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On Caprica, Helo and Starbuck meet up with a gang of plucky rebels, and after a extremely complicated Mexican standoff, they all join forces. On the Galactica, Tyrol is taken for a Cylon and thrown into Boomer's cell, much to his disgust. Cally threatens to tell everyone that Baltar shot Crashdown unless Baltar clears Tyrol's name. She also beats up a guy who badmouths Tyrol, which is fantastic. Other ships in the fleet stand up for the Prez, and refuse to provide the Galactica with fuel and supplies. Ellen gets her Lady Macbeth on, and as a result Tigh sends in the troops, who wind up killing some civilians. Apollo plots a prison break, and with the help of...well, pretty much everyone, the Prez and Apollo escape in a Raptor. Billy stays behind due to moral qualms. Or maybe Dualla. Tigh resists the urge to blow the escaped prisoners out of the sky, so Apollo and the Prez make it to the Cloud Nine, where their new best friend Zarek is waiting to help. Since Tigh's hit bottom, it's finally time for Adama to get out of bed and start oozing calm reassurance. Yay. Baltar drops by the brig and pretends to test Tyrol for Cylonitude. In fact, he essentially kills Tyrol, and then demands that Boomer tells him how many Cylons are still in the fleet. Boomer eventually says that there are eight Cylons, so Baltar revives Tyrol, and the awesome thing about that is, she was probably lying. As the episode ends, Boomer is dragged past angry hordes to be Baltar's lab rat. And even as I scribbled down the first half of that sentence, Cally jumped out and totally shot Boomer dead, and I squealed with delight. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: Boomer shot Adama, and Baltar shot Crashdown. The Prez and Apollo got off relatively lightly, all things considered.
We open on a sweaty Tyrol, who's under guard in one of their generic rooms. I guess they all missed him so much that they wanted to put him somewhere really safe, so they wouldn't lose him again. That's sweet. Tigh glares at him scruffily and finally asks how long Tyrol knew that Boomer was planning to assassinate Adama. Tyrol says he had no idea what she was up to. Tigh grunts, "You were frackin' her," and pulls out his flask for a booster shot. Tyrol says that he ended the relationship with Boomer on Tigh's orders. Tyrol, maybe this isn't the best time to lie. Tyrol admits that he had bad judgment, which is sort of a given at this point. Tigh accuses Tyrol of protecting Boomer. Tyrol snaps that he didn't know Boomer was a Cylon. He actually meets Tigh's beady little eyes for a minute before he looks down and says, "I'd like to exercise my Article 21 rights at this time." Tigh chuckles, "I'm sure you would," and points out that Cylons don't have rights. It's only at this point that Tyrol realizes exactly how much trouble he's in, as he insists that he's not a Cylon. Tigh gloats about the execution method the Prez came up with. Tyrol shouts, "My father was a priest! My mother was an oracle! I've served on battlestars since I was eighteen years old. The Pegasus, Columbia, Atlantia, Galactica--" Tigh slugs Tyrol, knocking him to the floor, and shouts, "Don't talk to me like you're a soldier!" On the floor, Tyrol moans, I think because he landed on his wounded arm. Tigh says that since Adama had a soft spot for Tyrol, Adama can decide what to do with him. Ooh, he's learning how to delegate! From the floor, Tyrol gasps that he'd never hurt Adama: "I love the Old Man." Tigh sniffs that Boomer said the same thing, and tells the guards, "Get him the hell out of here!" before exiting. A drop of blood trickles down Tyrol's cheek and splashes to the floor in slo-mo. Meh.
As he stomps down a corridor, Tigh tosses away his flask. Hey, you're gonna want that later. Sure enough, Tigh stops and goes back to retrieve it.
Brig. Guards haul Tyrol in and toss him into Boomer's cell. Well, at least it's fairly spacious. Boomer sniffles, "I thought you were on Kobol." She moves toward Tyrol and lifts her hands up to touch him. Tyrol grabs her manacled arms and grrs, "Don't you talk to me. Don't come near me." He says that if she does, he'll kill her. Then she shoves her away, and she collapses to the floor, crying. I think crying is Boomer's special Cylon skill. Tyrol backs away into a corner, as far from Boomer as he can get.
Caprica. Some armed people move through the forest. One of them appears to be wearing bike shorts, which seems unprofessional. Someone says that they haven't spotted any Centurions. The leader, who will eventually be identified as Anders, doesn't like that. I bet it's quiet. Too quiet. Anders says that the humanoid Cylons don't go anywhere alone. His sidekick asks, "Think they're bait?" Anders expositions about a convoy they hit last week, and basically, his answer is yes. He finally gives orders for everyone to take aim: "I wanna blow these Cylons away before they ever knew what hit them." From behind a tree, he aims at...Starbuck. Surprise! Though not really. Starbuck is wandering to the front of her Hummer, and spreading a map out on the hood. She grumbles that they've got to figure out where they are. She and Helo bicker a little about whose fault it is that they're lost. See, there are plenty of things she can't do. We cut back to Anders, and his rifle.
Credits. In the podcast, Moore says that originally they were going to spend a lot of episode on Baltar doing experiments on Boomer and trying to figure her out, but then they realized that Tyrol was a better angle to use. Which makes sense, but I would eventually like to see Baltar letting some helpless victim see just how screwed-up he is.
After the ads, Starbuck and Helo are still leaning over the map. Starbuck suggests heading for an emergency airstrip, but Helo says that he's already checked it out. There's the sound of a rifle being cocked, and Starbuck ahems, "Did you hear that?" They oh-so-casually move back to the car, and Starbuck climbs in and passes several Uzi-like guns to Helo. Instead of just driving away. As they prepare to do lord knows what, there's a burst of gunfire that smashes through the Humvee's windshield. I have no problem with the proficiency of the insurgents, because there's so little of it. They waited until Starbuck and Helo were aware of them, and then fired without a clear shot. Because they're not trained soldiers. Seems reasonable. Anyway, Starbuck whines that they're sitting ducks, as if she's not the one who wanted to fight instead of flee. Helo says, "You go; I'll cover," and Starbuck snaps, "Why me?" Helo says, "Don't start." Heh. Helo pops up and fires into the trees as Starbuck runs the few feet over to a chain-link fence that surrounds...something. I could use a wide shot here so I knew what the hell she was hiding behind. Helo ducks back down and tells her, "Five of them, split up between nine and one. Fifty meters." Starbuck pops out and fires with an Uzi in each hand while calling, "Red rover, red rover, let Helo come over." Or not. Helo joins Starbuck behind the whatever-it-is. Starbuck says, "Didn't see any shiny silver out there. I think we're dealing with the human variety." If she'd said, "second variety," I'd have been really amused. Helo says the humanoid Cylons aren't as tough, and Starbuck replies, "They do bleed good, though. You gotta like that." She and Helo both poke out and open fire again, and then Helo leads a retreat through the fence.
Galactica. Baltar sips some coffee as he walks along. He's all cleaned up, and he got a haircut, thank heavens. Although now he looks shorter. Odd. Cally quickly walks up and complains that Tigh thinks Tyrol is a Cylon. Baltar says that he's on his way to meet with Tigh. "I think he wants me to find a way to clear the Chief. Or..." Cally angrily asks, "Or what? He'll throw him out the airlock like a piece of garbage?" Well, yes. Cally says that Adama would never allow this to happen. Adama probably wouldn't have punched Tyrol, but I think he'd at least have a few questions about Boomer. Cally says that Tyrol isn't a toaster. Baltar has a wonderfully dry delivery as he notes, "He was involved with Lieutenant Valerii, who most certainly is a toaster." Six harrumphs, "That word is racist. I don't like it." Six is still dressed quite conservatively. I guess she figures she has to be more respectable now that she's going to be a mom. Cally repeats that Tyrol isn't a toaster, and Six urges him, "Tell her you won't have racial epithets used in your presence." Hee. Baltar says that he's sorry, but that he has to tell Tigh that he can't help: "The Cylon detector I developed doesn't work. Clearly." Baltar starts to walk on, but Cally jumps in Baltar's face and insists that Cally has to help Tyrol. Six hisses in Baltar's ear, "Your child's gonna be half toaster. How does that make you feel?" Baltar tells them both, "Nothing could make me happier." Heh. He makes another attempt to leave, and again Cally stops him, saying that Baltar owes Tyrol for not telling anyone what happened to Crashdown. Baltar smiles happily for the benefit of passersby, takes Cally by the shoulder, and then swings her in a circle before shoving her against a bulkhead. I liked that, although it was a little too threatening a move for a populated corridor. Baltar points out that he saved Cally's life, and asks if she's blackmailing him. Cally says, "Help the Chief to help yourself, Doctor." So, yes, then. Cally walks away as Six adds, "That's what you're best at, isn't it?"
CIC. Tigh asks Baltar why he didn't identify Boomer as a Cylon. Baltar says it was "a beta test, a preliminary." Throughout all this, Dualla hands over paperwork for Tigh to sign. Tigh asks Baltar if this means they have no way to identify Cylons. Baltar quickly says, no, he's improved the test since then. He adds, "If you let me test the Chief's blood, I might be able to tell once and for all if--" Tigh snaps, "No more of your weaselly technobabble." Ha! Ten points for Tigh. Tigh orders Baltar to determine whether Tyrol is a Cylon. Baltar harrumphs that he's the Vice-President, and says, "Legally speaking, if the President is incapacitated, shouldn't I take over her duties?" Tigh reminds the world that he's declared martial law, and says that Baltar should either get to work, or head to the brig. Baltar replies, "It's good to see you, Colonel," in a totally casual way, which I adore. I've missed having Baltar around to interact with everyone. As Baltar walks out of CIC, Six asks if he's tired of "the disrespect from mechanics and Colonels alike?" Baltar replies, "What do you think?" Six suggest doing something about it. Oh, good.
Still in CIC, Gaeta tells Tigh that the civilians have begun protesting the declaration of martial law. Plus, "The Aturian refining vessel has stopped refining tylium." Apparently, several ships have decided that Galactica is out of gas until the Prez is reinstated. Tigh responds by sighing a little, and leaving.
Ready room. Apollo tells the pilots that they'll have to keep an eye on their fuel use. He asks for questions, and someone asks, "When you coming back to the card game?" Basically, the point here is that people hate Tigh so much they even miss Apollo. Or at least, that's my interpretation. We end as the pilots all start shouting, and Apollo finally bellows, "Hey! Knock it off!" He is the least intimidating CO ever.
Guards escort Apollo back to the brig. As they walk along, Dualla pops around a corner and greets Apollo, and the guards. They all pedeconference merrily, and Dualla tells Apollo that Adama is resting comfortably. I like the way even the guards are like, "Yeah, he's under arrest, but we're all friends here." Dualla that there've been problems in the fleet. Apollo deadpans, "Oh, I'm shocked." Dualla tells Apollo stuff we already heard about. Apollo goes on quipping, and Dualla quietly says, "I wish you were in command, Sir." Apollo considers pointing out that he's too wishy-washy to be in charge, and then he wonders if mentioning that out will lower Dualla's morale, and then he tries to think of something Adama or the Prez may have said that he could parrot, and then Dualla interrupts his train of thought to mention that Tigh's been boozing it up. As they reach the brig, Apollo salutes, and thanks her for the company. Dualla says, "You're welcome, Sir," and then Apollo heads into the brig. And yeah, Dualla totally checks out Apollo's ass as he goes, and that's hilarious.
Tigh's quarters. Ellen is rubbing a mopey Tigh's shoulders as he explains that he's trying to figure out how to deal with the supply problem. He says that he might have a "summit sit-down" with all of the Captains, and explain why he declared martial law. Ellen cuddles Tigh's neck and chides him, "Like you have to explain yourself to them?" Tigh says it might calm the situation. Ellen pulls away, and when Tigh asks her what's up, she gets all passive-aggressive about how he hates it when she tells him how to do his job. Eventually, of course, she gives in, and says that Adama would never do something so "touchy-feely." She goes on to say that Tigh should do what he thinks is best, really, no really, and not worry about what Adama would do, especially since Adama may never return to command. Ellen concludes, "Honey, you handle this the way you want. They'll respect that. Eventually." She kisses the back of Tigh's head comfortingly, and like the bendy-doll he is, Tigh picks up the phone and tells Gaeta that he has a message for the fleet. Which is that unless the Galactica begins receiving its supplies as scheduled, he's going to take "stern measures." I'm sure he'll be more specific about as soon as Ellen tells him what measures to take. Tigh hangs up and asks Ellen, "You happy now?"
Starbuck and Helo run through the woods to a building. Seriously, where the hell are they? Starbuck shouts, "I'll flank," which the captions report as, "I'll flake." Which is funnier. Helo replies, "I'll draw fire," and then creates a trompe l'oeil image of a fireball on the side of the building, which scares away their pursuers. Or perhaps he meant the other thing. There's a lot of ducking around corners and firing through windows and jumping through doorways, and this would be more interesting if they were in spaceships. Eventually, Helo climbs up to the top floor of the mysterious utility shed or elaborate tree house or whatever this is, and fires down at stuff we can't see. And then he turns around, and Anders is right behind him, holding his rifle. This battle scene bugged me because it's impossible to know what's going on. Moore's sort of apologetic about how hard it is to do a battle scene like this on a TV schedule, but really, I just want a couple of establishing shots to tell me what they're doing, because as it is I have no clue if Helo and Starbuck are incompetent, or Anders is awfully good, or anything. It bugs me. It seems like Helo and Starbuck probably suck for failing to secure the building. So, Helo and Anders stare at each other over their guns. Then Starbuck says, "Hi," and she's standing behind Anders with her guns ready. Then Anders pulls out a second gun and turns so that he has one gun pointed at each of them. And then Helo takes out Anders while Anders has his back turned. Oh wait, no. Idiot. But then Helo draws another gun, to aim it at one of Anders's sidekicks, who pops into view. Then more sidekicks appear. It gets a little silly. Then everyone stares at each other for a while.
Commercials. Heh, Moore admits that it's a bit of a cheat that nobody fires at the end of that scene, which makes me feel better. And the idea that they're a bunch of professional athletes came up as an absurd idea that they kind of liked because it was more interesting than having another group of soldiers in the mix. And in theory, I can see that. I'm just not convinced that it'll be interesting to me. If it was a cricket team, I'm sure Mugga would be sold.
When we return, Starbuck opens the SALT talks by declaring, "We're not Cylons." Anders is a tad skeptical, and sniffs, "You have a soul. You swim in the stream. We heard it all before." Aw, they had their own Leoben. Helo points out that they're wearing Colonial uniforms. Anders, quite rightly, doesn't think that proves much. Eventually, Starbuck asks for names, and Anders introduces himself. Helo rather knowingly says, "Samuel T. Anders?" Verily, it is he. Helo quickly identifies the rest of the merry band: "This is Jo-Man, Rally, Ten-Point. Sue-Shaun, Crip-Key, Morris Fink." Oh my lord. These people are all doomed with names like that. Except maybe Morris. Although "Fink" doesn't bode well, either. Anyway, they're the Caprica Buccaneers. Arrr. It's Starbuck's turn to be skeptical, and the sidekick behind Starbuck says, "Give me a ball, little girl. I'll shove it up your ass." Which I only mention because I really enjoy Starbuck's expression as she replies, "Please, try." Cue the exposition, while they all go on pointing guns at each other. Basically, the Buccaneers are a professional pyramid team who were training in the mountains when C-Day came. Starbuck demands proof of their identity, in the form of sports trivia. This takes a while and bores me. Once that's taken care of, everyone finally agrees to lower their guns. I think they were just looking for an excuse, because their arms were getting tired. Starbuck smirkily busts their chops for being a sucky team, which I mention for those who had complaints about an upcoming scene. Then Anders quips, and finally the scene ends. Phew.
Galactica. Venner brings the Prez another dose of chamalla. Hey, he's got a helmet now. I guess martial law means everyone gets helmets. Cool. Venner also prints the Prez a little treat, which turns out to be licorice. The Prez quietly offers the licorice to Apollo, who says that he hates the stuff. The Prez quietly says, "Me too," and then bites into a hunk of it for Venner's benefit. Weirdoes. Mmm, licorice. Apollo notes that Venner addresses the Prez as "Madame President," and says that she has a lot of supporters in the fleet. The Prez replies, "Something ugly is coming, I can feel it." The licorice gave her a prophetic vision! Whoa. Or I suppose she could just be playing the odds.
CIC. Gaeta tells Tigh that the threat of stern measures hasn't had much effect. "Seven other container ships are refusing to release their supplies. Food, medicine, even coffee." Tigh says, "Coffee? This is getting ridiculous." I think withholding coffee is downright inhumane. Tigh decides to "get their attention" by sending marine boarding parties to the rebelling ships. Gaeta ahems that may not have enough marines for that. While everyone else in CIC not-too-subtlety listens, Tigh loudly says that Gaeta can fill out the troops with pilots and deck officers. He snaps, "Tell them to get over there and bring back the supplies. Whatever it takes." Gaeta scampers off.
Captions identify the "heavy hauler transport" Gideon for us. I think it's just a big-boned hauler. Actually, it looks like something that, if it broke in your engine, it would be cheaper to buy a new car. Two Vipers escort a Raptor to it, and the Raptor flies into the landing bay.
Another caption reads, "Galactica Boarding Party Six." If they were Cylons, that would be a fun boarding party. Then more words appear, in a smaller font so that they can squeeze in, "Lt. Joe 'Hammerhead' Palladino, Commander." I think the writers had a bet about who could come up with the longest caption. Hammerhead is shouting at a bunch of civilians, as other soldiers try to hold the mob back and load the Raptor with supplies. I'm so happy we actually get to see this, and don't just hear about it like with the water riots. Hammerhead shouts that if everyone stays out of the way, nobody will get hurt. People go on trying to shove past the guards. Some dude shoves Hammerhead, and then things start whizzing past the camera and there are little pop-pop sounds. The popping noises turn out to be cans smashing into the deck. Hammerhead cringes as cans are hurled at him. A guard is knocked down, everything gets more frantic, and suddenly a shot rings out. A woman screams. A pirate ship appears on the horizon. Well, it would if Snoopy wrote this episode. We go into slo-mo as another soldier fires his gun one way while looking in another direction, which makes me think that he didn't intend to fire. A studly-looking fellow is hit. More shots, more civilians go down, and then time speeds up again as Hammerhead shouts, "Cease fire!"
Sickbay. Sheet-covered corpses are wheeled in. Tigh walks over to Cottle, who's perched near a wounded soldier. Tigh sighs, "Four civilians dead. How the frack could this have happened?" Cottle croaks, "What'd you expect, genius? You put a pilot in charge of crowd control." Exit Cottle, his work done. I want Tigh and Cottle to be roommates. Tigh turns and spots Hammerhead walking by. He asks whether Hammerhead ordered his troops to fire on the crowd. Hammerhead says no, and defensively explains that the crowd surrounded them. Tigh asks if the civilians were armed. Hammerhead says no again, but adds that the crowd was yelling at them, and started throwing canisters: "Coffee, I think." Again, I am shocked at the lack of respect these people have for coffee. Throw cans of beets, or peas. Nobody's going to miss that stuff. Tigh confirms, "You shot people for throwing coffee?" Hammerhead insists that the mob was pressing in on the soldiers, and then someone fired, but that he doesn't know who. Tigh walks away as Hammerhead is still talking, and goes to Adama's bedside, pulling the curtain closed.
Tigh looks down at Adama and says, "If ever we needed you, Bill, it's right now." Aw.
In the brig, the Prez says that the shooting is "a travesty." She tells Apollo, "The press will have a field day." I know she's supposed to be a politician, but under the circumstances, having her fret about nasty editorials seems a little goofy. She continues: "The ships will begin to splinter. The Cylons will be able to eliminate us a few ships at a time." Oh, hey, Billy's there, too. Another guard enters, and I guess Venner is finally being relieved. The Prez spins around and quietly tells Apollo that she's got to get out of the brig. Apollo agrees. The Prez says that she wants to bring Billy and Elosha. Elosha? Oh, the High Priestess of Vague Mysticism! Thank goodness, she does have a name. Apollo replies, "Of course you do," which is another line that sounds funny to me. Maybe because I was waiting for him to say, "Er, and me, right? Or was that implied?" It turns out that Apollo's already worked out a plan to get them to the hangar deck and aboard a Raptor. But they'll need to get clearance to take off. The Prez says, "I know how to get that." Apollo says, "You do?" The Prez says, "Yup, but I can't tell you just yet, because then the audience will know too much." She says that they'll need to have someplace to hide in the fleet while they "rally support among the people." It's Apollo's turn to have a plan, and all he'll say about it is, "You're not going to like it." Billy does not say, "Well, I've got a plan of my own, and I'm not even telling you guys that I have it, so you'll be even more surprised. Nyah."
Commercials. Moore says he's also unhappy with the way the scene on the Gideon plays out later, but I thought that was fine, actually. I also want to give him props for the way he explicitly says that while they're working with a lot of budget and time constraints, in the end, when things don't work on the show, it's his fault. I don't think he's got too much to feel bad about, really, but I like that he says that.
In his quarters, Tigh tells Ellen that he's not cut out for this. Ellen disagrees, but Tigh says, "Me and Bill, side by side, that was the deal. It was never supposed to be me alone." Aw. Ellen says that Tigh's in command, so he'll have to deal with it. Tigh whines, "I don't wanna deal with it," and pours himself a drink. Hee. He grumps, "Jeez, why do I listen to you?" Oops. Usually they're good about remembering to say "gods." Ellen, shocked, says that she didn't tell Tigh to send in the troops. Tigh says, no, she just manipulated him. As Ellen rants about how passive Tigh is, he turns his back to her, waves a hand casually, and grumbles, "Well, forget it." Which is hilarious. And then it gets better, because he sips his drink just as Ellen brings up his constant boozing. It's so perfectly timed. Ellen finishes her tirade, and Tigh drops his glass to the table, turns on her angrily, and grabs her by the shoulders. He grunts, "I warned you!" and shoves her back, and for a second I think he might kill her. Ellen slaps him. Tigh stares at her and then, well, kisses her. Ellen sort of bats at his head with her palms, and they both stumble back against a locker. Tigh lets her go long enough for her to gasp, "I love you, Saul," as he picks her up. Tigh says, "Shut up, Ellen," and carries her toward the bed. They're a cute couple.
The other brig. Boomer and Tyrol sit at opposite ends of their cell. Boomer guesses that Tyrol hates her. Tyrol doesn't reply. She says she's sorry he got dragged into her mess. She says, "What we had--" Tyrol finally speaks: "Was nothing. Nothing. You're a machine; I'm not." Boomer says that she knows how she felt. With her hands? She says that she never meant to hurt him. Then we hear Baltar's voice, and the camera swings up as the two armed guards let him into the cell.
Baltar is wearing a freshly starched lab coat and latex gloves. After closing the cell door, he tells the guards, "I'd like some privacy, please." He adds that he'll be fine, although the guards didn't ask. Okay, probably they didn't have any lines, but I like to pretend they don't really care what happens to Baltar. Exit the guards. Baltar tells Tyrol, "I'm here to determine whether you're a Cylon or not," and opens a little black bag. As Baltar pulls out a needle, he asks for Tyrol's arm. Tyrol obligingly snaps his robotic arm off at the shoulder, hands it over, then shouts, "D'oh! I fell for your devious ploy!" Okay, he just stands up and starts to roll up his sleeve, which takes some work, since he's still cuffed. From the peanut gallery, Boomer says that Baltar's test doesn't work. Baltar says, "The test works just fine," as he injects Tyrol with something. Baltar removes the needle and walks behind Tyrol, and a second later, Tyrol slumps down into Baltar's arms and is lowered to the floor. Boomer gasps, "Chief?" and hurries over as Baltar stands up. As Boomer tries to wake Tyrol up, Boomer explains that he lied to Boomer. "I covered up your true nature from the rest of the fleet for my own purposes." If by "purposes," you mean "deranged flailings at self-preservation." Boomer, who probably isn't listening, says that Tyrol isn't breathing. Baltar says that Tyrol is dying: "I can save him, if you tell me how many Cylons there are left in the fleet." Boomer doesn't know. Baltar thinks she does. "Buried deep down in that thing you call a subconscious, you know how many." Boomer wails that she doesn't know, and starts performing CPR on Tyrol. Baltar shouts, "In ten seconds' time, he'll experience complete brain-stem death! Now, how many?" He more quietly asks if she loves Tyrol, and says that only she can save him. Baltar looks at his watch and starts counting down: "Ten, nine..." Boomer starts fumbling in the medical bag Baltar brought in, and Baltar kicks it across the cell. He asks again, "Do you love him, Sharon?" Boomer gasps, "Eight! There are eight!" Baltar immediately pulls another syringe out of his pocket and rushes over to inject the magic potion into Tyrol's neck. Tyrol gasps and jerks up, and Boomer hurries over to hold his head. I can't quite decide about all this, because surely Baltar realizes that Boomer was highly motivated just to pick a number there. Right? So does Baltar have some reason to think this stress test works? Or was he just curious about what would happen?
Caprica. Anders drives a truck into his home base, followed by Starbuck and Helo in the Humvee. Home base turns out to be Delphi Union High School. Anders says that the Cylons don't patrol this area, which is awfully suspicious. Watch out for the shining wire, Starbuck. Hey, they've got Efrafa happening back on the Galactica, too. And they're just looking for a new warren called Earth. Okay, now I'm freaking myself out a little. Where were we? Helo asks how many people are at the school Anders reports that there are fifty-three, then boosts everyone's confidence by adding, "We had almost a hundred before the toasters ambushed us last week." Excellent. He expositions that apart from the Buccaneers, the group is made up of "survivalists, hikers mostly." I wish he'd said "bikers," because you don't want to mess with bicycle messengers. They've raided some hospitals for anti-radiation meds, and have enough for a few months. Or, hey, even longer if the population keeps dropping. Anders starts to lead them inside to find bunks. Starbuck grumps that fifty-three people isn't much of an army, but on the other hand, it's better than two.
Sickbay. The Prez tells her guards, "I'll just be a moment," and closes the curtains. She turns to face Cottle, who sits there with his usual accessories: a hangdog expression and a cigarette. The Prez says, "I need your help, but it's illegal, dangerous, and in violation of your oath as an officer." Cottle tells her, "You're a lousy salesman."
Billy rushes through a corridor to catch up with Venner, and explains that he wanted to thank Venner for his help, on behalf of the Prez. Venner smiles, "Hey, anything I can do to make things easier for her." Billy's like, "Funny you should put it that way..."
Elsewhere, Tigh marches down a corridor, and Dualla pops out with something for him to sign. Tigh signs reflexively, but stops to ask why they're closing causeway 'B.' Dualla says the Cylon boarding party did some damage in there, so they need to do "integrity testing." Tigh figures that sounds reasonable, and signs the order.
Dualla is washing her face in the head when Gaeta suddenly pops up to her. He apologizes for startling her, and then says, "Things are pretty fracked up these days, huh?" Dualla says that's true most days. His conversational gambit seems to have failed, so Gaeta comes to the point: "If people are upset, they should go through the proper channels." He says he's been doing maintenance checks and found that there were some scrambled calls during the past few hours. He asks if she knows anything about them. Dualla looks at him calmly and says, "Off-log calls are against regs." Gaeta agrees, looks at her pointedly, and whooshes away.
Sickbay. Apollo tells his father, "I'm sure you won't approve, but I guess that's nothing new." He quietly says, "This isn't about you and me." Maybe you should leave him a note instead of counting on his hearing you right now. Apollo holds Adama's hand and says, "Goodbye, Dad." Exit Apollo. Adama's fingers shiver a little.
Er, somewhere or other. The deck crew are assembling a little cage. Cally stomps up and complains that the cell is for Tyrol. One guy -- who might be Jammer, but then again might not -- says, them's the lumps. The real reason I was hoping more people would get killed by the Cylons is that then I'd have fewer recurring characters to try to identify correctly. Let's just pretend he's Jammer, because otherwise I'll be calling him "This Guy." Cally sobs, "This isn't right. He's one of us!" Jammer replies, "He's one of them. He always was. We just never saw it." Cally insists that Boomer tricked Tyrol. Jammer snickers, "Such loyalty. Were you fracking him too?" Cally twitches and then turns, shoves Jammer into some of the grating, and smacks him in the face before Jammer can grab her arms. Awesome. Jammer shouts, "You want to get pissed at someone, you get pissed at Boomer. She's the one who put the Chief in the cell here, not us." Another member of the crew comes over and pulls Cally away, but looks at her really kindly while he's doing it, which I like. Cally jerks herself away and sulks off.
Gee, this episode has a lot of scenes in the corridors. Dualla just happens to run into Apollo again, the little minx. After the usual greetings, he quietly asks, "Everything set?" Dualla says, "Roger that." Which makes me laugh because of the time my then-roommate Kelly locked herself out of the apartment while doing laundry, and she had to walk across the street and use her laundry money to try and track me down. And she wasn't dressed for going outdoors, and it was quite cold out. So she calls my friend Kevin, looking for me, and explains the situation and that she's freezing, and Kevin's sympathetic response was, "Roger that." She's still a little bitter about it. Anyway, Dualla declares that she can't spend all day yakking, and zips off. But not as eerily as Gaeta can. As Dualla exits, Racetrack rushes in and calls to Apollo, saying she's having a technical difficulties with her Raptor. Apollo smirkily tells the guards, "Instead of getting some rack time, I'm going to take a minute to do the Lieutenant's job for her." He is the world's worst liar, I swear. The guards are fine with that, though, and let Apollo leave with the pilot.
Venner tells yet another random guy, "Okay, make it look good -- but not too good." The new dude nods and then slugs Venner on the jaw. The Prez's cell is opened, and as she lies on her bunk, someone puts a hand over her mouth. Which is another goofy thing. I mean, shouldn't she be expecting this?
A moment later, they all skulk out and enter the sealed causeway 'B.' Where they're promptly found by a soldier who aims her rifle at them and says, "Hold it!"
Commercials. Apparently Moore wanted to do this whole bit where the solider was clearly on her way from the galley, and was eating a sandwich as she just happened to come across the escapees. And drops her sandwich. So then at the end of the scene, she was going to pick her sandwich back off the floor and munch on it as she went on her way. I get why it was dropped, but I also get why Moore really likes having these mundane details amid all the drama.
When we return, the Prez asks the soldier, "Do you know who I am?" The solder nods. The Prez speechifies that they both took an oath to protect and defend the Articles of Colonization. She says, "Those articles are under attack, as is our entire democratic way of life." The Prez explains that she can't let that happen, so she's going to get off of the Galactica.
Cut to the hangar deck, where Apollo is putting on a gray camo jacket that I don't think will help in space. He tells Billy, "They should be here by now."
Back in causeway 'B,' the Prez says, "You can either stand aside, or you can shoot me. You'll have to decide where your duty lies." The soldier ponders that, and the Prez starts to walk past. Then the soldier says, "Madame President." The Prez gives her a look, eases the gun aside with her hand, and goes through the hatchway. Which is fine, but at some point I want the Prez to have to make a nasty decision. Saying, "You can martyr me or let me go," is too easy. I want her to be in a situation where she's got to get someone killed to save her own neck. And the someone who gets killed can't be Zarek; that's cheating.
The Prez and her escorts reach the hangar deck, and Apollo leads her to the Raptor. Billy pulls the Prez aside and says that he's not going. I wait for him to say, "Where you're going, I can't follow; what you've got to do, I can't be any part of." But that doesn't happen. The Prez looks gobsmacked, and Billy explains that he understands her intentions, "But it's going to divide the fleet. At the very best, it'll create an insurgency against Adama. And at the worst, a civil war. Taking part in that is a line that I won't cross." Go Billy. From offscreen, Apollo nags that they don't have much time. The Prez stares at Billy and finally wishes him well, then climbs into the Raptor.
Apollo calls in to CIC, requesting clearance to launch for a medical mission. Meanwhile, the Prez greets Elosha, who's been waiting in the Raptor. Apollo gets cleared to launch, and off they go.
CIC. Gaeta tells Tigh that Venner has reported the Prez missing: "Two men down; cell's empty." Tigh shuts down all transport on or off the ship. The Raptor clears Galactica as a machine emits some octagonal paper. Gaeta shows the paper to Tigh as he says, "Flight log records a Raptor departed the ship two minutes ago with Doc Cottle on a medical emergency." Tigh asks Gaeta to confirm that as Gaeta locates the Raptor on the dradis. Tigh tells Gaeta to send the air patrol after the ship, and to pull Apollo out of the brig. Dualla reports that Cottle is still on board: "He says he was forced to request the raptor at gunpoint by Apollo." Tigh sighs, "Son of a bitch." Tigh asks Dualla to connect him with the Raptor as Gaeta report that they've got a Viper in visual range of it. Tigh picks up the phone and tells Apollo to turn the ship around, or they'll shoot him down. He says, "Don't think I won't just because you're the Old Man's son." Which is funny, since he won't, and that's why. Apollo tells Tigh to do what he has to do, and signs off.
It turns out that Hotdog is in the Viper pursuing the Raptor. I've decided that "dualla" is now a verb, meaning "to communicate with someone via a third party." For example: Tigh duallas to Hotdog, "Fire across their bow." Hotdog does. Hotdog duallas back that the Raptor isn't turning around. Yeah, I know: sooner or later I'm going to have to write a sentence about Dualla dualla-ing.
Dualla tells Tigh that the Raptor is approaching Cloud Nine. Well, they picked a nice place to hide out. Gaeta helpfully points out, "Cloud Nine is one of the busiest transport hubs in the fleet. Shuttles coming and going constantly." He figures Apollo and the Prez can take off to another ship before they can shut down air traffic over there. I think Gaeta's generally suspicious behavior is a red herring to distract us from the fact that he's mostly King of Exposition. Tigh ponders.
Hotdog asks whether he should fire on the Raptor. He's kind of eager. But maybe he just wants to make sure Tigh doesn't have an excuse to throw him in the brig.
Tigh ponders some more. Then he says, "Tell Hotdog to hold his fire." Honestly, I don't think he decided that just because Apollo is Adama's son. I think it was a bit of that, but if Apollo hadn't been aboard, I'm not convinced that Tigh would have fired on the Prez. He knows she's a pain in the ass, but she's not an enemy of the fleet, and I don't think he'd choose to kill her. Plus, he seems vaguely aware that following his impulses has created more problems than it's solved. Oh, and he also seems sober. If his flask were handy, it'd be a different story. So the Raptor escapes, and everyone pauses to breathe for a moment. Then Tigh says, "They couldn't have done it on their own." He asks if anybody's noticed off-log calls. He sidles up to Gaeta, who shakes his head and says, "No, Sir. Nothing." Across the room, Dualla looks over at Gaeta.
Cloud Nine. Apollo leads his harem of crazy women off the Raptor and declares, "We're home free...for now." A man greets the Prez from off-screen, and we reverse to discover that it's Zarek. The Prez turns to Apollo and asks why Zarek's there. Apollo explains, "Once Tigh gets over his initial shock, he'll send troops out to search for us. If we're going to make it, we have to keep on the move." And Zarek has "enough shady friends" to keep them hidden. The Prez coolly notes, "Well, Mr. Zarek, It would seem the enemy of my enemy is my friend." Zarek cheerfully says, "Call me Tom." Heh. Apollo urges everyone to hurry, because they're jumping aboard another shuttle immediately.
Caprica. Oh, man, this scene. Starbuck's tossing a ball around on a pyramid court. Enter Anders. They banter. Starbuck explains, "I was up for the pros. Bum knee took me out of contention." Which Moore talked about way back in last season's podcasts as part of Starbuck's backstory, but I didn't mention it because it didn't seem all that interesting. It doesn't seem all that interesting now, either, but just so you know, that didn't spring out of nowhere. They play, and they trash-talk, and they touch each other a lot. At the end, Starbuck scores (not like that), and Anders invades her personal space and says, "Nice shot." Starbuck thanks him, and Anders walks away, and the part that I liked was her little eyebrow-raise as she turns away from him and faces the camera. She bugs me a lot, but every so often she's cute. Especially when she's not talking.
Galactica. Tyrol's cuffs are removed, and he tells Baltar, "Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it." Baltar is leaning against the cell bars, staring at a shackled Boomer as he suggests, "Thank her." I'm still not clear on what exactly Baltar told Tigh he learned that cleared Tyrol's name. Tyrol asks what Boomer had to do with it. Baltar says, "Everything. Nothing." Helpful. Then Six is standing on the other side of the bars, and reaches a hand through to caress Baltar's shoulder. Baltar puts his hand on top of Six's and tells Tyrol, "Love is a strange and wonderful thing, Chief." The camera changes, and Six is gone, and Baltar is fingering his shirt collar as he concludes, "You be happy you experienced it at all. Even if it was with a machine." Six is there again, smirking. Tyrol asks what will happen to Boomer. Baltar says that she'll be taken to a new holding facility for tests. Tyrol is aghast: "Like she's some kind of lab rat?" Baltar says, "That's the idea."
Tigh's quarters. Ellen isn't happy. Which is probably another way of saying she isn't drunk. She bitches at Tigh for letting Apollo escape, and says he's a laughingstock. She adds, "You didn't want this command? Well, don't worry about it; you won't have it for much longer." Tigh stops staring into space long enough to explain, "It was his son." Then someone says, "Saul." Tigh and Ellen turn, and Adama's standing there in a robe. Behind him, two soldiers lurk in the doorway. Adama, I missed you! Adama asks, "What's happening on my ship?" Tigh stands up and goes over to Adama, and Ellen backs away like someone might throw holy water at her. Adama tells his escorts to wait outside, and says to Ellen, "Can I speak to my XO?" Ellen says of course, and trails her hand on the door frame before finally exiting. Tigh helps Adama sit down, and Adama asks again what's going on. Tigh goes for the short version: "I fracked things up good." Tigh says he made some bad calls, and Adama chuckles and says he's done that, and then asks for a drink. Adama says some comforting thing about the pressures of command. "You make the call, it affects the lives of thousands, and you've got no one to turn to for backup." Tigh says that Adama makes it look easy. Adama says, "You know that's a lie, now," and gulp his drink. Tigh tries again to get across how bad the news is, but Adama's sure they can fix it together. Then he asks, "Where's my son?" We cut away before Tigh can pour another drink and say, "Well, that's a funny story..."
Boomer, Tyrol, and Baltar walk through the corridors, escorted by guards. The crew, starved for entertainment, have come to watch the parade. Or to hurl insults as Boomer. People scream, "'Bitch!" and "Traitor!" and I don't think that second one is accurate, technically. Then we're in slo-mo for a few seconds, and then Cally pushes her way between two guards and shoots Boomer in the stomach. Boomer falls, cradled by Tyrol, as everyone stares. Tyrol looks up at Cally, who looks kind of smug. She's probably thinking, "I so rock." Then Tyrol's looking down at Boomer, moaning, "No, no," as Boomer shivers. Boomer sniffles, "I love you, Chief," and dies. Tyrol is really having a shitty week, you know? Blood drips out of Boomer's mouth and falls to the floor in slo-mo. Who knew a tiny drop could feel like an anvil? They should have ended with people cheering and applauding, since they're so into that on this ship.
time: the Prez takes her revival show on the road, and Adama gets cranky. Crankier.