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How does Norma react to being put in jail for killing her rapist, while her husband/son is off losing her virginity? Oh, pretty well. Just kidding, she goes mental on everybody and screams at her adorable lawyer and screams at her adorable sons and screams at her adorable boyfriend and breaks Norman's heart into a million billion pieces and generally wrecks shop all over the place... Until Deputy Shelby manages to "misplace" that crucial carpet evidence for love of her, and the whole case falls apart. That's so great, because Norma and Shelby could be really happy together. Just kidding, he keeps Chinese sex-slaves in his basement.
Or -- as of Norman's sloppy B&E (on A&E) -- in dead Keith Summers's old boat, as it turns out. As Emma explains, you have to think like a sex-slave-haver: You want multiple places to keep your sex-slaves, in case an Ambien zombie teen burglar finds her. Local color note: the sex boat is also called The Seafairer, I guess because Keith Summers was one of those guys whose only creativity lay in sex crimes.
Emma links Shelby to the boat with her brainy brain, takes Norman there for a confab about how Bradley literally could not have been clearer about the meaninglessness of their sexual encounter -- tables that, because he's entrenched and googly-eyed -- and then breaks the fuck into the S.S. Sex Trade with her O2 tank (so many uses this thing has) where, yes, they do find Jiao. All five-foot-filthy-nothing of her raving-zombie, drug-addicted sex-slave ass, growling and clawing at them and occasionally passing out in her own barf.
It's a fun situation, a real "cool scene," and definitely something that children should try to handle all on their own. My favorite part was when she bit the shit out of Norman's hand and you're just like, "Welcome to every disease."
Norma sees red when she notices Emma's car outside one of the motel rooms -- where I guess they're going to see how Jiao cleans up, I wasn't totally clear on their long-term vision -- because she assumes they are doing it, just to hurt her feelings. And then she assumes that they're doing it with some cracked-out Chinese chick, which I'm sure she'd find a way to blame on Dylan. And then finally the girl confirms Norman's story with a literal photograph of Deputy Shelby himself, and we close out on Norma thinking, "And yet, I do not want to go to jail for murder. So maybe we can work something out." All in all, a pretty normal day.
But what about Dylan? I know, right. I love that kid. So his whole thing is that when the second Norman told him the sordid story about the rape that became a murder, his wheels started turning about how he could kidnap his baby brother and go live somewhere on the titular beach off of his drug-mob money, and they'd never have to worry about Norma's increasingly unhinged ass again. Like, you would not believe how quickly he springs into action on this plan once Norma gets arrested.
And then when Norma kicks Norman out of the car in the middle of nowhere -- which I'm not even mad about, she's just bein' Norma -- Dylan comes and saves him out of nowhere and they go on this brotherly motorcycle ride in their little helmets and their little outfits and they love it sooo muuuuuch and it goes on for just long enough that you're done letting it make you cry when it's finished. Love those boys. You know who else really cares about those boys?
Continuing his trend of being way too into Dylan's family dynamic, merc partner Ethan -- crier-at-stripclubs, sayer-of-the-word-Bro-like-a-million-awkward-times -- hands Dylan five grand to start his new life as a single father/brother, because there is honor among drug mobsters. The thing that happens is a random junkie who owes Dylan's boss money walks up to their truck and blows Ethan's sweet little head off. He is down a good/his only friend, which is sad, but on the other hand he's up five g's and a sick-ass truck, so... Back to the strip club to pick up the weeping stranger, one supposes.
But I had to wonder: What would be the ombudsman situation here? Does Dylan even know how to get in touch with their employer? We'll have to wait for week for the answers to these pressing human resource issues, because the thing Dylan decides to do is track the junkie kid through the streets -- suspenseful and harrowing! -- and eventually run him down until he is just pieces. So the whole "eye for an eye" thing is alive and well in Dylan... Dylan... Um. Dylan, if I'm going to love you this much I'm gonna need a full name. My vote is Texas.
That was a joke. But what is not a joke is: I will miss you, Ethan! I especially liked how you were always crying at strip clubs, and randomly handing strange boys huge sums of money.
Week: Oh, I'm guessing Norma's dilemma -- give up her hot boyfriend and her freedom and go spiraling into madness, or just return his sex slave to him like a proper neighbor would do -- will resolve itself in some fucked-up way that involves juices and barfing and people getting shot and/or run over. And probably Dylan will make some very valid points and hand out stellar advice, and everybody will still treat him like he's goddamn Theon Greyjoy because that's just his lot in life. "I guess I just have one of those faces where only mob heavies and drug dealers could see what a trustworthy guy I am." Which, to be fair.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!PREVIOUSLY
Dylan made a friend at the strip club, Ethan, who -- when he's not setting people on fire in the name of frontier justice and/or shooting people and breaking their legs for his drug dealer bosses -- seems to be very focused on family values and all-around charitable behavior. Dylan finally figured out a way to reach out to Norman in a way that did not scare him off, which was lovely and which eventually contributed to getting Norman laid over at mysterious Bradley's house. Norma got arrested for the murder of Keith Summers, thankfully in a way that was not Norman's fault, but unfortunately she still does not believe in his hallucinations (?) about her boyfriend's sex prisoners.
BRADLEY'S HOUSE
Norman takes in sleepy Bradley for a while, feeling on fire in his new skin. He thinks about touching her hair and decides not, probably because of her creepy pantyhose bodysuit she's wearing for reasons of modesty that is distractingly sparkling in the morning light like he just accidentally boned a member of the Cullen family of vampires that lives a mere six-hour drive up the coast.
He walks home, feeling well chuffed, and keeps giggling to himself and remembering how: Sex.
HOME
Dylan: "Hey, buddy. Spring in your step there, I see."
Norman, awkwardly: "Tee hee."
ibid., immediately: "...Where is Mother?"
Dylan: "She is, um, in jail."
JAIL
Boys: "How's it going, Norma?"
Norma: "How it's going is, I am a rat in a cage. Despite all my rage. I can't even be looking at you right now."
Dylan: "Why are you pissed at me?"
Norma: "I am always pissed at you."
Dylan: "Fair enough."
Norman: "What about me, Mother?"
Norma: "You, I can't talk about it because it will fuck you up, so I'll just growl."
"I'm glad you want to help, Norman. Really, it's big of you. Any mother would be broken in half by such devotion."
He really is astounded and confused, like, what if your left knee or your right elbow started talking trash and acting like a scary mother you dream about, for no reason at all? Could she smell it on him and that's what she's trying to take away? Is this about the belt? Does she have him wrapped up with that night in his mind, like he does with her?
Boys: "We are going to save you and post bail, okay?"
Norma: "You don't seem to understand that just having you there looking at me in this cell is the most shameful, horrible, repulsive thing that has happened to me in my life. Do you not get that? I am embarrassed to the point of blood coming out of my eyes, like, that word doesn't even apply anymore. It is the Pokémon of that word."
Boys: "Well, don't let the bastards grind you down, lady."
Norma: "GET OUT!"
Boys: "Honestly right now we could not be acting more supportive or delightful."
Norma: "THAT IS WHY GET OUT! Are you RETARDED?"
She sat in this place all night, like Gollum, petting her rage like a rat: What if your left knee or your right elbow disappeared when you needed it the most? All night long, just stewing in it. All the thing she was going to say, all the pissed-off subtleties and jabs and barbs, and all the time, ringing in her ears: "We're taking Norman away from you. It's already happening and you didn't even notice it." She's been alone before, but this night was the loneliest of her life.
Dylan: "Ugh. I knew I was asking for it, but you are pulling a fucked routine on this kid."
Norma: "Who put me in here? You. You and your sick gross world. And then you stuck him out there in it to get his dick wet? Ever notice how every time he leaves the house, something truly terrible happens to me? Do you think that is a coincidence?"
Dylan: "No, you're being totally rational right now. Obviously. Dylan out."
Norman: "Seriously Mom, let's just work this out."
His pretty, sad face is too much, so she turns to the wall. He'll go away eventually.
BATES MOTEL
Norman's tearing through the motel files, looking for the deed, when Emma finds him. She dings the bell, cutely, and he's glad to see she's okay. Not terribly interested -- we're on a mission right now, the most important mission of his life -- but glad just the same. Even if she were Bradley, he'd still be after that paper: It's Mother.
Emma: "So how's it going with that whole murder arrest and everything?"
Norman: "How did you find this out so fast? I literally just learned this info."
Emma: "Welcome to the WPB, bitch. Do you want to come stay with us?"
Norman: "Dylan's got some kind of Party of Five boner going so I guess I'll stick it out here. But thanks."
Emma: "Oh right, I forgot about that guy. Anyway, about these sex slaves..."
Norman: "-- Shut up, I found it. I found it!"
Emma: "Let me give you a ride to the bail bondsman, my rude little princess."
POT FIELDS
Dylan: "Major drug distributors are all about cash advances on your second week of work, right?"
Ethan: "No, but if they did how much would you want? Just curious."
Dylan: "I would say five grand, all told. My mother is melting down and taking all of us with her, and I thought this would be a convenient time to kidnap her son. Never mind."
Ethan: "I don't want to end up crying in a strip club about your family dynamic."
JAIL
Shelby: "So hi..."
Norma: "GTFO."
Shelby: "At least eat your jail food."
Norma: "Fuck your jail food."
Shelby: "Funny how all the men you're taking this out on are the ones you let into your life in the first place because they don't qualify as men to you."
Norma: "I have circled my one wagon."
Shelby: "Rock on, Antigone."
BAIL PLACE
Norman: "Thank you for driving, now you can get lost."
Emma: "A true friend sticks it through to the end, Norman. If you can't count on your child friends to help you bail your grown-ass mother out of jail for murder..."
Norman: "I guess the bail bondsman's 24/7 sign is a lie, because he's not here. So more of a 23.75/7."
Emma: "Then I'll hang around and wait to pounce on your face with a hundred kisses."
Norman: "Just don't get curious about all this, okay?"
Emma: "Norman, I have something to say. I am very curious about all this."
Norman: "Instead, here's a shiny object called a sex slave conversation. Update, I found her in a cop's basement."
Emma: "A police conspiracy! We gotta blow the roof off this shit, my friend..."
Norman: "-- Instead, we will not. And I can't tell you why. And when you ask me questions about it, it makes me uncomfortable."
Emma: "Sorry about that, lady, but you just told me a cop has a sex slave in his basement. That is very interesting."
Norman: "Stay frosty, Sodapop. Jiao's been downgraded to second-most important prisoner of the cops for today."
Emma: "But so how did you find this out?"
Norman: "Not important."
Emma: "And how can we save her?"
Norman: "Not a priority."
Emma: "But how come?"
Norman: "You are not allowed to ask questions. There is no further clarification available at this time. Stop hyperventilating, you have cystic fibrosis."
(What he says is, "You're freaking out all over Italy!" but the Google on that is just people wondering why the hell he said that, not what the reference actually is. When in doubt, I usually just say it's a line from The Big Lebowski because odds on it is, but given Norman's cineaste tendencies, I'd say that is too recent, so I'm going to say it's from a 1965 Montgomery Clift movie about a Zen bowler who freaks out all over Italy called How Green Was My Chifforobe.)
Emma: "How about some adorable kissing?"
Norman: "Mother is all that is going on right now. Not you, not Bradley, not Jiao. Also, the kissing is weird for secret other reasons on top of the usual weird reasons."
Emma: "Hey, did your mom actually kill Keith Summers? That guy was the worst! I would actually be really impressed if..."
Norman: "She most certainly did not. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a bail bondsman."
One thing that has been interesting to track has been Norma's habit -- and increasingly Norman's -- of just outright rejecting consensus reality and substituting her own. In one way it's a crazy person thing to do, but it's also how shit gets done.
Hester Prynne the actual character -- not our cultural gloss on the character -- is a dignified religious hermit who knows exactly what she's doing, living out in the wilderness with her feral child and rejects at every point the inclusive gestures of the townspeople, because she knows about the hidden costs (and knives) that come with them. She's one of my heroes, because she knows what she knows and she sticks to her convictions, and they don't come from anywhere except herself and her relationship with God: By removing herself from the context, she can diagnose the context better than anybody who stayed, who hates or fears her and she is correct about them.
And when you think about revolutions, about the suffragettes and bloodier ones, the thing that keeps cropping up is that in order to change anything, you have to be super weird. You have to exist outside the context to understand the context, but then you also take a giant step toward crazy when you decide to affect that context. I can't think of a person -- or at least an act -- that's been really pivotal in America's social history that wasn't absolutely balls-out crazy: Rosa Parks wasn't having it, Shulamith Firestone wasn't having it. That's the beauty of the breakdown and we have to catch those people once they're all burnt up and fall back to earth.
And what's more, people who successfully mediated both worlds -- the internal and the external -- seem uniformly left behind even when they contribute greatly: Gloria Steinem, who saved the world and created the one we live in, is barely a footnote to the new bunch. Which is gross, but supports the point: To create change, you have to be willing to be sacrificed to that change and that's super sad, but it's a closed sum. Martyrs are lunatics, because you would have to be. You never have a place in the Utopia you are creating.
And it all starts here: With the irresistible force finally meeting the immovable object. Norma can run the Bates Motel, she said, because she said so. And when Norman reminded her last week of her out-clause, she wouldn't take that either: Her most Antigone moment was outside that city dump when she clarified what happened for him, in the most determinedly Hester Prynne way: It was not self-defense, and she won't take the easy way out, because what is going on inside Norma Bates is always more important than what the real world is up to, which is a universal quality of saints (and of) crazy people: She killed the shit out of him and it was glorious.
But some objects are immovable. So now that you're in the cage, what do you do? Admitting things are past the point of no return is not an option, because that retroactively destroys your entire deal. Acknowledging the easy way out would dissolve it just as much. It's not that she's doubling down or entrenching -- and even now, separated from her, Norman too -- so much as she is hardening into diamond.
The what of her innocence is more important than the how -- or the why -- and either way she can't talk about it because of what engendered it: When Keith laughed at her for getting raped, he upset the balance of the universe, and he needed to die. To call this self-defense would tip it back over, because it means he's right: He got her. They won. Her penetration of Keith Summers becomes a pale shadow of his penetration of her, and all the trouble it created; it becomes useless, tit for tat, just another woman striking back at a world that will continue to laugh at her.
She wasn't just turning a rape into a murder: She was turning rape into murder. It wasn't self-defense, it was self-preservation.
NIGHT
Norman texts Bradley -- off the same text chain as last week's "I'm outside your house" -- and gets no response. While he remembers what it was like, he gets a text and grins, but it's not Bradley, Bradley's nowhere: Norma's bail is posted and she'll be out come morning. Which is nice, but tough for a gear-switch: The two women his body now knows best are both hidden and we have no way of what's going on with them, and Norman can't be blamed for still, 23.75 hours later, being consumed with both of those black box mysteries or overlooking old Emma altogether.
EXT. JAILHOUSE - 9AM SHARP
He's got his big-boy clothes on and a bouquet of flowers, when she appears, but Norma just breezes past him.
Norman: "Did you see the flowers?"
Norma: "Yeah, great."
Norman: "I brought cab fare..."
Norma: "Go for it. I'm walkin'. Nothing to say to you."
He knows, we know, this isn't the first time Norma's pulled this particular routine. You need a hard reset sometimes. She doesn't know she's doing it, but this is right out of the playbook: Alienation, abandonment, until he's in just enough pain that he comes back to the fold. There's something tired in them, as they fall into those roles, but the point is made: Flowers ain't gonna do it.
And frankly, nothing is going to do it while she's still stuck in this between-place, because he has changed shape: From something she can count on to something that doesn't exist. And they can't focus on the hassle of the ceremony that will change him back until this latest earthquake settles down.
REBECCA CRAIG, ESQ
Is played by one of my favorite actors, Lara Gilchrist -- who played my very favorite Gaius Girl, if you're playing Vancouver Bingo -- and she is awesomely dealing with Norma's crazy the morning.
Norman: "Are you ever going to look at me, Mother?"
She hilariously turns a dead-eyed stare on him for a count of four and then goes back to ignoring him. But she did bring him along, so it's mostly for show at this point.
Craig: "So Keith Summers, huh? Well, we all knew he would be harassing you for buying his..."
Norma: "Nope."
Craig: "...Which is why his truck was so close to your property..."
Norma: "-- How old are you?"
Craig: "33? Grown up? Anyway, maybe he's sabotaging you so you won't be a success at what he..."
Norma: "Not exactly, but too close to the truth. Tell me, what is your aim here? You're establishing a narrative that..."
Craig: "That gets you out of a murder charge, lady. This is your defense. Work with me."
Norma: "I don't need a defense! My defense is, crazily, I didn't do it!"
Craig: "Listen, you need to understand how the law works. This is basic shit. I don't care if you did it or not. This is about innocence of the charge of murder."
Norma: "And guilt for the charge of being raped. No dice."
As Norman sneaks some desk candy, to Rebecca's sweet, encouraging smile, Norma makes a good point that carpet fibers don't actually prove anything considering he owned the motel for 40 years, but then demands to run her own DNA test on the fibers. It almost makes Rebecca laugh but -- as we'll see later -- also makes her think.
Rebecca: "Norma..."
Norma: "Rebecca. I'm not going to walk into a court of law and say that I did it in self-defense just to make your job easier. I didn't do it!"
She stalks out, Norman making apologies all the way out.
ON THE DRIVE HOME
Norman's point -- once she glares him into speaking it -- is that she is not only acting crazy erratic, but also that she's lying about something she doesn't need to lie about. But all she sees is that belt under the bed, when he speaks: He doesn't get to have an opinion about this, whatever he got up to with whatever girl, because as much as he has churned the whole nightmarish experience into one big murderous sex anticathexis free-for-all* in his head, you can't forget she's doing the same thing:
The belt thing added Norman (and Shelby, although with Shelby she can discharge it in other ways) to the factors in the ongoing monster that's chasing her now. Norman becomes the observer, the audience: Without him watching, the only man involved would have stayed Keith, who is dead.
*(I didn't notice, but an eagle-eyed poster did, that in his blackout S&M fantasy with Miss Watson, at one point she gets turned over on her face, bound -- just like Norma -- and then turns into Norma, for a moment. I mean, it's there to be assumed, but the fact is there's a frame where it's true.)
I point this out, first and foremost, because I need you to think I'm a smartypants, but mostly because it still stings to see people calling that first night "unearned" or "exploitative," when in fact it's still the prime mover for everything that is going on: Everybody deals with their violation in different ways, and this is still -- halfway through the season -- about Norma doing just that. I've been putting emphasis on the woman world/man world part because that's the part that affects most of her actions and the rest of the characters, but when we talk about Keith Summers or the murder we are only ever talking about this: Him coming back from the grave to get his revenge, by winning. Putting that violation back on top, after she risked her soul to erase it.
Norman: "You're not doing anything to help yourself, they have evidence..."
Norma: "What difference does it make to you, anyway? You don't care about me. You went out and you got laid that night that I was crying in my room, worried sick about all of this, about what could happen, about me being taken away from you and put in jail..."
Norman stupidly invokes Dylan's name, in some awkward blame-shifting moment, and that fucks her up but good.
Norma: "Oh, there's a surprise. Who was it? ...Fine, don't tell me. I don't want to know anyway. This is all Dylan's fault."
Norman: "He's just worried about..."
Norma: "He's trying to turn you against me."
Norman: "Fuck that. Nobody can do that."
Norma: "You told him everything. You don't see from where you're sitting the betrayal that represents, because it's barely something you can put into words, but trust me, you are doing yourself no favors acting like he's a real person, like you and me."
Norman: "You do things that don't make sense, Mom, you scare me. I'm scared all the time. Like maybe you need some help."
Norma: "I need help? I scare you?"
She laughs and you laugh with her, because even if you aren't tracking the ways she, and now Dylan, cover up for Norman's insane behavior, you still know where this goes. She does need help. And he should scare her. But Norman can't know -- wouldn't hear, if she said it explicitly -- how much of his burdens she's carrying for him. So this expression of care becomes... what, entitled? Offensive? Like she's the monster in the house, like the monsters aren't outside the house. So she throws him out of the car.
How she does this is hilarious: He doesn't go easy, so she jumps out of the car and trip-trops around it in her heels -- looking tremendously, fence-crawlingly insane -- and opens his door for him, then once he's out she trip-trops back around and gets in and drives off. Maybe you have not had this happen to you, but if you have you would really appreciate the awkward silliness of her physical performance here. The surreality it creates, for you and for Norman both.
OF COURSE
It's just a matter of moments before Racer X shows up on his motorcycle, worried about Norman -- still in his Sunday suit, looking absolutely flummoxed -- and then grimly impressed by the drama. It's a double-dutch and Dylan just keeps trying to jump in.
Dylan: "Welcome to the doghouse. Hop on."
You want Norman to throw his arms around Dylan, like a sloth on its mommy's back, once he has his cute little helmet. You want gawky Norman to make tiny Dylan look gigantic. You want them to laugh, cutting back and forth on the drive home. You want Norman's eyes to widen with pleasure, deliriously happy, as they take the curves and gun the straightaways, all the way home. And that's what you get. They've never looked so happy. The world has never seemed so kind or so bright.
And even then, even as it's happening, you can see Dylan wanting it to be like this forever. Norman too, but the second that engine cuts off he'll drop out of the dream: This is Dylan's dream and for the moment you can see how he believes in it. Regardless of how immovable the world remains, how irresistible the forces allied against them, you can see how bright this impulsive hope actually burns. They are suddenly a family.
BACK IN HER HOUSE
Dylan: "So but then why did you actually get out?"
Norman: "She said 'get out.' I mean she could not have been clearer."
Dylan: "She's been saying that shit since I got here, it doesn't mean anything. Drama doesn't deserve a response."
Norman: "The only rule of life is that what Norma says becomes reality. Reliably this has proven true."
Dylan: "Her words, coming out of your mouth."
Norman: "She's objectively going through a lot."
Dylan: "Thing is, she always will be. She's like an addict and the only thing you can do -- the kind thing, for both of you; the thing that changes the situation -- is walking away."
Norman: "Walking away how? Like you did? Because look where you're sitting."
Dylan: "It's still emotionally true. Everybody cuts the cord, Norman. It's the way of things. We leave our parents to become adults. There is literally no other way for that to work."
Dylan: "Speaking of, I'm getting my own place. Down by the beach. An ocean view."
Norman: "I am of two minds about that."
Dylan: "If she goes to jail, you're coming with me."
Norman: "Am I?"
Dylan: "And even if she doesn't, I still want you to. All three of us can still be salvaged, but you have to be..."
Norman: "She can't do this without me."
Dylan: "This thing and then the thing and then the . That's not a reason."
Norman: "She's my mom."
Dylan: "This definition for that word you two have cooked up, it is not the actual definition. You are not using that word correctly, for what she is. Because there isn't a word for what she is. Which is why we run."
Norman swallows; if Dylan were just turning him against her -- if being a man is contagious -- this isn't how he would do it. But whatever he's trying to do, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense either.
ETHAN
Hands Dylan a bag lunch on the way back to the truck, while they go on mob-heavy rounds. Once inside, he hungrily digs in: But it's not a bagel, it's five grand.
Dylan: "I thought you said there are no advances in our ill-defined thug trade?"
Ethan: "That is from me. I know you're good for it, you've made me look good for bringing you in and you're cool."
Weird Junkie: (Approaches, shambling.)
Ethan: "Shit, this loser. Hide that huge bag of money."
Junkie: "Uh, hey Ethan."
Ethan: "Is your shit in order yet? Because he's been bugging me to come break your legs or something..."
Junkie: "Oh, my shit is in order."
Just when you're digesting the fact that "they" is actually in some way a "he" -- Romero? It would fit the man world/woman world model for sure -- the junkie shoots Ethan clean through the neck. It's awful sad, watching Dylan beg him to keep pressure on the wound while he drives Ethan's truck to the hospital, screaming in terror and then... Duck back out, once he realizes that he doesn't even know Ethan's last name and that they are both enforcers for the Mob and he should get his bounce going.
RIP, Chuckles. You were a sweetheart, and you have the greatest IMdB headshot of all time. See you... I'm guessing moments from now, when we play Vancouver Bingo.
TRYSTING
Norma: "I have come to meet you, once again, at your request. This time, apparently, we needed to meet in a steaming haunted graveyard."
Shelby: "It is to mourn our love while we back-burner our affair. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I had to be there when you got arrested -- that was awkward. And also that your horrible behavior in the jailhouse has done the trick and I am now totally in love with you."
Norma: "Whatever, dude."
Shelby: "No, I mean really. We need to cool it on our already-secret love affair, but on the whole I am ready to risk my entire career and life in this town to tamper with your evidence."
Norma: "That will be satisfactory."
WPB PD
Shelby: "Hey, Regina, our distractingly beautiful dispatcher. Could you help me with some basic shit? I'm just your average bumbling hot white guy, playing the Homer Simpson card..."
Regina: "I've been conditioned by culture to indulge this act and will be leaving to get you that paperwork just long enough for you to rewire the station's internal cameras, sneak the evidence room key out of Romero's desk, steal the carpet sample and bumble your ass back out here."
Shelby: "Thanks!"
MEANWHILE
Dylan finds the junkie that killed Ethan and runs him the fuck over. But not before stalking him through the streets and then vrooming toward him, in a very scary and suspenseful sequence, to the point that when the junkie kid ends up a thin jelly on the road. You're kind of shocked it really happened but moreso relieved that it's over.
Presumably then Dylan goes to a strip club to cry for a while.
LADIES ON COMPUTERS
While Emma connects the dots from Shelby's disappearing sex slave back to Keith Summers and then to Keith Summers's boat where Shelby may have stashed his sex slave before Norma slept over, Norma's at the motel poking a bruise: the Bates Motel website includes a picture of the two of them, Norma and Norman, in happier days: "The Team," it's brightly titled. Ironic and sad, but also kind of like she's stalking him on Facebook. Ring ring!
Craig: "Mrs. Bates? It's Rebecca Craig. I am delightful."
Norma: "Damn, I was hoping it was Norman. Or really anybody but you."
Craig: "Not so fast, crazy. Your case just got thrown out. I was going to request a separate DNA test on the carpet fibers but they..."
Norma: "Are you kidding? He got rid of the evidence that fassss... I mean, thank you for this information and it was nice meeting you and haranguing you in your office."
UP THE HILL
Norman sits on the stairs, leaving the still-MIA Bradley a sweet voicemail that is, sadly, too awkward for me to even revisit. It's simply too real. Whatever you're imagining, it's easily four times as bad, because it's ol' Norman. Oh, honey. This kid, he just kills me.
BUT THEN
Norma throws open the door, shining bright as the sun.
"They lost the evidence! It is over! They threw the whole thing out!"
Norman: "Nice to see you and all, but..."
Norma: "I am done being mad at you! But I am not going to apologize!"
Norman: "Life can be beautiful. It's like a beautiful miracle..."
Norma: "Well, more like a beautiful deputy, but..."
Norman: "Aw, fuck. For real? For this one he gets in the backdoor, I bet."
Norma: "Let's not get lost in details, Norman."
Norman stomps the fuck out, because now the whole iceberg is closing up tighter around them all, the sex and the girl nobody believes in but him. So when Emma pulls up, as just the right moment once again, he hops in with barely a word: "Take me somewhere. I want to get out of here." No matter what Emma has to tell him, what she's discovered, in that moment -- maybe this is just me -- but in that moment he sounds classically like a girl in trouble, bad date or mean dad trouble: "Just get me out of here."
Which made me wonder if that isn't also Emma's role. Dylan is the king, not the savior prince: He knows what the world looks like from high above and won't be listened to no matter how clearly he explains it. And in the show's violent reversals, Norman's the princess, the Rapunzel, with Norma's whole story written in his big blue eyes. And then you have Emma, ridin' up on her horse. I don't know, I think there's a lot to this Rapunzel thing, come to think of it. Emma and Bradley both just keep climbing that wall.
THE DOCKS
He doesn't want to talk about it, of course, so she lets him flip out and finally he changes the subject to Jiao.
Emma: "You're in upheaval, I thought it would be rude to just launch..."
Norman: "Girl. Go."
Emma: "Heh, okay. I was like, Okay if I had an Asian sex slave, where would I hide her? Right? And then so I was wondering if Summers had a cabin somewhere maybe or a lake house, but Google said no. But then wouldn't Shelby know about-slash-be involved with the business Summers was running out of the motel? And now that Summers is dead... why do you keep checking your phone?"
Norman: "Emma, I need to tell you that I am with Bradley now."
Emma: "Not to see desperate or anything, but no you aren't. You hooked up, yes?"
Norman: "I think possibly we are in love. Despite her telling me directly and in no uncertain terms that she was purely using me as a physical distraction from her crippling grief."
Emma: "Relationship status unchanged? Thought so. Hookup. Which is fine. We are quite modern here in the WPB, I ain't mad at ya."
Norman: "I am quite not-modern, here in my life, so I guess we can table this while I feel sorry for you."
Emma: "You do whatever you want, lady. But I want to search Keith Summers's boat."
THE SEAFAIRER
Yep, same name as the motel used to have, because Keith Summers was gross but also an idiot.
Emma: "Hey, the worst thing that will happen is we'll fail. Or we'll get arrested for breaking and entering. Which is still not murder."
There's a lock on the outer door, which Emma smashes to fuck with her oxygen tank because she is a boss and then after a few disheartening search minutes, out pops Jiao from a locker, screamin' and clawin' and spittin' and generally doing what you would do if somebody doped you up on heroin and sold you to a bunch of people for sex and then locked you in a broom closet and then randos came to presumably torture you more. Eventually they get her in the car.
UNIT 11
I keep thinking the room numbers are going to matter but in this case I think it's only important because it's so far down from the motel office, which is going to matter in a minute.
Norman: "She keeps passing out and she has puke in her hair, so."
Emma: "I wonder what our endgame here is."
Norma, like the last 24 hours never happened, is acting totally normal and looking for her kid, but eventually when she sees Emma's car -- remember, she's been operating under the assumption that it's Emma who has hamburgled her son's virtue -- she gets all crazy again. She storms the room expecting to find heavy petting, and instead finds a barfing Chinese sex slave on the bed with them both. Needless to say, she is beside herself.
Norma: "Norman what the fuck?"
Emma: "Does she know?"
Norma: "Do I know what? To repeat
Norman: "Have a seat, Norma."
Norma: "I don't think I shall. I don't think I feel like sitting down in the middle of your vomit threesome."
Norman: "Oh my God, chill. This is just your boyfriend's sex slave."
Norma: "This again? How many times do I have to tell you, you hallucinated that."
Norman: "Um, did I hallucinate it so hard that she is sitting on and befouling this bed now?"
Jiao: "It's true. I was kept doped up and raped for months in your boyfriend's house."
Norma: "This is ludicrous!"
Norman: "Or is it awesome that I was totally right, and therefore not a crazy person?"
She stomps back to the office to find a recent newspaper story with a photo of two men, one of whom is Zach. Jiao confirms it, but not in a way where week Norma couldn't just say she probably meant the other guy in the photo -- and for all we know, he could be a Grody Gus too, knowing this town. Finally Norma just sort of stands there, vibrating.
Which is the perfect thing to go out on, because nothing is more hilarious than watching somebody's mom -- and the central character of the best show of television -- nervously contemplating what to do with an Asian sex slave. Best case scenario: Awkward conversation with your boyfriend. Mid-level: Breakup. Slightly worse: Breakup, and he goes to jail. Way worse: He gets into trouble for having a sex slave, but I go to jail for killing my rapist.
Absolute worst: Maybe this could all go away.
WEEK
All this does not go away. But now having confirmed that the brand-new love of her life is not opposed to keeping women -- besides her, which he already was -- in sexual slavery, Norma has some choices to make, some yelling to do and crazy driving stunts to pull with Norman in the car. Meanwhile I can't imagine that Norman is going to feel super great about being right this whole time, once the newness of validation wears off. And if the pattern holds, Bradley reappears and Emma's gonna be gone again. Hopefully, Dylan can move up the ladder so we can get a look at more of the power players in town.
JACOB CLIFTON is a freelance writer and critic based in Austin, Texas. He currently recaps The Good Wife, Bates Motel, and Defiance for TWoP. Jacob can be found online at jacobclifton.com, Twitter, and Facebook, as well as a regular column for Tor.com, Geek Love.
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