Props to Scade and CptBitterness.
In suburb-hell, the demon looms over Gunn. Gunn moans, "Please -- what did I do?" as the demon picks up a knife. Oh, poor Gunn. Suddenly the house shakes, and there are crashing noises upstairs. The basement door is kicked down, and Illyria descends the stairs. The demon moves to attack her, but she easily knocks him into a wall. You know, I was just chatting with someone about how tired we are of seeing people get tossed into walls on this show. I realize that they often need to do something that looks impressive but won't actually kill someone, but knocking people into walls has lost impact. So to speak. Illyria pulls the necklace off Gunn, who sits up and mutters to himself until he remembers his name. Then he looks at Illyria and says, "Fred? You look terrible." She hauls him off the table, and he remembers: "Illyria." She tells him to move, but Gunn explains that he can't leave unless someone else puts the necklace on. The demon runs at Illyria, who eyes the necklace and then does a questioning head-tilt. She's been hanging around Spicule too much.
Cut to the necklace, hanging around the demon's neck. He lies on the table, raises the knife above his chest, plunges it down, and screams. Heh.
Wesley's office. Wesley dully tells Angel that he had been telling Illyria why they hadn't been able to rescue Gunn. He concludes, "She nodded, created a portal, and disappeared." Angel grumbles, "So she's just -- what, helping you out? She's your little...helper!" Heh. Angel needs a thesaurus. Angel wonders why Illyria would do this, and Wesley mutters that Illyria's a god and all godlike with the goditude and stuff. Angel frets that Illyria is hanging around because she realizes that Wolfram & Hart is powerful, and she wants to regain her throne. Wesley wants to find some way to "integrate" Illyria, if you know what he means. Angel scoffs at the idea of Illyria's joining the MoG. Right on cue, a portal opens, and Illyria steps out with Gunn. She immediately raises Gunn up by the neck and says, "This...thing." Angel steps forward threateningly while Wesley tries to soothe her. Illyria asks, "It holds value?" Wesley quickly agrees, and tells Illyria that they owe her a debt for rescuing Gunn. Illyria drops Gunn to the floor and agrees, and then exits. Angel harrumphs, "Go team."
Credits. I tell Johanna that Wesley sure is muttery. Johanna wants to know who's responsible for Angel's horrible new haircut. Granted, the poofy long hair was odd, but at least it was in proportion to his head. I suggest that Harmony does his hair. Which might explain why he's so irritated with her sometimes.
Gunn steps off the elevator in a hoodie. Yay! He enters his office sees a couple of giant piles of paperwork on his desk.
Wesley is talking to his magic reference book, looking for information on the Old Ones, when Gunn enters. Wesley's desk and floor are covered with papers and open books, and Wesley's hair is mussed, and...well, how about I just sum it up: he looks batshit crazy. Wesley looks at Gunn with some confusion as he hurries across the room to get a book. On his way back to his desk he pauses, and notes, "I stabbed you. I should apologize for that. But I'm honestly not sure how." He looks uncomfortable and finally says, "I think it'll just be awkward." Gunn says he doesn't need an apology, and might not accept one if it was offered. He adds that the stabbing doesn't seem so bad after having his heart ripped out daily for two weeks. Wesley briefly stops spinning his eyes around like pinwheels to ask what Gunn wants. Gunn sighs, "A compass, maybe? The thing that killed my friend saved my life. No one knows why. This place just went Poseidon on my ass -- I don't know which way is up." Wesley gets up from the desk again and agrees, "Everything is...a bit odd," and punctuates that with a big hand wave that cracks me up. Wesley creeps around the office peering at the books, and we can now see that he's not wearing shoes. He cheerily says that they have to adjust to "things." Like Illyria, for instance. His voice sinks as he says, "You can't look at her without seeing...." He pauses, then grins as he continues, "Her body's owner." Gunn looks sad, and Wesley goes on spookily to say, "We look so tiny to her." Gunn asks if they have some way of controlling Illyria, and Wesley laughs at the idea while reading a scroll. Wesley says, "She still thinks she's the god-king of the universe," and then taps his watch and listens to it. I did that a lot during this episode myself. Gunn asks, "So she's like a TV star?" Wesley says, "No, nothing that bad." Zing! He adds that Illyria is "a bit more violent, though."
Illyria punches Spicule down in the, um, sparring room? Whatever it is. It's nice that they set up a special room just for pummeling Spicule. I'll bet Angel requested it way before Illyria turned up. I think Illyria's forehead is bluer than it used to be. It'd be neat if the blue were spreading. But it's probably just slightly inconsistent makeup. Oh well. Anyway, they fight, and then Illyria says ponderous things, and then Spicule quips, and then they fight some more. Spicule has gotten better at dodging her blows, and Illyria says that he's adapting, and then sneers, "Adaptation is compromise!" She goes on about how she was a god and people suck and all that. So bored with it. So is Spicule, since he rushes at her, and she waves her hand so that he slows down. As he soars slowly through the air, she walks around him to the other side of the room. I hadn't noticed that her bootleg pants give her cute anime feet. Eventually, Spicule lands, time speeds up again, and Illyria, of course, knocks him into a wall. Which is when we can spot Angel watching from the observation booth. Angel calls on an intercom and asks Spicule to step outside for a chat. Illyria agrees that Spicule can go.
In the observation booth, Angel tells Spicule that he has to quit sparring with Illyria. Spicule protests that testing her is sharpening his technique. Angel says that they aren't testing her. "She's testing us." Hey! Angel said something smart. Have a cookie. There's a woomph, and suddenly Illyria is in the room with them, gasping for breath. Spicule chirps that he "got her winded, at least," and calls her "little Siva," which, hee. Illyria looks around, confused. Angel doesn't notice her confusion because he's already used up his brainpower for the day.
Gunn picks up the first file from his pile, but is quickly interrupted when Cary enters, wearing a hat and sunglasses in addition to his traditional eye-catching garb. Cary asks how Gunn's doing, and Gunn asks what's with Cary's style choices. Cary explains that Angel told him to tail Illyria, and holds up a product-placed walkie-talkie. They trade rueful sighs about Illyria, and then Gunn mentions his visit to Wesley's office. Cary interrupts: "Oh, God, don't go in there! That's where he keeps his full-strength crazy!" Heh. Cary says that Wesley's like two different people: one's catatonic and the other one's nuts. Gunn asks what Angel thinks about it, and Cary sighs that Angel isn't sharing much. The walkie-talkie chirps, and Angel crabbily announces that there's a meeting in his office.
And yet they're actually meeting in the conference room. Well, it's adjoining Angel's office, but still. Spicule helpfully reminds us that Angel wants to get rid of Illyria, and asks, "You talking pasture or slaughterhouse?" Angel observes that Illyria killed Fred. Since he's outside of his office, Wesley goes back to being muttery as he says that Illyria "infected Fred with no more malice than a phage." He reluctantly agrees that Illyria is a danger to them all, though. Angel asks if Wesley has a problem with the idea of killing her, and Wesley sighs, "No." Speaking of problems, Gunn asks about this apocalypse he's been hearing about. Aw, Gunn's back to being the voice of the audience. Wesley calmly says, "The thousand-year war of good versus evil is well underway." Oh, I see. Angel adds that evil hasn't mentioned it to anyone, "which is probably why they're winning." Maybe the MoG can win if they just ignore it, then. What if they gave an apocalypse and nobody came? Spicule says, "We're apparently on the wrong side. Or the right side, if you like winning." Gunn still isn't convinced, but Angel insists, "time you go out there, take a good look around. It's true." Gunn promptly gets up and exits. Ten minutes later, he rushes back in, sits down, and says, "Holy cow, it's totally apocalyptic out there!" Okay, that didn't happen. I don't know. On the one hand, I like the idea of the apocalypse being something subtle instead of another round of hellmouths and world-ending disasters. On the other hand, I don't think "subtle" means "completely undetectable." Angel grunts that they're fighting "an invisible war" and that he doesn't know whom they're fighting against. Yeah, but acknowledging the vagueness of the problem isn't making it any less vague. Angel ruefully adds, "We're still the firm's number-one earner."
"Not anymore," Hamilton interjects as he steps into the conference room. Hamilton says that in the process of rescuing Gunn, Illyria destroyed eleven torture units along with "two troop carriers, an ice-cream truck, and eight beautifully maintained lawns." Heh. But she destroyed an ice-cream truck? She truly is evil. Hamilton says that the costs for all the damage will come out of this division's profits. Oh no! Nobody cares, including the characters. Moving on, Hamilton tells Gunn that he'll be getting a new case, and adds, "It's good to see you again, by the way." Angel says that they have other priorities, but Hamilton lectures Angel about how he should think about profits. Because...no, still don't care. Hamilton concludes, "It's a business, boys, not a bat-cave," and exits. Cary turns to the others and says, "I still like him better than Eve."
Wesley's sitting on the floor of his office when Illyria enters for a quick chat about what day it is. I think it's several days since this episode started, if that helps. Illyria says that they've had this conversation before, and that Wesley is her guide. She looms over him and adds, "You're my betrayer," and expositions that Wesley thought smashing the Orlon Window would bring Fred back. Wesley gets up while bitterly adding, "Instead, I brought back more painful memories." He admits that if all had gone as planned, he'd have destroyed Illyria, but that wasn't his primary goal. Then Wesley peers at Illyria and asks if his betrayal pains her. Illyria sniffs, "'Betrayal' was a neutral word in my day," and goes on like that before concluding, "Perhaps I am only bothered before I am bothered." Wesley figures she's almost as nonsensical as a real human being, hooray! Illyria rants about how pitiful humans are, and Wesley waggles a finger at her and says, "Now, now. Manners."
Gunn enters Angel's office with the new file from Hamilton. The MoG have to witness a pact involving some demons. Angel asks about Hamilton's little "Good to see you again" comment from their meeting. Gunn explains that Hamilton tried to make a deal with him while he was in suburb-hell. Angel quietly asks, "And what'd you say?" Gunn wonders if Angel really has to ask him that. Angel doesn't blink, and says, "I really do." Ouch. Poor Gunn. Gunn says he turned Hamilton down, and adds that he doesn't intend to make any more deals. Angel says that'll make lawyering tricky. Gunn rambles about "making business go smoothly for a bunch of hideous, scaly, evil clients." Naturally, that's when a wholesome, pregnant blonde steps into the office and announces that she's there about the pact.
The blonde is named Amanda, and is played by Jamie Bergman. Mrs. Boreanaz if you're nasty. She's very Darla-esque. Maybe it's the pregnancy-bump. Anyway, she explains that a group called the Fell Brethren had a prophecy about a Holy One, and her kid-to-be is it. (Nautilus!) She adds, "They've been really supportive. They're always bringing me special shakes and vitamins." Gunn says that demonic pacts should be treated with caution: "As our client, we have to advise you to --" "She's not your client," a demon interrupts. There are actually three demons in the doorway, with wrinkly faces and nondescript black cloaks. The lead demon concludes, "We are."
Illyria non sequiturs, "It doesn't exist until it cracks apart." Wesley's poring over his books again, and doesn't bother looking up as he asks what she's going on about. Even Wesley's getting bored by her. That's a bad sign. Maybe that's what this apocalypse is about: instead of destroying the world, the Senior Partners are trying to bore it to death. And the MoG are playing right into their hands! Oh no! Anyway, Illyria answers, "Time." Now Wesley does look up, as he says that Illyria doesn't look so good. Illyria snarks in response, and then twitches, knocks a glass of water over, and bends over, clutching her stomach.
Illyria straightens up again in the Spicule-sparring room. Wesley is startled to see her, and we see that he's holding a gigantic gun that looks like it would transform into a totally awesome robot. Angel says, "Wes, do it now!" and rushes for Illyria. Illyria clutches her stomach again.
Illyria is in the observation booth, gasping for breath. Spicule chirps that he "got her winded, at least," and calls her "little Siva," which, hee. Illyria looks around, confused. The nice thing about this is that I can cut & paste half the recap. And yet, I can't escape the feeling that there was a mix-up with the scripts, and that Keckler should be recapping this.
Commercials. Johanna and I discuss Wesley's arrival in Loony-Land. I say, "The weird thing is, now he's kind of likable this way. He's not such an ass when he's completely insane." Johanna says Wesley reminds her of Gollum. I agree, and wonder if that's why he seems more likable to me. Then I suggest that he should express his new attitude by only shaving one side of his face.
We return to Angel and Spicule looking at Illyria in the observation room. She has another cramp, and she's back in Wesley's office. She glares at Wesley and says, "You tried to murder me." Illyria suddenly shoves the desk forward, which pins Wesley up against the window frame, and then adds, "Again!" Wesley insists that he doesn't want Illyria to die. Illyria says that she already saw it, and stomps off in a huff.
Outside the office, Cary watches Illyria leaving and reports via the walkie-talkie: "Bluebird is in flight." He follows her out of the lobby, and the camera moves on to the Fell Brethren, who have gathered at one side of the lobby. Harmony tells them that it'll be a few minutes, and asks if they'd like a lovely beverage. The Brethren want to know what Angel and Gunn are doing with their Holy One's mother. Harmony reassures them that Angel will "snap her like a pregnant twig" if she's causing any trouble. The demons talk among themselves and agree that they'd like an organic cola.
In the conference room, Gunn tells Amanda that there's still time for her to get out of the contract. They're interrupted when the walkie-talkie starts beeping and Cary says, "Angel-ears? This is Secret Demon -- come in!" Heh. It's nice that they're giving Cary something to do. And this is a clever way of having him involved in scenes without having to bother putting Hallett in the makeup. Although I have to believe that Angel just told Cary "Keep an eye on Illyria," or something, and Cary decided that the non-disguising disguise and walkie-talkies would make the job more fun. Anyway, Amanda admits, "I know it sounds bad, giving up your unborn baby to a supernatural cult, but --" The walkie-talkie chirps again. Angel can't figure out how to turn it off, so he slips it into a jacket pocket. Amanda explains that the demons will worship her child and take better care of him than she could. Gunn argues, "The Fell Brethren leader makes Jim Jones look like a Sunday-school teacher." Amanda doesn't know who Jim Jones is, and explains that her husband was in an accident at work: "Brain-damaged, doctors say. Incurable. We're scraping by on food stamps and Disability. But the Brethren, they say they can make him whole again. Make him remember who I am." She asks how she can turn that down. Gunn and Angel don't answer, and after a moment, Gunn gets up and steps into Angel's office. Angel excuses himself and follows.
Gunn tells Angel that the worst part of suburb-hell wasn't the torture in the basement, it was the fake life upstairs: "All the smiles and the birthday candles were just there to hide the horror." I guess that would suck, but I think having your heart ripped out repeatedly probably sucks more. Gunn asks if they're just "hiding the horror," and says that he can't do it anymore. Angel insists that they aren't. He claims they're going to "figure out the big picture and plot [their] move." If they all don't die of old age first. Or, y'know, get canceled. Gunn retorts that Amanda is their move. Harmony interrupts to say that the Brethren are getting impatient, and Angel tells her to send them into the conference room.
Wesley's moved his crazy ass down to the lab. Hamilton asks if he's curing cancer. Wesley sniffs, "Wouldn't be cost-effective. I'm sure we make a lot from cancer." Hamilton admits that "the patent-holder is a client." Eventually, Hamilton asks if they've figured out anything about Illyria, and mentions that the Senior Partners have met her before. Hamilton says, "They don't want her here. They don't want her anywhere. At all. But they consider this to be your problem, so have a nice fight." Wesley looks intrigued by this bit of blatant stupidity on Hamilton's part. I don't even know what to think. Either the Senior Partners are dumb enough to say, "We're scared of Illyria, so please kill her!" or they do want her around, and they're saying they don't so that the MoG won't kill her. If I go for the second option, then I have to believe that the Senior Partners have brains, and that the MoG will be smart enough to realize that. Occam's Razor suggests that the correct theory is the one where they're all morons. Heavy sigh. On his way out, Hamilton advises Wesley to check out some technobabble on the gizmos. Wesley diligently does so, and sees a blinky light on the Max Headroom-style building blueprints scrolling by on a laptop.
Illyria walks down the hall. Cary follows about five feet behind her, and reports, "Bluebird got wise. Secret Demon's cover is blown!" The walkie-talkie beeps at him for a while until he shuts it off. Cary hops up to walk to Illyria and says, "When did you catch on to me? In the elevator? That was a tough one." Ha! Best joke of the episode. Plus, funny visual. Illyria grumbles, "The vampire plays children's games." I hope the apocalypse is settled with a rousing game of Tic-Tac-Toe. It'd be unexpected, at least.
The Brethren enter the conference room, greet Amanda, and immediately surround her with clucking praise and questions about how she's doing. They offer to send her copies of some articles from Fit Pregnancy. Angel grimly suggests that they get to work. The lead demon quickly signs a contract in a few places and hands it over to Amanda. Gunn is paging through the paperwork and suddenly stops her to read, "The child will be pampered, worshipped, and fed a holy diet of berries, panda-meat and urine." Heh. The demon quickly assures Amanda that "it's consecrated urine." Fair enough. Gunn reads on that on his thirteenth birthday, the child will be duly prepared for the ritual sacrifice. The demon slams his hand on the table and shouts, "Whose lawyer are you?" Just then, Illyria enters and orders Angel to speak to her. Angel says he's busy, and Illyria gets ready to wipe out everyone else in the room. Angel quickly hops up and leads her into the office.
Cary is outside Angel's door, saying, "Do you copy ever?" into the walkie-talkie. Angel walks out of the room, and Cary asks, "Is your thingy on?" before seeing Illyria and adding, "I'll just wait here, then." Angel and Illyria get a few yards down the hallway before Angel starts yelling at her about interrupting his work. Illyria accuses Angel of using some kind of spell or poison to affect her, and blusters per usual. A blue demon walks past them in the hallway, so that we'll have some way of recognizing this scene later on. He's like a timestamp demon. Illyria concludes her blathering with a thing about plankton, and Angel sighs, "That's great. Listen, I got things," and starts to walk away. Illyria lifts him up off the floor and calls him a ridiculous ape while demanding to know what he's done to her. Angel fulfills the ape reference by saying, "Get your damn hands off of me!" Yay. Illyria drops him and realizes, "You don't know, not yet. It's too early." And off she goes. Cary sidles up to Angel and hisses, "You've got to keep your thingy on for this to work!" Angel responds by cuffing Cary, knocking his hat off. Hee. Angel heads back to the office as Cary sniffs, "Oh, that's mature!" Harmony tells Angel that it's getting "a little shouty" in the conference room, but Angel says that Gunn can handle it.
Angel enters the lab and tells Wesley that Illyria's gone nuts. I guess he figures Wesley will have some insight into how to treat a crazy person. Oh, and Spicule's back there in the corner, pretending he can help. Angel says that Illyria thinks that he's trying to kill her. Wesley asks, "Aren't you?" Angel ducks the question and asks if Wesley's found anything they can use against Illyria. Wesley reports that "the fusion between her demon essence and her host's body seems to be deteriorating." And, basically, she'll go kerblooey soon. But it's all okay, because Wesley and Spicule are going to take care of it. I wonder if Angel finds that reassuring. Wesley pulls out the big transformer-gun and starts emitting technobabble at an extremely dangerous rate until Angel cuts him off and asks, "Will it kill her?" Wesley says it will. Spicule proudly shows Angel the laptop with the blinky light identifying Illyria's location. The laptop display describes Illyria as an "unstable energy source." Are we sure it isn't detecting Wesley?
Angel, Spicule, and Wesley pedeconference. Wesley explains that if Illyria goes boom, at minimum she'll destroy everything within several blocks. Angel asks what the worst-case scenario is, and Wesley says, "Rand and McNally will have to redraw their maps." As they reach the Spicule-sparring room, they find Cary outside. Cary wiggles his walkie-talkie at Angel and asks, "Do you even know how to use this thing?"
They all enter the Spicule-sparring room, but Illyria's not there. Cary, surprised, says that he didn't see her leave. Okay, I guess Cary hasn't seen Illyria open portals and mess with time, but surely he's aware she can do it, right? They all look around, and Spicule says, "That's the problem, you don't always see her when --" And then he explodes into dust, and we see Illyria standing behind him holding a stake. Hang on, let me watch that again. Heh. Okay, then Illyria gets a cramp and is delayed briefly. Wesley is startled to see her, and raises his gigantic gun. Angel says, "Wes, do it now!" and rushes for Illyria. Illyria does this amazing high-kick that catches Angel in the head, and while I'm sure she didn't actually hit him, it sure does look like Amy Acker got her foot up that high, which I find impressive. Angel gets knocked across the room, and then Illyria throws the stake, which goes straight through Wesley's chest. Wesley falls down dead and -- yeah, just let me rewind that, too. Whee! As Wesley falls, Illyria does something unpleasant to Cary. I think she might just punch through him. Yuck. She turns and pulls an axe off the wall as Angel vamps out and leaps for her. Illyria knocks Angel's block off, and his head turns to dust just as it hits the wall. Gee, I'm glad Gunn wasn't there. Okay, that was cool, and I know they were just going for shock after shock so that we wouldn't really have time to do anything but gasp, but it was almost too fast to process. And this way we're left with the commercials to realize that all of that's going to be undone. I think they should have gone to commercials with Spicule's death. Because then people would spend the commercial break either buying it, or figuring, "Yeah, but they'll stop her and undo it with the time traveling," and then it would be even more surprising if we came back and watched her kill off the others.
Commercials. Johanna says, "Angel deserved to die for knocking Cary's hat off." Which seems a little harsh. Then she asks if the remaining episodes will be about Illyria, Gunn, and Harmony having wacky adventures, and I say, "Yes." She didn't believe me, obviously, but I think we'd both be okay with that concept.
When we return, we pan over the bodies and up to Illyria. Who is suddenly stricken by another cramp.
The blue timestamp demon walks past Angel and Illyria in the hallway. Illyria blusters about plankton, and Angel has things, Illyria lifts him off the floor, "Get your damn hands off of me!" And then the background morphs.
Wesley's office. Illyria knocks over the glass of water. Angel looks around, bewildered, and asks, "What the hell did you do to me?" Illyria growls that Angel wasn't here last time. Wesley asks what's going on. Illyria says there's an aberration in the timeline, and suddenly screams in pain.
Suburb-hell. The demon crashes into the wall. Illyria straightens up from another spasm while behind her Angel whirls around repeatedly, looking over his shoulders and acting like a complete spaz. I mean, more than usual. Angel spots Gunn on the table, and Illyria reports that Angel was "swept up in [her] wake." She demands to know what the MoG have done to her: "You ripped me out of linear progression!" and then she shouts that again a few more times using different words. Although none of the words are "chrono-synclastic infundibula," which seems like a shame. Gunn gasps at his visitors while Illyria reminds herself, "I rip the necklace off, I lift him from the table, we speak, and the demon attacks again." Having caught up, she turns just in time to do a floaty-kick that knocks the demon back again. Angel angrily says that the MoG don't have the power to get her unstuck in time. I think he might hate Illyria even more than he hated Harmony that one week. That's a lot of hating. Illyria knocks Angel into a wall. So, I'm not saying that the hate is completely unfounded. Illyria reminisces: "Do you know what you were when I was young? You were the muck at our feet. We called you The Ooze That Eats Itself." Catchy! She goes on, because she always does, and Angel finally tells her to shut up: "Has it occurred to you that now might not be the best time for 'When we were muck' stories?" Angel rants that he does want to control Illyria so she isn't "bouncing around unchecked." He adds, "I know you would do the same thing! I know that for a fact!" Boreanaz is embracing his inner Shatner in this scene. Good for him. Honestly, this episode was so dull for so long that I'm grateful for any effort to liven things up. Illyria whines about being a god or whatever, and Angel snaps, "That was then, this is --" and Illyria screeches as they go skipping across time again.
"-- Now?" Angel concludes, upon finding himself standing in the Spicule-sparring room with Illyria. It's after the battle we saw, and Angel sees Cary and Wesley's bodies on the floor. Illyria explains, "I slew the white-haired one first." Angel gasps, "This can't be...." Illyria goes on about how she killed Wesley and Cary. Angel says, "And I'm ?" Illyria tosses the axe onto a pile of Angel-dust (ha!) and says, "No, vampire. You were last." Angel asks why she did it, and Illyria realizes that he's from earlier in the timeline. Illyria says he's a paradox, and winces at another spasm as she babbles about stuff. Maybe she's gotten all these headaches from listening to herself. She lectures Angel, "You're a slave to an insane construct. You are moral. A true ruler is as moral as a hurricane." She reels and holds her head as she rants, "Trapped in the web of the Wolf, the Ram, the Hart -- so much power here. You quibble at its price. If you want to win a war, you must serve no master but your ambition." She holds her head as the pain increases, and finally admits that whatever is happening to her isn't Angel's fault. She says, "Something is broken inside me." Why couldn't it be her tongue? Angel says that if he's a paradox, he can change what happened in the past. Illyria says that change is constant, but that things remain the same. Yeah, I'll make a note. And then she explodes. Okay, that was new. Can I just mention that there are, at this point, about seven minutes left in the show? The title character actually has a specific problem to solve halfway through the last act. I think that's the real problem here. Way too much set-up for very little payoff.
Angel is back in the hallway with Wesley and Spicule, who are on their way to the Spicule-sparring room. Angel gasps, "Wes, you're alive!" Angel never catches a break, does he? Angel warns them that Illyria's going to explode, and Wesley says that they already know that. As they reach the Spicule-sparring room, they find Cary outside. Cary wiggles his walkie-talkie at Angel and asks, "Do you even know how to use this thing?"
They all enter the Spicule-sparring room as Angel goes on trying to explain that Illyria already knows what they're going to do. Angel stares around, realizes that this where Illyria will kill everyone, and moans, "Oh, guys, this isn't good." Cary says that he didn't see Illyria leave. Spicule starts to say, "That's the problem...." Angel remembers that Illyria said she killed Spicule first. He rushes forward and shoves Spicule out of the way, so that instead of staking Spicule, Illyria suddenly shoves the stake into Angel. Heh. Good plan, there, Angel.
Commercials. Here's a question I have: where are all of Illyria's worshippers? I mean, the whole reason she's there is because of some age-old cult that had a big complicated plan to bring her back. Knox and Dr. Sparrow are dead, but surely they weren't the whole cult. So shouldn't some people (or demons) be turning up, begging her for favors, or sacrificing things to her, or doing whatever it is that cultists do?
Angel backs away from Illyria and pulls the stake out of his liver, moaning. He orders the MoG to stand down, and tells Illyria, "I know what happens. I know you kill us all." Spicule grumbles, "A bit pessimistic, aren't you?" Angel tells Illyria that she's going to go boom, and that he was there when it happened, and it blew him backwards in time. He gets more irate as he tries to explain to Illyria, "I cannot have your death blow away my --" "Your kingdom?" Illyria asks. Angel says, "Sure, whatever." Illyria asks if they expect her just to let them murder her. Spicule observes, "It's not murder if you say yes." Wesley interrupts to explain that the gigantic gun won't kill Illyria. Angel's a bit irritated to hear that. Wesley explains, "I lied." I don't know why Angel bothers to be surprised by that. Wesley says that the gun will defuse Illyria's power and keep her alive. Illyria goes on and on about how she doesn't want to lose her magical power to explode violently, and finally says, "I would rather be a titanic crater than be like unto you." She kicks Wesley across the room into Angel. Spicule attacks her, and she waves a hand and slows time down again. But then a cramp hits, and time speeds back up. Angel tells her that she can "choose a different path." They all talk and talk, and Illyria will not ever shut up, even as she starts to explode again. As cracks open across her face, she asks Wesley, "You would do this to me?" And instead of just letting the gun answer that question, Wesley says, "I'd try, anyway. Every time." More light pours out of Illyria, and just before she explodes, Wesley finally fires the gun. A beam of light zaps Illyria for a minute, and then she collapses to the floor. Wesley moves toward her, and Illyria snaps, "Touch me and die, vermin." Spicule says, "Not a very dramatic difference, really." Wesley insists, "Everything is different." Well, I don't know about that, but there's no monotonous droning about puny humans and godly powers coming from my television, which is certainly a refreshing change.
Some time later, Wesley and Angel are in the observation room. Illyria's still collapsed on the floor. And still being quiet. Hooray! Wesley says that Illyria can't alter time or open portals anymore, but she's still pretty powerful. Angel says, "I don't like where this is going. I don't like where this has been." Wesley says that he's not in love with Illyria, and then adds, "But for some reason, I just need it right now." Angel sighs, "Yeah, that's just weird." Wesley concedes the point, and notes that Illyria probably won't ever stop trying to take over the world. And yet Wesley doesn't want to kill her. Because he's a loon. But that's been established, so okay. Angel mutters, "Serve no master but your ambition," and admits that Illyria might be a useful resource.
Amanda sits alone in the conference room while listening to Gunn arguing with the demons out in the lobby. We pan past Gunn, and see Hamilton trying to soothe other members of the Brethren. Angel steps off the elevator, and Hamilton waves the angry demons in his direction. Angel walks over to Gunn, who is shouting that they can protect Amanda. Angel says, "The baby belongs to the Fell." Gunn protests that Amanda hasn't signed the contract. Angel turns to the Brethren and escorts them back into the conference room. Gunn calls, "Angel, what are you doing?" Angel gives Hamilton a significant look and says, "What we're supposed to. Serve our clients." And then he steps into the conference room and closes the door as the music gets super-dramatic.
time: Apparently Angel and Spicule's rivalry "can only end the way it began." With a wacky road trip!