Aight, y'all. Hey, remember when JOSH DODES BAND only got one person at their gig? That was hilarious. For me. Sucks for them, though. Heh.
So, we're still in Cleveland, morning after gigs. Fletcher has a flower "for the winners," which Rebecca is totally either really psyched about or really freaked by, I can't tell. Becks: "I think the guys in FLICKERSTICK are really cool. They have great senses of humor and they're not so competitive. They just came to rock." You know, I totally agree. They are the least uptight band of all of them, and they definitely know how to live the life. Right on, Beck.
DODES is worrying about the van. Jo Jo is afraid they won't get to the city in time to promote. Daryl says something stupid, because he's a jerk. In your face, Daryl! Heh.
So here are Brendon and Katina. Remember, HARLOW is in the lead, SOULCRACKER is second, FLICKERSTICK third, and DODES dead-ass last. So, Pittsburgh is , and this time HARLOW and FLICK are playing together, as well as DODES with CRACKROCKER. HARLOW and WICKERBASKET are psyched, DODES and CRACKER not so much. Heh.
DODES is excited to play with SOULCRACKER because he has an "affinity" for them and he likes "their work ethic." Hmm. Okay. Ramsey: "Unfortunately we've been teamed with the group who got one person at their last show." True. Beastie thinks it's pretty funny. Shut up, Beastie. Outside, Bob mentions something about "separating the men from the boys." Bob, why is your entire band (except for Sutton, he's cool) such a bunch of Cocky McCock-cocks? "Men from the boys"? What is this, Top Gun? Chill, Bob. I'll tell you why you're bitter. Because you don't have any fun. Just because you've "done this before" doesn't make you any better at doing it VH-1 style. So shut it, beeotch.
So, HARLOW has a.k.a.'s for the other bands as well. They call DODES "JOSHUA TREE" and SOULCRACKER "SUGARSHACK." I think mine are better, but those are okay. Rayshele thinks "SUGARSHACK is really competitive." Word, Shelly. Amanda thinks they're bitter because they haven't won yet. Word, Mandy.
Beastie wants to get first place. You never will, Beastie. Not if I have anything to do with it.
DODES now has some ultra-budget replacement door on their van that doesn't even match the rest of the car. It's bright white and makes it look ridiculous. "It's starting to look like a New York band van more and more." Like, ha ha, Daryl. I mean, shut up, Daryl.
Cory talks about his girlfriend as we see him talking to her. "I don't really know where my feelings are." What? Could you be a little more vague, there, guy? That quote could have been pulled out of nowhere. He could be talking about the death penalty. Whatever.
So, we didn't really see much band travel, but we're in P-burgh now. It's Friday. Two days until showtime.
SOULCRACKER goes straight to Rosebud, the club they're playing with DODES. FLICKERSTICK, however, goes straight to Cahoot's, the hotel bar. Real shocker, that. Anyway, they meet some hotshot who's holding a convention door, and he wants them to set up and play. FLICKERSTICK can't just accept money, so they have people just buy CDs and other merchandise. Amanda comes down to the bar, and Fletcher blabs about the spontaneous gig. Brandin is pissed: "Fletcher sometimes reveals information we don't want others to know." Brandin's worried about revealing their "tactics." Brandin, your only "tactic" is booze and rock. You don't need Pythagoras to figure that one out. Dominic brings up Survivor. Come on, dude. This show is nothing like that.
Time for a break. That commercial with the grandpa meeting his grandbaby for the first time is really cute. Aw.
FLICKERSTICK is rocking the convention (which is being held to honor transmission rebuilders), and they are well received. Cory and Brandin give some props to Rex, who during the performance is flipping and flopping around the floor and totally rocking out. Dude, you know what? For right now, Rex is totally redeemed. I can't hate anyone who rocks that hard. Plus he makes a really funny comment about how all the guys at the convention are buying these CDs for their daughters and sons, and "when they get home they're gonna say 'Who the hell is this? Come on, Dad!'" Heh. Anyway, they make $800. Not terribly shabby.
DODES decides to play at Cahoot's Bar. They only play a couple of songs, but the thirty- and forty-somethings really dig it. They sell some merchandise and can now kick back a little.
Back upstairs at the hotel, HARLOW is giving FLICKERSTICK shit because of the whole "joint effort thing," and they're pissed that FLICK didn't include them in their mini-gig downstairs. Whatever, Rebecca. They drank beer with the right people. What did you do? Huh? Brandin: "I think they were a little bit jealous because we got a bit of a head start." True. I with you, B.
Okay, so SOULCRACKER goes to a dance club to play an acoustic set. Bob is vexed: "As soon as they turned off the techno and we started to play, everybody left." Dude, that's because they were there to hear techno and not your shitty band. And stop assuming that just because people don't like your music means they're stupid. In fact, it's probably quite the contrary, so shut up, Bob.
FLICKERSTICK and Amanda and Chimene go out for drinks, as is to be expected. The girls get way too drunk for their own good, and everyone goes back to the hotel. Cory and Fletcher are in the hall, talking shit about how much they drank. Fletcher says "It's time to be a dick. It's past 1:30. It's dick-thirty!" Bwa ha ha! Dominic comes out nude and says, "No, dude. It's prick-thirty." Bwa ha ha! Not.
Commercial time.
Okay, so merchandise sales so far:
FLICK -- $844
HARLOW -- $30 (ouch)
DODES -- $331
CRACK -- $148
Woohoo. Not.
All the bands are getting ready. DODES calls some Yale alumni group. Whatever. FLICKERSTICK sits in Cahoot's and drinks. Brandin: "We're not leaving here until that beeper rings." Fair enough, dude.
There's a bonus opportunity. Whoever wins gets a boat performance at Three Rivers Stadium, and it pays $150. Cool. But let's remember DODES's experience with sports venues. Might not be so great. So all the bands get the page, blah blah. The first band to kill a bottle of the Pittsburgh Steelers' official beer wins. FLICK has a bit of an unfair advantage, already being in the bar. But what's really funny is that HARLOW runs downstairs and orders the beer, but the bartender serves FLICK first. Rex pounds the Iron City beer. Mmm, bonus.
Katina: "So finally your superior, superior drinking ability has won you something." Heh. But you know what sucks? They have to play on the boat. That's really weak. It's a houseboat. Anyway…
DODES is setting up on the back of a flatbed truck (I don't who the hell these guys are that Josh got to hook them up, but whatever, it's kind of a cool idea). They're just gonna tool around on the back and play their inoffensive brand of pop rock and see what happens. They play in a parking lot, and the police show up, naturally. But Maiya runs around pretending to look for the person with the permit, just to stall so they can play a little longer. Good call, Maiya. Finally, someone in DODES band who has a clue.
HARLOW is trying to promote, and they're having trouble dealing with chipsters. They go to some club, and are introduced as "boobies." Really nice. Not.
FLICK is at some bar drinking and meeting girls, something totally new and different. Cory meets some hot girl and pretty much falls in love with her. So much for his girl back home. He asks her to sing a song with them the night just so she'll come to the gig. Dude, if you were in my band I'd smack you upside the head. Come on, now.
Back at the DODES camp, Maiya is getting a back massage from some random guy who knows some German technique. Daryl thinks he sees the guy touch Maiya's ass and he totally freaks like a madman. He starts spouting all this angry, Afro-centric psychobabble which makes him seem even more ignorant than I originally thought. Jo Jo tells him he's being stupid, and Daryl actually says, "You're not black, you don't understand." Maybe he doesn't understand being black, but that is not at all what you're really mad at, man. I don't even know why you're so mad. You're just a dick, I guess. "As a black woman, you are a queen, descendant of queens." Enough, Daryl, really. You're just pissed 'cause some dude had his paws all over Maiya, whom you secretly want to bone. It's so obvious. So shut up already, you jerk. God. "You don't understand our history, you don't understand what we've been through." Oh my frigging God. I now hate Daryl forever. There will be no redemption for him.
I don't care whether she's born with it or if it is Maybelline, she is always welcome at my house.
Show day. Merchandise sales look like dis:
FLICK -- $1054
HARLOW -- $90 (ouch, again)
DODES -- $831
CRACKHEAD -- $241 (suck)
FLICKERSTICK is hurting. It's eight in the morning and they were out until 7:55. They want more sleep, but they have to go to the boat for their bonus. The boat is totally tiny, so they decide to just set up a PA system and blast their CD while Rex plays mime guitar. Now that's promotion, folks! "Getting up at eight in the morning is not high up on the FLICKERSTICK list of things to do." Thanks, Cory, that totally wasn't obvious. Minus the "wasn't" part. Fletcher: "I don't think we really knew how to react to a bunch of sport fans. I felt like a dipshit." Yeah, dude. That sucks. It looks like the whole stadium dealy wasn't so sweet. Oh, well.
A.P. thinks SOULCRACKER's hard work is really gonna pay off. Yeah, right.
HARLOW hates Pittsburgh. They're really offended about the whole "boobies" thing. Chimene: "I just don't like being pimped to people who don't appreciate me." I think it's more, though. I think HARLOW's just really upset that FLICKERSTICK isn't trying to "form an alliance" with them, and they can't ride on FLICK's coattails. Sucks for them.
Okay, so DODES is playing a little scummy now. They want to play first so that they can sell merchandise while SOULCRACKER is playing. I would get pissed, but they're doing it to SOULCRACKER, so I say good.
HARLOW and FLICKERSTICK feel highly unprepared and underhyped for their shows. Too bad.
Jo Jo gets a drum solo. He's pretty damn good, I gotta say. Bob from CRACK thinks so, too.
HARLOW plays. Whatever. Fletcher says, "Their music gives me chills." Like, the kind you get before you hurl? Me too! Rebecca: "Pittsburgh is like kryptonite to HARLOW. It's made us weak and useless." No comment. Actually, they do sound better, but not good yet.
SOULCRACKER is totally out of their element. Josh Dodes thinks that "they do what they do amazingly well." Try convincing everyone else there of that. I think they would beg to differ. As would I.
Both HARLOW and FLICKYFLICK are disappointed with their turnout, but FLICKERSTICK still rocks like they always do. They always look really excited and happy to be playing, and they all have really good stage presence. They're the best band, I think. And they have a decent number of people there, including Cory's new girlfriend (yeah, Cory, you love her).
Heh, Snapple.
Okay, so get this. Ticket sale totals (split in half this time because of the double shows):
FLICK -- $375
HARLOW -- $375
DODES -- $612
CRACK -- $612
Merchandise sales:
FLICK -- $1175
HARLOW -- $400
DODES -- $1281
CRACK -- $597
FLICK also got $150 for the bonus opportunity.
Grand totals:
FLICK -- $3331
HARLOW -- $3007
DODES -- $3067
CRACK -- $2990
Okay, so FLICKERSTICK has pulled yet another win from its collective butt. And they're psyched. Beastie has a problem with Rex, and therefore I have a problem with Beastie. "I don't need a bunch of cute one-liners. This is serious stuff." Beastie, I swear. You suck. Put a lid on it, buttlock. You know what I like about FLICKERSTICK? They at least have a sense of humor about the whole thing. They think it's totally hilarious that they're winning, and they just wish everyone else would find it as funny. Then again, everyone else is losing, so…
SOULCRACKER is pissed. "We here at SOULCRACKER INCORPORATED are not tired. We won't get tired." Yeah, Beastie, but you will get kicked off the show. Have fun with that.
In DODES's van, some random guy is in the van and asks for a ride home, even though he has no clue where he is. Daryl tries to fight him. Whatever. So stupid. Why is Daryl like that? He's always trying to be all honorable and crap, but it's so transparent. What a fartsucker. "My loyalty is to y'all. Any other motherfucker doesn't count for shit." Daryl, calm down. Nobody's impressed. Just shut up and drive the stupid van.
We're back with FLICKERSTICK, where Sutton is chilling. He looks so at home. He should defect from CRACKERTHWACK and join FLICKERSTICK, even if he just runs the board or something. Sutton's band does not live up to Sutton, and it's not fair, I tells ya.
Anyway, Cory's really feeling this girl (whose name we don't know yet). "I'm not married, and I think I owe it to myself to see if something could really happen." All righty. Not sure your girlfriend back home would agree, but that about wraps it up.
week…FLICKERSTICK gets into some pretty nasty bickering, and everyone gets really pissed at CRACKCRACKER for using mega-scummy tactics and undercutting everyone's gig. Those bastards! Stay tuned…