One of the few conventions with an "official show glass" (an Iron Man tumbler, if you're curious), the 2008 NYC Comic Convention opened its doors to the public on Friday, April 18th at 3 PM. Last year the line looked like a high school attempting to break the Guinness World Record for longest conga line, so I waited until the doors were open for a solid hour before heading up to the Con. New York's Convention Center is conveniently located in the middle of nowhere so after walking four long avenues in the unseasonable blazing hot sun I arrived to a sea of flabby costumed slave Leias, boys with unwieldy facial hair, and a man dressed like Jesus. WWJD at the Con? After securing my magic press pass (it was magical because donning it had the immediate effect of making me wildly desirable to sketchy stringers and ardent fan boys), I hit the convention floor. First stop? Dark Horse Comics. Why? Because they had erected enormous Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Serenity posters right by the front door and I am a sucker for Joss Whedon. (Seriously, Joss, call me!) After eyeing their wares I wandered over to the Marvel booth to see how Iron Man was coming along. Marvel's booth was strangely sparse considering that they were promoting two huge movies at the Con (Ed Norton's Incredible Hulk along with the aforementioned Iron Man). It was especially sparse in contrast to DC's super (heh) crowded booth that was filled with action figures and items for purchase. Everything was crowded. There were costumed people all over the place. There was a miasma of body odor over the entire floor. There were lines everywhere, too, but since most of them were for writers I had never heard of I was able to side step most. (Mark Evanier I'm sure you rule but I am not waiting in a forty-five minute line to find out whether your signature will net me anything on eBay!) Similarly the gaming stations were mobbed, but since I still only have my brother's hand-me-down Gameboy with a lone version of Metroid (the old one) I didn't need to wait in a 30-minute line to play Doom or whatever. After much gawking at the oddly costumed people (what does Frankenberry have to do with comics? And does anyone think Prince Valiant is cool? Anyone?) I headed downstairs to check out the panels.
I was greeted by (more) massive lines, but I used my magic press pass to swing by the Marvel panel to see what was coming up in the world of comic books. Unfortunately the panel was filled with people who know a lot more about comic books than I do and the geek speak soon got the best of me. Actually the entire Con was filled with people who know more about comics than I do, but I had a press pass and dammit I was going to use it. So what sent me fleeing from the room? A comment about an Aunt May hook up. That's right, Aunt May. Hooking. Up. I have obviously not been keeping up with the comic book industry's attempts at attracting a wider audience. But, hey, if geriatric sexcapades kept the The Golden Girls on the top of the ratings for five years, I guess it could work for comics, too. I'm just having a hard time picturing Aunt May as Blanche Devereaux. All the old people sex talk made me feel dirty so I scampered out to the hallway. Luckily A&E had a team handing out samples of Purell to promote their new television show The Andromeda Strain and I took a moment to douse myself liberally. People who simply call it hand sanitizer are not using their imaginations. By the way, the trailer for The Andromeda Strain looks pretty darn good. I headed over to the "Women in Comics" panel for some quality gender studies and it was in full swing by the time I cracked open the door and snuck into the back row. I was mostly there to see Gail Simone who is Wonder Woman's first permanent female writer, which is crazy, right? Who knew Wonder Woman was written by a man? It's like finding out Nancy Drew is written by a man! Oh, wait... The panelists were discussing the state of the industry and it was pretty interesting, but my attention span was apparently obliterated by the Pokemon spearheaded sensory overload that was going on the convention floor, so I snuck out. Apparently sneaking is my super power.
Totally meant to go see the X-O Manowar panel and the Valiant Comics team as they announced the Harbinger movie that Brett Ratner is purportedly directing. However I couldn't make it through the huge line to get into the Neil Gaiman's speech to benefit the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. So I gave up and went and ate a four-dollar pretzel. 'Cause what is a convention without a four-dollar pretzel? Stuck around long enough to see the line for the panel discussing the second X-Files movie and, holy hockey, what a line! And they don't even have a trailer! Just Chris Carter, Frank Spotnitz, and probably some tubular soft techno music. By the way, The X-Files movie is tentatively titled X-Files: I Want to Believe. [INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE HERE.]
To wrap up the evening, the Sci Fi channel was showing all new episodes of both Doctor Who and Battlestar Galactica an entire hour earlier than if you were watching at home. Now if that doesn't justify the cost of admission, I don't know what does. But I am going home. Good night, gorilla trying out samurai swords! Sweet dreams, girl dressed like giant guinea pig! See you tomorrow, people who wait in line an hour for a television show you can watch at home!
Coffee in hand and conference schedule safely on the counter at home, I opened the door to the convention center to see a ludicrous number of people milling about the floors. There were a lot of people waiting in line for various events. The anime version of Emma had a sizeable line. And Mike Mignola, one of the creators of the Legend imprint at Dark Horse Comics and more notably the creator of Hellboy, had a very impressive line. But the longest line was definitely for T.M. Revolution who is apparently big in Japan. Actually he is one of the biggest pop stars in Japan and was performing for the first time in NYC later that night. The line to get in and hear him speak was ridiculous and filled with the cutest, bubbliest, pig-tailed little girls whose heads swiveled in unison to fix me with an evil stare when I timidly asked "Who?" when they said they were waiting for T.M. Revolution. Freaky! I creeped past the scary girls and headed to the IGN Theater.
Although the theater was closed, once again the magic of the press pass ushered me past the ominously large line, through the shut door, and into the theater in time to catch the panel discussion of the upcoming Prince Caspian movie. Ben Barnes (Prince Caspian), William Moseley (Peter Pevensie), Peter Dinklage (Trumpkin), and producer Mark Johnson were all there to put up with a barrage of questions from vaguely hostile fans. The producer promised that they were not going to make the same mistakes that they made on the last film. So, what, this one's not going to suck? Good plan, producer guy. I heart Peter Dinklage. A lot. And I have to admit that the trailer for Prince Caspian looked pretty dark and intense and awesome.
As the panel emptied out I used my newfound superpower to sneak into a seat front row center for the Battlestar Galactica panel. Now I love me some Battlestar, but I have to confess that I am not entirely caught up on the most recent episodes. I was hoping that the panel would use the good common sense that their mamas gave them and wouldn't spoil anything for other fans who might be in a similar position. Right? Right? I was nervous because I *ahem* frakking hate spoilers, but since the schedule promised Grace Park (Sharon "Athena" Agathon) and Tahmoh Penikett (Karl "Helo" Agathon) I was willing to risk it. For you, people! For you! The panel filed in and there was Anders. And Tory. And the XO. And some random guy from the Sci Fi Channel. But no Athena or Helo. What the frak schedule? Sci Fi took the opportunity of a packed theater to pimp their newest productions. First up The Stranded, a collaboration with Virgin Comics, has a pilot in development now. a show called Superbia, which sounds so much like The Incredibles that they were extra careful to avoid mentioning it and instead called it Desperate Housewives meets The Justice League. Anyhoo. The panel settled down, the moderator (Marc Bernardin from EW) was introduced, and the first thing out of Col. Tigh's mouth? HUGE FRAKKING SPOILER. First thing out of Tory's mouth? ANOTHER HUGE FRAKKING SPOILER. Good grief people have some mercy! Someone in the audience called them out on it and the Sci Fi guy grabbed the microphone away from Anders to scold the fan for not watching the show live. Shut up, Sci Fi dude. Some of us are late bloomers in our Battlestar love and we are just a wee bit behind. So shut it and quit talking about who is a Cylon. A lot of the panel revolved around certain spoilers and plot twists and what not and I refuse to ruin this amazing show for anyone who is reading this so I am not putting them into print. So deal with it. All the cast members discussed how proud they were to be on such a brave show and how they loved the challenging political nature of the writing. Boring! What the fans really want to know is: Who is swiping the portrait of President Baltar? The fans want to know! Or at least this fan does. Despite rumors and wishes, a Battlestar movie is unlikely. However, Sci Fi channel has a new series called Caprica in the works and they are hoping it will touch on a lot of the same elements and have the depth of character that makes Battlestar so awesome. When asked what fans should expect from the final episodes, the entire panel agreed: Holy Shit. The two most magical words in the language.
At the point that the microphone is taken over by incredibly rambling, incoherent, conspiracy-minded fan boys intent on discovering the meaning behind the writers' obsession with the right eye (I kid you not) I decide I need a temporary break from the panels. I head to the door only to be told by the Yellow Shirts that if I leave (even just to use the restroom) I will not be allowed back in. Yellow Shirts are like kryptonite to my magic press pass. I trudge back to my seat defeated. The Lucasfilm panel is about to start and I am not going to miss my chance to see the promised extended trailers. And Seth Green. Did I mention that? Seth Green! Squee!! The photographer sitting to me swears the Hellboy 2 and The Spirit panels will be worth dying of dehydration to see. I am skeptical.
There are few movie franchises, if any, that have captured popular culture more completely than Star Wars and Indiana Jones. That said, an animated movie and television series called Star Wars: The Clone Wars is way too geeky for me to be able to tolerate. It's too inherently nerdy to be a guilty pleasure, too, because I would be embarrassed to watch it even sitting on my couch by myself in a city where I knew no one and didn't speak the language. However, the animation was pretty cool. As was the animation for the new game Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. But who cares about video games when Seth Green and Matt Senreich (the co-creators of Star Wars: Robot Chicken. Der) are in the room! Oh my god Seth Green is like twenty feet from me! Do you think he would sign my Scotty doll? I mean action figure? I mean if I had one? After giving a brief history of Robot Chicken they show a few clips of George Lucas in his Robot Chicken incarnation at a therapist's office talking about Robot Chicken. So meta! Seth and Matt both seemed really affable and funny and I'm totally sure they will call and let me interview them like right now. Right? Right. (Seth? Call me!) Finally the boys left and the conversation turned to the Indy world. After many years Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is coming to theaters near you. I am really hoping that name will sound less doofy in the context of the movie. And my lord does Harrison Ford look old.
panel! While most people in the audience are giddy with anticipation for the Hellboy 2 panel, those of us in the press section are antsy. Very antsy. We have been here since eleven and they aren't letting us out and did I mention the panels were running almost an hour behind schedule? Anyway, no one cares about my suffering except for maybe that guy dressed like Jesus. Between panels ABC showed clips of their new online show Trenches. It looks bleak and Starship Troopers-ish, but since someone with some indistinct and tangential connection to Lost had something vague to do with it I am sure I'll check it out. Up ? Wanted. Based on Mark Millar's graphic novel series and directed by Timur Bekmambetov (who did Nightwatch and Daywatch), Wanted is the story of James McAvoy's transformation from a drab schlub who gets to make out with Keira Knightley into a super assassin who gets to make out with Angelina Jolie. After threatening to seize everyone's still photography or video recording equipment if they even think of recording the excerpts, the clips for the movie are shown. And they do not disappoint. If you thought The French Connection had some nice chase scenes, wait until you get a load of these.
Finally. HELLBOY 2: The Golden Army -- The panel everyone has been waiting for. Since Pan's Labyrinth director Guillermo del Toro has been gaining a huge fan base. Oh, I'm sorry, since Blade 2 he has been gaining a huge fan base. Pan's Labyrinth was just a continuation of that well-deserved fame. He is so popular he actually got way more applause than the Star Wars trailer. And he deserves it. He is probably one of the funniest people I have ever heard speak. He also has the mouth of a sailor. A sailor who has been handing around Betty White. Every line out of his mouth was hilarious and liberally peppered with lewd lingo all delivered in smoothly accented English. When it came time to bring out his cast he said "It is now my privilege to introduce a bunch of cool motherfuckers." It went downhill from there (or uphill, depending on your opinion on swearing in front of children). Mike Mignola, Ron Perlman, Selma Blair, Doug Jones and Luke Goss filled out the panel. Ron Perlman is enormous and terse and would not be out of place playing the Jolly Green Giant if, you know, they ever branch out into live action commercials. Selma Blair looked really, really bored during the entire presentation like she kept forgetting where she was. She didn't say a single word. The audience was treated to a long-form trailer even though it was "really fuzzy with missing gore, blue screens, cables and all that shit we have to fix." I wasn't overly impressed with the first Hellboy, but this new one looks fantastic. I don't know about the plot, but the props, the characters, the creatures, are all stunning. Like all the best parts of Pan's Labyrinth without the face slashing and torture. Del Toro explained that the movie was made for a mere $85 million-- a budget "so small that it took a toll on [his] gonads. He did a lot with that so-called small budget and there was very little CGI because he doesn't like lazy CGI, which was pretty funny to hear coming after the LucasFilm CGI fest. Also, Seth MacFarlane is the voice of Johan! I love him! (Seth, call me!) When the lights were raised after the trailer, the stage had been filled with the bizarre and incredible creatures from the movie. It was really amazing. They were so fascinating that I totally forgot that I was being held hostage in the damn theater. Almost.
I was planning on staying for both The Incredible Hulk and The Spirit panels, but I need to eat every eight hours or so and I simply had to leave. I hear the entire audience for The Spirit was filled with overly hormonal Eva Mendes stalkers and ardent Frank Miller fans. Personally, I was more interested in seeing the MTV News Correspondent Kurt Loder in person. Dude must be kept in the same hyperbaric chamber as Dick Clark -- it's freaky! But anyway, I left. I couldn't take it anymore. Feel free to send me nasty emails about my failures as a correspondent. I will send you photos of my poor starved and desiccated body. Well, no, I actually won't. But you try being locked in a theater for five and a half hours and see how you like it!
While I was trapped in the IGN Theater I missed ABC's Eli Stone panel that I was going to report on for you fans of the Couch Baron's recaps. Rather, fans of the show. Those exist, right? I also missed the Marvel panel where they announced that they will be working with Hugo and Nebula Award-winning science fiction writer Orson Scott Card to adapt two of his acclaimed novels, Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow, into comic books later this year. Sweet geek! I am excited. I also missed the conference organizers closing the hall during the interlude when The Venture Bros. were in one room, while Heroes star Milo Ventimiglia was in another, and The Hellboy 2 panel was emptying out, The Incredible Hulk panel was filling up, and the fans in full Storm Trooper and/or slave Leia regalia were lining up a full hour early for Robot Chicken: Star Wars. The fire marshals shut the doors to the convention last year, so I guess the organizers wanted to nip the problem in the bud and shut the hall down themselves.
After finding the first bathroom, water fountain, and four-dollar pretzel vendor I could find, I took one more sweep around the Con floor. I had heard a rumor that Jeffrey Brown was there somewhere and I want him to be my best friend. (Jeffrey, call me!) I couldn't find him, but I did find the Fantagraphics booth and the stinky old man dressed like Sailor Moon. And what better way to end my time at the Con than with awesome comics and a creepy old dude dressed like a twelve-year old Japanese girl? May the Force be with you!