Looks like they've redesigned the audience space, possibly to amplify their cheering and hooting, because no way are that few people making that much noise. Dressed as a tangerine, Julie reminds us that Chima and Braden are tonight's nominees. One of them will go home tonight. But first!
After a flashback to the Veto meeting, Ronnie congratulates himself in the DR for not being nominated. Braden, unsurprisingly, doesn't get what's going on. Until he sees Lydia hugging Russell for about nine minutes, and he suspects she pulled something. Jeff sees Braden's nomination as an attack on him, since he's safe as a clique-mate of the Head of House.
In the "splish-splash" room, Braden pretends to be taking it well for the benefit of Ronnie, Jordan and Laura. But it's Jordan who's most worried about losing her clique-mate. "Me and Laura without him are going to be a hot mess," she Diary-Rooms. I don't think she necessarily needs to use the future tense. Laura and Ronnie leave the room, and Braden deploys the famous "jus' jellus" defense mechanism. Chima's plan, meanwhile, is complacency.
Outside, Lydia points out to Casey the difference between Jordan's reactions to her nomination and Braden's.
In the kitchen, Russell is having one-on-one time with Braden, trying to figure out who tipped him off that this was coming, but Braden is too busy badmouthing Lydia for the betrayal he only suspects her of for now. Russell sees an opportunity to "poke" Braden by tattling on Lydia, with the goal of provoking him into self-destruction. And indeed, it looks like the fuse is lit. And you can tell Russell knows it, because he's gone very still. Russell is never still. Perhaps I've underestimated him, but it's only because he overestimates himself.
In the back yard, Kevin and Lydia crouch in a shrinking patch of shade when Braden comes to call her out. Lydia denies pointing the finger at Braden, unaware that the editors are ready with a flashback proving that she did. It starts out pretty passive-aggressive, and then gets just aggressive, with Braden using some pretty sexist insults that I don't even direct at Ann Coulter. Kevin jumps to her defense, and in the ensuing explosion, the racial slurs I understand Braden threw out during this argument are completely edited out. Although Jeff, a bystander in all this (actually a byfloater, because he's in the pool), says, "Let's not be derogatory." Which is interesting, because the homophobic slurs I understand he threw out during his argument with Russell were also edited out the other night. Thanks CBS, for giving us another houseful of bigots and then trying to hide it from us.
Back from ads, Julie steals my lit fuse metaphor and throws us back into the action. Which resumes with Lydia going into the house and yelling at Jordan, of all people, for her choice of allies, as though Jordan has any idea what's going on. They start arguing about that, and whose nominations Jordan does and doesn't cry about, and Natalie actually kind of impresses me by leaving the room and closing the door to give them some privacy. In front of hundreds of viewers. Lydia gets the last word and storms out, but then Jordan follows her and screams at her, in front of Kevin. Lydia does that "I'm talking, you're yelling" thing, and Jordan realizes she made a mistake pursuing this in front of Kevin, who tells her he won't be cool with her if she's still close to Braden after this. Jordan responds to this by catching flies in her mouth. Her confusion is, I am sure, shared by the viewers who are getting al their information on this house from the broadcast and are thus unaware that Braden called Lydia and Kevin "beaners." But that's going to be happening a lot this hour, in case you find yourself wondering why everyone seems to be overreacting.
Jeff goes into the house to get Jordan's back, but ends up getting double-teamed by Kevin and Lydia for not, I don't know, shooting Braden in the head or something. And then that devolves into Jeff going after Lydia for saving herself when he says she had the votes to be safe anyway. Finally Lydia has had enough, and declares herself "closed for the goddamn day." And then she and Natalie go into the HoH room, presumably to hang with Jessie. Way to make her point.
Jordan decides to approach Laura to propose pulling together seven votes to keep Braden, win the HoH competition and overthrow the Athletes, unaware that Laura has allied with the Athletes. But Laura's alliance with the Athletes is as genuine as... well, other parts of Laura. So she approaches Ronnie to suggest voting out Chima. Ronnie's clique-mate, who he promised would be safe. Ronnie -- wait for it -- says he's open to it. He has a rationale for this in the DR, but I think his real overarching strategy is to tell whoever he's talking to whatever they want to hear. After doing the math, they're one vote short, so they approach Casey, who enjoys being the swing vote. Or at least he enjoys thinking he is.
With all that fast-moving chaos behind us, Julie's here to slow things down. She asks Russell and Jeff (sitting to each other on the couch) about their argument earlier this week. Russell makes no excuses, and as for Jeff, he says, "My mother told me if I don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." If only Russell had followed that advice just now, with "interesting" in place of "nice." Julie blows my mind by asking an actual follow-up question, asking how Jeff's philosophy applied to his fight with Russell. Jeff says he's ready to move on. Julie then turns to Lydia and Jordan (also sitting together) and asks Jordan what set her off. Jordan babbles, and then we're back to some ads. Sorry, Lydia. Julie's follow-up question bumped you off the schedule. She can only be so flexible, you know.
When we return, Julie gets on the viewscreen with Jessie for the weekly private HoH interview and asks him to compare his performance to last year. "I'd say the target's a bit bigger than last summer," he cackles, which sounds self-deprecating but you can tell he means his actual physical size. Julie asks who's the brains of the Athletes, and he gives a nod to Russell before taking credit himself. Of course.
Back to the living room and the nominees' pleas for mercy. Braden goes first and is surprisingly coherent about the "good times," the "bad things" he said and the apologies he's made. He sits down. But Chima is not playing, and she stands up, making a rather pointed remark about everyone's short memories. Are we about to hear someone spill a racial slur live? Well, no, because the producers kill the sound when she reminds everyone that he called Lydia and Kevin "beaners," and I can't figure out what she's saying he called Julie. Someone in the live audience groans, and Chima concludes, "A vote for Braden is a vote for a bigot. Anyone who aligns themselves with a racist and a misogynist, you deserve to go home." Dude! Also, way to make it easy for her, Braden. Julie calls that "memorable," and it's time for the vote.
The houseguests go to the Diary Room one by one to vote. First is Russell, who votes to evict Braden. So does Natalie. Jeff votes to evict Chima, as does Jordan, and then they have to go sit with the nominees for another commercial break. Not that I'm complaining.
Kevin's waiting in the DR when we come back, and he unsurprisingly votes to evict Braden. Laura votes to save him, which is not going to endear her to the Athletes when they crunch the numbers (assuming Jessie crunches anything but his abs). Lydia votes to evict him, and Michele votes to evict her clique-mate Chima, for no reason we're given. Casey, who thought he was the swing, votes "to evict Chima's melodramatic behind." Now it's down to Ronnie, the real swing. "I'm going to Hell. I vote to evict Braden," he announces. He returns to the living room, and Julie tells them the vote totaled 5-5. Because it's a tie, Jessie casts the final vote, which is to evict Braden. He's gone. Everyone stands up, and Kevin and Lydia make a big show of scooting away so as not to join the big goodbye.
Braden exits shrugging, and tells Julie over the crowd noise, "We have a lot to talk about." Julie agrees. I'll believe it when I see it. As we watch the houseguests while Braden gets set up for his exit Chenterview, Jessie murmurs, "That's gonna be the awkwardest conversation." Actually, I think it'll be tied for first, along with all the other conversations anybody's ever had with Julie on this show.
It begins with Braden saying it's a crazy house, and claiming not to be surprised to be sitting there. Julie asks who he thinks sold him out, and he's got it narrowed down to Ronnie, Michele and Casey. Julie fingers Ronnie, and of course Braden says he knew it all along. "Good for him. He's a great liar." Julie asks him for a one-word description of the experience. "Discombobulated," Braden says. He couldn't even make up one more word on his way out?
Houseguest farewells. Jeff says he'll see him soon. Russell says it's nothing personal and wishes him luck. Jordan says she tried hard to save him, and to be honest, I didn't think she had it in her to split the house down the middle like that. Kevin says Braden said things he can't take back, "and that's why you're the first to go. Peace!" That was all edited up, probably to protect us from hearing the b-word any more than we already have. Casey says Braden's goofy attitude is probably what sent him home, and Lydia agrees, adding a sarcastic thumbs-up. Julie sends him on his way, without a word between them about whatever word he called her. Whatever that word was, I suspect it wasn't made-up.
HoH competition! It's a backyard game show, with one podium for each clique. The theme appears to be "Homecoming," and it's one of those games where they have to guess how America answers questions about the cliques based on first impressions. And let me be clear: I am not going to waste time on the actual questions or answers, because they have nothing to do with these actual cliques or these individuals. Every question is framed as a chance to reinforce a stereotype, and in each case, America was only too happy to oblige. I think we've all learned nothing from this experience. Anyway, each clique is represented by one player at a time in each round, and after the round, a clique-mate steps up to take a turn at that clique's podium. Get it wrong, you're out. Get it right, you not only stay in but also get to eliminate another player who's in that round with you. Go!
Laura buzzes in first and guesses the first question correctly. She eliminates Chima. That'll learn her to not get evicted instead of Braden. round, Julie misreads who buzzes in, but it's Jeff, and he eliminates Kevin. Laura gets her second one in a row right, and boots Russell. Casey goes , and eliminates Natalie. For the round, Laura buzzes in early and gets herself kicked out by getting it wrong. Casey wins another round, and eliminates Jeff, which takes the Athletes out of the competition entirely. Lydia eliminates Jordan, wiping out the Populars, so now it's down to Brains and Offbeat. Ronnie beats out Casey, so the last round is between Michele and Lydia. When Michele wins that round, there are two brains left: Michele and Ronnie. Ronnie wins it, so we have a new HoH. And way too much ticker tape and confetti raining down on the yard. I assume that has more to do with the Homecoming theme that they've used to decorate the backyard than any producer favoritism toward Ronnie, but one can never tell.
Julie tells us that Dan from last year will be back on Sunday's show as a surprise. For the houseguests, that is. I don't think I'll be surprised, unless I completely forget everything that happened tonight. Which I'm not ruling out, mind you.
In the "eavesdropping" sequence, there's too much crosstalk to pick up a thread. But I do notice that nobody's talking to Ronnie. How about that? Unless things change, he won't be able to accuse anyone of sucking up to him just because he's HoH. Let alone get a massage from Lydia.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.