Julie apparently misses Casey's banana suit so much that she's practically wearing one of her own tonight, as she welcomes us to Day 33. But that's not nearly as freaky as what people are wearing inside the house. Russell is dressed like a hit man in a black suit jacket and black shirt, but even he isn't as scary as Ronnie's fellow nominee Lydia, who's wearing a stripe of black paint across her eyes so thick she literally looks like a vintage smut photo, only with clothes on. Julie reminds us that it's possible that neither Lydia nor Ronnie will go home, because someone has been given the power of Coup D'état, meaning that they'll be able to change the nominees to anyone but Head of Household Russell or Power of Veto-holder Michele. Not that we get to find out who that person is. Or, as the case may be, have our suspicions confirmed.
We rejoin the action after the flashback to Michele's non-veto of Ronnie, who is looking pretty doomed. Even so, Lydia's kind of worried about being sent home instead. Understandable. Ronnie's the kind of Big Brother player who, when you pick your foot up and look under your shoe, is always still moving somehow.
Michele and Jordan are having an innocuous conversation about books when Russell wanders by. He thinks they're scheming about him, because who would talk to Jordan about books?
Up in the HoH room, Russell talks to Michele about the mindfuck that this house and this game is, and Russell learns from her that people are out to get him -- specifically Chima, who she says wanted to backdoor Russell in Week 2. Russell thinks Chima's just jealous of Michele and her new friendship with Michele, but he's not about to let it drop.
So he calls Jessie up to interrogate him about Chima's "plan," which has gotten blown up in his mind to a diabolical scheme instead of just shit-talking. Jessie claims that Chima's never mentioned that to him, which just makes Russell more determined to find out the truth. He has Natalie send Chima up, but when Natalie does so, she makes sure to warn Chima what Russell's upset about, reminds her they want him out eventually, and "play nice please." Chima wants a piece of Michele, but first she answers Russell's summons. Russell tells her what Michele told him, and she suggests bringing Michele up to join the conversation. Once Michele sits down with the two of them to straighten this out, Chima confronts Michele with what Russell told her she said. Michele denies it (Diary Rooming, meanwhile that Russell wasn't supposed to talk to the people Michele was accusing of shit. Hello!), and Russell flips out. It turns into a three-way argument about who's lying about whom, and the yelling spills out onto the balcony, with Michele somehow being thrown clear while Russell and Chima scream right into each other's faces, all the way out into the backyard so everyone can see. It's all very fraught, and the show's narrative makes no indication of what I read from some people who watch the feeds, which is that Russell and Chima staged this whole thing. I'm sorry, but I have no idea what's going on.
Let's move on to the relatively straightforward subplot of Ronnie trying to line up the votes to stay. He says he's got Jessie, Natalie and Chima on his side, but he might be able to talk Jordan into giving him a "sympathy vote," by not letting her know it would be enough to swing it. Good luck with your Jedi mind tricks, Ronnie.
Jeff and Jordan have their first make-out session in the night-vision cameras in the pool room, and Ronnie walks in, possibly unaware of what's going on, already making his case to Jordan. "I am a humble winner and gracious loser, and I try to handle everything with class." And then he farts. I am not making this up. He keeps talking, and Jeff makes a big show of not calling him a cockblocker in the DR, even though he clearly wants to. Better luck week, Jeff.
Julie gets the houseguests on the viewscreen for the group interview. She comments on Lydia's freaky eye makeup, and for a take on the fight between Chima and Russell, she asks... Jordan, for some reason. Jordan says she just wanted to stay out of the way. Mission accomplished. Julie then asks Michele to describe the mood in the house. Michele says it's tense, of course, because it's never not. Even Julie asks if it's ever otherwise, like, hey, you asked the obvious question, lady. Julie asks Jessie about his first turn at being a Have-Not and living on slop, squid and squash, and gets a pretty flat answer. Even Jessie is bored with the question.
Time for the HoH Chenterview, with Russell alone up in the HoH room. Julie asks Russell if his emotions got the best of him during the fight with Chima, because apparently she knows even less about what goes on outside of the episode storylines than I do. Talking too loud for his microphone, Russell admits as much, smirking away as he says he's apologized since then. Julie asks how he'll manage not being in power, and he gives a non-answer before puckering up and kissing Julie's yellow-clad ass. Julie thanks him and gets him back on subject, asking who Russell is actually loyal to: Jessie or Jeff? Russell claims both, and is hoping not to have to screw either one of them for as long as possible. We'll see how that goes.
Now it's time for Julie to announce the winner of the Coup D'état. We flash back to a pair of legs earlier this week, walking to the DR in brown-and-white board shorts. They're the board shorts that belong to Jeff, just in case there was still any suspense over whom America would pick. In the DR, he discovers an envelope addressed to him, which he opens and reads aloud, explaining the secret power he's just been given to replace one or both of the nominees at one of the two evictions. Except a producer has to tell him how to pronounce "Coup D'état." Jeff's thrilled to have the power, even if he's not thrilled to have to say its name, and he thanks America for helping him out. Even though he probably isn't going to use it tonight. Yeah, he seems pretty happy with the nominations as is.
Julie gets all of the houseguests back on the viewscreen and reminds them about the mystery power she mentioned last week. She says that the power has been secretly bestowed on one of them, and says that if the person who has it wants to use it, stand up now. Nobody does, although Jeff is grinning at everyone. He's like James Bond over there.
Time for the nominees to make their final pleas. Lydia and her terrifying eye makeup make a short, meaningless speech. Ronnie stands up and gins up an emotional speech of gratitude to all involved, with his weak fake tears and everything. He adds that his wife tells him to see the good in everyone, and that all of his fellow houseguests have so much good in them. "Except for you, Michele." Yikes! Is Ronnie really that unaccustomed to being told no? "You're the worst human being I've ever had the misfortune of meeting, and I feel sorry for you." Is that part of his sympathy-vote strategy? I don't see that swaying even Jordan.
Time for the votes. Kevin votes to evict Ronnie. Natalie votes against Lydia, as does Chima. After an ad break, Jessie casts the third vote to evict Lydia. Julie doesn't act like Michele's vote will be a big surprise, and Michele proves Ronnie wrong by simply saying, "I vote to evict Ronnie." Jeff votes the same way, so it's tied when Jordan sits down. Is she dumb enough to give Ronnie his "sympathy vote?" No, there are limits to even her dumbness. She votes out Ronnie, so he's done.
Julie gets on the viewscreen and tells everyone that Ronnie's been voted out 4-3. He hugs everyone but Michele, stopping at the door to say it's just a game and play it hard. Except when Michele pipes up to tell him she never had any ill will against him, he snaps, "Aaand be quiet! Scene!" What a dick.
It's pretty quiet and somber in the house as they wait for Ronnie's picture to go gray. "WTF?" Kevin asks quietly. It's like he's expecting him to walk back in at any moment, James-style. Welcome to Kevin's nightmare.
But it is not to be. Julie starts Ronnie's exit Chenterview by asking why he went off on Michele. Ronnie bitches about Michele's lack of loyalty to anyone in the house, and how she flipped on him. When Julie points out that his record isn't exactly untarnished either, Ronnie claims he's different from Michele, because he does have ultimate loyalty. Julie doesn't let him off the hook, pointing out that he tried to intimidate her. Ronnie says it was a last-ditch effort. So to sum up: Ronnie considers Michele the most horrible person ever, because Michele did not help Ronnie. I wish I lived in Ronnie's world, where this was the worst thing anybody ever did to anyone else.
As always, Julie flogs all things Big Brother for the week, including a reminder that Jeff still has Coup D'état power that he may or may not use week (and since Chima's not in Jeff's alliance, I think the chances are decent). And the final eavesdropping segment is Chima dreading the possibility of unflattering baby pictures of her showing up. What I'm dreading is having to listen to more of Chima's laughing for the whole rest of the week.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.