Were still in Nashville. Its 9:15 in the AM. A very hungover HARLOW is now arising. They seem none too pleased.
FLICKERSTICK is also just getting up, and Brandin jokes that SOULCRACKERs already played a show today. Heh. Yeah, they stink. Like poop.
Beastie couldnt sleep last night due to my regular mental problem. Rebecca. Thanks for spelling it out, there, Fangy McHairgrease. Apparently, hes been considering getting back together with this girl (whom weve never heard of before now), and hes wondering how his being on a TV show is going to affect things. Not. Its so obvious he just wants some more airtime. Camera hog. Nice name, Beastie. Pardon me for being a little egotistical here, but I think Im quite a catch. And by catch he means spastic colon. He just pronounces it differently.
Anyway, time to hear some totals from Brendon and Katina.
Total tour earnings:
FLICK -- $4886
SCARLET OHARLOW -- $5509
SMELLSLIKEPOO -- $5738
Why are they still winning? Not!
Memphis is the town. Brendon tells everyone to check under their visors to see what the bonus opportunity is going to be. They all do so, and a bunch of casino chips fall out. Basically, they have to play a gig at a casino in Memphis, and they get two hundred bucks, which they can gamble. If they win money, they can put up to a thousand into their tour earnings. If they lose it all, they lose it all.
HARLOWs like, Fuhg dat! SOULCRACKERs like, Dude, we are totally gonna kick ass! Like you always do. Dominic: Dude, we are gonna gamble that money away so fast. Everyone giggles. Theyre awesome, man. Cory thinks he has a foolproof gambling system. Okay, whatever. Dom: Why arent you rich? True.
SOULCRACKER just found out that theyre playing at the Young Avenue Deli on Tuesday. Bob: Oh, great. A deli. Bob, you should not talk, ever. You should just sit there and shut up and not talk and not make me want to throw things at my television. You are made out of poo. Thats right, I said it. Your bones? Poo. Brain? Also poo. Your poo itself is made of even more rancid poo. Sorry, but Bob stinks.
Chimene doesnt want to get drunk tonight because she knows shell want to gamble if she does. Amanda: Thats a great idea, Chimene. I couldnt have thought of a better idea myself. Im not getting drunk tonight. Thats nice. Heh. Sure you wont. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.
Suttons teaching the boys to play poker. Aw. No campfire? Oh, yeah, theyre in a van.
Oh, great. Of course, they start playing Walking in Memphis on the soundtrack. Whatever.
Cory accidentally left his undies in Nashville. Dominic and Brandin are tickled pink by this, as am I. Tee hee!
SOULCRACKER has to cross the border to Mississippi to play their show at Ballys. I dont care much.
Rex wants to know what Corys system for gambling is. Im just gonna play the dollar blackjack table and get liquor. Rex: That dont sound like much of a system. El Dangeroso speaks the truth. He is a wise one. And he rocks.
Rayshele is not happy about the casino and starts to bitch and moan immediately. She says something about how this is a sabotage of wasted time. What the hell does that mean? It seems to me that if you sabotage wasted time, youre actually being pretty efficient, right? Whatever, I guess I know what she means. Kind of. Well, no, not really, but whatever. Rebecca likes the sickness factor of playing to the newlyweds and nearly-deads. Thats nice.
All the bands are showing up at the casino now, getting drinks and preparing to play. It doesnt seem like the greatest venue. FLICK goes on first, and they rock, as usual. Rex: Nobody was into us there. That bling-bling-bling, bling-bling-bling,' that hypnotic thing that just doesnt stop, you know? God! Yeah, dude. Thats gotta suck.
All of the HARLOW girls agree that they dont want to gamble their money. Smart move, I say. Rebecca: Okay, so its anonymous. Waps. I think she means "unanimous." Yeah, anonymous, no one will know who decided. Good save, Beck.
Beastie: The crowd at the casino was comprised mostly of HARLOW and FLICKERSTICK. It was a pretty good crowd. Aw, Beastie. Dont give me a soft spot for you there, guy. Youre the guy I like to hate; dont screw it up for me.
FLICKERSTICK has already started to gamble. Brandin mentions that he thinks everyone in the band is getting along better than ever. Regardless, everyone stinks at the blackjack table. So much for the foolproof plan, Cory. Ah, whatever. Free drinks, right? Right on.
Beastie thinks that now that its down to just the three bands, people are willing to start talking to one another. I dont think its that, dude. I think its just that the other bands drink a lot, and they seem to be pretty jolly drunks. I think that alcohol makes them less prone to cringing when they see you and your band. Thats all it is. Just because they stand there and watch you play blackjack does not mean theyre your BFFs.
HARLOW goes on, and theyre starting to really tighten up. Afterwards, everyone is shootin the shit and talking to one another, which I never thought I'd see. Beastie is prattling on about Rebecca to Chimene, who seems totally uninterested. Rex and Rayshele are getting comfy (a little birdie told me that Rex left his wife after the show and is now dating Rayshele. Aw). Apparently, Rayshele feels that HARLOW uses her as a novelty. Um, whatever. Youre not that interesting. So youve been to jail and smoked pot. Whoop dee doo. Rex has his hand on her knee. Nice. It is so on. She starts breaking down the band to Rex: Rebecca is the preppy college chick [totally], Amandas the sex siren [um, no], Chimene is the rock goddess [also untrue], and Im the hateful fuck. Hmm, interesting.
The following morning, theres another bonus opportunity. Basically, the bands have to pitch themselves to a TV show called "Good Morning Memphis" to get a promo spot and a hundred and fifty smackers. Chimene and Rayshele go down to the studio and wait forever to talk to someone. Ramsey and Beastie go down an hour later. FLICKERSTICK doesnt send anyone, because they dont care. SOULCRACKER gets the gig somehow. Not. They stink. HARLOW is really pissed off. They think that SOULCRACKER gets all the breaks, which is totally true. Rex: Were really depressed about being this far behind, so were not even trying anymore. As if those guys ever really tried in the first place.
A production staff guy comes into FLICKs room bearing a FedEx package. Cory is psyched because its his underwear. Except that it isnt his underwear at all -- it's some random dude's tighty-whiteys. Thats hilarious. Someone in Nashville is turning red right about now. Anyway, Cory decides to burn the nut-huggers out in the parking lot. That is also hilarious. Everyone gets a good laugh out of it, as always. Heh.
SOULCRACKER is having a little pow-wow about their performance on the tour so far. AP doesnt think that SOULCRACKER is getting equal opportunities. Beastie: We once again felt the kiss of death on the backs of our necks from having to play in another place with food in the title. Kiss of death? Thats a bit much. Bob: I want people to come because they met us and heard our music. Um, I dont think I would hold my breath if that were all I had going, chief. Shut up, Bob. Its a fucking TV show. Relax. Why dont you tell yourself that, Bobbo? You suck.