Players

Yay for the DC and NYC TWoP contingents, whose combined force got me out of the house twice in one month (yikes) and incidentally raised a lot of money for the site. I'll test out the voodoo doll this Wednesday. Is that tomorrow? I've almost forgotten what day it is.

Once again, previously on Angel, a robot was programmed to sound vaguely like Charisma Carpenter; Connor found a new way to imitate Angel; Gwen killed Gunn (just for a second); Cordy killed Lilah (permanently); Connor tried to kill Angelus; and Cordelia modeled some Satanic maternity wear.

Unsurprisingly, we start right where we left off last week. Cordy and Connor look delighted about their impending parenthood. The rest of the MoG look gobsmacked. Gunn's expression is particularly funny, since he's clearly staring directly at Cordelia's belly. Angel sits down as Cordy explains that she was saving the news about her pregnancy because "everything's been so Clash of the Titans around here." Featuring Wesley as Bebo. Cary enters and does his own double-take before complaining, "A mystical pregnancy right under my beak, and not even a tingle." In answer to a question from Wesley, Cordelia says she's known about the pregnancy since "sometime after we brought forth Angelus." Gunn says that's only been a couple of weeks. Really? A week, okay. For it to be more than that, I think they must have had days passing in between scenes at some point. I may give a reward to anyone who can put together a coherent Buffy/Angel timeline for this season. Wesley reminds us that Cordy has some experience with rapid pregnancies. Cordy says, "That was a crawly, evil, demon-thing." Hilariously, we cut to Connor before Cordy finishes, "This is different." Fred wants to start researching, and then Connor starts a speech about his impending fatherhood, but just when I'm rolling my eyes, he says, "I'm gonna have a child and all you can do is joke, 'cause you don't like me." Good save. Self-pity is better than a speech about the wonder of parenthood. Cordy stays behind to rhapsodize about having a living being inside her, and insists that she senses its love. She turns away from them and pulls up her shirt, and there's a Cordy's-eye-view of her belly rippling and being pushed out by whatever's inside, and ew. She turns back and plaintively adds, "It'll be here soon, and then you'll all see."

Credits. This week's thematic Boreanaz quote: "I'm ovulating? I am. [...] I have to go sit on some eggs." Two clerical items before we move on. First, I'm tired of saying "Satan's boss." Let's just call it the Forced Evil until something better turns up. And on a whiny note, I'd finally gotten used to typing "Angelus" instead of "Angel" all the time, and now I have to switch back.

Oh, look, it's Tobey! Tobey, looking kind of nervous and shady. But still plenty cute. He's standing by a big fountain-and-pool thing that is almost certainly a recognizable landmark in Los Angeles, but I'm three thousand miles from there, so I can't help with that. It's entirely unlike the Reflecting Pool; that's the best I can do. Tobey eyes everyone who walks past him, and between his shifty looks and the trenchcoat, it's amazing that he hasn't already been hauled away as a suspected terrorist. He's lucky he's blonde. Tobey suddenly turns around, and there's Gwen. In a new outfit. Featuring a top that laces up, but seems to be several sizes too small for her so it doesn't quite meet in front. How embarrassing for her. She asks Tobey for her stuff, and also begs him to stop looking shifty. He doesn't, but he does say that she's going up against powerful people and that there are risks and so on. Gwen insists, "I'm not coming out without Lisa," and slips an envelope into Tobey's pocket. Tobey finally hands over a packet about security systems, and gets around to really looking at Gwen. He asks whether his inexperience at covert operations is obvious, and Gwen says, "Trenchcoat. Definite rookie mistake." Tobey asks, "So, I should dress more like you?" Aw yeah, work it, Tobey. Hey, Ben Edlund's a producer now? Cool. Tobey starts to suggest that "when this is all over," they could get together for makeovers, but he is interrupted when Gwen is struck by lightning. Tobey runs back to Stanford. Gwen looks up and grumbles, "Really, I'm fine. Thanks for asking!"

Uninterested in more baby-talk, Cordy, Connor, and Angel have all left the lobby. Gunn is summarizing the past two years of the show, for some reason, and good luck to him. He concludes, "Quick as you can say Easy-Bake Oven, there's a gigantic bun in [Cordelia's]." Mmm, tiny cakes. Not that I had an Easy-Bake Oven. I had the competing Holly Hobbie model. Would I lie about a thing like that? Fred mentions the sanctuary spell, and Wesley concludes that Connor must be "at least part demon." Remember who gave the "official" word that Connor was human? While looking at an ultrasound of fetal Connor? Actually, this is an interesting: Wesley once said that Connor was human, and now he's saying that Connor isn't. That means Wesley must have been right one of those times. Will wonders never cease? Cary reminds everyone that the sanctuary spell was a "flopapalooza," and then Fred wonders, "Having two part-demon parents might could [sic] explain the whoosh factor" of Cordy's pregnancy. Gunn says that soon "whoosh" will turn into "pop." Cary wonders if Angel should be part of the henfest. Angel promptly enters from the office and says, "Easy-Bake, floopalooza, whoosh, pop. I don't skulk!" Heh. Skulking jokes never get old. Angel wants to say a few things about his desouled period. Fred tells him not to feel guilty about it, and Angel quickly says, "I don't." And then the MoG chop his head off and go to find the real Angel. Actually, he says that they all knew the risks, although for some reason, he omits mentioning that the Forced Evil manipulated them all into thinking that bringing Angelus back was a good idea, which isn't a great excuse, but might spread the blame around a little more. Then Angel declares, "Angelus didn't kill Lilah. She was already dead -- killed by the Beast." Angel tells Wesley, "I'm sorry for your loss," which is a sneaky way of making sure everyone knows that Wesley hooked up with Lilah. At least that's how I choose to take it. Maybe Fred told everyone, but I still have trouble imagining that conversation happening with Gunn. On the other hand, nobody has much reaction to Angel's statement. Poop. What's the point in having sordid secret naughtiness if nobody cares when they find out?

Looking over his agenda, Angel says that the MoG's two priorities are looking into Cordy's pregnancy and defeating the Forced Evil. He turns to Cary, who complains that he's "as reliable as a cheap fortune cookie," which makes me wonder if there are really expensive fortune cookies somewhere that are more accurate. Although they'd probably have messages like, "Smart-assed skeptic: Monkey Man will make you believe," and I don't need that kind of trauma. Angel clarifies that Cary has contacts, and asks him to see if anybody knows anything about the Forced Evil. Didn't Cary have this same job when they were looking for Satan? It didn't work out that time, either. Fred and Wesley are put on research detail. Gunn's job is to "sit tight" in case they need some muscle. I got so sad about that, but then everything turned out okay later. Angel says he'll try to remember everything from his Angelus period to figure out why the Forced Evil wanted Angelus around. Oh, I guess he already told them they were being manipulated, then. So, shouldn't they all be feeling stupid? Insert your own punchline here. Angel says he'll try to remember everything the Forced Evil said, and "maybe something will --" "Strike you?" Gwen asks, as she enters. She adds, "Careful what you wish for," which is cute, and now she's wearing a red jacket and complicated pants. I guess Tahiti has a lot of nice stores. Fred and Gwen react negatively to each other, and then Angel says this isn't a good time for her to turn up with vitally important pieces of information. Okay, she doesn't have any this time, but she did last time, so you think he'd hear her out. Gwen says that a girl is in trouble, and she needs "a guy who can handle himself in a tight spot." That's funny, because later -- oh, look. The floor of my apartment just opened up so I can see straight down into hell! And there's Nixon, waving at me! Neat. I think I forgot what I was going to say. Or so I'll claim. Angel modestly says, "I'd love to help," and Gwen quickly interrupts to say she was talking about Gunn. Fred blinks. Gunn smirks.

Dour as ever, Connor lurks in a bedroom full of boxes because he's not quite up to skulking yet. Cordy enters, explains that she's been looking for him, and tells him to ignore what the MoG said. Wait, what did they say? I'd hate it if they said something mean and I missed it. Connor says it doesn't make sense, and she replies, "Freaking out over a pregnancy's pretty much the MO with the gang around here." Connor moves away and says, "Not them -- you." Hey, Connor's thinking! Good for him. He continues, "[Willow] didn't open a gate to evil -- she put back Angel's soul. I almost killed him." Cordy says that it all worked out okay, and chirps, "Everything happens for a reason." She goes over the extremely complicated series of events that led to her getting pregnant (supposedly) with Connor's child. Connor's still fretting about how she convinced him to kill Angel. Oh, like that's hard to do. Cordy insists that she was trying to protect their child. Connor sniffs, "But you were wrong," and sits downs sulkily. Cordy tells him that the important thing is that now she can trust him completely; she repeats the predestination mantra. Connor ponders that, and Cordy says that she may ask Connor to do other things before the baby comes, and that he needs to remember: "There's always a reason." She starts folding up baby clothes as she talks, which is entertaining. It'd be better if there were extra holes for tentacles or something, but you can't have everything. Although, where did the baby clothes come from? The room is full of boxes of things, but Cordy just stood up and was suddenly holding baby clothes. Such magic.

Now let's do some character development! At Gwen's large-capacity apartment, Gunn picks up a teeny jade tiger as he asks why Gwen picked him as a sidekick. Instead of pointing out that Gunn has a lot of experience as a sidekick, Gwen says she needed someone "suave," and Gunn snickers and asks about her collection of carvings. Gwen adds some background detail to her character, and then asks Gunn whether he collects souvenirs. Gunn describes various scars he has from different parts of the city, but says, "I'm not complainin'. Hell, I see more here than most people seen [sic] travelin' around the world." He asks what the job is, and Gwen explains. The short form is, she was doing some industrial espionage between rival companies, and in retaliation, one company kidnapped the daughter of an executive. Gwen shows Gunn a picture of the girl and explains, "It's my fault. I have to save her, and I can't do it alone." She pulls papers out of the slightly charred packet she got from Tobey and hands them to Gunn; they describe the kidnapper, one Morimoto. Gunn reads over the various kinds of charity work Morimoto does, and then the various charges against him. Gwen shows him a map of Morimoto's "compound," and then asks why Gunn is grinning. He explains, "I spent most of this year trapped in what I can only describe as a turgid supernatural soap opera. The fact that I have the chance to go out and really help somebody -- well, y'know, it feels good to be doin' good." Check out Gunn, with the meta-commentary! He asks how they'll break into the compound, and Gwen says "We're walking in the front door."

Oh, golly, Gunn and Gwen are pretty. They arrive at Morimoto's in a limo, and Gunn's wearing a dark suit with a gold-threaded vest and tie; maybe someone listened to my point about vests. Gwen is in a stylized kimono-style red dress, with her hair up. Gunn says he feels like James Bond, but wishes he had some secret weapons. They got out of the same limo, y'know. Couldn't they have talked in the car? They enter a house, pass through a fancy Total Recall-style body scanner, and then get wanded by security staff. The wanding isn't very thorough. The guards are probably getting paid by the hour. Finally, Gwen hands over her invitation. A clerk wands a barcode or something on it, and an understated alarm sounds, summoning the guards. Oops.

The guard says that "the electronic imprint on [their] invitation's been altered." Gwen calmly explains, "That's because I was struck by lightning. Really." For some reasons, the guards don't buy it. "See how my life sucks?" Gwen says to Gunn. A guard asks them to "step this way" without indicating which way he means. Then all the guards wait patiently while Gunn and Gwen have a quiet conference. Gunn figures that they should give up; Gwen suggests doing things "the hard way" and starts to pull off her gloves. Gunn says, "Keep your mittens on, Sparky," and suddenly calls out to Morimoto himself, who just happens to be nearby. The guards still don't make a move. Gunn greets Morimoto in Japanese, and Morimoto responds in kind. Gunn apologetically explains, "I didn't follow that last bit -- shot my entire Japanese vocabulary when I said hello." Morimoto says he appreciates the gesture, and starts to leave. Gunn quickly introduces himself and claims that they met at a zoo benefit last year. He makes up a story about a monkey, which I'd explain, but I think it's funnier to pretend that you can charm any bad guy by telling him a story about a monkey. Gunn also introduces Gwen. Still no move by the guards. Morimoto should rethink his "free valium for the security staff" policy. Gunn offers Morimoto a gift "in case [they] don't have an opportunity to speak later." He holds out a little box; Morimoto accepts the gift and opens it to find Gwen's jade tiger. Gwen hides her shock as Morimoto thanks Gunn and walks away. The guard finally wakes up and tries again to lead the interlopers away. Gwen and Gunn stare after Morimoto, who eventually turns and gestures to them. The guards let them pass. It's anyone's guess as to whether Morimoto heard that they were party-crashers but let them in anyway, or is just oblivious. Or maybe it's Morimoto who's on the valium.

Fred and Wesley are having a research party in the office. Fred appears to have given up on her curling-iron experiments, since her hair is looking particularly ratty, and bits are drawn back into two little ponytails for a particularly juvenile look. And she's wearing her glasses again. I guess she was just trying to look nice for Angelus. Fred says that all the demonic maternity information she's found seems to be "run-of-the-mill demon life-cycle stuff -- nothing mystical about 'em." Nothing? Not even the part about them being demons? Fred removes her glasses and complains that she can't stop thinking about Connor and Cordy. Ew. She says, "It's like being stuck in a really bad movie with those Clockwork Orange clampy-things on my eyeballs." Wesley says that "the reality's disturbing enough," and everyone who saw "Rain of Fire" agrees vehemently. Fred keeps wondering how Cordy and Connor hooked up, and Wesley says, "They were probably as surprised as anyone." And then, because it's all about Wesley, he goes on to say, "They were probably both lost, lonely..." Fred sneers, "No matter how lonely I was, I would never --" Wesley interrupts to say, "Things happen, Fred. When you're alienated from the people you care about, you start to look other places as you develop all kinds of rationalizations instead of taking responsibility for your actions and trying to unalienate your damn self." Or something like that. See, everything does happen for a reason. And that reason is usually: Wesley's dumb. Fred ponders that for a while and finally whispers, "Lilah." Wesley pontificates, "We were fighting on opposite sides, but it was the same war." It would be difficult to fight on opposite sides in different wars. Fred grumps, "But you hated her!" Then, after looking at Wesley, she adds, "Didn't you?" How dumb is Fred, exactly? Wesley looks oddly like a hamster as he replies, "It's not always about holding hands." In keeping with the Japanese theme, Wesley has started answering questions with koans.

In Morimoto's mansion, Gunn and Gwen stroll among the other guests. Gunn explains his suavity earlier by saying, "You watch enough samurai movies, you learn a couple of things about the culture." He expands on that a little, and also apologizes for stealing Gwen's tiger. Gwen doesn't give him any static about it, and instead shows him the tiger inside her pocket. "You stole it back!" Gunn marvels. Suddenly, Gwen directs Gunn's attention to a little girl who has entered, surrounded by guards. Gunn wonders, "Shouldn't she be tied to a chair or something?" Gwen points out the guards, and moves off to "get a closer look." By heading in the opposite direction, toward the blipvert.

Needing some quiet time, Angel has decided to stare at some papers in his room. Maybe he's trying to figure out his taxes. He's also wearing a fawn-colored shirt. Well, is that fawn? There's a reason I mostly wear black myself, and that's because I can't keep track of crazy names for colors. It's not black, and it's not even dark blue. Are we sure that Willow gave him the right soul? After a moment, Angel says, "Come on in, Cordelia." Cordy enters and says, "That never stops creeping me out." After a beat, Angel replies, "Kinda creeped out myself." Heh. I think Cordy's growing her hair out, yay. Cordy changes the subject to ask if Angel's had any luck remembering clues. Angel says no, and frets, "I'm almost pining for the halcyon days of the Beast." Vocabulary word! He says, "Killing Manny, stealing my soul, murdering Lilah -- those were surgical strikes, not the smash-and-trash style of the Beast." Cordy asks who did all that, then, and Angel duhs, "His master." Cordy promptly says, "I'm his master." Wow, she can't keep a secret at all! Angel stares at her, and then Cordy goes on, more speculatively: "I'm his all-powerful master, and I'm gonna break into a guarded room, steal your soul from a safe -- not by ripping it open, but by using the combination -- then I'm gonna hunt and kill Lilah right under this very roof. Sure! Evil geniuses live for that playing-with-fire stuff." Angel insists that he's heard the Forced Evil speak, "and he's insane enough to pull those kinds of stunts!" Cordy wonders if Angel means the diabolical kind of insane. Angel chuckles and says no: "He spoke to me in this cheesy, self-important voice." He guesses that the Forced Evil is just making it up as he goes. He turns to look at Cordy, who's all frowny. Angel calmly assures her that they'll figure it out: "Anybody as daredevil-y as this guy will slip up sooner or later. And when he does, he's dead." Feel the corporate synergy? Then kneel before your entertainment overlords at 20th Century Fox! Angel looks at Cordy confidently, and she fakes a small smile.

Dispsomania may have affected Morimoto's guests. A woman says, "Meteor showers, earthquakes, that strange thing with the sun? I find it an exciting time to be in Los Angeles." A guy wearing an odd pendant nods his agreement. Morimoto adds, "I can't help but [sic] feel something wonderful is coming." Morimoto turns to Gunn, who isn't so sure about the wonderfulness. Gwen pulls Gunn aside and says that they're going to kill the girl after the party. She says that she'll cause a distraction while Gunn grabs Lisa. And then Gunn will sit outside with the girl until his limo turns up again. I guess I'll assume that they stashed a car somewhere nearby, because Gunn goes along with the plan and they split up.

Breakable cups and vases cover a nearby table, and so Gwen takes position to it. Gunn sneaks over behind Lisa and the guards. Gwen tips over the table behind her with a dramatic crash. Gunn grabs Lisa, covering her mouth, and runs away. As a guard approaches Gwen, she says, "Oh my God -- someone's trying to hurt that little girl!" The guard tells his jacket collar that there's a situation, and runs after Gunn. Gwen smiles. Hey! I didn't expect that. Neat. I suppose I should have, but on this show it's just as likely that the morally ambiguous person will decide to suddenly turn good as it is that the morally ambiguous person will trick people into doing evil. And it's nice to be surprised.

Entering a dark room, Gunn deposits the girl and closes the door before reassuring her, "We're almost out." Then a ninja knocks him over the head with a fighting staff. Gunn collapses. Gunn, you should really look around the room before you decide it's a safe hiding place. It's a good thing I always use "-fu" and "ninja" for these recaps, so I don't get accused of racism for this. I hope.

Time out: Getting hit on the head with a heavy staff seems only to knock Gunn down. Whereas last week, a punch to the jaw knocked him unconscious for several minutes. Maybe he should wear a helmet or something. After the ads, Gunn stands up and faces off against the four ninja in the room. The first ninja attacks, and Gunn grabs the staff away from the ninja and quickly knocks him down. Two others attack together from opposite sides, and Gunn gets to do some nice fighting. There's a beautiful bit where he knocks a ninja's feet out from under him with the staff, and the ninja goes spinning like a yo-yo for a second in mid-air. The ninja eventually pull out swords, and Gunn happily says that after dealing with Satan and vampires for weeks, "[he] almost forgot how good it feels just to let off a little steam." Guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin! Gunn flips the last ninja over his head and pauses to straighten his tie before the ninja crashes head-first into the floor. Aw. I approve of Gunn getting gratuitous coolness shots. He turns back to Lisa, and tells her, "It's okay. I'm here to take you home." She says, "I am home." She then orders Gunn out of her house. Gunn takes that in and guesses, "Your name's not Lisa, is it?" The girl says, "I'm Aiko Morimoto, and when my daddy finds out you tried to hurt me, he's gonna kill you!" She's kinda cute. Maybe it's the death threats that I find endearing. Gunn grumpily adjusts his jacket and exits.

That darn Gwen is using neat gadgetry to open a safe. Gunn grabs her shoulder, startling her, and guesses that Gwen wanted him to come along instead of Angel because of the complicated security scans. Gwen admits, "A security scan of a dead guy might have raised a few eyebrows." Wait, Gunn's okay with Gwen setting him up, but he's upset that she just wanted him for his pulse? He continues grumbling about being tricked, but Gwen waves that aside by saying, "So what if I set you up for a fall? When's the last time you had this much fun?" She's so positive. Gunn says he thought he was doing something good, and Gwen says that he is: "Just not the kind that involves saving a fairy princess from an evil king." She explains that Lisa is actually LISA. "It's a military acronym: Localized Ionic Sensory Activator." That's not a great description, but in my experience people tend to come up with the acronym first, and something that fits it afterward. Although even that can be difficult sometimes. LISA was designed for use on covert missions to regulate body temperature, heartbeat, and body chemistry. That doesn't seem like a good idea. Usually when those things change, it's for a reason, y'know? Gwen says that Morimoto's going to sell it to the highest bidder. Gunn asks who Gwen's client is, and she ducks the question, although my guess would have been "the second-highest bidder." Gunn starts to leave, and Gwen calls after him: "Nothing's changed, you know. Morimoto's still a bad guy; you're still a good one." Did she get to be such a successful thief by having shouted conversations in houses full of guards who are looking for a kidnapper? Gunn snaps, "I can't believe I took time out of the apocalypse for this!" Gwen argues that they should finish the job together, and when Gunn isn't convinced, she adds, "You can keep the suit." Gunn pauses, nods, and heads back toward the safe. I don't know why Gwen cares whether Gunn stays or not. Unless it's because she looooooves Gunn. And who can blame her?

Fred and Wesley drink coffee and stare patiently at Angel, who is working on something at the desk. Angel moans, "This would be a lot easier if you two weren't hovering." I like the idea that they've just been standing there, sipping coffee and watching Angel, for hours. Maybe the TV's broken. Fred and Wesley chorus that there's no pressure, but also don't move from their positions. Angel finally sighs and tosses a notebook over so that they can see it. Cordy enters and asks what's going on. Angel says, "A passage from Lilah's Beastie book, the one Angelus destroyed after the big booming voice threatened to reensoul him." That's actually an impressively terse bit of exposition. Fred adds that Angel's trying his semi-photograhic memory trick to remember what the book said. Although he couldn't understand it, so now Wesley has to translate. As Wesley tries to read it, Cordy inches a finger toward the cup of coffee on the desk, ready to spill it onto the papers. Wesley slowly reads, "The green, cartlike vehicle eats...I am not a buckethead." Hee. Cordy moves her hand away from the coffee. Wesley says, "It's a tricky language," adding that one "inverted serif" can change the meaning of a whole passage. Angel takes the notebook back and prepares to try again. Then he looks up at the others until they all stop looming over him and leave.

Rejoining Gwen and Gunn, we see Morimoto's safe suddenly open to reveal...another locked safe. What a letdown. Gwen reassures Gunn that this one's easy, and puts her bare hand on the keyboard. There's a pow, the safe opens, and Gwen reaches in and grabs a small box. She opens it and looks at a little gadget. As they turn for the door, Gwen suggests splitting up, but Gunn vetoes that: "Either we both make it out, or --" Gwen looks past Gunn to finish, "Neither of us do." Gunn turns to see Morimoto and more ninja at the door.

Time to go back to the Hyperion. Angel tears another sheet out of the notebook and hands it to Wesley. Wesley looks at it and says, "Something about...strangling poultry." Ha! Angel says he needs a break, and starts up, but then Cary enters bringing a cape, a bag, and "joyous news." Angel asks if it's about the baby, and Cordy asks if it's about "el jefe." Cary tells Angel, "Wanda, that demon you recommended -- what a peach, by the way -- anyway, she sold me this cleansing abracadabra to clear my muddled mind." He says that he has to do a ritual to restore his mind/soul/aura/future/whatever-reading abilities. Wesley offers to help, but Cary says he has to do it by himself. The good news is that he should be all fixed in the morning. Cordy happily asks, "Then you'll be able to read me?" Cary says he'll be a "lean, green, belly-readin' machine." Cordy feigns delight.

Hebetudinous as ever, Morimoto tells Gwen to put the box down and move away from it. Gwen clutches it protectively. Morimoto repeats the instruction, and Gunn blusters that he already beat up the ninja once. The ninja promptly pull out pistols and aim at him. Gunn suggests that Gwen should give up the box. Gwen resists, saying, "I won't give it back. I can't." They argue for a minute, and then Morimoto tells his ninja, "Finish it." As usual, there's a five-minute delay before the guards can take any action, so Gunn and Gwen keep on arguing. Gunn says he won't die for this, and Gwen shouts, "I need it!" Morimoto tries again, "I said, finish it!" Maybe the guards are distracted by Gwen's prettiness. Gwen screams, "It's miiiiine!" She leans forward and electricity zaps out of her, zapping Morimoto and the ninja as we go to commercial. Yowza. Do you think that counts as battery? Don't hurt me.

I call Johanna. She complains about Angel's photographic-memory bit again, but I still think that as long as it never quite works right, it's okay. I'm just happy because Gwen and Gunn have such similar names that people won't splice them together, since the result won't make any sense. (I was only half wrong.)

Now we're getting somewhere. Gwen is still zapping away, and seems unable to stop herself. Gunn finally knocks Gwen down, breaking the lightning connection between the lovers-to-be, the mobsters, and you. Gunn says, "Liar," and then helps Gwen up. He says that Gwen's stealing the gadget for herself: "You think it'll fix you." They seem to have learned a little from their escapades, and decide to escape first and save further conversation for later. Although if the guards woke up, they'd just wait politely for Gunn and Gwen to finish chatting before doing anything. Assuming that the guards are unconscious and not dead. If they're dead and they woke up, they'd be the slowest zombies ever.

Great, my picture just went out. Oh, wait: a door opens, and we see Cary, enter a dark room. The door slams closed behind him, and the screen goes black again. "Aw, fudgesicle!" Cary grumps, then turns on a flashlight.

Somewhere -- maybe in the Hyperion, and maybe not -- there is a mysterious large room decorated with pipes. Apparently, it's a good place to do magic, though. Cary lights a few candles and prepares to make with the spell. He's set up a makeshift altar to hold his spell supplies. Up above him on a catwalk, Cordy is holding a shiny dagger.

The jade tiger is neatly placed back on the table at Gwen's. Hey, Gunn's the one putting it back! How'd he get it out of Gwen's pocket? Gunn gives Gwen credit for being stubborn. I'm stubborn, too! Gwen says she knows what she wants, and Gunn says he used to, and Gwen works her way around to acknowledging that he saved her. From something. Maybe she would have fried herself if he hadn't played circuit-breaker. Gunn says, "I'm just the muscle," and she replies, "Don't knock the muscle; it makes the girls go all knocky in the knees." She also points out that Gunn got her into the party "thanks to [his] brains-over-brawn approach." He dismisses that as being the result of too many movies. Gwen tsks, "They have done a number on you. You really believe this 'I'm the muscle' crap?" Gunn asks if this is a pep talk, and Gwen admits that they aren't her best subject. Gwen asks why Gunn sticks with the MoG, and he explains that Strega needs some eye candy. He adds, "I'm a fighter, born and raised"; he asks if Gwen likes her job. She says that being a thief makes her a part of something, "and not a part at the same time." Can't anyone on this show just answer a direct question? Gwen finally admits that she did enjoy their little adventure. Gunn asks why she was willing to die for the gadget if she loves life so much, and Gwen says, "That thing might let me be, well, not normal, but...hold hands, maybe." It's a motif! She sighs that he wouldn't understand, but Gunn says, "Sure I do. Brainy, remember?" And charming! He asks if she'll show him how the gadget works.

Oh my! Cut to Gwen's opulent bedroom. Gwen has taken the time to let her hair down, and steps toward the bed, sliding the dress off her shoulders so it just barely covers her naughty parts. She pulls her hair out of the way so we can admire her back, and lies prone on the bed. Gunn has already removed his jacket, tie, and vest, because he's brainy. He sits to her and takes out the gadget, then asks how it works. Gwen sighs, "It's not an X-Box; just put it on." He moves to put it at the base of her spine, and she warns him to be careful. He cautiously reaches a finger toward her back, and touches her, getting a short zap for his trouble. Careful not to touch her skin, he places the gadget on her back and watches as teeny little readings appear on an itty-bitty screen on the gadget. Small wires pop out of it and into her skin. Gwen asks what's happening, and Gunn asks, "Ever seen one of those Body Snatcher movies?" He's charming, but not reassuring. Wires creep out under Gwen's skin, raising it and making me go "Ewww." So, David Cronenberg designed this thing? The raised pattern on her skin fades away, and Gunn asks if she feels transformed. Gwen considers and says, "Yeah...not so much." Gunn puts his hand over her shoulder blade and nervously touches her. Nothing happens, so he rests his hand on her more firmly. Gwen looks startled and then melty before she admits, "Think it worked." Gunn strokes her back, and Gwen has this wonderfully bittersweet expression as admits, "That feels good." Gunn suddenly realizes what he's doing. I really like how their expressions change throughout this scene. Not just because they're pretty, although that certainly helps. Gunn says, "So, if you couldn't touch, guess that means you've never --" "Nope," Gwen says quickly, sitting up and covering her breasts with a pillow. She can't avoid the obvious line as she says, "Thanks for turning me...off." Gunn thanks her for "the most fun I've had..." And they lean in for a kiss. Yay! Gwen pulls back and points out that the gadget is a prototype, and might not "hold." Weird metaphor for safe sex, but okay. Gunn sighs, "You've already killed me once. If it happens again, you know where my battery is." In his pants! Sorry. And then they kiss some more. Hooray! This almost makes up for my bitter disappointment in the way Faith failed to hook up with everyone. Although, you know what would be funny? If the episode opens with Gunn's funeral, and Gwen looking guilty and embarrassed.

Down in the basement, or wherever he is, Cary's doing stuff with potions and random magical gadgetry. Cordy walks along the catwalk. Cary's cape is such a funny touch. He sprinkles powder on his hands, pulls the hood over his head, and then picks up a songbook and starts to sing a little pseudo-Gregorian chant. And someone will almost certainly tell me it's nothing like a Gregorian chant, but that does get the idea across, right? Cordy descends some stairs. She's gonna get the witchy skirt of her crazy outfit all dusty on the floor. She walks up behind Cary and raises the dagger. I didn't think Cary was going to get killed, but I wasn't completely sure, which was pretty exciting. Not that I want Cary to get killed, but thinking that it was a possibility was neat. Cordy gets closer, and then suddenly the lights come on. Cordelia spins around to see Angel standing behind her. He put a jacket on for this. Odd. "Angel," Cordy says. Angel's expression is amusingly stern. Hey, he's doing the Evil Look, but without the smirk, so it's just threatening. Nice. Cordy spins around, presumably to run, but stops short as she sees Wesley aiming a shotgun at her. And Fred's around there somewhere with a pistol. If I were Cordy, I'd make a break for it in Fred's direction. So, it's nice that they caught her and all, but do they have any reason at all to believe that guns are actually a threat to her? Cary pulls a handkerchief off of the globe he's been holding, and reveals that it's actually a Magic 8-Ball. Heh. This episode is chock full of references to prophetic devices. And none of them are visions! Cary asks, "Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl?" He turns the 8-Ball to the camera so we can see that it reads, "Definitely." The captioning claims that Cordy says that aloud, which might have been funny, but the silence is probably a better choice.

Obstetrics alert! week, all their torment and pain has led to this! What about our pain and torment, WB Announcer? Hello? "True love, or the birth of the unthinkable?" Can't we have both?