And now it's the one-hour payoff of broken hearts and spilled tears, also known as After the Final Rose! Chris Harrison comes out to tell us that Ben proposed to the woman that millions of people hoped he wouldn't, which I think overstates how much people actually do care. And then he hilariously asks the audience in the studio (and at home) to withhold their judgments and to let everyone involved speak openly. Not gonna happen!
Ben comes out, and Chris Harrison says, "Congratulations!" for the beautiful proposal, and that Ben fell in love with this woman, and Ben says, "I'm still in love with this woman."
< p>And now Harrison is talking about how Courtney has admitted to regretting her behavior, and asks Ben -- who STILL hasn't fucking shaved -- if he's in love with the woman who was on television, and Ben says the woman he saw on television isn't the Courtney he knew, even though he now says there were things about her that he was noticing towards the end that made him wince, like Courtney skipping away from rose ceremonies or whatever."Were you ever embarrassed of her and maybe embarrassed of yourself for what happened?" asks Harrison, and anytime someone asks that question of someone involved with this show, the answer should always be "Yes." Ben says he wasn't led astray by some temptress, but then admits that while the show was airing, and the negativity that surrounded it, they essentially broke off the engagement and didn't speak for several weeks, and he talks about how they didn't want to surround something that "was so pure in that moment" with all the negativity and bullshit or whatever.
And apparently there are photos of Ben with another woman, and Chris asks what that's about, and Ben denies kissing any of the women in the photos, and whether it's true or now, sullying his dead father's name to swear on his dead feather's grave on this show seems like a terrible idea. I've also been told that Ben is a lying scumbag, which I'm willing to believe.
And then Ben is saying that when photos of Ben came out, Courtney decided to go try on wedding dresses to divert attention, or something. "You guys clearly are very weird," says Harrison. I guess he can't really use the word "idiots."
Commercial break, and then Ben's gone and Courtney comes on, looking ... quite stunning, actually. There's not much applause, and quite a lot of booing, and several shots of woman staring disapprovingly at the person who is, naturally, always to blame when things aren't working out in a relationship: the woman. Harrison notes the boos and Courtney thinks it's disappointing and heartbreaking that everyone isn't behind her, or them, or some such self-centered nonsense. "This is supposed to be a story about love and finding love, and it's spoiled," she said. Look, if people wanted a story about love, they wouldn't watch The Bachelor, all right?
By Daniel
Commercial break, and then Ben's gone and Courtney comes on, looking ... quite stunning, actually. There's not much applause, and quite a lot of booing, and several shots of woman staring disapprovingly at the person who is, naturally, always to blame when things aren't working out in a relationship: the woman. Harrison notes the boos and Courtney thinks it's disappointing and heartbreaking that everyone isn't behind her, or them, or some such self-centered nonsense. "This is supposed to be a story about love and finding love, and it's spoiled," she said. Look, if people wanted a story about love, they wouldn't watch The Bachelor, all right?
Harrison asks how responsible she feels for the response she got, and Courtney says she deserves some, because she's got some sass in her, and living in a house with other women competing for the same guy brought out the worst in her.
As for the breakup, apparently it happened right around Valentine's Day. Things were good for about a month after filming, says Courtney, and Ben even shared Thanksgiving with her family, and Ben asked her father's permission to marry her. Harrison asks if Ben was supportive, and Courtney says Ben abandoned her -- at which point you can clearly hear someone in the audience laugh, presumably right before they're removed from the studio.
Harrison asks if right now she considers them a couple: "Yes. We're together. I think," she says. Harrison points out that's not a ringing endorsement, at which point Courtney goes into her pretending-to-cry routine and says she doesn't know, but she loves him and she's willing to try. She wants to have a normal relationship, and they need to talk about a lot.
Harrison says the million-dollar question is where this relationship is right now, so that unfortunately means we're going to sit the two of them together to find out, which they do after a commercial break. "For the first time, together in public, here they are a couple, let's bring him back out, Ben!" says Harrison.
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By Daniel
Lots of applause, no booing. It MUST be Courtney's fault, you guys! Harrison says there's optimism on both sides, but it also seems like there's trust issues. Neither of them say anything, so Harrison asks how things stand, and there's an uncomfortable pause before Ben says, "In a good place!" which sounds about as horseshitty as I'm sure it is.
Harrison asks why they broke up for a while, and Ben says he's never been in a situation like this, and he was surprised watching the stuff on television, because he's a low-drama person, and he knows Courtney is a no-drama person. The audience snickers at this, and Ben and Courtney talk about the tough crowd, and Ben says they'll have to get used to this. Yes, because you guys will be on television forever and people won't have forgotten your names in a month's time!
Harrison asks if she can trust him wholly, and Courtney says, "Not completely." And Ben looks at her, and nods, like he understands. And when Chris Harrison advances the controversial thesis that marriage depends on being able to trust each other, Ben starts blaming their problems on not being able to spend time together, and now they are talking about how good they are at communicating each other. Except for when they broke up and Ben didn't return Courtney's calls, I guess? The level of the cognitive dissonance here is staggering.
Harrison says they're hearing two different stories: we're optimistic, but we're not sure what we're doing. So to make it clear: do they have any doubts? Courtney starts with an "Ummm..." which makes the audience laugh again, and keep in mind this is a studio audience for The Bachelor, which traditionally isn't the most skeptical group of people.
Harrison asks Ben if he can tell Courtney that he won't abandon her, and Ben equivocates, talking about how he can honestly say he wants to be with her. Oh, and what the hell, he won't abandon her! Again, that is.
After the commercial break, Harrison talks about their magical Matterhorn proposal, where it really seemed like they were in love. And in case someone decided to tune in for After the Final Rose but not the two hours before it, we're forced to watch this bullshit again. Ben and Courtney seem pretty excited to watch themselves on television.
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By Daniel
Then Harrison talks about how he noticed a lot of emotion while they were watching it, and Courtney talks about how it was a nice reminder of the happiest day of her life, while Ben says "It's hard. In that moment, you're so happy, and then everything plays out the way it did, and it's like we said when we were going through it, it's going to be the two of us." Plus all those women you weren't kissing, right? He does appear to be welling up, and says that beautiful moment has been soiled. Harrison asks if they'd say the same things to each other today, and they both say yes.
And now Harrison says that most of the time when they do this show, the happy couple comes out and the ring is on her finger (shot of Courtney's hand, where there is no ring), and he neglects to mention the way the happy couples are always broken up a couple of months after the season ends, and then Harrison whips out the ring from his pocket and dares Ben to put it on Courtney again, which he does, and the audience applauds because they're happy that the evil Courtney is now no longer causing Ben to stick his tongue down other women's throats.
Harrison asks if there will be a wedding, and Ben and Courtney are essentially all, "Sure, what the fuck, we have just another fifteen minutes to lie to people tonight." Harrison wishes them the very best.
And then Harrison warns that, as usual when the After the Final Rose airs and it completely exposes what a waste of time the whole thing is, they're going to trot out a couple that doesn't currently want to stab each other to death, which in this case is Ashley and J.P., whoever they are.
So then these people come out and hug Chris Harrison, while the people in the audience smile and applaud appropriately. Ashley talks about the déjà vu she's experiencing, and then Harrison is asking for her take on what Ben and Courtney are going through, and Ashley starts talking about how after she was on, people called her "ugly" and "stupid" and Harrison is all, "Yeah, thanks for talking about yourself but how about BEN AND COURTNEY," and Ashley talks about how they have to be there for each other. Something useless like that. J.P. calls Ben "one of the good guys," and both he and Ashley think the worst is over. Harrison asks J.P. what it's like to watch "the woman you love get drug [sic] through the mud."
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By Daniel
Harrison then hilariously calls Ashley "America's darling" and Ashley says it's weird, because she doesn't know what changed. America moved on, maybe? That's why it's so ridiculous that we have to spend more time with these two. J.P. says Ashley's pregnant, and she freaks out and tells everyone it's not true, and she's doing a residency or some such. They're coming up on a year anniversary of their engagement, which J.P. says they decided they'd only talk seriously about once she was done school, and he says she was texting him pictures of rings yesterday, and she pretends to be embarrassed that he told people that.
"We are starting planning and we're hoping to get married within the year," she says, adding that she always thought it would be romantic to be pregnant and get married. Wait, what? And it turns out that they've already picked out names, but Ashley, who I think may have been huffing laughing gas backstage, says she's not going to tell Harrison what they are.
Depressingly, we are reminded that there will be another season of The Bachelorette and Ashley offers up some advice for Emily, like "Don't forget to be awesome," or something, and then it's time to go, and the audience is standing and applauding, and despite the fact that this was After the Final Rose for Ben and Courtney, the credits are all about J.P. and Ashley, which tells you about as much as you need to know about Ben and Courtney.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. It's the most wonderful time of the year! Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.
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