Kara and Lee get busy, but Kara of all people doesn't want to get divorced because it's sacrilege. Meanwhile, Chief goes all Three on the Planet Algae and heads toward the Mysterious Temple of Five, which contains the Eye of the Thing of The Jupiter of the Way to Earth. Just then the Cylons show up, and Three and Cavil -- with Boomer and Gaius for extra variety and awfulness/hilarity -- have a lovely meeting with the Galactica to discuss how Bill's willing to blow up everybody and the whole planet to keep the Eye of the Thing from Cylon hands. Boomer lets Sharon know about Hera and Sharon goes less ballistic than you might think. Laura's like, "You don't know me! You don't ****in' know me!" Even Bill is kind of grossed out but it's not the hugest item on the agenda right now: there's algae on the line, and also the mystical magical artifact. Too bad Three's already put a bunch of Centurions on the planet, and also had a fairly gross discussion with Caprica about their ménage a trois and how Jesus doesn't really want her for a sunbeam after all. (Oh, and she's convinced that she's like This Close to reaching the Final Five. Just a couple more suicides before you qualify for that free calendar! Twelve months of Doral looking exactly the same in every possible month, except December when he's wearing a Santa hat. I would kill for this calendar. Hybrid says: "Concertina episodic repetitive Orangina with the fringe on top end of line.")
Also, Cally is totally cute and not horrible in any way, and the majority of the episode is like, "Remember Chief? He's so awesome. Remember? Sorry about leaving that part out all season." Of course, Lee has already figured out about Three's robot infiltration, and asks Anders -- who totally knows about Lee boning his wife and whose awesomeness has nothing to do with that crap -- to make an army of the civilians just like back home when he was nuts and bombing coffee shops. Speaking of: Starbuck notifies everybody about the Centurions, then gets shot down. Sam wants to go get her, Lee says no way, Sam says bite me, and that's a cliffhanger: when in doubt, shoot down Starbuck over enemy space. Also cliffhangering: Gaeta, who figures out that the Algae Sun is seconds from supernova, and Bill, who would like to remind everybody about how he's going to nuke their asses to hell if they don't do just as he says. Hot: Three, as usual, and Laura, ditto. Not: Dualla's lame ass, Caprica's ditto. week: A MONTH FROM NOW. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously, Lee cheated on Dee with Kara, but then Kara married Sam because she has a lot of issues. A year and a half later they got okay again. Also, Sharon had a half-human baby, which Roslin kidnapped and lied about, which was later rescued by the Cylons. Additionally, Gaius got all caught up in Three's religious mania and hopes to be a Cylon saint, but nobody told Caprica that her threesome was quickly becoming a creepy suicidal culty twosome. Everybody was starving until Sharon found a planet full of algae and religious significance; not everybody survived the passage there.
Kara flies her Raptor down to the surface of the Algae Planet. It's been two weeks since Kat died and they made planetfall. Chief and Anders are being quite industrious with the civilians and Marines getting the processing plant completed; Chief hears the call of the Gods up on a high bluff but ignores it, chatting instead with Anders about how the Algae Planet smells gross and the resulting food is no more delicious than it smells. Until somebody finds the Hot Fudge Planet, Chief cracks, they're screwed. Overhead, Kara's Raptor comes in hot and wild.
Inside a bunker, Dualla's guessing it's Starbuck flying all crazy. "Third time this week. It's amazing how she keeps landing on the top of the pilot rotation." Lee notifies her that the donut runs are assigned on a coin flip, so Kara probably thinks she's just running a stream of bad luck. Yeah, "streams" tend to be bad luck for Kara Thrace. He heads out to debrief her and Dualla elects to "skip the meet-and-greet." I'm guessing that what is going to happen is going to be Lee and Kara being pretty fucking gross, so that's probably best.
In Kara's Raptor, Lee and Kara commence being pretty fucking gross. And also totally transparent. Poor Dee. They start making out fiercely. It's not even really that hot anymore -- however hot it was, it is now much less hot than even that. I mean, they are both married precisely to hurt each other, and now that they don't want to hurt each other anymore, it's kind of silly to still be married, but I don't know anything about marriage so I can posit that you stay married once you get married. Also that Kara will never divorce Sam as long as Lee's out there endangering her wildness or whatever. Still, they are gross.
Outside, Chief directs Cally to "start emptying the tents," so I guess the processing thing is almost done. He hears something magic again and stares up at the bluff.
Apollo is whining about how he can barely look Dee in the eye these days, due to cheating on her and whatnot. He suggests getting divorces, which you know is not going to fly. A lot of this episode, though, is about who's religious and who isn't. Almost every storyline this episode, that's a huge deal, so let's review: Kara's the most religious person on the show. Maybe that used to be Chief, but Cavil did a number on him, and I think also that that was not true to begin with and I just assumed that. But yeah, Kara loves the Gods: it's the main thing connecting her to Laura, and Laura's totally used it against her more than once. So Kara reacts very negatively to the suggestion about divorce, and Lee scoffs at her: "You said yourself, things were bad. Your marriage was failing." But marriage is a sacrament: "It's not a Pyramid game, you don't... you don't get do-overs, Lee. I made a vow in the sight of the Gods, and I'm not gonna break that." Lee kisses her and notes how she's breaking her vow whenever they get gross. She chuckles, because obviously it's not just the religious part that works for her here: "Divorce is different. This is just bending the rules." They make out for a second and then Lee hurls himself across the cabin and into a patented Lee Adama sonnet. "Every time I look at my wife, I see my own guilt reflected in her eyes." Kara makes fun of this crap and tells him not to make such a big deal out of it. It's funny, because they're in the opposite of their usual corners on this one: She's Little Miss Rules and Regs when it comes to religion, and he is drawing lines in the sand left and right. "Great. So, I won't divorce, and you won't cheat. So where does that leave us?" It leaves you gross, sad individuals in a pile of your own self-created filth and the corpses of innocent bystanders. Or as Lee would say it: "Trapped." I don't mind emo romantic pain or any of that, but when you start getting your toxic stuff all over nice people like Dualla or Sam, it stops being intriguing and starts being malicious. But they're right in that I don't see a way out either.
Apollo is whining about how he can barely look Dee in the eye these days, due to cheating on her and whatnot. He suggests getting divorces, which you know is not going to fly. A lot of this episode, though, is about who's religious and who isn't. Almost every storyline this episode, that's a huge deal, so let's review: Kara's the most religious person on the show. Maybe that used to be Chief, but Cavil did a number on him, and I think also that that was not true to begin with and I just assumed that. But yeah, Kara loves the Gods: it's the main thing connecting her to Laura, and Laura's totally used it against her more than once. So Kara reacts very negatively to the suggestion about divorce, and Lee scoffs at her: "You said yourself, things were bad. Your marriage was failing." But marriage is a sacrament: "It's not a Pyramid game, you don't... you don't get do-overs, Lee. I made a vow in the sight of the Gods, and I'm not gonna break that." Lee kisses her and notes how she's breaking her vow whenever they get gross. She chuckles, because obviously it's not just the religious part that works for her here: "Divorce is different. This is just bending the rules." They make out for a second and then Lee hurls himself across the cabin and into a patented Lee Adama sonnet. "Every time I look at my wife, I see my own guilt reflected in her eyes." Kara makes fun of this crap and tells him not to make such a big deal out of it. It's funny, because they're in the opposite of their usual corners on this one: She's Little Miss Rules and Regs when it comes to religion, and he is drawing lines in the sand left and right. "Great. So, I won't divorce, and you won't cheat. So where does that leave us?" It leaves you gross, sad individuals in a pile of your own self-created filth and the corpses of innocent bystanders. Or as Lee would say it: "Trapped." I don't mind emo romantic pain or any of that, but when you start getting your toxic stuff all over nice people like Dualla or Sam, it stops being intriguing and starts being malicious. But they're right in that I don't see a way out either.
Gaius Baltar dreams on a Basestar of Hera crying, Three's trips to Heaven and back, the possibility that he's a Cylon. He wakes up alone, to the sound of Hera crying, and goes to her room. Poor Boomer is trying to tend to her, but Hera knows damn well Boomer's not her mom. Boomer is distraught about this, of course, and worries about Hera's health. The second Gaius speaks, Hera starts to calm down. Even Hera comprehends Crazy Six Math better than me.
Chief finally gives in to his feeling about the summit and climbs up the bluff: there's a huge underground temple with five pillars and five vaults in the ceiling, and a giant eye emblem on the floor. The score goes nuts. I'm starting to hate the number five almost as much as I used to hate twelve.
Credits; 41,402 souls in the Fleet. That's eighteen dead in the Passage. Could be worse. I miss Kat, though. I admire Kara's desire to soldier on fucking with herself in Kat's absence, but she's always been willing to do that. But without Kat around, who's going to explain to Lee and Kara that past the age of sixteen, making out in the backseat of your station wagon is a clear and present sign that you are being an asshole in some way.
Down in the Temple of Five, Chief is busy retconning the show's timeline for the eighty-seventh time: "Our initial radiocarbon dating suggests that the temple's at least 4,000 years old, which lines up with the exodus of the Thirteenth Tribe." Roslin asks if he's really thinking that's what this is, and Chief is pretty sure. "I recognize it from the books in my father's study, Madame President. He was a priest, and the Temple of Five was an important part of our faith. ... Well, his faith anyways." Maybe being an agnostic on Geminon was so weird -- especially from a family of priests -- that it explains how he came to the Fleet and why he was willing to put up with Boomer's crap for so long. That makes me love Chief again. I really like Chief and Cally in this episode. (I know.) Roslin wonders, from Adama's quarters, if maybe this involves the Eye of Jupiter, which we know from last week that it does. "All I know is the stuff I kinda remember from sneaking into my dad's study when he wasn't looking." Adama asks for a précis on the Eye, and Chief obliges: yet another path marker left behind by the Thirteenth Tribe. The alarms go wild and Adama signs off with Tyrol; Gaeta summons the Admiral and Laura to the CIC. "We have multiple dradis contacts: four Cylon baseships just jumped into view." They hustle out the door.
As the four baseships jump in near the Galactica, Adama and Roslin enter CIC demanding sitrep. Tigh's amazed about how the bastards have just totally balls-out jumped into the middle of the Fleet. Adama hoshis the Fleet to jump to emergency coordinates, and they do. Adama realizes that Galactica has to hold her position until the people on the surface get back. Roslin is minorly worried about them, but more so the Eye, which she does not want the Cylons getting. Adama puts the Vipers on standby; Tigh notices that the basestars aren't launching any Raiders: just hanging around outside weapons range. Roslin agrees that this is odd behavior for killer robots from outer space. Hoshi nervously tells the Admiral that they're hailing him, and Adama sternly takes the call. It's Gaius. Everybody makes faces that suggest they've smelled something not only nasty but also enraging. "Admiral, I can't tell you what a genuine pleasure it is to hear your voice. This is Gaius Baltar."
Later, a Cylon shuttle lands on Galactica, and the negotiation party is escorted toward a conference room. From the other direction come Roslin and Adama, with Gaeta and Tigh. Roslin's weirded out about how they're allowing Cylons onboard, but doesn't make too much of a stink about it because she can't remember the last time she airlocked a motherfucker, and this might involve Gaius Baltar. Which is like infinity points in her private airlocking championship. "They must want something pretty bad, or else they would have started shooting as soon as they jumped in," Adama grits. Roslin wonders why on Earth they would send Baltar with the negotiating party. Anytime anybody says his name in this episode, imagine angry spittle flying out of your computer screen. Twice as much if it's Laura. "He can say whatever he wants," Adama reasons. "The longer he talks, the more time we have to get Lee and his people off the planet."
Boomer, Biers, Cavil, and Gaius are escorted through the corridor. Boomer stares at the hallways, equal parts unimpressed, weirded out, and remembering that time she got shot and died calling Chief's name. Gaius is similarly divided, but he's got a Chip Six to discuss it with and doesn't have to rely on nonverbal communication to get across everything Grace Park just did. (Me: "That's Boomer, remember I told you about her?" Alison: "How do you know?" Me: "The way she walks." Alison: "That's awesome.") Six asks if it's feeling "like old times," and Gaius admits how much he misses Galactica. Aww, that makes me sad. He really makes me sad in this episode. Six points out that "they"/Roslin would airlock him so fast and then celebrate, and he knows that, but he still feels like he's home. Six points out that if he's a Final Fiver, that would just be part of his cover. (Is that confirmation that the Final Five are possibly sleepers in the Colonies? For some reason I thought that wasn't true, like, they just weren't around at all. Or only in Heaven. I like it better, though. Ooh, I hope it's Gaeta, Gaius, Kara, Laura, and Adama! That would be so fucked up! And Lee would feel just awful!) But if he's not a Cylon, Gaius says sadly, then this is his last chance to see his people again.
Outside the conference room, Sharon recognizes Boomer from the way she walks and notifies Colonel Tigh immediately. "The one who shot the old man? Well, you just lost your visiting privileges. Hold that thing here until we get back." Aaand that's why I still love Boomer, even though she's not around much anymore: Nature Girl didn't even have a chance. She's actually more innocent than like anybody on this show. She stayed in that apartment on Old Caprica half-wishing she could go home, doing chin-ups and driving herself crazy; she watched DEMAND LOVE go to hell all around her and she still tried to comfort Cally; she was created to love and be loved in return, and she's gotten rejected by every single person she's tried to love. Including Hera. The Marines cock guns on her and Tigh orders the rest of the negotiation party to keep moving. Biers gives Sharon a look as sheâs entering; then they're all alone in the hallway. (Alison: "Oh, girl.")
Inside the conference room, Gaius is in tears, looking at Laura Roslin. She won't meet his eyes. Adama puts himself physically between them, standing impassive as the tears well up and he tries to tell her how good it is to see her. He's not lying. He's always wanted her approval even more than Adama's. She doesn't look up and Adama doesn't look away; his heart breaks a little bit, and he steps back in line with the other Cylons. "The weapons are hardly necessary," smirks Biers, and Cavil's hilariously nasty: "Yes, exactly. We come in peace." Roslin demands to know what they want, and Biers levels. "We want the Eye of Jupiter. So let's just skip all the denials and protestations, and go straight to what we know -- that you have people on the ground. And we know that youâve found the original settlement of the Thirteenth Tribe." Cavil notes that obviously they didn't jump away because they've located the artifact but haven't yet retrieved it; Roslin will only admit to staying by their people on the ground. Cavil's not buying that that is the only reason. Gaius sticks his big stupid greasy head into it, pointing out the wildly improbable (I'm saying!) coincidence of them all showing up. The only thing that would make sense is if Athena's acting on the same truth/whatever as both the Hybrid and Chip Six, which I don't really like because it suggests that she'll never be fully her own person, and I like her too much for that. "You want the Eye, the Cylons want the Eye. I would like to discuss the practical issues that come to hand -- and there are some -- so that we can reach some accommodation." Adama clenches his fist, I imagine; I've always thought he was just a tad more offended by Gaius's squirrelly behavior and pathological addiction to fucking up than his continual role in the ongoing destruction of mankind.
Roslin still refuses to look at Gaius: "The less this man says, the better this will go." He starts his usual bitch and moan about how if it weren't for him, the Cylons would have blown up Galactica the second they got there, which I don't even get how he's rationalizing that one, and Roslin almost spits at him. "I think you can handle this alone," she murmurs to Bill. "If you can stomach it." She bounces, leaving behind her a cloud of Chanel No. 5 that smells a lot like unearned moral superiority. Gaius just screams and screams, trying to convince her that he's a hero. Still. "So I've saved your life...again. How many times is that now? Because I'm beginning to lose count. If it wasn't for me, you'd all be dead!" Whatever, dude. At length we have already talked about this, but does he listen? He does not. Adama asks what their offer is, already, and Biers offers to let the Fleet go if they give up the Eye. Cavil throws in Gaius into the bargain, which horrifies Gaius but which Three grins about: "Indeed!" Cavil asks Adama to admit that he and Laura would enjoy a little Two Minutes' Hate action with Gaius, and Tigh and Adama agree that it's at least worth thinking about. Which is awesome, because they don't really even want him, they just love the fact that he totally just peed a little.
You're Sharon, looking at Boomer. She's the girl that took the fall, the girl they manufactured to get broken. She's the girl you can't even hate, and when people call you by her name you just look down and say sadly, "That was someone else." She's the warped mirror that says you could have been her, and inside you somewhere there's a voice still saying, "We love you, Sharon." She's your Sasha, and your Kacey, and your secret Young Kara. She's the thing you ran from on Old Caprica and the thing you're still running from, and she's looking at you.
You're Boomer, looking at Sharon. She's the girl that won the race, wearing the uniform you used to wear, the girl the Admiral adores and the girl who could quiet Hera's crying if she were there. She's the original, you're the copy. You almost got boxed for trying to pretend you were this girl, on Old Caprica, and every dream you wish you didn't have at night, every fantasy you wish you didn't entertain anymore: she's living them. She's a commissioned officer and a beloved pilot. Everybody that you wanted to love you, everybody that turned on you when you were so confused you couldn't even begin to figure out your broken life, all those people now love her instead. The acceptance you were denied, she glories in. Her life isn't broken, it's gloriously fixed. That impossible balance you could never walk, between human and Cylon, she's walking it with strength and beauty. She's denying you free movement in the halls that you used to call home. She's standing on the ground where you died and looking at you with pity and love; nobody wants the embarrassment of absolution. She's everything you ever wanted, in the worst possible way.
"Despite that uniform, it's not your home anymore," Boomer says. She's not really talking to Sharon, even. Sharon says calmly that she's made her choice, that she knows where her loyalties lie: both of these are things Boomer never got to have. She comes closer, striking past the uniform, since that didn't hurt enough: "What if I told you that your daughter was still alive?" Sharon shakes her head: is it really going down like this? Is Boomer this classless and mean? "Well, someone's lying. But it's not me. Hera's alive. At least for now." And with a little extra: "She's ill, and we don't know why." Sharon chokes, she's getting to her, but she's staying strong: "Yeah, right." Boomer grins a nasty high school grin, a Mean Girl grin, as she twists the knife. Cylons can be cruel now, but they still never lie. "Baltar found her on New Caprica during the evacuation. She's on our baseship right now. From what we could gather, she was hidden at Laura Roslin's school, which means that she probably planned the whole thing in the first place." Which, she doesn't say, means that the Admiral must've known too. Mommy and Daddy don't love you, and they never did. Sharon takes off: "I don't need to listen to this." She tells the Marines to watch Boomer, who screams as she's leaving, "They let you think that she was dead. You don't do that to a person, you do that to a thing. That's what your friends think of you, Sharon. You're not one of them. You're a thing!" She's only kind of talking to Sharon even now.
"We're not giving you the key to finding Earth," says Adama flatly. The Cylons having reached third grade at least in their emotional development, Biers goes for the triple dog dare: "You try bringing it up from that planet and see what happens." Adama (I would venture a guess that this is another EJO thing; no director would put the marks this close together) gets right in her face: "I'm setting the terms now. Make any attempt to attack this ship or the people on the planet's surface, I'll launch every nuke I've got. Lay waste to the entire continent." Everybody on both sides goes OMG and then immediately recovers. Three accuses him of bluffing -- "You want to find Earth as much as we do," she says, which with Adama may or may not be true at any given time -- and Adama orders the guards to escort the Cylons back to their shuttle. Party over. The Marines move out and Gaius stares back at Bill, pleading and breaking down in tears, hoping against futile hope that things will get magical with a quickness, that the Admiral will forgive him in this moment (Baltar psychology is based on projection), but of course there's no magic for Gaius today, and no hugs either. Cavil exits last, with a creepy leer.
Apollo and Roslin! Talking! As though they've met before! Roslin's like, "Lee, I don't know what it looks like, sorry." Bill tells him that whether or not it exists or is real or whatever, they still have to protect it from the Cylons. "If it looks like they're going to get into the Temple, your order is to blow it." NO, NO, NO. You do not blow up the Temple, you do not hide guns in the Temple, you do not frack in the Temple, you do not roughhouse or engage in horseplay in the Temple. War is so damned awful. The wireless goes crazy with high-pitched static, leaving Lee and Kara alone in her Raptor with a dead radio. "The Cylons are jamming the wireless," Starbuck confirms. "Every frequency." Apollo immediately shifts into Major Mode, laying out the game plan: work on comms and get a plan together to cover Tyrol while he keeps looking. Starbuck notes that there are maybe a dozen Marines and as many as five military on the planet, and Apollo decides they have to draft civilians. Meaning, Starbuck realizes immediately, that Sam's about to get deputized. Apollo's like this: "What? No! Frack that! What a horrible idea... that we totally have to do. Dammit."
Anders enters a bunker meeting and greets Lee. Things are going great for five seconds until Starbuck greets him, and Anders gets bitchy. "Heard you were coming down. Guess it takes an emergency to get us in the same room these days." Which, and this is important, is the opposite corollary to "no guns in the Temple," which is "no crying in baseball," and something that Anders has no reason to understand, but which really takes a beating in this episode. Right now they're in a military op with shit resources and no air support: what this means for Apollo and Starbuck (and Dee) is that "Lee" and "Kara" as concepts are not applicable. You do not get personal during an operation like this. And what sucks is that Apollo and Starbuck get this on such a fundamental level that they don't even know to explain it, so all their reactions to Anders bringing up personal shit just cause him to feel even more crapped on. I really love this whole fascinating dynamic, most especially because it would never occur to me either, but also because the ease with which Lee and Kara shift into wartime makes me respect them a bit more this week, which they needed. There's a reason they've both been CAG, you know? Not that Kara's great at staying Starbuck in these situations -- and watch for Dualla to make her look like a wartime asshole ten-year-old in about three seconds -- but Anders doesn't even have the concept in his repertoire. So when Starbuck asks, "Can we do this later, please?" it's not because she's pulling a Joey Potter: it's because this is war.
"Sam, I need you to command the civilians, form them into fire teams. I'll give my deployment orders through Sergeant... " Gunny Mathias! Yeah! Anders holds up a hand: "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Deployment orders? Fire teams? Come on, some of these guys have never even held a rifle before!" Apollo asks if he isn't in fact a fabulous guerrilla soldier from irradiated Old Caprica and the battle of the coffee shop, and Anders explains the difference: "Hit and run. Keep moving, keep the enemy off balance. I've never had to defend a fixed position, that's a whole different game." Which is another angle on the "no crying in baseball" theme, because: you've been picked for this op, and therefore you will do it, because we're on military time: "You're just gonna have to learn it fast, because that's what we're doing, we're defending this fixed position. Until the Chief finds his Eye of Jupiter." (I dorked out a little bit about the whole "defending a fixed position" deal and how it also pertains to the whole Quadrangle of Bad Ideas About Love, but I'll spare you because it's pretty obvious.) Anders is not feeling this, considering how they're supposed to be risking their lives for something Lee and Kara haven't even found yet (still not drawing parallels to the romantic complications), and Lee levels. "Listen, Sam, I'm not even sure it exists." Still keeping that lip zipped. "But I don't have to tell you every little Godsdamn detail... " Out of nowhere Anders jumps in and connects the dots himself: "You know what you have to explain to me?" Oh, snap! Starbuck jumps in between them and puts her hands on his chest: "Hey, hey, hey. Honey -- the Major's in charge on this one, okay?" She gives him a very serious "just work with me here" kind of look. "Okay?" He snits off, but it's obvious he's getting it. Apollo whines about how that didn't go so great, but Starbuck knows Anders is in, and that he'll get the job done, because he's awesome.
Temple of Five, where Cally (of course) is affixing bomb charges to the central pillar. She comes to Chief for comfort about how she misses her child, and I'm not calling bullshit on that, and also she really looks cute. "He's fine. He's on Galactica. He's fine." Chief breathes. "I hated everything about the faith. The rules, the rituals. The endless discussions at the dinner table. I used to sneak into my mom's prayer room, you know, Holiest of the Holies. I would dance around naked with porn magazines, just to defy the Gods and tell them to frack off." Cally chuckles. Me too. "I mean, I don't even know how I found this place. I just got this urge to start walking. And then, suddenly, there it is." Cally looks up at him like a spaniel: "You should see the look on your face when you're in here. There's this...reverence. You even talk softer." He can feel it. He's the only one that can. "I feel something in here. Something true. But here I am setting charges in this special place. Holiest of the Holies. This is... the Temple of Five. If my parents could see this...and I'm gonna blow it up." See, that's all I asked back on New Caprica: do what you've gotta do, but get right with yourself about why you're doing it, and the fact that you're killing something precious when you do it. Just take responsibility. Thank you, Chief. I love you again.
Not that I honestly think the Fleet's going to have anything to do with the Temple blowing up, vide this very paragraph -- I just get antsy about guns in the Temple. On CIC, Gaeta's noticed some anomalies in the solar radiation belt, as one does, and of course made an analysis of the star's vibrational modes. "Sure enough, it appears to be highly unstable. If you can believe it, on the verge of going supernova." When? Maybe tomorrow, maybe year. "There's no way of knowing for sure, sir. When it does happen, the only warning that we're likely to get is a fast helium flash, at which point we'll have to jump out of here before it obliterates the entire planetary system." So I'm guessing that's episode, duh. "Sir, I am not one to look for religious signs, but I can't get my head around these odds. That human and Cylon both converge on this planet at this exact moment just as the star's about to go supernova... " Crazy, right? Am I out of my gourd that I keep blaming Chip Six for all of this? "I'm not a religious person, Mr. Gaeta, as you both know. So if this is the work of a higher power then they have one hell of a sense of humor." Because if there's one thing we can take away from this series, it's that God's sense of humor is not at all fucked up.
On the Basestar is a scene that is very hard to explain to my friend Alison, because all the Cylons now have awesomely individual agendas and areas of interest that rely on the last four years of continuity. Which is fabulous! Cavil calls their standoff predicament "predictable" and outlines the stakes with machine logic. Leoben wants to be sure Galactica's not bluffing, because of the import of the Eye and Thrace possibly being down there, and Gaius stresses that they have no way of knowing so they should not blow up Galactica or more humans. The Threes, of course, don't want to take the chance. Cavil wants to wipe the Fleet into the Recycle Bin while they have the chance: perfect robot universe, clean of humanity. Caprica doesn't want to think about the fate of humanity anymore, and wants to focus on the Eye and on Earth. Cavil wants to remind everybody, again, that they are machines, and can spend the gazillion years looking for Earth, whereas the humans are there to get sporked right that second. Caprica shakes her head at this, because God is Love and she will be saying it's possible to coexist long after even Jacob gives up on the idea. "Or we could stand here and do nothing," Cavil snots. "We're not doing nothing, Cavil. Plans are in motion," says Biers portentously. Gaius does his fifth double-take of the episode. Poor over-his-head little fucker. Caprica is also intrigued shading into pissed at this, and calls her lover D'Anna. "I put a Heavy Raider down on the planet's surface as soon as we jumped in," Three says in that icy scary way she has. "I thought that would be our best chance of slipping by their dradis. It seems I was right." Caprica, who's having a whole thing about Three and Gaius anyway, and hates not having all the information she can, asks why the frell she didn't tell everybody else about the decision. "It was a need-to-know mission. So now I am telling you, because you need to know. The point is, we have cut off their troops' communications, and we've put our own troops on the ground. So as soon as our Centurions retrieve the eye, you can take out Galactica." Caprica and Gaius stare at each other and wig out for awhile, while down on the surface her Centurions disembark.
"Okay, here's the deal. We're out of options. The Cylons have got us pinned on this rock, and our only way out of here is to hold this place until Galactica can send a rescue party. So I've divided you into two teams, okay? Team one is gonna be distributing ammunition throughout the camp. Team two is gonna be making homemade tylium mines. I know that's not glamorous work, but we're going to need the extra firepower in case the Cylons decide to take a shot at us. Look, I know some of you are scared. And that's okay, 'cause I'm scared too. But if we keep our heads, and we do our jobs, we can do this. And we can all get out of here in one piece. Now, Barolay [Finally somebody said it out loud!] has a list of your names and your assignments. Make sure you get with her. See you outside." That was a lot of talking to do in one take, and Anders did it well. Apollo congratulates him -- still on military time -- about how honest and clear the speech was. "You'd make a good officer." Anders cocks a gun and is not on any kind of military time at all. "Officer, huh? Like you? Someone who swears an oath, and knows how to keep it?" Apollo tries to half-ass his reply in order to be gross some more, and Anders goes off. "Don't insult me, okay? I'm not stupid. I know how she is. We've been married for a year and a half. What, do you think you're the first?" WOW. Do you think that's true? I wouldn't put it past her, but that seems very Saul/Ellen and I don't know that we need to parallel them more than we already have. "I chose to marry Kara. That's my business. I don't know what the hell you think you're trying to do." And that's military time in a nutshell: "I'm trying to fight a war," Apollo says, exasperated. "I'm trying to get these people off this rock in one piece." No crying in baseball. "Anything for the cause, Major." I don't blame Anders, of course, and I don't blame him for not understanding that Lee/Kara is off the table today, but it's really frustrating to be on this side of the screen where you can't give him a hug and explain to him about how everybody has to be a Tin Man today or else nobody lives. And then, you know. Another hug. Maybe some spooning.
Hybrid chamber. "...I don't care if it rains or freezes, as long as... the five lights of the apocalypse rising scenes revealed only to those who enter the temple only to the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one the chosen one end of line. Until time... the eye the eye the eye look into the eye to know thyself." (Hee! "You're a whipping boy, raised by mongrels and set on a sacrificial slab.") Again, we have the liquid imagery, an interesting "apocalypse" mention, the five lights, an interesting juxtaposition of "the chosen one"/"end of line," which admittedly might be only syntactical but makes me worry about my girl Three, and that last phrase, which would seem to already apply to Chief. Most interesting is that Three's about to quote the Hybrid in such a way that either she wasn't listening, which is awesome, or else she's just actually quoting her, which means she's that much closer to nuts.
"Gaius, I am on the verge of seeing the faces of the Final Five Cylons. Maybe the face of God himself." Baltar stares, then touches her arm reverently. "The Five await me. Gaius, I'm so close to knowing the truth." Caprica walks in, asking what "truth" she's going after; Three is less than thrilled to see her but hides it just as well as ever. You could almost believe she entered this threesome just to get Gaius, as bisexual neighbors have been doing since the beginning of time in your less attractive apartment complexes and duplexes. Caprica's fed up: "I'd like to think that we three have shared something. Transcended the barriers that separate people. And yet, somehow, the more time goes on, the more I find myself on the outside looking in." (Alison: "WHAT?! You've just figured out that your deep and meaningful threesome is silly and worthless? What , you stop buying lottery scratch-offs?") Gaius stutters about their deep and meaningful threesome, and Three cuts him off: "We're finished. Baltar's and my destiny lie separate from yours, Caprica." Shocked, Caprica and Gaius gape at each other as Biers heads for the door. Come on, Caprica knows him better than anybody -- she had to know this was going to happen. She has to know he's about to make the worst possible choice. "The five lights will only be revealed to those who enter the Temple," says Three, whistling and tapping her thigh at Gaius ("Who's a good whipping boy? Yes sir, that's my little man!"), who comes running. "We have to go down to the planet. Only you and I can see this through."
Caprica begs her to know what they're after, just completely wrong-footed and screwed over again. Created to love and be loved in return, and rising always toward Heaven, always closer to the mind of God. Suddenly betrayed and left on the ground. I loooove Caprica. "You have to tell me the truth. I love you both!" Like that's ever resulted in truthiness. "We love you too," says Three. "But this is something you cannot share with us." Caprica's mind is blown. "Something I can't share with you?" She's not just losing Gaius, not just losing Three: she's losing God and destiny and big-L Love. "I loved you when everyone else wanted you dead!" she shouts at Gaius. Which is... so very close to what he was screaming at Roslin yesterday, isn't it. I find this whole thing heartbreaking. "Now, look, you mustn't misunderstand. It's not personal. It's transcendent. It's like what you said: it's transcendent." He and Three bounce, Three asking her to pray for them. "We'll be praying for you." (Shit on your pray for you, is what I would say at this point.) Gaius gives -- again -- one teary look back, leaving behind one more home. Caprica: is very sad and can't believe it, is self-accusatory and exasperated, asks God if He's possibly doing this, thinks about committing suicide a billion times herself, and then accepts it with a sound like a box clicking closed. She does these things, The Five Stages Of Getting Dumped By Your Boyfriend, Your Girlfriend And God Himself, in record time. This is because she is a robot. Robots get an extra stage, though, which is called Fucking Everybody Up So Very, Very Bad, and that's my favorite stage and I cannot wait, if I'm right. Caprica for the win.
Dualla lays out the op in the surface bunker: "Okay, he wants us to set up forward observation posts that are hard-wired back to base for communications. The ops are gonna be staggered at strategic locations, giving us as much warning as possible, if there is a Cylon advance. Since we only have one Raptor, Captain Thrace will fly point." Dualla's on military time, Starbuck is an asshole: "Oh, joy." Dualla ignores her, but with Lee and the whole Adama clan, I think Dee's on military time more often than not. She's still a fucking class act right now. "Wireless is dead, so if you do make contact, do not engage. Have them relay the information back to command. Be sure to note force strength, direction of march, and position." I don't know what those words mean but I suddenly want to kiss Dualla on the lips. "I have flown recon once or twice, Lieutenant," spits Starfuck. Dualla lays out three different observation posts -- including a conscript named I think "Ditko," which is like a Chrismukkah present especially for all of three viewers, including me -- and asks the Captain if she has a problem with the outlined op. The Captain does not. They head out.
Out in the field, Dualla is saying more awesome words: "Green Base, Foxfire One. Green Base, Foxfire One. We are open for business. Over." Good old Foxfire, I wish that was her call sign. Up above, Starbuck's flying recon, she spots the Centurions almost immediately and sends back visual: "Son of a bitch! Tell me you're seeing this... " Down below, Dualla relays the Centurion thing, and then sees as Starbuck gets hit. Badly. She calls it out over whatever they're using for comms, and Starbuck goes down. In flames. Any other week this would be an effective act-out, but I'm a little peeved with her today.
Adama enters what I guess is Roslin's temporary office on Galactica, looking stern as hell. She doesn't notice, because she's reading the Scriptures. Which always results in good stuff, doesn't it? "There's really not much more on the Eye in these scriptures, but there's several interesting stories about the Temple. Listen to this: 'Five pillars of the Temple were fashioned after the five priests devoted to the one whose name cannot... '" (Color me very interested, because that's some serious syncretist possibility going on right there.) He finally interrupts her, with the face I call The Could You Please Stop Stealing Elections And Committing Genocide And Suspending Roe/Wade For Like Five Seconds Face. But at least he calls her Laura. "The Cylon we know as Boomer arrived with the others." Laura's face falls; she already knows. The glasses come off, which is of course Giles for Fuuuuuck. "She told our Sharon that her child was alive, and that she was on board one of the Cylon baseships. And that she had been seen on New Caprica in your school." She speaks softly. "The child is alive, yes. Yes, the child was at the school. Yes, I kept her there." He sits down, waiting for the apology and the appeal to fix it. "And we suspected that the Cylons captured her during the exodus from New Caprica. Yes, it's true." He looks at her, waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting for the chance to offer absolution. If she said right now that it was the worst thing she ever did, he could forgive her. She wouldn't be wrong. "Listen, the thing you might want to know is that when sh... " He abruptly rises, and leaves. Wrong answer; she watches him leave and she knows it. Rough.
In the Agathon quarters, Helo is very quiet and very still, and very tall. Sharon's barely there at all. "Do you have any idea what we've gone through?" asks Helo, speaking slowly. "You, of all people, know... what it's like to lose a child." Adama spreads his hands. "The difference is your child's still alive. And eventually, I hope you become grateful of that." Thank God he didn't know. I was so scared he was in on it. Helo goes to Sharon and she holds up a hand, describes a wall between herself and everybody else; when she looks at Adama her eyes are clear. "I want to see her."
Apollo notifies Anders that his wife has gone down, somewhere in the north valley. "Get your men on the line. They're coming from the north." Anders, still not on military time -- and it's Kara, and it's not like even the Admiral usually dealt with her in military time, historically -- asks about the search party. Apollo's sympathetic, but informs him that there's no manpower available; Anders is getting it coming and going this week! What good is your wife cheating on you if her boyfriend won't help you save her? "Lee, she could be dying out there." Apollo is clear on that. Calls him Sam. "But we are thin on the ground here, and the Cylons are on the march. We can't help her. We have to hold our positions." Anders is of the opinion that Lee has gone crazy. From here, it's the only sane thing he's done since, like, Billy died.
More Heavy Raiders head for the surface; Tigh spots them. Roslin's confused: "I don't get it. They'd have to know we see them." Adama is so giving her the cold shoulder, like, he can't even look at her or talk to her. He's like, "Did you hear something?" Tigh figures out that they're testing the bluff about nuking the planet. "Well, unfortunately we are bluffing," says Roslin, and if he could look at her right now he'd be giving her such an O RLY: "Are we. Mr. Hoshi? Order nuclear ground-strike missiles in launch tubes four through ten." Hoshi calls it in. Roslin gapes.
In the bunker, Mathias is trying to get Anders on military time: "The Major's right. We don't have any troops to spare if we're gonna hold this position." Anders says the position can go frack itself, they can take to the hills and go guerrilla like he's been saying. "Well, that is not the mission," says Little Miss Rules and Regs. "We have our orders." Anders calls him a "wind-up tin soldier," but stupidly reminds Lee that Kara's his wife, taking him off military time with a quickness. "I know who she is! And I have known her and cared about her a hell of a lot longer than you!" Anders explains loudly that Apollo can do whatever the hell he likes, but Anders is outta there.
Adama gaetas the launch tube doors open, and Roslin's hilarious, frankly: "What are you doing?" Adama explains in no less funny terms: "Getting ready to nuke the planet." I love how even now there's a slight civilian-time kind of "fuck you" in there somewhere.
Gathered around the Basestar command center Jell-O, Six detects radiologicals: the missile doors have been hoshi'd. Cavil swears he's bluffing, because the only thing dumber than religious icons is people.
Apollo sics Gunny Mathias on Sam as Chief stares at the eye in the Temple.
Roslin asks if Adama's really prepared to sacrifice their son; he totally ignores her and sets ground zero for the underground structure. And there's a little bit of Roslin's religious stuff and the Lie of Earth tangential to the power plays going on here. I love it.
Eight worries as the nukes get more and more ready. Cavil repeats that it's a bluff, and Leoben says the risk is too great; begs consensus to turn back the Raiders. Consensus used to be so easy. A Three says imperiously that the ships cannot turn back: "He won't launch it. And D'Anna was explicit that she and Baltar make it to the planet's surface." Caprica nods, pissily: "So is that what all this is really about?" Oh, girl.
"And the heavens opened up, and they saw the Eye. But where is that fracking Eye?" asks Chief. I'm not convinced he isn't the Chosen One.
Sam asks Lee if he's kidding with this crap. "Are you gonna shoot me now?" Please. No more than Dualla was happy to see Kara go down. "I can't let you go. I need you on the line. I need you commanding those civilians. I'm sorry, Sam, but you cannot go." Sam apologizes to the Major: "You can't stop me."
Adama authorizes release of nuclear weapons. ("I'm blowing up my men." Heh.) Tigh acknowledges the order; Roslin stares. To be continued in January. Boom boom boom. Or I guess hopefully not, in this case.