There's not really anything about Julie's outfit that I can make fun of tonight, but after she reminds us that tonight's double-elimination means a week's worth of Big Brother, LIVE, I can make fun of the way she pivots stiffly to her left to start shaking hands with the CBS interns filling the bleachers. It's very stiff. I make fun of it.
After the credits, Julie tells us that tonight there will be an eviction vote, and then a live Head of Household competition, two nominations, a Power of Veto competition, and another elimination. Now we're talking! But first, let's spend a few minutes replaying Tuesday's PoV ceremony. Ollie's angry at getting screwed, of course, and Jerry says that his whole plan is to sit back and let Michelle self-destruct. Unfortunately for him, she seems to be doing most of her ranting at the Diary Room camera, which, while there is a great deal of it, doesn't help Jerry much.
Ollie, Michelle and Jerry get together and agree that Dan has to be a plant, because that's the only way his gameplay makes any sense. Ollie goes out to call out Dan as such, and sits himself down for a bitchfest. Dan gets up and leaves, leaving Ollie to kvetch to everyone else about his conspiracy theories. They don't really seem to bother anyone, especially Keesha, since Dan basically kept her off the block. Ollie finally gets bored and walks off, calling Memphis a "red-headed Cabbage Patch Kid" over his shoulder. Okay, heh.
Ollie goes up to Dan to confront him, and Dan's defense that it's just a game doesn't cut much ice with Ollie, who's pissed about being embarrassed in front of millions. Well, only part of that is Dan's fault, Mister Pissypants.
Dan has a conference with his alliance of Keesha, Memphis and Renny, and Renny kind of takes Dan to task for provoking Ollie. Then they watch on the monitor as Ollie flings a giant lollipop in the living room and knocks over stuff in the backyard. If you're looking for an aggressive gesture to display your displeasure, I can think of manlier things to throw than a prop from a Willy Wonka movie. At least unwrap it first, so it'll shatter better.
to visit Dan is Michelle, who of course is mad at Dan as well, and quite bitter about the injustice of being backdoored for something she didn't do. Yeah, she's the first person that's ever happened to.
Back live in the studio, Julie activates the viewscreen to tell the houseguests in the living room that it's going to be a double elimination, which means there will be only five players left at the end of the hour. Normally her repetitiveness gets on my nerves, but this is one thing I can't seem to hear her say enough. Julie lets Jerry give his nominee speech first, and he's quite reasonable. Michelle gives the now-standard "vote for yourself" speech and sits back down, barely holding back tears.
Keesha is the first to go to the DR to vote, and she has to think a minute before remembering to evict Michelle. Memphis votes the same way. Ollie votes to evict Jerry, for all the good it's going to do. Renny also regretfully votes to "evick" Michelle, so she's out. Julie gives the news, and Michelle's out of there without making a scene, which is not something I expected. I was kind of looking forward to a Chelsia moment there, actually.
While she goes out to the studio and gets ready for her Chenterview, inside the house, Ollie runs and gets something from his dresser, while Keesha seems confused about the procedure for this evening. I don't watch the live feeds, so I had no idea how much of her airheadedness was being edited out of the broadcasts. Unless she's particularly dizzy tonight for some reason.
Julie's first question to Michelle is why she suddenly became a target. Michelle repeats her theory that Dan is a plant, and doesn't make any damn sense. Fortunately, Julie is able to tell her that he's just a regular player. She must have gotten clearance to do that beforehand. "Then he's crazy," Michelle says, and speculates that Dan will be sitting there in a few minutes. Keep telling yourself that. She wonders why she seems so scary to Dan, and Julie reminds her that she can have a temper on her. Michelle calmly agrees, although she is pointing out how calm she's being right now. And that's Michelle, off to join Libra and April at the jury house. Let's hope they've got plenty of pig ears there.
So there's six players left, and with Dan as the outgoing HoH, Memphis, Jerry, Keesha Ollie, and Renny are standing in separate booths while Julie explains the rules of "Big Brother Headlines." Apparently people voted on headlines on the CBS.com website about who in the house some future headlines are about. First of all, these "headlines" are completely lame, but let's get started. The first one is about which houseguest is most likely to get lost on the way home from work: Jerry or Keesha? Four of them vote for Keesha (see?), except the loyal Renny, who thinks she's out until someone tells her they're just playing for points and she's still in it. The second question is about whether Renny or Dan would go on a comedy tour. Memphis is the only one to pick Dan, so he and Renny are tied for last while Jerry, Keesha, and Ollie are tied for first. On the third question, which is about whether Ollie or Dan would save his family from a burning building, only Jerry gets it right (and Ollie changes his answer at the last second). Memphis is the only one to blow the question, about whether he or Jerry is more likely to be entrusted with a national security secret (which shouldn't be a headline in the first place, but let's just keep going). The fifth question, about whether Jerry or Renny would be more likely to have a movie made about their life, goes bad for everyone but Renny, who correctly guesses herself. The question about whether Memphis or Ollie is more likely to be arrested by the fashion police results in more embarrassment for Memphis. Looks like someone picked the wrong week to go with a plunging neckline, Mr. Mixologist.
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Jerry's in the lead by one point when Julie asks the last question, about whether Dan or Keesha would beat Jessie in an arm-wrestling match. Keesha guesses herself and Jerry guesses Dan. And since Keesha was right and Jerry's wrong, we have a tie between the two of them. Keesha looks ready to have a stroke from all of this stress as Julie has them pick up their little whiteboards to guess a number, which is the number of giant lollipops on the table after the food competition. They both guess 100, so that's another tie (it was 218). The tie-tie-breaker expects them to estimate the total number of seconds it took for the winners of each of this week's PoV heats to win. Jerry guesses 300. Keesha takes almost that long to come up with a scrawled 500. It looks like she was going to go with 300, and then changed her mind, which is too bad. I would have liked to see them have to guess the number of photons in the living room or something. But since the correct answer was over 1,000, Keesha is the new HoH. Have a good half-hour, Keesha!
After the ads, everyone is back in the living room for Keesha's nominations. Unsurprisingly, she nominates Jerry and Ollie. They sit in the nominee chairs looking stone-faced as Julie tells them to get ready for the PoV competition. Well, at least with only six people left they won't have to spend time drawing players' names. But first, more ads! Apparently double elimination means double the commercials.
When we come back, the houseguests are positioned in the back yard with small hay bins at the opposite end of each of their lanes. They each have to find two PoV medallions, and then return them to their starting point one at a time. Fastest one wins PoV. Ollie is the first into his haystack, but Dan is the first to find a veto symbol. Renny, Memphis, and Keesha are right behind him. Not a good night for Jerry and Ollie, especially when Dan ends up winning PoV before either Jerry or Ollie have found one medallion. Afterwards, while everyone's still panting and sneezing, Ollie goes off to sit by himself. Well, that's no way for him to enjoy his last ten minutes in the house.
After some more ads, Julie lets us eavesdrop on some "last-minute strategy" in the house, which consists of Keesha prattling about the HoH competition. Finally Julie calls them to order in the living room. Julie lets Jerry give his nominee speech first again. Jerry modestly says that he "held out pretty good for an old guy." Ollie struggles to spit a piece of hay out of his mouth before challenging Dan to play another game of roulette, "and hopefully I'll get lucky." But there's not enough luck in the world, so Dan is not using the PoV. And then more Julie awkwardness, and more commercials. I think I would have preferred an extra ad.
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Second eviction vote of the night. Dan is first, and he votes to evict Ollie. No-brainer. Renny votes the same way, which surprises me a tiny bit, and Memphis makes it unanimous. I really hope Ollie and Michelle get to share a shuttle van to the jury house. Julie gives them the news, and Ollie's up and out of his chair as soon as he hears the total was 3-0. Without even waiting to hear his name, he walks out with no bags, no hugs, and a terse, "See y'all later, man." And that leaves Jerry pathetically sucking up to the other four remaining players. At least he and I agree on one thing: neither of us can believe that he's going to come in fifth or better.
Ollie's Chenterview is basically about how mad he is, although he tries to be philosophical for the cameras. Julie brings up his anger at Dan, and Ollie says he's not just mad but confused. Julie asks how Dan's betrayal of Ollie is different from Ollie's betrayal of Brian in the first week, which is unusually pointed of her. Ollie admits that it isn't, except that Dan got everyone else involved and he disapproves of that. Right, because Ollie turned on Brian all by himself. Julie brings up April, and Ollie's hoping to have better luck with her than he did in the house tonight. Hard to imagine how he couldn't.
And with the hour up, we're not finding out who the new HoH is going to be until Sunday. But how's Keesha going to figure out which room to sleep in? For now, we get to eavesdrop on them talking about how boring it is in the house. Well, after the hour they've had, that's just ungrateful.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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