I'm Here for the Right Reasons -- Booze

S15E04

Then Jillian is hanging out with Jesse, who wastes all his time with her by babbling about how he hasn't gotten to spend any time with her and he was really hoping to spend time with her, and then he tells her that she's driven, so successful, and has a sense of humour, and those three things make up the complete package for him, which I'm sure he'd still feel if she were ugly. Then she's telling him that he's still here for a reason, which makes him feel better, although I doubt he'd feel better if he realized that the reason is probably that she's only allowed to cut so many douchebags per week. Then they start kissing. "Actually sitting down with Jillian was hands-down the best part of the day," he tells us.

Meanwhile, Jake is asking the other guys if he comes across as "too perfect," like how much does Jake deserve to be punched in his perfect face right now, and Dave is talking about how Jake probably comes across as too straightforward and that most girls like the little bit of challenge to the bad boy, which in my experience is true, like, in HIGH SCHOOL, and that women generally grow out of that bullshit by college, and that any who don't really aren't worth wasting time on anyway, because at some point, unless the bad boy grows up himself, he just turns into the raging asshole with a drinking problem, which is ... probably why Dave has a vested interest in thinking Jillian would be into that.

And Jillian in an interview is countering Dave's theory by explaining that he's rough around the edges and she hopes to see the softer side of Dave. He sits down with her, and reminds her of how she gave him the first impression rose, and this is a good time to remind Dave that he got the first impression rose because Jillian thought his tongue-tied routine was sweet, and it had nothing to do with Dave revving his motorcycle and getting into a bar fight, which is what he seems to have convinced himself.

And the promos have led us to think that Dave practically date-rapes Jillian here, so let's get right to it, shall we? Dave tells her, with bug eyes, about how awesome her ass looked in spandex, and that he was standing behind her looking at her ass the whole time they were curling. "Her ass is FANTASTIC," he raves to us in yet another drunken interview. "I mean, it's (bleep) hot." He calls her a liar when she says she doesn't look at her own ass in the mirror. In an interview, she tells us that when they get comfortable, he gets a little too comfortable with her, and I think it's pretty sad that she can't just say, "This guy is a mental case," and be done with it. She's looking increasingly uncomfortable even as he's babbling on about how comfortable she is with him, and she adjusts her neckline which he points to as more evidence of comfort like, "Your (bleep) are hanging out, it's cool whatever," he says, and then he goes in for a kiss and she gives him the cheek deflection, and he pouts that he doesn't get a kiss. "Not after the word (bleep)," she says, and he leans in to whisper, "Why the hell wouldn't you kiss after the word (bleep)?" he asks her, and then he says he's never been turned down for a kiss before, and all I can is that escort services have to make their money somehow. And he whines that she's kissed everybody, which horrifies her, and she says she kissed a bunch of the guys for the acting thing, which weren't real kisses. "I'm not that girl," she says, and I hate to point out that even if she were, that doesn't mean Dave is owed a kiss. And besides, doesn't it seem like she actually has kissed just about all the guys? "I just feel like he doesn't respect me," she tells us. Meanwhile, I can't believe she hasn't just stood up and walked out on him, instead of babbling on about kissing guys when it got to a natural place to do that, and I'd like to know what the word "natural" has to do with The Bachelorette anyway. He tells her that in a normal situation he would have kissed her one hundred percent, hands-down. In an interview, he drunkenly and deludedly tells us that Jillian is into him, and that she's just challenging him, because she somehow totally set him up to go in for a kiss and then didn't give one.