Throw Robby from the Train

S15E06

Back in the Douchebag Car, the other guys are speculating about how Robby D's doing, like READ A BOOK or better yet look out the window at the amazing scenery instead of wasting more than one second than is absolutely necessary on this stupid show! The consensus is that Robby will be fine and get a rose. So we know where this is going.

Back in Jillian's car, the two of them are drinking wine and Robby is lamenting the lack of vocabulary that prevents him from saying anything more interesting than "this is fun," and then Jillian is prodding him to GROW UP somewhat by suggesting that he open a bartending school, and Robby's all "nuh-uh!" for some vague reason and then says that there are so many ideas that go through his head that it's stupid, and Jillian gets that look on her face that women get (presumably) when they figure out that this guy has all these vague plans to be awesome but then winds up on The Bachelorette. And then there's Jillian telling us that she knows Robby's ready to fall in love and have a partner, but he's not ready for all the stuff that goes with it. Translation: Robby's not going to take care of Jillian the way she's repeatedly said she wants.

And then the train starts to slow down, and the dudes in the douchebag car are all, "So what happens if Robby doesn't get the rose?" and then Robby himself is asking why the train is slowing down, and instead of just giving him an answer, Jillian starts into one of her patented hoarse rambling monologues, this one about how Robby makes her feel young (again with that. How old do you think you are, Jillian?) and she blathers on and on and I think the goal here is just make Robby want to jump off the train so he doesn't have to listen to Jillian use her "this is just as hard on me as it is on you" voice.

She says that what she needed was to find out if she could marry him, and what she's found out is that she would, if it were five or ten years from now. When you're forty? Gross! And then the train is dramatically screeching to a halt, and Jillian starts to get all sobby-faced, and Robby tells her that it's OK, and Jillian starts listing all the ways in which he's awesome, just now awesome enough so he can stay on the train and not get eaten by wolverines in the Canadian wilderness. The rest of the guys are amazed to see Robby's luggage get hauled off. Jillian tells us that it was so hard on her to not give Robby a rose, adding, "It must have been hard on him too." That's nice of her. Oh, and it broke her heart, apparently. Well, then, give him one! Don't just leave him here in small-town Canada, ready to join some quirky Northern Exposure-esque community! The other guys wave goodbye, and Robby pounds his chest at his homeys. "Obviously I feel very rejected. It's very disappointing for me. I guess the Descant family curse to not get married is alive and well, because here I am on the damn train tracks," he says, picking up his bags and heading into town before he gets assaulted by moose during rutting season. And we're forced to watch endless shots of Jillian looking all morose at the thought of eliminating a really great guy, because she was totally forced to be on this show and play it exactly the way it always gets played, right? She says that with Robby, the conversation never got it deep as it should have. Ouch. Hear that, Robby? Jillian didn't think your conversation was deep enough. Jillian. She whines again about how she doesn't like hurting people like that. Again, she was forced to do this, you guys.