Julie looks conservative in all-black from a distance, until we get close enough to see that her jacket was stolen off of a deformed doll. We see Dan at the veto ceremony, telling everyone about a mysterious cash offer and not using the Power of Veto. Actually, we see it twice, but I think that goes without saying by now. Michelle is wondering where the money offer came from, and she's making it her mission to find out. Talking to Memphis and Keesha, she doesn't think it was April, so that to her is a good enough reason for Jerry to leave the game. That's why Jerry needs to go?
Poolside, Keesha tells Dan and Memphis that she's not changing her vote. Memphis agrees, but Dan's too busy listening and playing with a paddleball to commit one way or another, even when Keesha directs a pointed glance his way.
And later, by the hot tub, April whines to Ollie about how she hasn't done anything to anyone, and this is all because of Keesha's dislike of her. She Diary Rooms that she's going to go after the swing votes, especially Dan. And while talking to April, Ollie keeps trying to find the line between being helpful and supportive and just telling April what she wants to hear. Unfortunately, that line is a wall from where he's standing, and he's on the wrong side of it.
The first person they approach is Michelle, and Ollie promises that neither of them will nominate Michelle as Head of Household if she votes Jerry out. That still leaves the question of Dan. Michelle doesn't commit to anything, saying that she's going to have to vote with the house to keep from being a target. Did she really say that out loud? Because that sounded almost... reasonable.
Ollie then approaches Dan to make his pitch for keeping April. Again, Dan's not committing. He's getting really good at that.
And then April makes her own move with Dan in the storage room, opening with a question about whether Jerry offered him money as well. Dan says no, and that he only mentioned it during the PoV ceremony so he doesn't look stupid for appearing to buy Jerry's recent turnaround. So then April reiterates her own offer of money, along with whatever safety she can provide. Dan? Will think about it. He DRs that he keeps finding himself in the swing position, and he's loving it. His low-profile strategy isn't really happening, but it's weird how it isn't not happening, either.
Julie introduces a few DR speeches about the nominees. Ollie of course wants to keep April, saying he's connected with her more than he has with anyone in his life. That is so sad. Michelle is torn between going against the house and going against her own liking of April and Ollie. You'd think if she liked him so much she'd quit calling him "Ali." Memphis wants April out because April wants him out (she's still going on about the damn car, apparently), but then there's the long list of reasons Jerry gets on his nerves. I wish I had time here to compare his list with mine.
Time for a segment about the April/Ollie showmance. We see them standing in the pool, talking about living together and whether Ollie's parents would approve. This triggers a segue to the Des Moines church where Ollie's dad is a minister, and he tells the cameras about the strict Christian upbringing that has made Ollie the fine, moral young man he is today. Clearly, Dad isn't watching the live feeds. Back in the pool, April is warning Ollie that in Arizona, girls like her number in the millions. The Arizona Tourism Board and Chamber of Commerce immediately plan protest marches. But first, we go to Phoenix and meet April's better-looking twin sister, who seems to be the beta of the two of them (like that's hard). She thinks April and Ollie are a total "showmance," which she defines as "portraying a romance for the show." Wow, I didn't expect her to be less fooled by them than I am. Ollie's dad has to have it defined for him, and then he warns that Ollie should watch himself. Too late! At the crowded viewing party happening at April's home, everyone moans when they hear Ollie ask April to marry him. And in a continuation of that pool scene, the two of them agree to move in together after the show. So we'll see how that goes. Or actually, we won't, and I'm fine with that.
Time for the mass Chenterview, with the houseguests assembled in the living room. Julie begins by addressing Ollie, and playing them the clip of his being terrorized by the crow. Ollie blames the Hitchcock movie for his phobia. I think we've worn out this storyline. Julie then congratulates Dan on winning his first competition. He pleads good luck, because his housemates are listening and he still wants them to think he's a pathetic loser. Julie asks Renny about her meltdown when she saw her parents' photos in the HoH room, as if she's going to give a coherent answer. She doesn't, but she does verge on tears, which I'm sure is what Julie's going for anyway. Julie then asks Jerry how he's handling the slop. He says that he's been on it for 26 of 44 days, and shares the secret of enduring it: "Have an open mind, take your punishment, and swallow fast." Shit, man -- what the hell happened to Jerry in the Marines? Julie's last question is to Memphis, whom she asks who he'd bring back. Okay, that's, like, borderline fucking with his game right there. Memphis chuckles that he'd bring back Brian, just for fun. Which is probably the safest answer he could have given.
More DRs about the nominees. Keesha still hates April and wants her out. Dan talks about being a swing vote, but now he's changed his mind about whether he likes being in that position. Which is to say, he doesn't. I guess if he could make up his mind, he wouldn't be a swing vote.
1 2 3 4
Time for the HoH Chenterview, which will be even more unilluminating and incoherent than usual, since the HoH is Renny. Julie asks if the other players have underestimated her. Renny basically says that what you see is what you get with her, only she uses even more platitudes. Julie brings up her feelings about Memphis, and Renny says she wants him gone, since he thinks he's already won the game. She's worried about other people letting him slide by. Wait, is that what happened two weeks ago?
Julie switches to the living room to give April and Jerry their chance to speak in their own defense. April starts by saying how much she's enjoyed the game, and tells everyone to play for themselves. In other words, nothing new. Jerry says that he and his wife will talk about this experience for years to come (or as many as he has left). He promises to not take any hard feelings with him to the jury house and wraps it up with a "Nice knowing you."
Keesha is the first to be called into the Diary Room to vote, and she unsurprisingly votes to evict April. Memphis votes the same way. Ollie of course votes to evict Jerry. Dan annoyingly stretches out his moment by saying, "I vote to evict Je-- I vote to evict April." Nobody laughs. Good. I liked it better when he called Julie "Mrs. Chen." Michelle also votes to evict April, but she says she's sad about it. So that's April out. I'm trying to contain my grief.
Can the houseguests hear the "suspenseful" music that always accompanies Julie's eviction announcement? Because I don't think it's working on anyone else. When Julie reveals the results of the 4-1 vote, Ollie gets up and positions himself by the door so he can be last after April says goodbye to everyone else. She's out of there pretty quickly. She goes out and shakes hands with Julie while the houseguests are quiet inside, giving Ollie some space before they start hugging him. Which they eventually do.
The first question April gets is about her relationship with Keesha. "Were you frenemies? One-time allies? There was always trouble between you two. Why?" I'd like to address the most urgent point of Julie's little speech there: don't say "frenemies," Julie. April claims not to want to bag on Keesha, but then she says Keesha turned on her, and she still doesn't understand why. Julie asks if her private moments with Ollie made a difference, but she has no regrets. Julie brings up the living-together thing, and April claims that Ollie was planning to move to Arizona even before meeting April. Sure he was. For now, however, April backs off of the moving in together thing, and insists that the marriage question was a joke. She and Ollie, such jokesters. Julie pushes it, asking her about kids, and April dodges the question like a pro. Almost as well as she dodged that marriage question.
1 2 3 4
Here come the goodbye messages from the other houseguests. Dan says that April was ambitious, and offers his analysis that her "relation" with Ollie made her a target. I'd think it was the other way around, but whatever. Renny's wearing a pink silk butt on her head as she calls April tough and bids her goodbye. Keesha talks about how they could never seem to get along, like that's news. Ollie asks April if she'll be his first girlfriend. After that's over, April tells Julie that the answer will be "yes." Julie reminds April that she'll be joining Libra in the jury house. What does April have to say about that? "Dun dun dunnnn." Well, at least she can do a good exit line.
This week's HoH competition looks like another endurance challenge. While outgoing HoH Renny sits to one side, the remaining six players -- Memphis. Keesha, Dan, Michelle, Ollie, and Jerry -- dangle on rope swings with tiny little seats to sit on. The rules are pretty simple: the HoH will be the last one hanging. Julie announces the beginning of the competition, and then it starts spitting down rain on them. After a rather boring minute or two of that, Julie warns, "Those vines have a life of their own." Which apparently means they're capable lifting people a few feet higher and off to the side and then letting them hang there for a while. Ooh, scary.
For this week's "America's Vote," we get to vote for which houseguests will get to receive a phone call from home. Can it be my home? Because there's not a man jack of them I wouldn't tell to shut up.
After one last ad break, Julie's got some announcements. One is that week will have a double eviction, which is the best news I've heard all season. For now, we'll be signing off without any idea who the HoH `is going to be. But at least the mechanism controlling the swings starts lifting them all up and bashing them hard against the padded wall behind them. Oh, I approve heartily of this development. The only way this could be better is if the wall weren't padded. Or perhaps if the wall were Renny.
Watch our vlogger's unique ideas on how to improve Big Brother, and don't forget to vote in our annual Tubey Awards!
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
1 2 3 4