Episode Report Card Daniel: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
By Daniel | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 06.29.2009
e's with someone who's thirty-six who doesn't make her laugh? Good point! Or, what if you're with someone who's forty-six who does nothing but work on his model train set? Is she trying to say that she really wants a thirty-six-year-old who does make her laugh?So then everyone sits down for dinner, and we're introduced to the sweet family tradition of the family question, and Frank asks Jillian what are three things about her that she's most proud of. They are, in order: 1) That she can laugh at just about anything; 2) she loves to see good in everybody, and 3) her energy or work ethic. I guess I misunderstood the question, and Frank actually asked her for three completely inane pseudo-attributes.
And then, in case you were wondering why we were told about a family member who couldn't be there, it's because sister Jenna is actually home from Australia because it's so important for her to be there to see if her brother is Jillian's absolute most favoritest of her five current boyfriends.
And then the family is dancing in the living room, and for god's sake why is Michael not pulling out the square of cardboard to show off some breakdancing? "Am I nuts are does that girl just fit right into the Stag crew?" Michael asks us. You're nuts. You should have seen her making out with Reid at his family birthday party! Lynn notes that there was a lot of back-and-forth between Jillian and Michael, and it was nice to see him so happy. Jillian says she had a great time, and the Staglianos are very down to earth, and it's clear they all think Michael is ready for something like this, and Michael tells us that he hasn't met a girl and he never will, and he thinks that to the day he dies, there will be something that will hook him with Jillian. Well, I hope it works out, because that's going to be a hard soundbite to explain to whoever he eventually winds up with.
Over to San Diego, now, which is Kiptyn's hometown, and he tells us this is a special day because he's "definitely aware that there's a strong possibility that I could fall in love with Jillian." Sigh. It's like something you can only hear sung by the gondoliers in Venice, isn't it? He's waiting by the beach when Jillian squeals and comes running over to hug him. She tells us that up until now, it's either been that she wants the guy she can't have and she can't be herself around him, or she doesn't want the guy who falls in love with her for being herself, but with Kiptyn, she feels she can be herself and be in love, or something like that. Then they are drinking wine on the beach, which is probably illegal. Kiptyn says she's going to be meeting his stepdad tonight, and then the next thing we know they're making out. "If Kiptyn's family is as perfect as he is, this could be overwhelming."
Then she got worried because his house was so beautiful and rustic, whatever that's supposed to mean. She thinks this might be the first family she doesn't fit in with.
So inside the house, Jillian meets the family, and they hug -- is that painting fuzzed out? What, is it secretly a McDonald's billboard or something? Kiptyn says Jillian's meeting his mom Eve, stepdad Earl, sister Dahvia, brother Bryce and Bryce's girlfriend Nancy. Kiptyn says he hopes Jillian gets along with his family, because that would make things so much easier. Well, um, yeah.
And then Earl invites Jillian out to see the yard, where they have an "indoctrination" prepared for her, which turns out to be yellow caution tape around the hot tub, because they saw the last few episodes of The Bachelor. Jillian jokes that it won't stop her, and then tells us she loves it when people poke fun at her for being a skank. I mean, she words it differently, but that's the idea. Jillian can't promise there won't be another hot tub scene. Your dad must be so proud.
Kiptyn's parents then make her judge the lasagnas they made and the wines they selected, and Jillian considers herself a "foodie," like how annoying are people who refer to themselves as "foodies" anyway, and then Jillian picks lasagna No. 2 paired with the dark red wine, which is apparently the "correct" opinion for her to have on the subject of HER OWN PERSONAL FOOD PREFERENCES, and everyone toasts. And then suddenly Kiptyn's parents are speaking a little bit of French, and then Eve is classily tossing the wine onto the ground, and yelling, "Only Grandma drinks that!" and laughing uproariously, and somehow Jillian is under the impression that Kiptyn's parents are very polished and refined, like THEY PUT YELLOW POLICE TAPE AROUND THE HOT TUB BECAUSE OF YOUR SKINEMAX HOT TUB SCENE. "They might just think I'm a total hillbilly!" Well, impart your hot dog theory. I'm sure they'll be impressed.
So it's dinner time, and Jillian talks about how since her friend's wedding she knows what unconditional love is, and she's the only single one of her friends, and Kypyn's sister is advising him to get her pregnant, and then Eve sits down with Jillian to ask her if there was one thing she could change about herself to make Kiptyn happy, what would it be? Which is kind of one of those questions that begs for a bullshit answer, like when a prospective employer asks about a bad habit you have and you say, "I work too hard," or something, and Jillian spouts some nonsense about having to work for her happiness, and Eve, amusingly, is all, "What does that mean?" and points out that that's a contradiction in terms. Jillian says Eve was the first parent who really truly grilled her, and was kind of intense and intimidating.
Meanwhile, Kiptyn's talking to his sister about whether he would actually ask her to marry him. Kiptyn says it may be premature to be thinking about something like that happening in the next three weeks or month, but the next phase will help answer that question.
Back inside, Eve is "jokingly" asking about how she would deal with an overbearing mother-in-law, and Jillian says she would always want Eve to tell her what she's thinking, which clearly isn't a problem for Eve, who tells Jillian that she's really special and has given Kiptyn a real spark.
And then later on, Kiptyn and Jillian head out to the hot tub, with Eve watching on the inside, and Kiptyn says that everyone loved Jillian, and he thinks they're going to have a chance to continue exploring, but he's nervous because he's not going to see her until the next rose ceremony.
Next up in the California tour is Jesse's family's winery in Carmel. He drives up in a tractor, and he tells us that the last time he brought a girl home to his parents was four years ago, so this is a big step. They hug, and he proudly shows off the family winery. Jillian talks about how he opened up to her at the lodge the last time they talked, so she hopes things continue. Nothing could make me more excited than more scenes of people sitting around saying trivial things about untrivial matters!
He asks her if she has any concerns about him, and her only concern is if he's ready. "But I think, you know, that's something you have to think about, and let me know what you think," she says. After he figures out exactly what that meant, he talks about how his relationships often take him a long time to figure out. She points out they don't have a lot of time, and he says he thinks things have gone as well as they could have for the short time.
Time to meet the family. Dad Joseph, mom Betty, and brother Jacob. Betty leads a Hungarian toast at dinner, and Jillian asks Jacob if he's dating anyone, and Jacob is this massive guy with long hair and a beard and he talks about how women are expensive. So no plans to date any time soon!
Jesse goes outside to talk to his brother, who wants to know if Jillian's getting all baby-biological-clock crazy, and Jesse talks about Jillian's five-year plan to have kids, which I think is a few years longer then any plan I remember Jillian telling us about, and Jesse defensively tells his brother that if he got married he'd want to have kids in five years. "What the hell?" says Jacob.