomorrow that could change the course of the game, so everyone should get some sleep. "Nighty-night." Everyone wonders about the competition and goes immediately to bed, without it seeming to occur to any of them that when the saboteur tells them to get some sleep, it means they won't get any. Sure enough, the monitor goes off at 2:41 AM, and everyone gets out of bed, just to hear the saboteur telling them to wake up before disappearing again. "Remember to expect the unexpected, he says at 3:08. There's another non-message at 3:16, but the saboteur's audience is shrinking. And does not include Ragan, it's worth mentioning. It seems to continue all night, until at 6:35, he announces that there's no competition at all. Back to bed, everyone. Ragan gloats in the DR about keeping everyone in "a paranoid state of freakatonia." Whatever, now they'll just sleep until three in the afternoon.
Ragan isn't thrilled about having to use the Veto, which will certainly result in one of his best friends taking his place on the block. At the meeting, Ragan of course vetoes himself. Brendon stands up in his purple t-shirt and green shorts (Joker workout gear) to name his replacement: Matt. Matt takes the news with equanimity, but manages to keep a poker face by hiding behind the hood of his sweatshirt and his 19 o'clock shadow. Ragan's upset about having to throw a friend under the bus, and Enzo says this is the worst-case scenario: "Two Brigade members up in the block...It might be time for Matty to get whacked." Britney is hugely relieved, but I think she's in for a shock tomorrow night, though probably not as much as Kathy. Lane DRs that he just demoted Matt from brother to stepbrother, because he'll do what he has to to stay in the house. Of course, everyone is operating on the assumption that it's going to be either Lane or Matt no matter what, but Matt gloats in the DR about his Diamond Power of Veto, which he can't wait to use at the eviction and see Brendon's face. Can Matt nominate Brendon? Because that would be awesome.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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