Saturday. Previously on Big Brother 3: The Goober alliance began to crack along gender lines. Lori got the opening boot, and she toted her cowboy hat and her leather pants right back to flyover territory. Marcellas faced adversity, slapped its face, made fun of everything it was wearing, and emerged from the confrontation as head of household.
As usual, the episode begins by showing again, in black and white, what just happened in the previouslys -- in this case, the eviction of Lori the Crazy Lady. The suspiciously derivative Carmina Copyrighta Infringa is emitted by the orchestra, as grayscale Lori is escorted from the house by her grayscale housemates. Everyone post-mortems about what a depressing and terrible experience this first eviction was. Well, everyone except Danielle, whose words are more like "Better her than me." We slide to color as the houseguests give Amy congratulatory hugs for narrowly dodging the axe. Later, Roddy and Marcellas talk about how sad it was when Lori left, and Roddy does a fairly good job of explaining why he voted to evict someone he liked -- in this case, Lori had become unstable and unpredictable, not to mention rather hard to have in the house. Almost immediately, the talk shifts to the details of the Lori-Amy vote, which surprised all the houseguests by coming in so close at five to four. None of the Goobers is especially smart, but once they employ both hands for easier counting, they do manage to come up with the fact that there are six of them, which is one more than five. They are left to wonder who abandoned the plan by failing to vote for Lori. They collectively wrinkle their Goober brows. (Except for Tonya, who is probably unable to wrinkle her brow due to Botox.) Amy is curious, too -- she knows Gerry, Jason, and Danielle voted to bounce her, but she can't find that last vote. (What nobody knows, of course, is that Josh unexpectedly chose to honor an earlier solemn oath to Lori by voting to oust Amy, lest he be stricken with boils and turned into a toad. Not that you could tell.) Sadly and reluctantly, Amy asks Marcellas if he voted against her. "You know I didn't," he assures her. Aww.
And now it's time to salute Marcellas, Captain of the Good Ship Reversal of Fortune. He is giddy and enchanting in the diary room, very nearly hugging himself as he grins that "the tide has turned," because now he's HoH. Danielle's diary-room conversation touches on the same topic. "Is this the biggest comeback in Big Brother history, or what?" she asks. Uh, no. That would still be Nicole. When Marcellas survives a vote the first week, survives being targeted by not one but several people for several weeks in a row, survives being caught on the Live Feeds foot-pleasuring the most disliked person in the house, and then makes it all the way to the final two, he can perhaps aspire to her level of resilience. And, if he's lucky, her level of insanity! Whee! Out in the kitchen, after the HoH-down, Roddy joins in the admiration of Marcellas's rapid ascent, calling it a trip "from the outhouse to the penthouse." Marcellas laughs. Because he thinks Roddy is hot. Amy accompanies Marcellas into the HoH room to check out the goods. They've brought him almonds! And he gets to sleep in the big bed! Whee! Amy tells us that she feels safe with Marcellas as HoH.
In the HoH room, Danielle and Amy sit with Marcellas, and Danielle cuts right to the chase: who's he going to nominate? He tells them in no uncertain terms that he doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't want to be asked about it, doesn't want to hear anybody else's opinions about it, and is perfectly ready to hold a big monster of a grudge against anyone who pushes him on this point. He diary-rooms that the only agenda that's relevant is his own, and he doesn't really care much what anybody else thinks. Wow, haven't we gone all master-of-my-domain in a short time.
The Goobers react to Marcellas's nomination with a combination of fear and...well, additional fear. Chiara and Eric lament that it's very difficult to tell where Marcellas is coming from, which I think it's safe to say is Marcellas's entire point. "I want him out of the game," Eric says, "because he worries me." Way to catch on, Gregory Pecs. Lisa tells us through her enormous teeth that she is concerned that Marcellas will repay her for last week by turning around and nominating her. She substantially underestimates Marcellas, of course, because he's far too busy worrying about making a smart nomination to waste his energy exacting revenge on her. Furthermore, even if he were feeling vengeful, he knows where the true stench of evil lies. Speaking of which, Josh is rightfully jittery at the sight of Marcellas with that big key around his neck. He diary-rooms that when Marcellas won, his first thought was to pack his rank clothing, his shattered mirrors, and his love letters from the Dark Prince of the Underworld into his trusty Big Brother bag. In spite of this, he continues to antagonize Marcellas, saying that if Josh had it to do over again knowing what he knows now, he'd do the same thing he did on the first night all over again. "You made it easy for me to do what I did," Josh self-righteously complains. He's an even bigger doof than I thought if it's really true that he'd do it over again, because whether his actions were unkind or not, they put him on the block in a jif, so at least strategically, some rethinking might be in order. Of course, I'm not sure that one so incapable of thinking should be assumed capable of rethinking.
A cynical and frustrated Marcellas diary-rooms that he doesn't trust anyone in the house, because everyone has lied to him. We are pointedly taken directly to film of Danielle, who is "helpfully" warning Marcellas that Gerry is not to be trusted. Marcellas tells Danielle that he's well aware that Gerry is laying it on pretty thick, and that he's not falling for Gerry's entire line. Fortunately, I don't think he's falling for Danielle's entire line, either. Gerry, meanwhile, is completely out of the loop of deceit, and in the diary room, he says that Marcellas is a "friend for life." Wow, ouch. Somebody's got a rude awakening ahead of him, and it's somebody bald and self-righteous. Other than Marcellas.
Gerry's stock seems to have fallen all around, as a matter of fact. Josh complains about the damage Gerry did to the Goobers by revealing their evil plans to the rest of the houseguests. Eric adds that Gerry has been angling to show common ground with just about everyone in the house, and that it's becoming a bit much. He says that Gerry has, in just the last few days, discussed how much he relates to gay men, African-Americans, Jews, and virgins. Okay, when Eric said "virgins," it made me giggle a little, just because it was so unexpected, and because Eric -- probably accidentally -- puts a perfectly timed little "uh" in front of it. Apparently, Gerry was a virgin when he got married. As Marcellas and Amy play at basketball, he notices that Gerry is approaching "to try to be nice," and warns Amy. "Oh, God...again?" Amy whines. Hee. She comments that Gerry gets on her nerves, and tells us that she's sure he'll be booted if he's nominated, because he has "no support." More chatting among the bored knuckleheads to the effect that Gerry is persona non grata because he put his hands! In the salad! No, not really. It turns out that, actually, the issue is that the Goobers are all about honor, and Gerry, by changing the nominations and revealing their evil scheming to the non-Goobers, has failed to live up to their Camelot-like ideals. Eric comments that Gerry is "on life support," as night-vision-cam shows us Gerry, strapping on his breathing machine.
Gerry's breathing machine, you say? I'm so glad you asked. When we return from commercials, Gerry explains that he has sleep apnea, and he snores badly if he doesn't wear this thing that fits over his face and shoves air up his nose. (Wow, it's like sleeping in the same room with your twelve-year-old brother, forever.) It looks a bit like the mask you put on at the dentist's office if you get the happy gas. Everybody comments that the machine makes a little bit of noise, but honestly, it doesn't sound like anything too overwhelming in a house where we know there are camera and sound people wandering around at all hours. Unfortunately, it appears that for all of its aesthetic benefits in making Gerry look radiator-hot, the machine is not perfectly effective, in that they show night-vision Gerry, fully geared up and snoring away anyway. I hope Gerry didn't buy that thing from an infomercial. I don't trust infomercials ever since I noticed that you can buy both juicers and food dehydrators. One of those has to be a huge scam.
Anyway, the bored houseguests decide that they're going to have what Tonya calls a "bikini contest," which Amy transforms into a "pageant." (If this is the result of these people lacking for leisure activities, I desperately hope the luxury competition will allow them to win a game or something. Ker-plunk would be good. Or Hungry, Hungry Hippos.) Anyway, it's sort of a combination pageant and fashion slam, because you aren't allowed to wear any actual clothes -- you have to bikini yourself up using unconventional materials. Wow, it's like the arts and crafts class at Porn Camp! ("After the bonfire this evening, we will be conducting a class called 'You Can Make More Than Fire By Rubbing Two Sticks Together,' so bring your massage oil and a lanyard.") Marcellas comments that he really wasn't too interested in the whole deal, but then "cute little Jason" asked him to help design a bikini for him, and Marcellas thought he could possibly get motivated for that. Heh. The women participating (Chiara, Tonya, and Lisa) work on their bikinis, originally trying to work something up entirely made of flowers. When this doesn't work, though -- and I'm sorry if you have delicate eyes or are currently eating, especially if you happen to be eating lunch -- they run a row of flowers around their middles and down the back, but up front, they cover up their most not-ready-for-prime-time areas with peanut butter. Peanut. Butter. So we get to see Chiara, Tonya, and Lisa standing around with silverware, smearing each other up. You know, I think the live-feed-watchers thought you might not see the hot girl-on-girl peanut butter action during the family hour. Oh, how perilous it is indeed to underestimate the pure, unadulterated, bottom-feeding, scum-sucking, nauseating, oozing shamelessness of this show. ["Not for nothing is CBS known as the Tiffany Network." -- Wing Chun]
The women emerge from the house into the back yard, to much appreciative hooting and hollering. Tonya dismissively comments that it's not like there was anything inappropriate going on, so she clearly cannot understand why anyone was even remotely surprised by her wandering into the back yard with nothing but peanut butter protecting CBS from the FCC. "We were completely covered," she says, nearing indignation. "What were they gonna see? The cheeks of our butt [sic]?" In case you're wondering, "completely covered," according to Tonya, appears to mean "able to appear at strip clubs without being arrested, even in Mississippi." Although I have to say, I think many municipalities would not allow peanut butter as a covering. Anyway, Jason comments uncomfortably that it was certainly fun and he was appreciative, but that the peanut butter was a little much. Or...not enough, really. "I would have liked to have seen them wearing a little more than the peanut butter, um...certainly." He offers a pretty funny delivery of that line, actually -- very shy and baffled. At any rate, the girls frolic in their peanut butter and flowers until Lisa's bikini starts melting, at which point they go inside.
In the Big Bed Room, Eric is hard at work, covering himself with veggies. "I need more lettuce," he says matter-of-factly. Jason's getup -- because it was designed with the fashion-conscious help of Amy and Marcellas -- is gorgeous, constructed from some of the straw and leis and stuff that I think were left over from the luau. It is plainly in a different class than the bikinis of the other men. Gerry is working a diaper idea constructed from paper towels. You can almost see the social cooties growing in colonies on the top of his head, like bacteria in a petri dish. Finally, the enigmatic Roddy emerges in a white robe, and when he opens it, he reveals that he has covered up his goodies with Marcellas's picture from the memory wall. Hee. The winners of the beauty pageant are Roddy (for obvious reasons) and Chiara (for no apparent reason).
Lie down and take your Pepto, because it's time to salute the Great Mush of Love between Roddy and Chiara. Hilariously sentimental Piano Music of Canoodling starts up and continues throughout. Deee, da-da-da deee...Roddy and Chiara sit in the hammock, liking each other. In the diary room, he calls her "a ton of laughs," which I again say is a Phrase of Death, but...apparently not, because now they're in bed, liking each other. Deee, da-da-da deee...lots of night-vision whispering that I think they pretty clearly believe is private, because they underestimate the sheer power of the Big Brother sound system to pick up even the tiniest hiss of conversation when the producers really set their minds to it. Roddy tells Chiara that when she meets his parents, she has to pretend to be from Denmark, which is kind of funny, except that he's talking to her about meeting his parents, and I like him, and I don't like her, so it's all terribly heartbreaking. This entire thing is upsetting my worldview, quite honestly. Do I have to swear off banter forever? What will I do with my free time?
Food challenge. Disgusting. Two teams, big house made of brownies, you have to eat the house with your hands tied behind your back, and whichever team collectively gains the most weight in fifteen minutes wins. Losers eat PB&J all week. Nothing interesting happens except that Josh cheats and is disqualified. Oh, and because they have to check on who gained the most weight, they have to be publicly weighed before and after. So once again, this show has found a way to intentionally aggravate the very complex complexes that these women already have about their weight. This just can't be over soon enough for me. The one thing I do like about it is that after the number of times I've felt like throwing up while watching this show, it's nice to see them clearly feel like throwing up while appearing on it. The winners are Roddy, Lisa, Jason, and Amy. From what I heard about the live feeds, they also let Josh eat real food, which makes no sense at all -- he should obviously have been stuck with PB&J. His cheating took the form of stuffing food down his pants, so it's not like it was inadvertent.
Josh's cheating becomes the intro for Marcellas's discussion of how much he hates, hates, hates what a dishonorable bastard Josh is. I have to say from my own perspective that I think the idea of cheating in a brownie-eating competition, as much as it annoyed me, is really much more sad than anything. "I just hate him," Marcellas moans to Danielle. ["Pretty much exactly what I was saying to my sister at that moment, except that I was pinching the bridge of my nose the better to mimic Josh's stomach-turningly nasal and unpleasant voice." -- Wing Chun] In the diary room, Marcellas calls Josh "the vilest human being ever." Wow, strong words. Accurate, though. When he despairs and goes inside, Marcellas sees on the big screen that nominations are to be this evening. He cannot wait.
And now, in quite possibly the sorriest attempt at self-preservation in the history of ever, Josh comes into the HoH room in a towel while Marcellas and Amy are hanging out. Josh acknowledges that he deserves to be nominated, but he has an addendum. He stresses to Marcellas what a bad, bad person Gerry is, and what an "anti-Semitic, prejudiced, racist bastard" he is. Wuh? Does anyone else get the feeling that Gerry hit just a tiny bit of a nerve when he suggested that Marcellas might have fared a little better with Josh had he been a bit straighter and whiter? I mean, I grant you that Gerry has come across like a self-important, clumsy buffoon for the last episode or two, but an "anti-Semitic, prejudiced, racist bastard"? I haven't seen such elaborate projection since I took in a showing of Migrations at the IMAX theater. Josh explains how much pain and agony it would cause him personally, even "outside this house," if Gerry benefited from being so "conniving and backstabbing." Josh sounds, in short, like a raving loony. In the end, Josh's suggestion is that if Marcellas puts Josh up, he should put Gerry up against him. Basically, Josh can count. He thinks he has five Goober votes, leaving only three people to vote him out if he's up against Gerry. The better question is why Josh thinks Marcellas would ever take advice from him on whom to nominate. It's so obvious, after all, that Josh would only give advice in that situation in order to benefit himself -- he has no other conceivable motive.
Marcellas calmly assures Josh that he's not entirely buying Gerry's routine. Josh goes on to make Marcellas an offer, which is that if Marcellas will put up Gerry against him, Josh will never nominate or even vote for Marcellas. Josh tells us that he thinks his word carries a lot of weight with people in the house. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...I'm sorry, let me catch my breath. Whew. Anyway. Josh leaves, and Marcellas basically gives a big old "whatever." Marcellas diary-rooms that "in a way, it would be smart to keep Josh," given that Josh is so universally despised. Aaaargh! No, Marcellas! That's what they said about Richard Hatch! And Will! Get rid of Josh while you still can!
And now, the Abiding Friendship of Amy and Marcellas, which I feel a little bad making fun of, because I actually think it's fairly sincere. We open with Jason, talking about how nice it's been to watch Marcellas and Amy becoming friends. The bottom line is that they make each other laugh, they both love to gossip, they're both catty and bitchy and unapologetic about it, and they have a great time together. They share a tendency toward acting a little snooty, and they both care deeply about their skin and nails and so forth. (They're also both sort of wearing on me, but that's not really one of the reasons they're friends.) A stylist and a beauty queen? Why wouldn't they be friends? And yet, how could they? Welcome to the world of how weird these things sometimes are. Furthermore, this has always been the least lame aspect of reality television -- it goes back to Heather and Julie on the first season of The Real World. People who would have been very unlikely to meet each other in any other context, or at least wouldn't have given each other the time of day, who weirdly grow to like each other in a way that's clearly pretty genuine. Nothing spawns unlikely friendships like reality television. It's the story of Kent and Bunky, too, to provide another example. So far, it's the one thing about this show that doesn't make me feel like I need a shower. So thank you, Amy and Marcellas! Yay, unlikely friendships! "I cannot imagine being in this house without her," Marcellas says. Sniffle.
Danielle plays cards with Jason in the bathroom while Josh picks at himself in front of the mirror. Josh tells Danielle how "shocking" he thinks it is that she's aligned herself with Gerry. She wants to know what makes Josh think she's done that. "Clearly, you are," he says dismissively. She tells him he isn't as smart as he thinks he is, but he persists. She tells him she's not getting into it with him, which he interprets as her "skirting the issue" because she's afraid to talk about it. What she's doing, I think, is maintaining that in general, she's not going to discuss her strategy with Josh. , she has a chat with him around the dining room table, in which he denies he's ever had any power over anything, and insists that he wasn't the one to throw Marcellas's name out on the first night. Cut to black-and-white shot of Josh throwing Marcellas's name out on the first night. How many freakin' times can they show that clip? "Concentrate on getting Marcellas out," blah dee blah. Stop showing it. We remember. It wasn't that long ago. Danielle listens to Josh's pathetic speech, and it's hard to tell whether she's taken in or not.
And now, we get a little Friars'-Club-Roast-style salute to Roddy, who would completely be my boyfriend if he weren't cozied up with Chiara. He and Marcellas talk, and he tells Marcellas that he did participate in the plan to get Marcellas out, but that he did it because Marcellas was totally miserable the first couple of days. He figured that made the first vote easy. In the diary room, Marcellas notes that Roddy is hot, smart, and likeable, which are great qualities for a friend, but not such great qualities for an opponent in a show like this. So Marcellas is looking at the possibility of getting Roddy out, because he's a threat. This is yet another reason why this show bugs me. Call me crazy, but if you're hot, smart, and likeable, I want to root for you, and not root for the other people I like to eliminate you. I would like it if the most appealing people were the last ones left -- that's a satisfying conclusion. I mean, Marcellas is right -- I think Roddy is a major threat to win. It's just that this whole dynamic leads to a collection of very irritating people being left at the end, which has been my impression of most of the history of Survivor. I mean, Richard, Susan, Kelly, and Rudy? Ugh.
Danielle tells Marcellas about the conversation with Josh in which he argued his innocence to her, and she implies that getting rid of Gerry might be the better way to go. He stands firm, telling her that the simple numbers dictate that they've got to boot a Goober, because if one of the non-Goobers goes, they'll be down six-four, and at that point, even if one of them wins HoH and puts up two Goobers, the voters will be four-three in the alliance's favor. He's right, of course -- when it comes to getting rid of a fairly sizeable alliance, you absolutely cannot wait even one week longer than necessary. Interestingly, as he lists the Goobers who are options to leave, he omits Roddy. I have to wonder whether he's holding out hope that Roddy will jump the Goober ship.
Almost time for nominations. Everyone sits around, feeling tense. Marcellas goes through the nomination ritual, and America yawns. Finally, Marcellas goes and rounds everyone up and brings them into the dining room. "The moment is now," he announces. When they've all come to the table, he tells them that, for him, the game is about integrity, kindness, and honor. Oh, no, Marcellas, don't do that. You're nominating to win -- don't get noble on me, sweetheart. He just wants everyone to be "beautiful" in the way they play this inherently backstabbing game. Meh. Long story short, everybody lands a key from Marcellas except Josh and Tonya. Marcellas sums up the nominations by telling Josh that he can't stand him, and it's not a secret that he can't stand him, and so he wants him to get the hell out of the house. He tells Tonya that she's a "pawn," and that she's never been anything but kind to Marcellas, and he makes it perfectly clear that his goal is only the ousting of Josh, and that it's not personal toward her. He admits it's personal toward Josh. Heh. He also claims it has nothing to do with the alliance, which we know to be completely false. It's surprising how well he sells it -- Marcellas scares me a little bit. One other thing -- Josh sits there and waggles his head the entire time, because he's so angry and so indignant and feels so frustrated. I have seen that exact head-waggle before, although if you are not from the frozen tundra, it might not look familiar to you. It is exactly, and I am saying exactly, the waggle Jesse Ventura employs when he's angry and indignant and feels frustrated. I found that fascinating.
In the afterglow of the nominations, Danielle post-mortems that Josh knew he would be on the block, and it's his own fault for being much, much too aggressive in the game much, much too early. Her analysis is pretty much spot-on. Tonya is nervous about being a nominee, but I think she knows that Josh is the target, so she has to wait and see whether he's able to weasel out. Josh snots in the diary room that it doesn't matter anyway, because neither Marcellas nor Gerry (what does Gerry have to do with it?) will be "anywhere near" being a finalist. Well, I can only hope we can say the same for you, you miserable, petty little pipsqueak. He calls Gerry and Marcellas "two spineless bitches." And right there, you can see the fundamental ugliness and smallness of this brat. There is an anger in the kid that's really unnerving.
Wednesday. Somebody has got to get the editors some happy pills, because they are getting bored and beaten down. They show the same clip of Marcellas nominating Josh and Tonya in the previouslys and then again to open the show. It's almost like these editors work on a really good show during the regular season and are totally depressed about this crappy summer job, because they're just not giving it a hundred percent.
Gerry sits with Marcellas, telling him just how wonderful and fabulous and brilliant and noble and -- no kidding -- "butch" his nominations of Josh and Tonya were. Marcellas, in turn, tells us that he's beginning to notice that he's doing all the things he despises. He's becoming (dun-dun-dunnnn) eeeevil! In the Big Bed Room, he tells Tonya that he hopes she understands why she was nominated. Nothing personal, darling! Love you to pieces! Oh, love you, too! Kisses! Marcellas in the diary room: "I do not like Tonya. I do not like what she stands for. I do not like what she puts out there. Therefore, if Tonya were to go, and not Josh, I wouldn't be unhappy." Heh. Gerry and Marcellas chitchat alone in the living room, and Gerry asks if Marcellas thinks that Tonya would veto out Josh if she were to win the competition. "No," Marcellas replies, "'Cause ultimately, she's got the heart of a ho and she wants to stay." Lovely. They're running dangerously short of people I do not dislike.
Tonya and Josh have a friendly moron-to-moron yap outside that evening, and she tells him about her chat with Marcellas (who has the heart of a HoH, I suppose). Josh diary-rooms that the whole thing isn't about Tonya; it's just about him. This is probably true, but I really can't pay attention to that right now, because Josh has actually managed to compound his seediness by germinating a mind-bendingly ugly goatee, which currently looks like he stenciled it on with charcoal. The producers should have told him he couldn't grow a goatee because it would present a lighting problem. He promises Tonya that he won't campaign against her. She takes him at his word, because -- well, hey, why wouldn't you?
Time to talk veto. The concept of the veto is explained by Gerry in the diary room, in case you just got here. In which case, I can only say you should run, run, run, before it's too late. Gerry and Marcellas chat about the veto, and Marcellas says that if Gerry wins the veto, he'd ask him to keep the nominations the same, but vows that, of course, even if Tonya or Josh were vetoed out, Marcellas would nominate another Goober. "Oh, I know you're not going to turn on us," Gerry says confidently. Marcellas, in the diary room: "I'm becoming diabolical."
In the living room, Josh and Eric discuss the veto. Josh is speculating that unless Roddy or Eric gets it, it's not getting used this week. Eric, with the lizards crawling all over him, suggests that Josh not get too wound up about it until he sees what actually happens. He also delicately dodges the question of whether he would actually veto Josh out. In the diary room, Roddy explains that predicting the Goober behavior is difficult, because they all like each other -- although he also says "half the alliance likes Josh, half the alliance likes Tonya." I'm ashamed to say this, because it's very, very stupid, but I'm all over Roddy in this sequence, because he's curled up on the diary-room chair in a pastel green polo shirt, jeans, and bare feet. See, I have this thing about jeans and bare feet. I think it makes me imagine him walking around my house on a Sunday, reading the paper and maybe fixing my sink.
Roddy takes his feet out to the patio to talk to Josh, who is miserably slumped in his chair. Josh tells him that he thinks there are only three people who might veto him out if they get the power. "You, definitely, I presume," to which Roddy does not respond. Josh adds, "I think Jason would...I'm not positive on Eric." Jason? Why would Jason veto Josh? How does that benefit Jason? Furthermore, they're both smoking cigars, which...ew. "We'll see what we can do, man," Roddy says. "It's not over, don't worry." You'll notice a conspicuous absence of "If I get it, I'll veto you" as part of that response. , Roddy chats with Chiara in the Big Bed Room, telling her that he doesn't want to win the veto. Neither does she. She tells Roddy that saving Josh would only hurt Roddy, which I think is probably right. I don't think anybody in the house would hold not vetoing Josh against Roddy, with the possible exception of Eric. And he hangs out with lizards, so who cares?
Josh talks in the diary room about how nervous he is, but how effectively he's hiding it from everyone. A witty edit (hmm...) brings us to Eric, saying that Josh is nervous, walking around talking to everyone, trying to feel out what everyone is going to do. Jason mentions that Josh seems to be everywhere these days, weaseling his way into every conversation in the house. Now we see Josh talking to Jason and Roddy about the pain of being Jewish. No, really. That's his new angle. "Even Marcellas and Danielle don't face what I face," he says. Well, way to be a credit to your faith, there, buddy. Compounding the distastefulness of this part of the story, Josh comes to the HoH room and tells Danielle and Marcellas how much he feels their pain. Because, you know, they're all minorities together. Which...I mean, I have no idea what it has to do with anything, but he's certainly laying it on thick. In a roundabout way, he attributes all of his disruptive behavior to the fact that he's Jewish. I'm sorry, but he does. (Jewish viewing population: "Oh, THANKS.") "I do really think that I did quality work in that room," Josh diary-rooms. "Even though I want to believe Josh, I don't believe Josh," Marcellas says sadly. "I do believe that personal communication skills are one of my fortes," Josh tells us. No, he really says this. A guy who managed to make more people hate him in the first week than anybody on this show, ever, thinks that he's good with people. "I am going down fighting," he says. Please, please, please vote him out this week. Oh, please. If you don't, I will collapse into such a weeping heap.
And now, Marcellas, the Wacky Obsessive-Compulsive. The point of this overlong sequence is that Marcellas is one of those people who lives right on the line between "Wow, he's overly concerned about disinfecting everything, which is sort of annoying," and "Wow, he's...call a doctor, hon." He tells us that he brought many bottles of pure alcohol with him, and he uses them liberally to disinfect everything. "And I have to stop myself sometimes from grabbing bottles of that and dousing these people head to toe in it." Never has one comment so thoroughly captured this show. Most painfully, Marcellas explains that he allowed Tonya to use his clippers to shave Josh's chest. Can you imagine a more agony-inducing thing that could happen to a person who values cleanliness? Tonya and Josh using one of your personal care items? Unfortunately, in order to truly understand Marcellas's pain, we have to see Tonya actually shaving said chest. "Ew" doesn't begin to describe it. "That beast fur? In my clippers? Yuck!" Marcellas laments. "I have not only his germs in it, but I have his karma on it," he despairs. "Believe me, those clippers are going in the garbage the minute I walk out of here five hundred thousand dollars richer," he says emphatically.
You know, lots of the competitions on this show are stupid, but I think this veto competition is one of the stupidest ever. Basically, everybody starts out with a box. And then you ask other people to give you their boxes, offering them something in return. At some point, the game ends, although it's not clear why or how. And then everyone opens whatever boxes they've kept or coaxed from others, and whoever has the box with the veto in it is the winner. It's really stupid. And the offers that people make to each other are also stupid. Several people don't want to win anyway, so they just give their boxes away. Danielle, on the other hand, works hard to get the power. She basically says in the diary room that she just wanted it. Wanted it to want it. Furthermore, Josh is trying to win it, which is completely asinine, because the one way that he can guarantee that he is not vetoed out is to win the veto himself. Idiot. The only interesting part of this whole thing is where Marcellas offers Josh his box if Josh will agree to be nice to Gerry. Note that he doesn't say don't vote for him, or don't scheme against him -- just be "kind." Josh says no. Bastard. Josh diary-rooms that he would have "looked like a complete phony and a sellout" if he had accepted. Because of course, being true to yourself requires you to be an asshole. What a tiny little punk.
Bottom line? As the odds suggest (she has the most boxes at the end), Danielle walks off with it. Marcellas says that when she won, he said, "Damn." Because he knows she likes to stir up trouble, which is exactly right. I really, really don't like Danielle. Really don't. She talks to Marcellas outside, and tells him that her "gut" is telling her to veto out Josh, and she wants Marcellas to put up Gerry instead. Which is the stupidest thing they could do right now, pretty much. Whether she likes Gerry or not, Gerry is an ally for the moment. Josh, on the other hand, is a conniving weasel, and he's got an alliance already. I am now completely convinced that Danielle has no strategy, except appearing to have a strategy, if that makes sense. She goes around operating-operating-operating all the time, but she has no actual plan. I think her sole reason for wanting to do this is that it seems like a stupid thing to do, and therefore if she does it, she must be brilliant.
Marcellas initially refuses to put up Gerry, but he quickly starts to waffle. "I might have to let go of a few things that hold me back," he diary-rooms. He pauses. "Like...having a conscience." Ow. He makes Danielle a counteroffer that he might be willing to put up Gerry if Dani vetoed Tonya, because that would pit Gerry against Josh. I think even Marcellas knows that those are the two most difficult people in the house to take, so there would be some sense in putting them up together. Danielle appears to agree to this. They begin to walk away from each other across the yard, and then Marcellas calls her back. "If you're working this, and you screw me, you know how torn I am about this, and how I feel about Gerry and what he did for me. I'll come after you," he says menacingly. "I understand," she says mildly, and walks away.
The Great Big Loooove of Roddy and Chiara is back, accompanied by the same dorky music as last time. Deeee, da da da deeeee...they lie in the hammock, liking each other. (Haven't we been here before?) But now, the grinding beat of Amy Taking Her Shot is heard. She leans her chin on Roddy's knee as he lies stretched out on one of the chairs. Okay, Amy, I am sorry, but that is just a little bit too much. Resting your chin? On his knee? You might as well strip and tie a bow around your waist. Roddy, meantime, works her over with the casual nice-guy routine. "Let's talk more about you," he says lightly. "Okay," she says dreamily, like he just proposed. Bleh. She admits to finding him a hottie (okay, me too), but basically insists that she's just playing. She does note, however, that she can't stand Chiara, who tends to show her face every time Amy chats with Roddy.
Roddy plays this brilliantly, I have to say, if his goal is to get these girls not to like each other. When Chiara walks up to Roddy and Amy, he makes a great ha-ha show of acting like he's telling Amy to stop talking about Chiara. Ha. Ha. See? It's brilliant. Total misdirection. He's being so silly that it makes Chiara feel stupid if she feels jealous, but it makes Amy feel like it's a private joke between her and Roddy. The man is an operator, I am telling you. Chiara tells us that Amy is a "boyfriend-stealer." She stops just short of "cooties." Seriously, these people have been in this house for three weeks, and they're surrounded by cameras. If you think you've developed a serious relationship in that period of time under these circumstances, I think you're delusional. Roddy's diabolical plan grows even more diabolical one evening when he walks right over to Amy and gives her a big smooch, right on the mouth. "I just kissed Amy, deep on the lips," he says to Chiara, who is curled up with Jason, undoubtedly trying to talk him out of his pants. "Why?" Chiara asks. "Because Amy's fuckin' hot!" Roddy replies. Ha! See, he just did it again. He's being so obvious that Chiara feels like an idiot if she actually feels bad, but he also just made huge points with Amy, without even trying that hard. He is scary. Furthermore, I would point out that despite the fact that he came across as the initial good guy, he has more in common with Will than any of the rest of these people, for two reasons. First, he's the only one of these people that I consider really smart. Second, he doesn't even really have to do a whole lot -- he allows people's own weaknesses to choke them. Eventually, Will mostly let Hardy choke on his self-righteous vanity, he let Nicole choke on her insecure neuroses -- he even let Mike choke on his arrogant bad-boy bullshit. Right now, Roddy is letting both of these women choke on their own pettiness. One of them should have had the intelligence to say, "Oh, shut up and stop trying to play us," and laughed it off. If she had, she would have been the automatic winner. Also, he would have secretly admired and adored her for it.
Chiara confronts her Prince of Sexy Secret Evil over this. He insists he's just kidding. Ha-ha! Just kidding! She's livid. "She. Wants. You," Chiara insists. Meanwhile, Amy (wearing some very, very unfortunate braids) talks to Marcellas in the HoH room about how badly she wants Chiara out of the house, so "she won't be in [Amy's] fuckin' face all the time." Marcellas organizes a powwow where Amy and Chiara meet to make kissyface, which they do, pretending not to hate each other, and then they run back to their respective friends and say she-tried-to-be-all, but-then-I-was-like, so-I-said-to-her, and-she-didn't-even, and it's ON, DAMMIT! Most notably, Tonya comments that Amy is "fake." And then she chatters her bleached teeth together, tosses her dyed hair, and pumps additional air into her gravity-defying artificial breasts. Also, Chiara can't stop using the word "advancements" to describe Amy's flirtations with Roddy, and that's really not the word she wants. She wants "advances," and even then, it's really pretty much a word from about 1850.
Now, still smarting from this stupid, petty, juvenile argument, Amy does by far the dumbest thing she's done so far. She drags Josh into the HoH room, and she tells him that she'll give him her vote this week if he will put up Chiara in the event that he wins HoH. "I don't associate with certain types of people outside the house," she snots. "Call me a snob [YOU'RE A SNOB], I don't deny it." She goes on to call Chiara "white trash" (over the line, Amy), and to say that she is "better than" Chiara. First of all? I don't know who in the hell you think you are, Princess Petunia, but nothing about you suggests that any of that is anything other than utter bullshit. Speaking strategically? Amy, Amy, Amy. How foolish and shortsighted can you get? Keep your eye on the ball, girlie! And this is why Roddy's maneuver is brilliant. He's got the girls focused on each other, and he's made himself look like quite the inert victim, when in fact he is and has been the instigator of the entire thing. Wow, he's really bad. But since I now hate both of the women involved, I really don't feel bad for them. Even a little. If that's the kind of woman you want to be, this is the kind of crap you're going to spend all your time on.
Time for the luxury competition, in which the winner gets to select the new exercise equipment. And it's...Human Bowling! Yay! Just what I wanted! Thank you all for voting. Marcellas reads the horrible, pun-filled intro. Everybody is a bowler once and a ball once. For something that seemed like it would be fun, this is really kind of lame. I mean, nobody gets hurt, and nobody even really gets humiliated, so what fun is that? Whatever. I do enjoy the part where Marcellas says that "Roddy, one of the biggest boys in the house, tosses like a bitch." Also, Gerry bowls a strike, and who is practically the only one we see congratulating him? Roddy. The man covers his bases, I'm telling you. Danielle wins. She chooses a very nice-looking elliptical exerciser, which is introduced to some Also Sprach Zarathustra Too ripoff. Marcellas demonstrates the exerciser with a truly fabulous elliptical stride. Does everyone look that girly when they use one of these? If they do, I'm taking this activity up immediately. He says he feels like the Bionic Man. Looks like it, too. Especially in his robe. Hee.
Danielle works the crowd regarding the veto. She asks Roddy what he would do if she could manage to get Gerry up against Josh. He would vote to boot Gerry, Roddy says. He makes the very good point that Josh is hated by a larger number of people than Gerry, so the odds are that Josh would keep being put up every week if he sticks around, which would take heat off the rest of them for a while. I'm not sure that completely works out, logically speaking, but it sounds good.
Veto meeting time. Gerry hopes Danielle will leave the noms alone, while Tonya and Josh are both hoping to be spared. Josh congratulates himself on keeping his sense of humor. (He keeps it in a terrarium, presumably, where it can feast on bugs in peace without being condemned by the Health Department.) Danielle gives the boring veto speech, but in the end, she chooses not to use the veto. She diary-rooms that she did this because Marcellas wanted her to leave the nominations alone, and she somehow had to let him believe he had power. It makes no sense, really. She has a way of seeming smarter than she actually is, I think. As stated previously, her strategy just seems to be to do whatever is counterintuitive, because it seems "strategic." I don't think she's actually nearly as good a player as I once believed her to be.
You know, as you watch Tonya make her way across the living room, you can literally see how much her boobs make her prone to tip over. It's a little bit sad, actually -- she looks very uncomfortable. Josh and Danielle have a meeting in the Aquarium Room, where she tells him she couldn't veto him. He tells her it's fine, but starts whimpering about how upset and scared he is. She tells him not to give up, and to "be Josh." She says "be Josh" about six more times. It reminds me of A Very Brady Christmas. I know, that's horrible. But see, it had this one line, where Marcia's husband apologized at the dinner table for something he had done, and she said, "Don't be sorry! Just be Wally!" My sister and I repeated that for, like, years after it was on. So..."be Josh." Whatever. He pretends to cry. I think they're honestly two rather limited thinkers, neither of whom really has a strategy, circling each other because they're not smart enough to think very far ahead. They're both bullshitting each other, and they both think they're getting away with it. And they both sort of are.
Thursday. Man, I can't wait for this eviction. I can't stand these people. But surely, they'll evict Josh. RIGHT? Sigh. Anyway, previously, I hated everyone. Previously, everyone was annoying. Previously, Marcellas was HoH, and he nominated Josh and Tonya. Previously, that was very, very good news.
Julie Chen is wearing a ruffly shirt in an aggressive watermelon shade. The ruffles are sort of all over the place -- down her arms, around her neck, doing a sort of peasant-pirate thing. And again with the double necklace. Julie, you are not in seventh grade. Get rid of your middle-school jewelry. Julie recaps recent events, in case you missed them during the previouslys. She stands up and displays her protruding clavicle as well as her dark blue-gray pants, which make her look even pinchier than usual. The seriousness with which she appears to approach her duties on this show is beginning to frighten me. I imagine her in front of a mirror at night, rehearsing different ways to say things like "rebuilding alliances" and "peanut butter and jelly."
I cannot believe it, but they show Danielle not exercising the veto again. This is like Remedial Reality TV or something, like they think they need to show me everything six times before I get it.
Josh goes around making it obvious that he's desperate to stay in the house. He talks to Roddy, saying that although he's worried, he's "hiding it well." "No, you're not," Roddy points out simply. Josh diary-rooms that he's tried everything from tears (with Danielle, which he now admits were fake) to pretend apologies for things he's done that he's not sorry for. Eric is asked in the diary room whether the Goobers have a battles of the sexes underway, and he says he wouldn't exactly say that, and furthermore, he points out that there's "a loyalty thing" between him and Lisa, and she has assured him that when the girls hang out, they don't talk strategy. Cut to the girls, talking strategy. Hee, funny editors.
Roddy diary-rooms that he thinks it's possible that Josh has a chance to stay in the game, and one of the pivotal votes is Jason. Now, Roddy and Jason play chess in the living room. Roddy offers Jason a chance to be in on the alliance, which Jason ought to be smart enough to realize isn't much of an offer at this point. What good does it do you to be part of an alliance this big? As the Goobers found out this week, you wind up with two of your folks nominated, and then your alliance is worthless. Roddy reports later that Jason agreed to vote for whomever Roddy told him to vote for.
Now, somewhat incongruously, we see Jason tell us that his primary allegiance is to Danielle. Eh? He tells her that he would never consider Josh an ally. Speaking of never seeing Josh as an ally, Roddy gets buzz from some of the girls, particularly Tonya, that Josh told them a while back not to trust Roddy, and that his nice-guy routine was covering an agenda. Which, of course, it is. He confronts Josh, who denies that he ever said it. Roddy points out that three people claimed to have heard the same comment. Josh runs to Chiara and snaps at her for telling Roddy this. She asks why he assumes she was the one who shared. Oh, I don't know, Kiki, because you never even let anyone else talk to him unless you're supervising? Roddy tells us that Josh is "bothering him because he's overplaying the game." I only wish I believed that Roddy really, really meant this.
Roddy and Chiara chat a bit later about Josh, and what Josh would do if he became HoH. Roddy thinks Josh might make the ultimate backstab move and put up Roddy and Eric, but Kiki argues he would put up the two of them to break up The Greatest Love The World Has Ever Known. ["If he did, it would be the only smart thing Josh had ever done in his whole sorry life, I would bet." -- Wing Chun] A clueless Josh voices over that he trusts Roddy implicitly. This remark is played over footage of the lizards fighting, and that is it with the funny edits. I become motivated to check the credits of this and a few other episodes, and much to my non-surprise, none other than a bunch of the Amazing Editors are moonlighting with these morons during the off-season. Hey, it's Paul "Flip A" Coyne! And Paul "Not From Cheers" Frazier! And Clayton "Bruiser" Halsey! Andrew "Two First Names" Frank! And Don "Juan" Misraje! And Paul "Leslie" Nielsen! Heh. I am going to be the first groupie in the history of reality television editors. I want the pinup calendar, dammit.
Boring sequence in which the people eating peanut butter and jelly explain that it's really not that much fun. Yawn. ["I would add, much as I did last year, that people who complain about PB&J have no imagination." -- Wing Chun]
Amy pours herself a glass of wine in the kitchen, and Tonya stares at her judgmentally. "You better go to Alcoholics Anonymous when you get out of here," Tonya snots. This, of course, is an idiotic maneuver to begin with, since Amy should be easily recognizable as a swing vote. However, unsatisfied with the stupidity of this initial move, Tonya now follows Amy out of the house into the yard, certain that Amy has gone out there to say nasty things about her. She tries to get in Amy's face, all "If you have something to say to me, say it to my face" and "Don't mess with me" and a lot of other very, very unconvincing trash-talk that just makes her sound like the bitchiest salesgirl the Mervyn's lingerie department has ever had. When Tonya retreats into the house, Marcellas follows her to demonstrate how a real diva goes for broke. "You are on the block. You might try being on your best behavior," he snaps, pointing at her. Tonya goes back to her argument that Amy was talking about her (which it appeared she wasn't, and which the live-feed watchers said she wasn't), and Marcellas tells Tonya that she might have considered asking whether Amy was saying anything about it or wasn't, because it as it turns out? SHE WASN'T. Moron. Tonya actually stands up, as if she isn't going to get blown out of the water in any smackdown of any sort with Marcellas. She blahs that Amy "got into it with [her]," and Marcellas says, "At least that's better than how you played it." Marcellas tells Tonya that she treated Amy "like shit." "I can treat her however I want to," Tonya says Puck-ishly. "She can talk to me, I can talk right back to her." If Amy had actually talked to her, Tonya would have a better argument. I think Tonya basically wants to sit with the cool kids, and God knows there's nothing that idiots who want to sit with the cool kids like better than trashing whoever the cool kids are trashing, so since Chiara trashes Amy, Tonya manufactured this ridiculous trumped-up trash-talking charge in order to give herself a reason for existing. Marcellas literally curls up with coiled anger, then walks away from her.
Smart move, there, blondie. Josh is thrilled at this development, of course, and hopes that Danielle and Jason will see a different side of Tonya and perhaps vote to boot her.
Julie starts the live part of the show by checking in with the living room full of houseguests, yakking about the peanut butter and jelly some more. Blah blah blah, yakkety-yak with Danielle about the veto, yakkety-yak with Josh and Tonya about being evicted. Oh, my goodness. Tonya is wearing what I believe to be a sort of dark denim bustier (my favorite Sandra Bernhard line of all time: "What's a bustier? It's to...boost your yays") with spaghetti straps. It covers no more than the bottom half of her implants, and it's split down the middle in front, with the gaping maw tied together with little laces. She gives some happy-yap about how she hopes not to be evicted, and then Josh says if they evict him, they all suck, and he hopes they have fire insurance. Nice. He, incidentally, has grown out the goatee and spiked up his hair with gel. I don't consider it an improvement. Although his shirt is a nice color.
Voting. First up are Eric and Amy. Unsurprisingly, Eric votes to boot Tonya. Amy, much to my dismay, keeps to her plan from last episode, and votes to evict Tonya as well. Sigh.
Now it's time for the Loved Ones On Parade segment, which opens hideously with Josh's girlfriend Merritt looking into the camera and forcing her obviously reluctant cat to wave to "Joshie." Her cat is like, "I hate that bastard. Don't drag me into this." I detest her on sight. She's been with Josh for a year, which classifies her as rather masochistic, and she hopes to marry him, which qualifies her as mentally deranged. One of the little tidbits we pick up here is that Josh calls her "Mewwitt." Pardon me while I get a pail in which to throw up. She and a couple of other idiots who I guess are supposed to be friends of Josh's sit around watching the show, wearing the same dipwad blue do-rags he was sporting for about the first week. Merritt threatens the earth with the spawn of Josh. I'm surprised she doesn't follow this up by poking her finger into her cheek and demanding "one miiiillion dollars" to forego fertilization.
Tonya has a boyfriend, and his arms are much, much too big. They must look like a cartoon crimefighting couple when they walk down the street together. Silicone Sally and the Bicepinator. He talks about what a super-terrific, plain old mom Tonya is. I guess he doesn't read The Smoking Gun. He clarifies that Tonya's "the sweetest, most respectful" of women. He then admits that the part where she let other women smear peanut butter on her genitalia and paraded around the back yard surprised him just a tad.
Back to Mewwitt, who says, "If there's something that Josh has, it's integrity." Well, good, honey. If there's something that I have, it's a screaming headache. She weepily tells us that she didn't get a chance to tell him how proud she is of him before he left. For the war. And if he should die in battle, she will never have the chance to tell him. Oh, no, wait -- he left for reality television. You're going to see him again, pumpkinhead, unless a piece of the lighting rig should happen to fall on his head. I write myself a note to add that to the prayers I say before bed.
More voting. It's Gerry and Chiara, and unsurprisingly, they both vote to boot Josh.
Time to check in with some more of last year's houseguests. Monica has gone to part-time work at her candy store, because she wants to do television and "theater." Sheesh. Is it rude for me to ask what it is about being on reality television that makes people think they should become actors? It's not as if the skill set is the same. She appears to be very much as she was last year. They also follow up on the story of her cousin, who was never found after she went missing at the World Trade Center. Sigh. It's very sad. Don't know what else to say.
Bunky is now disturbingly ripped -- apparently the interest in working out that he developed while in the house has stayed with him. Because his arms? Are huge. Is this Huge Arm Day at the Big Brother house or what? He apparently has a "Bunkymania" show that he takes around to make money for charity. The explanation of exactly what this show consists of is conspicuously absent. He and his sweetie are "fantabulous" (hee) and very happy. He also confirms what Kent said last week, which is that he and Kent are still buds. Yay, unlikely friendships!
Sheryl has been battling breast cancer. She's been through chemotherapy and surgery, and she explains how much she's enjoyed having no hair. In fact, she thinks she could probably never go back to her newscaster helmet-hair again. Take that, Julie Chen. Sheryl is cool.
Ah, Will. Interestingly, this segment is basically a microcosm of all of last season, because when they first show him, I sort of think, "Eh, he's not really as awesome as I remember." He talks about how he's in L.A. doing the Minor Celebrity Mambo (it's sort of pathetic listening to him talk about how people buy him dinner), and how he has a medical license, so "if you want some good care, come to me." And then he sort of smirks, and I begin to feel his evil thrall sneaking up on me. He gives us the update on Buttercup (doing great) and on his stupid friends (still friends with Mike, won't talk about Shannon). "My relationship with Shannon is...women! Can't live with 'em, can't get 'em to dress up like Princess Leia and beat you with a warm squash." Yes, he really says that. And yes, it's so tacky that he deserves to be hated for life. And yet his evil thrall creeps up around my ankles and wraps itself around my leg.
The old houseguests snark about the new houseguests -- Monica is hot for Eric; Bunky says that unlike Marcellas, he isn't the cashmere-and-pearls type; and Sheryl can "relate to" Tonya, whatever that means. Will: "If I had to pick one person who I think's going to win the game, I'd pick a male, dark hair, very charismatic, good-looking...oh, that's me!" And his evil thrall climbs me like a trellis and wraps itself around my neck. And then I start making out with Will's evil thrall. I apologize.
Monica, of course, says "it's on." Because that wasn't obvious at all.
Julie does the stupid obligatory HoH interview with Marcellas. He says nothing of note, except that he wouldn't want Gerry to be HoH. He does speak very adorably about his love for Amy.
More voting. Lisa votes to boot Josh, and Jason votes to boot Tonya. I guess Jason really was sucked into the boy-alliance. Furthermore, he credits Josh with bringing to the house "life" and "energy." He leaves out "fleas." I have to say, Jason's whole bland, mindless, meandering fog of niceness is really beginning to bother me. I have nothing against the nice itself, it's just that he doesn't ever say anything that strikes me as interesting or thoughtful or insightful. He's just kinda there. And he still has that stupid soul patch. Dude, SHAVE IT OFF.
Julie takes us to the actual eviction. She points out that Danielle and Roddy are the only voters who haven't been heard from, and then she goes into the living room. By a "close vote of five to three," Tonya is out. She looks utterly shocked, which I love. She immediately flashes her bleachy teeth and hops up, almost throwing her boobs right out of that thing she's wearing. She hugs everyone. She walks down the front steps, still looking like she can barely walk in what she's wearing and carrying.
They take us back inside the house as Tonya gets situated to Julie. "I wish it would have been Amy," someone spits. ["According to the live-feed followers, that was Amy, saying that's what she imagined viewers at home were saying at that moment." -- Wing Chun] Josh paces the entire house, barely holding back the screams of triumph he wants to let fly. He comes into the living room and says, "Thanks, guys," as if Tonya was evicted as a favor to him.
Julie interviews Tonya, who is about as much of an idiot as you could possibly have hoped. She has no regrets about going off on Amy for no reason, but she is beginning to think she shouldn't have assumed everyone would vote off Josh. Dear, those of us who could do math at higher than a third-grade level knew it would probably be close. As horrified as I am that Josh wasn't evicted, I have to say that it is a pleasure indeed to be rid of this woman, because she basically represents everything I detest about this show -- she's shallow, uninteresting, stupid, unkind, and has no reason to be here except her breasts. Seriously. Without them, do you think there is the slightest possibility she would have been chosen? No. There isn't. So although I wish they'd kicked Josh out instead, I am firmly in agreement with Marcellas that having the two of them up for eviction was thoroughly win-win in every way. She cries through all her goodbye videos. Whatever.
I realize that harping on Tonya's implants is a little facile at this point, but I cannot fail to mention that all through this interview, I was just shuddering at how freaking creepy they are. They literally are up against her clavicle. That is just...hideous.
Time for the HoH competition. It's a trivia game, and whoever wrote the questions did a terrible job, because it winds up as a seven-way tie for first place after eight questions. That's out of only nine people competing, and I think Josh threw it, not wanting to make himself part of any upcoming drama. The tiebreaker question is how much all the houseguests weighed before the brownie-eating competition. The answer is 1605 pounds. Roddy wins with a guess of 1580. Gerry went with 1100, Dani went with 1301 (the winner is the one who comes closest without going over, and Dani has watched The Price Is Right a few times, I'm guessing), Chiara guessed 1159, Lisa guessed 800, Jason guessed 1254, and Amy guessed 825. Excuse me, Lisa and Amy? 800? 825? For ten people? Amy has since claimed that she was guessing for one team of five people, but there was nothing ambiguous about the question, so I find that a little hard to believe. Those are some horrible guesses, ladies. Anyway, at the news that Roddy has won, Josh is the one who looks like he just won the Miss America pageant. Off the block, he's figuring. Me, too.
It's so strange, because for once, I haven't got the slightest clue what I think the HoH is going to do. I assume he won't nominate the Goobers, so that leaves Gerry, Amy, Marcellas, and Danielle. But I don't know -- he's a wily one.
The America's Choice question, for once, is slightly interesting -- who should win a date with the houseguest of their choice? Most adorably, Marcellas confesses to being "head over fuckin' heels in love with Roddy." There's a lot of that going around.