Seventeen and Counting

S06E02

Anyway. Ali swears she knows Justin is Rated R in all the right ways and sees he has a good heart and a kick ass half-Nelson. Justin hobbles back upstairs and everyone glares at him. Ali ends up giving her special date rose to Tennessee Ty for being so honest about his shortcomings. Or at least because his shortcomings aren't in his pants. Then, in an odd editing choice, Jonathan comes on and explains that if Ali keeps Fake Dean around, he is going home, because that is a Big Sign. And you know what? That may be the smartest thing anyone has said on this show.

The day, Ali is super excited about her date with Peculiar Jesse because he is "hot." She doesn't know anything else about him except that he is from Peculiar, Missouri and possibly works for the Chamber of Commerce. Ali is taking Jesse to Vegas on a private jet, which is a big deal for the small-town boy, but also for Ali, who is apparently terrified of flying. The fact that she is scared shitless by flying kind of ruins the illusion they are thrusting on us that she "chose" this date. Maybe on her date she'll "choose" to be covered in spiders, whipped with live cobras, and to sit in the audience of Emeril Live. She survives the flight, and she and Jesse hop into the red convertible Ferrari parked on the runway. They drive to a hotel and hit the pool and then roll around in the water in the bathing suits. Peculiar Jesse is going to have a lot to explain to the folks back in Missouri. Like private jets and Italian sports cars and pre-marital sex and what a nice boy like him is doing in Sin City.

Somebody took pity on Jesse and bought him a better suit and a shirt that requires cufflinks and not snaps, which is a big step for him. Jesse finds Ali in a luxury suite. They spend a lot of time hugging, but Ali confesses that while she knows Jesse is a really nice guy, she needs to make sure that they have a real connection. She wants love, not loins. Jesse flat-out asks for the rose, which doesn't seem particularly polite. They hug some more. Hey, do you wonder how things are going back at the man brothel? Me neither, but they show us anyway: Fake Dean is full-on torturing The Weatherman. This is clearly strategic on Fake Dean's part, because if the house turns into a sort of Lord of the Flies situation, he wants to make sure everyone knows who is Piggy and who is not. Back on the real date, Ali ruins any sense of suspense and gives Jesse his rose. Then they go to some closed-down club and are serenaded by a singer-songwriter who is reminiscent of a poor man's Elton John... er, make that a poor man's Ben Folds... er, make that male Vanessa Carlton. Whoever he is, I bet Perez Hilton really likes him. Anyway, some guy who probably sadly thinks this is some sort of career-making moment plays the couple a song so they can dance. Alone in a closed club. That's not my idea of fun; in fact it just seems pretty damn awkward. I'm sure alcohol helps alleviate that. Hope Jesse's not from a dry county!